Family Outing

The great thing about babies is that they are oblivious to problems any bigger than a wet or poopy diaper, being hungry or wanting to be cuddled. No matter how crappy you are feeling they are always there to provide you with a grin that almost washes all your troubles away. This is rather comforting to me right now and provides a nice distraction from my otherwise constant state of sadness. Unfortunately it seems to be something that I just have to 'wait out' for now. If I give it a bit more time I may be able to understand and not be bitter about this awful turn of events.

Again, sorry to be vague but until I know more and am in a better place I don't want to write about it. But I can't pretend it's not happening and that things are all fine and great. That would simply be a lie.



Last night was sort of a first for us. Peter came home from work very tired and I was not up to making anything for supper. Little A was due for a nap and I decided that once she was sleeping I would run and pick up some Wendy's. The flaw in my plan is that she decided she was not, in fact, going to have her nap. Fine. We decided to make it a family meal at the restaurant. Feeling like an awesome and super prepared mama I threw the remainder of a jar of carrots, a spoon, a bib and a couple of wipes in a ziploc bag and we were good to go. When we arrived I wiped down the highchair with a Antibacterial Wipe (paranoid?) and dad got her buckled in while I ordered our meal and a half a cup of hot water to warm the carrots up. Peter was oh so impressed with my mama skills when I popped that jar of carrots in the hot water. I acted nonchalant about it. What's the big deal? I just brought some baby food with us. It totally was a big deal. It was our first meal out with baby. I know it was just a fast food joint but this was a milestone for me. I have avoided eating out with her so far. It just didn't seem like it would be a good time, taking her out for supper. She appeared to love it. She watched the people come and go, liked seeing all the little kids around. She ate her carrots like a champ and she wasn't covered with them by the time we were done. I think our eating out budget may get a bit bigger again!





Afterwards we went grocery shopping which was pushing our luck. Shopping began with me pushing a cart and Peter pushing her in the stroller. Midway through the shopping I was still pushing the cart and Peter was carrying Baby A and pushing the stroller. She ended up back in the stroller by the end and then fell asleep on the way home. Like, not a little snooze. Hardcore, exhausted, opened her eyes for a second and then head drops back to my shoulder sleeping. Peter and I started to sing loudly and jump around to wake her up. It was still one hour till bed time and I wasn't going to mess around with that. Eventually she awoke from her coma, unimpressed. She hung out with dad on the bed in nothing but a diaper until I had the bath ready. I gave her punk rock hair in the bath and she splashed and had a great time. She lasted until the appropriate bed time and was cooperative and went to sleep. I was relieved that she was finally in bed and I could relax until the sadness swept over me again. I fell asleep with tears on my cheeks. Sigh.

Today is a new day. It's sunny and beautiful and I have to work, so that will distract me also. I wish I could just shut off my brain. Or at least the parts of it that worry and feel sad. Haven't they figured out some kind of brain botox yet? They can keep me from frowning but wouldn't it be better if they just injected it into the part of you that makes you frown in the first place. Get it at the source I say!