A Moment of Insanity

So this morning I get a phone call from my Lactation Consultant, Noreen. She and I have become quite close over the past year. We first met the day after I had Baby A. I was a brand new mom, excited and optimistic. During our weeks stay in the hospital she witnessed my complete and total breakdown dealing with a baby that just couldn't/wouldn't eat. She was just too sick and too sleepy to breastfeed properly. Reluctantly Noreen suggested that we start bottle feeding. I was heartbroken, thinking that I would never be able to breastfeed my baby. That I was destined to attach myself to a pump instead. I resolved to do whatever it took. The bottle feeding was successful, it allowed my pumped milk to pour down her tiny throat with ease. Once she was eating better her jaundice went away and they allowed us to go home.

I struggled with breastfeeding for a week, offering the breast first and then sadly giving the bottle. One of my midwives came over two times a day during that week to help us and by the end of the week we stopped using the bottle. Our difficulties didn't end there. Although A had learned how to nurse properly she had developed an aversion to breastfeeding. I spent three very long months that tried what little patience I had to it's very limits breastfeeding a very unhappy baby. I made many phone calls to Noreen asking a multitude of questions. Basically I needed reassurance that I was doing the right thing, that contrary to how my baby was acting, she was getting enough of the best I had to give.



Sometime during those early months I started going to La Leche League meetings. I first went feeling insecure, asking a lot of questions and not wanting to stand out in any way. I still attend these meetings and after overcoming my many, many breastfeeding difficulties I have the opportunity to offer words of support and wisdom (?) to the many moms I meet there who may or may not be having a hard time. Every now and then I'll meet a mom at one of these meetings who has that same look of underlying terror on their face. That look I know so intimately. I go up to her when the meeting is over, introduce myself and offer both my phone number and my email address. I'll never forget how horribly alone I felt those first few months and I'll do whatever I can to prevent anyone else from ever having to feel that way too.

Perhaps this journey of mine is what inspired Noreen called me this morning. Asking me if I would participate in World Breastfeeding Week (October 1st - 7th) by agreeing to be interviewed by our local television station about breastfeeding. In a moment of insanity I said “Yes.” So I'm gonna go on T.V. and draw attention to the part of my body that I have the most issues about. That's okay, it's for the good of all Mamas out there. I can do it. What should I wear? I'm thinking something black, and um... minimizing.

Since I'm practicing my bravery here I'm posting a picture I never thought I'd post... even scarier than my stretch marky tummy...



P.S. I know that some of you have likely heard me go on about my breastfeeding journey before and it wasn't that good the first time around. Sorry. I thought for those who might not know the story needed background.