My Amazing Body

I miss being pregnant. Well, except for all the vomiting. It was the first time since I was thirteen that I actually felt comfortable in my own skin. I remember inspecting my belly every day to see if it had changed. I didn't care about not having man abs because soon I would have a big, beautiful round tummy.

It was liberating not to have to worry about trying to get thinner. There was no point, I wasn't gonna get any thinner for a while! I admit I was concerned about putting on a lot of weight while pregnant. I have three older sisters two of whom still struggle with weight they gained during their pregnancies that just never went away. I have seen what it has done to their self esteems and I know that I have the personality to go down that road. I fully expected a big weight gain but I planned to do things a little differently. I love to work out and planned to continue doing so through my pregnancy. I know not everyone shares this love and that is okay by me. If I could make a good living at it and didn't love my present job so much I would work out for a living. I was always an athletic kid and other than my unfortunate high school experience have been active most of my life. I started TaeKwon Do at 19 and really started going to the gym and learning to lift weights when I was around 21. Although I enjoyed all of these activities very much I couldn't help but fall into the temptation of comparison. I looked at my body and then at the bodies of others. I would compare the amount of exercise they did with the amount of exercise I did. This was irritating. No matter how hard I worked at it I never looked the way I wanted to. I was never lean enough. Don't get me wrong, I didn't have an eating disorder or anything although I can totally understand how that can happen especially in our society today.

Also, I love to eat. (After seeing how my mother would like me to constantly strap Little A to my boob I think I am beginning to understand why myself and my sibling enjoy food to such a degree!) I have never been good at eating very healthy food. I like butter, gravy, sour cream, cheese, rich sauces and chocolate. Mmm chocolate. I don't think I over eat. I just don't deprive myself of foods I enjoy. I found it depressing when I finally realized that if I ever wanted to look the way I dreamed I would have to stop eating the foods I loved. At least, most of the time. I did follow 'Body for Life' for three months and did find I leaned down a lot. I would recommend it to people wanting to lose weight. It allows you to have one day where you can totally PIG OUT! And I did. I actually made my husband sick with the amount of absolute junk I would eat on that day. He tried to keep up with me and couldn't. So fun. And yet, I still consistently lost body fat each week. Magic. ANYWAY, I just couldn't keep it up. I hated being so strict all the time. I gave up my dream but since I still loved to work out I continued and tried to be satisfied that although I didn't look like this I was indeed fit and healthy.

I spent the first four months of my pregnancy so ill that I ate whatever I could keep down. Sometimes that was nothing. Needless to say I wasn't too obsessed with what I ate during that time. I tried to keep caffeine to a minimum and stopped eating anything that gave me heartburn. I told myself that if I starting putting on a lot of weight while I was pregnant I would be more careful about what I was eating. During the 'sick time' I was even concerned I was not putting on enough weight and even lost one pound. (Sorry to those of you who lost many pounds or were hospitalized due to severe morning (ha ha, morning sickness. Yah, right. They should call it every waking minute) sickness.) I had to relish that moment in spite of my concern. I was worried I was not putting on weight. Me. That was a worry, for me? There's a first time for everything. I somehow miraculously put on only 20lbs during my pregnancy and ate what I wanted. Hey, don't be mad. Something had to go my way.

I continued working out throughout my pregnancy as I had been before only lower impact. I stopped doing TaeKwon Do at the end of June and swam laps for the month. I swam laps two days before having her. I remember doing the back stroke that day thinking “This might be my last day in the pool for a while.” Too true.

I have missed going to the gym and TaeKwon Do since having Audrey. Thanks to my mom agreeing to babysit I have gone back a few times. I am surprisingly not too out of shape. Let's all remember having babies is a work out after all! I went to an aerobics class yesterday which is what inspired me to write this post. The muscles in my fingers are the only ones that are not sore. Ouch. I love it though. And I am sick that way. I love the feeling of muscles that have worked hard. Except when I can't walk right because I hurt so bad.

My body is different now. It's got new stretch marks, a saggy belly that may never be the same and um, it's had stitches in places that the sun doesn't shine. Except maybe on a nude beach. But I embrace my new body. I will keep working on it but having a baby has somehow made me appreciate it more and what it is capable of achieving. I leave you with two photos of me the day I was in labor with my glorious tummy out there for everyone to see. The bare belly one is about five hours before I gave birth (notice my expression) on September 12, 2005.