Are You Lookin' At Me?

Last week I found a paper in my mailbox. It had an adorable baby in the foreground and a smiling mom out of focus in the distance. In large print it said “How long can you use the 'I just had a baby excuse?'” Excuse me? Oh, no you didn't I thought. I read on. “Time's up! Want to shed those stubborn pounds and get back to your pre-pregnancy shape?” and it went on to tell me about a revolutionary weight-loss program yada yada.

At first I thought, someone has deliberately put this in my mailbox. I mean, it couldn't just be a coincidence that I had a baby seven months ago and it randomly found it's way to my mailbox. Someone named Wanda has been spying on me and wants to sell me revolutionary weight-loss stuff. She's been watching me going out for walks with baby A and has been thinking “Her butt is still way too big, I better put a flyer in her mailbox.” I became paranoid, self conscious and depressed.

I showed it to Peter and he was insulted on my behalf. I told him I thought someone was spying on me. Since the flyer had the distributors name and phone number on it he did a little spying himself. He typed her name into the Canada 411 reverse phone number search. She lives about 10 blocks away. I was relieved that she didn't live on my street. I decided it must have been random but since she also had her email on the flyer I emailed her also. *'s represent actual names I edited out for privacy.

Miracle Cure Distributor,

I received the * miracle cure * flyer in my mailbox. I was wondering if you delivered them randomly or if you knew somehow that I had a baby seven months ago. This seemed a strange coincidence.

I'm sorry, but I am not interested in starting * miracle cure *. I tried * miracle cure * before and it did not work for me. I was disappointed because it was expensive and I really wanted to see results.

I am not carrying extra weight since my pregnancy and am presently content with my current size.

Looking forward to your reply,
* Mama D

So, we'll see what kind of response I get.

I feel a bit bad because my friend sells this stuff. I did try it a few years ago and although it worked wonders for her it didn't do a thing for moi. C'est la vie. I'm over it. I only gained 20 lbs during my pregnancy and afterwards I ended up 10 lbs lighter than before I got pregnant. That's like, the only time in my life that that has happened. Barfing a minimum of two times a day for four and half months will do it to you EVERY TIME! I think I may have preferred feeling better and gaining a few more pounds but oh well. Maybe next time.

Now, if there was a miracle cure for my saggy tummy, stretch marks and stitched up Va-J-J (besides plastic surgery) then I'd say “Bring it!”

P.S. Update at The Mama D Experiment