One Half Of One Year

I can't believe she is six months old already. That's half of a whole year!



When I found out I was pregnant I couldn't believe it had finally happened. I then spent the four longest months of my life nauseated every second of every hour of every day and vomiting enough to last a lifetime. I had discharge similar to hydrochloric acid which burned the insides of my legs so badly I walked like I'd been riding a horse all day. My stomach developed deep purple stretch marks despite much slathering of anti-stretchmark cream.



I still remember so vividly that time after she was born when I was so certain that I had made a terrible mistake. That I wasn't meant to be a mother. That she would be better off with someone else. I can still hear your newborn baby cries of protest during those first long weeks of learning to breastfeed. My heart still drops when I think of the disappointment I felt because you didn't seem to want me. When we finally got home from the hospital I wanted everything to be 'normal' and was so devastated to find out I couldn't deal with what 'normal' had become. Eventually we got into our groove and I began to cope with our new life.






I finally started to feel comfortable going out. I began to have confidence in my ability as a mother. Baby A seemed more relaxed and became the baby she always has been if my blood hadn't made her feel so icky. Right when I was about to lose my mind from lack of sleep she started sleeping through the night. As Audrey's personality began to develop I fell even more in love with her. Her first smiles nearly broke my heart.



Now she is so big! She just ate cereal for the first time yesterday. She seemed like such a big girl in her highchair! It's hard to believe that in just six more months she will be a whole year old! I am so proud of both of us for making it this far. Today we are going to have six month pictures taken. It still blows my mind.



From the moment she came into my life I was forever changed. I will always be her mama and she will always be my first born baby girl. I look forward to the continuing adventure that is motherhood.