So Much To Say

I have so many disconnected things I want to get down today. I guess I could start with telling any of you who care that I finally put another chapter up at 'The Mama D Experiment'. I can't tell you how often I will be updating from here on out because up until now I'd been posting chapters I'd already written. Like, a long time ago. I think my husband encouraged me to blog my story so that I would feel obligated to finish writing it. Since I have begun posting it I have written a little more but I have now caught up to myself. I am worried that the writing may just go down hill from here. We'll see I guess...

A real life friend of mine, Jay has just joined the blogging world. Being the freak that I am, I am SO excited. I wish all my friends would start blogs. I love to learn about them from a different perspective. I find it deepens the bond of friendship. At least that is how I've felt regarding my other real life blogging friends.

I met Jay at church and we have gotten to know each other better in this past year. It was nice having a friend who was pregnant at the same time. Her son is a few months younger than Baby A. She is the reason I started going to La Leche League meetings and I am very grateful to her for that. We've also been playing ball together. Giving high fives and cheering and so on. Fun. Yesterday afternoon, She and her two lovely kids came for a visit. In between nursing our kids, giving snacks and trying to keep the kids happy and entertained I think we actually were able to catch up with each other a bit!

Just before Jay left she was burping baby Lex so he'd be comfortable during the walk home. Baby A was hovering around them all curious about what they were up to. When she noticed Jay patting Lex on the back she enthusiastically began to help. We all had a good laugh at this. Those are the times I realize how quickly she is growing up and that she's really not a baby any longer. Last night while I was running her bath she was standing at the tub watching it fill up with water. For the first time ever she started to put her toys in tub. I was thoroughly impressed and also perhaps a little sad at yet another example of how grown up she is becoming.

And finally I must talk about TaeKwon Do. I have been attending one class a week on Tuesday nights. Going to TaeKwon Do once a week is not ideal but I consider myself lucky to be getting there at all. Gone (for now) are the days when I am there three nights a week for two + hours. I did it when I was young and single, then young and married. Now I'm just old. No, it's okay. I am.

I started TKD when I was 19 years old. A friend of mine was taking it so another friend and I started to take it as well. It wasn't long before I was hooked. Seriously. No matter what happens, it will always be in my blood. Way back then as I was moving up through the ranks I worked very hard and I did well. I went to a lot of competitions and won a lot of medals. Achieving my 1st Degree Black Belt was one of my biggest accomplishments. Achieving my 2nd Degree Black Belt was an absolute dream. I love (d) TKD and at one time I was a pretty talented martial artist.

Then I got pregnant. I continued training until the end of my 7th month. Although I had to modify my training I still did pretty well and could do most everything except some kicks and of course, sparring. (my favorite) I never expected to be able to get back to class so soon. Another thing I never expected was how 'rusty' I would feel. ('rusty' could also be interpreted as 'old') Last night I was literally hit in the face with that cold hard fact. While sparring one of my young whipper snapperish TKD buddies (who also just happened to have returned from competing at the World TKD Championships in Honduras) I took several punches in the noggin. I will say that I hit her back a few times and caught her with a wicked back kick. But when the match was over I felt the headache I had started class with become just a bit more intense. My jaw was tender and so was my ego. I used to be good at this. I also used to be younger. I drove home feeling depressed and noticed in my rear view mirror that my eye was blackening a bit. I haven't had a black eye since competing a long time ago...





Maybe my impending 30th birthday is bothering me more than I realized. Perhaps in regards to TKD, I just have to accept the fact that I'm not quite as good as I once was. It's a hard pill to swallow. I might be expecting a lot of myself. It's not easy to just pop in for a class once a week and be competitive with students who are there all the time. I should be happy I'm holding my own at all. But that's just not me. It's not enough, I have to be better.

No wonder I'm so hard on myself when it comes to being a mother. Funny how different aspects of our life give us clarity in other parts. I guess I need to chill. It'll be a challenge but I know I can do it.