Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Bye bye, Sweet Girl

So, I'm sitting here in my 'pretty' clothes (as apposed to my 'comfy' clothes - jeans or velour pants and a T-shirt) waiting as the minutes tick by before I abandon my daughter and head back to work for the first time since she was born! A kind and thoughtful friend of mine called me earlier to see if I was “quietly freaking out”. I think I put on a brave face, or voice rather. Maybe if she could see me she would see the bags under my eyes from laying awake worrying or the panic in my eyes that I just can't conceal.

It's like Audrey knows or something. She got up at 5:30 this morning. Then again at 9:30. She was up all the rest of the morning until noon and then only slept for a little over half an hour. I felt guilty (again with the guilt) for wanting her to sleep so that I could prepare for today. Make a sandwich for work to eat while I pump, make a casserole for my sister and niece who are babysitting her at my house tonight, write a blog about freaking out. She wasn't unhappy the entire time, she smiled at me a lot which hurt my heart even more. She wasn't very interested in eating which bothers me since she'll have to have a bottle while I'm gone and I was hoping to fill her up a bit. She's pulling and rubbing her ear a bit so now I'm thinking she may have an ear infection. It's like everything around me is screaming “Don't leave her!”

I will be leaving her though. In the capable hands of my wonderful sister who lost her oldest daughter Erin, of only 18 years old at the hands of a violent ex-boyfriend. I'm hoping that my Audrey Erin will help to heal her broken heart. That is the only consolation I may find in leaving her so soon to go slave away for the almighty buck.

I'll be thinking of my beautiful girl smiling a toothless grin at her when she wakes up from her nap only to find that her mother is no where to be found.

Erin Kristen Chorney


3 comments:

Tracy said...

I am sure that your little one will bring nothing but joy to your sister. They will be good for each other. Leaving them is tough. I've felt nothing harder - so far. I pray I never do.
Hope 2006 brings you all the joys and adventure you wish for.

Anonymous said...

I know That her Auntie really needs little Audrey Erin in her life after every thing she went through losing Erin Kristen the way she did. I know I miss Erin greatly myself. I know you are a great sister D, and personally I know your sister Deb is a great mom.

Unknown said...

christian louboutin shoes
coach outlet
toms shoes
ray ban sunglasses
christian louboutin outlet
cheap jordan shoes
michael kors outlet
oakley sunglasses
michael kors outlet online
michael kors outlet
replica watches
jordan 6
kate spade
rolex watches outlet
cheap toms shoes
ray ban sunglasses
louis vuitton outlet
michael kors outlet
pandora jewelry
nike free run
cheap oakleys
coach factory outlet
burberry outlet online
mont blanc pens
christian louboutin outlet
coach outlet
louis vuitton outlet
cheap nfl jerseys
celine handbags
michael kors handbags
air jordan 13
christian louboutin sale
christian louboutin shoes
louis vuitton handbags
celine
ralph lauren
nike roshe flyknit
kobe shoes 11
jordan 4 toro
polo ralph lauren
20167.16wengdongdong