I Guess I Deserved It

So way back in January of last year when Miss A was a wee babe I was struggling with the issue of vaccinations. I had concerns. And I read myself in circles. I decided to go ahead with the vaccination at two months. My already lousy nurser became even less thrilled with breastfeeding for a whole week. As I was already unsure if I had made the right decision this reaction made me opt to postpone any further vaccinations until after she turned a year old.

And guess what? She's a year old now. Yesterday after her swimming lesson we headed on down to the public health office. Even though it had been less than a month since we'd last seen our nurse she weighed and measured Miss A. She's gained a pound and a half since last time! Must be a growth spurt. There was a huge toy box in this room and A couldn't wait to get down and see what was in it. I let her play and took deep breaths as the nurse got the vaccinations ready.



I thought I was being smart and grabbed this sunflower rattle thing for her to hold. She was less than impressed with me for taking her away from the rest of the toys and forcing her to sit on my lap. She flung her arm, with which she was holding this rattle I had given her in it, back and hit me right in the mouth. My eyes watered and I instantly felt my lip begin to swell as though I'd had collagen injected into it. How could something with such a happy expression hurt me so badly? Personally I think she knew what was going on and she was getting me back for what was about to take place. Looking at it that way I guess I can't blame her. The nurse removed the toy from her hand and I tried to compose myself.



I then pinned A's hands back with my arms and held her little legs down as she struggled. I stared at her as she stared at the needle going into her leg. I watched her little face scrunch up with pain as she felt and watched the needle go into her thigh. She quickly stopped crying and we did it all over again in the other leg. When it was over I stood up and tears came to my eyes. I was ashamed for some reason and tried to hide them from our nurse.

Why was I crying? Was it because I was a conspirator to the painful experience she just had even though it was 'for her own good'? Was it because I was being reminded of what happened last time and I was fearful of what reaction might occur this time? Or was it because I still wasn't sure that I felt comfortable having this stuff injected into my daughter? But it was too late now. It was done.

When we came home she had a nap I went to a Yoga class. Afterwards I came home and was pleasantly surprised to find she was her usual contented, busy self. She ate a good supper for her Dada and was having a great time playing with all of her toys. Both of us were relieved as we had been dreading the appetite loss and fussiness that we had expected to see following the needles.

Today she woke up as happy as ever. I have no regrets about waiting this long. I am much more at peace with vaccinating especially now that I see she is fine. I think I just had too much to deal with in those early days and I didn't need a baby who was already difficult even worse because of her needles. Our next scheduled needles are in November. Two months to gear up for that. Yeah.