Battle of the Wills

Cons of Having a Strong Willed Child

-it's difficult to get them to do anything you want them to do unless you trick them into thinking it's their idea.

-once they decide something it's almost impossible to get them to change their minds

-they are prone to temper tantrums

Pros of Having a Strong Willed Child

-

-

-

I haven't thought of any yet. Just kidding. Sort of. Lately I have been fighting with A in regards to her nap. On Sunday, she won. I didn't put up much of a fight. I had memories of the last time she tried it when not only did she win but she also reduced me (okay, I can't blame her) to a sobbing mess over the whole thing. So Sunday, I decided, fine, don't nap. Then you'll find out how tired you'll be by the evening and you'll regret it. I was right about the tired part. But I'm not convinced she regretting anything. And it happened again on Monday. I fought harder that time but eventually she won. Again. Yesterday she actually did nap. But not without a big screaming, kicking, fight about it.

I'm wondering if this is the end of the naps. Maybe I'm getting ahead of myself but two days in a row doesn't bode well. I'm quietly getting ready for it. I'm trying to mentally prepare. It's not exactly the best time for nap elimination given my current state of mental health or lack thereof. But it seems that trying to enforce napping is more difficult to cope with than giving in.

I'm not sure what I will do without my little slice of alone time in the afternoon. It's a bit scary really. I'd appreciate any tips on this transition from those of you who've been through this before. Keep in mind that I'm not much of a drinker. (Ha ha!)

I Don't Wanna

I resist change. I am stubborn. I have no idea why my daughter has inherited these qualities...

You may have noticed that my blog looks different. (Thank you sweet, sweet husband!) He held my hand while we finally switched me to 'The New Version of Blogger' and changed my template. I was terrified but it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.

See ever since they've been bugging us to switch I was all “Nuh Uh!” to that. I was totally comfortable and happy with things the way they were. Or at least I wasn't buying that things would be any better if I switched. After a while Blogger was becoming more pushy about the switching. They would change things all the time to try to trick you into switching. It would be difficult to post comments on other peoples blogs some days and then other days it would be back to 'normal'. The more they pushed the more I resisted. But they seemed to have backed off. And then I became more open. There were things I liked about the new format. Labels, especially.

I'd been wanting to change my template for a while and had been shopping for a new background. (You like? http://squidfingers.com/patterns/) Then last night when I mentioned I also said casually “Maybe I should just switch to the new version.” and he said “Okay.” and I said “Wait, I don't know, I, I...” and he said “Don't worry it will be fine.” So here we are. We stayed up a bit too late because it ALWAYS takes longer than you think. But it was worth it. I hope he thinks so too as he is tired at work today...

I obviously haven't had much of a chance to use this new version. I don't really know whether I like it better yet. We still have to play with the template a bit. Feedback would be appreciated. But remember I cry easily.

Snow Days

Winter seems not to be going anywhere in these parts. This weekend we were dumped upon with a bunch of snow and it is currently snowing as I write this. The cold snap we were having has at least let up. I found the cold much more depressing than this abundance of snow. At least with snow you can go outside and enjoy!



Which is what we've been trying to do. And the fact that taking A out in the sled is exercise for me doesn't hurt either! Miss A likes going for rides in the sled. She drags her hand along in the snow the way you'd drag your hand in the water if you were in a canoe. She usually gets sick of riding after a while and want to bail out. The other day when we went for a particularity long walk I let her get out and walk around on the trail. I eventually had to put her back in the sled which she wasn't too thrilled about.







A is still a bit too young to 'play' in this snow. Next winter will be a different story I'm sure. One things for sure... We'll have to get a bigger sled. She's already outgrown this one, her feet are squished into the front of the sled!

A Celebrity Winner

Our winner this week is not a blogger but he IS an actor. Apparently he's been dying to win this game. I'm sure he's shocked to have won by correctly identifying 'Short Circuit'. I gave a small hint last week when I mentioned my weakness for robots.



Since the winner doesn't have a blog I'll link his commercial instead.

Say WHAT?

It's Friday again and that means it's time for Say WHAT? The AMAZING 80's quote trivia game. In case you haven't played before, here is the down low – At the bottom of this post you will find a quote from an 80's movie. If you choose to play you must, without using the internet as a resource, guess which 80's movie the quote has been taken from. But here is where the rules have changed. If by Sunday we still don't have a winner anyone may go ahead and Google away. The first person to give the correct movie wins! Fun, huh? Leave your guesses in the comments section and if you are the first to correctly identify the quote, you win! I announce the winner on Sunday and that winner receives acknowledgment, linkage and if they have a profile picture I post that also. I recap the winner every Friday and include all of the aforementioned information. And hey, even if you don't know the answer just give me a shout out. I like to know who's stopped by!

Last week after much anticipation and Googling Stephanie from Adventures in Babywearing won Say WHAT? I personally am appalled that you all missed such a truly horrid yet strangely awesome film. Shame on all of you. Now go rent it.



Time for today's quote. Don't forget to come back on Sunday (or maybe Monday if I'm lazy) to see if you are a winner. Have fun and good luck!



“I am thinking she is a virgin. Or at least she used to be. “

YouTubesday

This cheers me up and I hoped you all would find it funny too.

I love Drew Barrymore. Their 80's workout look is spot on don't you think. And the hair and makeup? Priceless.

I love how it really looks like crappy video quality. Mya's “Woo!” at 40 seconds cracks me up every time. As do the advanced version of the step and the “Or pencils!” (The way she says it is comic genius) “Or air.” And the slightly erotic celebration at the end is just silly.

So have a nice day won't you?

In the Muck

I've been keeping pretty quiet about something lately. I guess I haven't exactly been hiding it. But I haven't exactly been forthcoming either. Which is silly because the whole reason I do this blogging thing is to keep it real. This is therapeutic for me and if I make anyone else out there feel a little more normal in the process or at the very least, not alone, that is awesome.

So why have I been tight lipped and what about?

Why? – probably because I was slightly in denial. Because admitting it out loud and in writing even, made it too real and I wanted it not to be happening.

What? - In the past couple of months I have been slipping into... (deep breath) a depression. (there I said it. why is it such a hard thing to say?) I have been feeling similar to the way I did in the months after A's birth. Which was bad. Not to mention that I have been coming to realize just how bad I was actually feeling back then. I think I had suppressed it or decided it wasn't that big of a deal. But those feelings have come rushing back with thoughts/plans of having another baby. (thoughts/plans which are currently on hold)

It's like my brain was all like “Are you nuts!? You can't have another baby! Don't you remember how sick you were, how depressed? How hard it was on your marriage? Let me take this opportunity to remind you.” And then BAM! Like a ton of bricks had fallen on my head the memories came flooding back. Often when I was lying in bed trying to sleep or when I was up with A in the night. This is around the time when I noticed I just wasn't dealing well with stress of any kind. If Miss A decided to boycott a nap my world came crashing in. A small argument with Peter was in my mind the beginning of the end for us.

The loss of his father has made things even more difficult. Peter is also, not at his best. Last night was one of those horrible, the world is ending kind of nights. The kind of night that even though we talked, a lot, before going to sleep we still went to sleep feeling miserable. Or at least I did and I'm pretty sure he did too. I didn't wake up feeling much better.

What I recently accepted is that these feelings are not going away. And that I better do something about it. Soon. So I had made a counseling appointment which was yesterday. I think that I had convinced myself that once I actually talked to a professional I would feel better. The really awful thing is that I didn't. Last night was almost worse because I'd been to the counselor and it obviously hadn't helped. I couldn't help thinking that nothing is going to help me.

I know I have to give this counseling thing a chance. I can't expect to be 'fixed' in one visit. It just seemed as though when I got talking about 'stuff' it seemed trivial. She gave me a lot of photocopied stuff to read. About communication skills. Turns out I'm passive and passive/aggressive. No sh*t. I knew that already. Tell me how to fix it. There are also hand outs on how to be assertive. Which is what you want to be. Or something. I'm going to try it out. Can't hurt.

So anyway. Now it's out there. Not a secret anymore. Don't feel bad or worry about me. If you like tell me you've had these crazy feelings too, even if you haven't I'll never know and I won't feel like such a total freak. And if you really have felt like this or are feeling like this, I'm sorry. It sucks doesn't it. Feel free to drop me a line. And stay tuned. I plan to document how I dig myself out of the muck. And I will. Cause I'm stubborn like that.

Water Bug

I have always loved the water. For as long as I can remember I have loved to swim. When I was a child I spent every summer in swimming lessons and the rest of the time in water as much as possible. If we hadn't moved to the city I am quite sure that I would have spent my teen years as a lifeguard.

I still love to swim. While I was pregnant I did a lot of lap swimming. Miss A and I have done two sessions of swimming lessons. I love being in the water with her. I am so glad that she enjoys it as much as I do. A couple of weeks ago we were at a pool party which was held at a hotel which also had a waterslide. Miss A and I have gone down waterslides before so I figured we'd do it again. At first this slide seemed okay but then we picked up speed as we went around the three turns and as we headed for the end of the slide I prayed that I could keep her above the water. I mostly succeeded although I think she got a large face full of water. Luckily for both of us she didn't really care and was not forever traumatized thanks to her foolish mother.



Since we can't go swimming ALL the time (it is 30 below outside right now!) she has to settle for the bathtub. This suits her fine and she spends the time perfecting her swimming skills by blowing bubbles, laying her head and ears right back into the water, and splashing her arms and legs. The later I wish she would save only for the big swimming pool since I don't have to clean up there.



I really couldn't be more pleased to have a water bug baby. Now all we have to do is convince her Dada to join us more often...

Not Alone

The other day I had the most amazing conversation with a friend of mine. We had been playing phone tag and then we eventually caught up with one another. She and I were very good friends when we were younger. We both got married and she moved pretty far away and we kind of drifted apart. Not emotionally, just physically. We really lost touch with one another for a while.

We both have children now and since then I have found that we have gradually reconnected. She recently moved back 'home' and somehow that seems to have made a difference. Knowing that she is physically living closer now makes it seem that much easier to reconnect.

While talking to her on the telephone the other day I was amazed to find that we are still just as close as ever. We had absolutely no trouble opening up to one another the same way we did when we were seventeen, writing letters back and forth. We were surprised to find that we are living rather parallel lives at the moment. Sharing very similar struggles that are very real and very frightening. Though our situations are serious we managed to laugh at ourselves and find comfort in the fact that we are not alone.

After hanging up the phone that night I cannot express the renewed feeling I had. I was so thrilled to have been able to have such a great conversation with her and I realized just how much I'd missed her presence in my life. And knowing that although our lives may not be perfect, we have each other to lean on for support. And that's the kind of thing that makes it easier to get out of bed in the morning (or in the middle of the night as it may be.)

Adventures in Winning

We finally had a winner after implementing the 'go ahead a google it rule'. Stephanie from Adventures in Babywearing is our winner. Way to go!



Apparently this was a hard one. Seriously? You all didn't see 'Deadly Friend'? But Kristy Swanson is in it. The original 'Buffy' and the girl Duckie ends up with at the end of 'Pretty in Pink'. 'Deadly Friend' is a horribly awesome film. It is both corny, heartbreaking and sweet. And I've always had a weakness for robots.

Say WHAT? HINT

Feel free to Google everyone. And here's a hint.

Say WHAT?

It's Friday again and that means it's time for Say WHAT? The AMAZING 80's quote trivia game. In case you haven't played before, here is the down low – At the bottom of this post you will find a quote from an 80's movie. If you choose to play you must, without using the internet as a resource, guess which 80's movie the quote has been taken from. But here is where the rules have changed. If by Sunday we still don't have a winner anyone may go ahead and Google away. The first person to give the correct movie wins! Fun, huh? Leave your guesses in the comments section and if you are the first to correctly identify the quote, you win! I announce the winner on Sunday and that winner receives acknowledgment, linkage and if they have a profile picture I post that also. I recap the winner every Friday and include all of the aforementioned information. And hey, even if you don't know the answer just give me a shout out. I like to know who's stopped by!

For the second time in a row, Bon. That girl is on fire. Not literally though because that would be awful. In the way that means you rock!



Time for today's quote. Don't forget to come back on Sunday (or maybe Monday if I'm lazy) to see if you are a winner. Have fun and good luck!



"He's my father. Sometimes I want to roll a truck over his face but he's still my father."

YouTubesday

If any of you didn't know this already, this is my favorite band.

Fan facts:

I have been a fan since approximately age 15 when I saw the video “Close to Me” (see YouTube) and fell completely in love.

In high school I wore a plain gold band on my left ring finger and a single gold sleeper in my left ear just like Robert Smith. Why? I'm not sure I knew why. My answer now would be – because I was cool.





I spent many a night alone in my room listening to The Cure and thinking – Wow, he really gets me.

The morning after seeing The Cure for the second time in concert I noticed a large horizontal bruise on my right thigh. I was perplexed for a while until I realized it was from the repeated bashing into the seat in front of me while was jumping up and down constantly during the concert.

I have slacked off in my fandom in recent years but I still love them and call them my favorite band ever.

And with that I give you, The Cure.

Houdini A

We have been having quite a bit of difficulty lately keeping Miss A in her clothing. And her diaper. I mentioned once before how much she enjoys her birthday suit. The problem is, it's winter for goodness sake! And diapers have a very important purpose and must be left in place on the bottom!



Some things that appear to be discouraging clothing removal are tights and onesies. And after a couple of bed time incidents (one of which pictured here) the pajamas have been going on backwards. Although yesterday morning despite the fact that her jammies were secure her diaper was not and there was a wet spot in her bed. Sigh. I bought some baby safe safety pins to try with her pajamas. I'm a little nervous using them because I am not convinced that she wouldn't be able to figure them out. At least enough to really poke herself which would be awful.





This is one of those challenges in parenting that is just random. I have had many moms tell me that their child never did this kind of thing. And then there are those who have experienced the same thing. A horror that I am desperately trying to avoid is poo fingerpainting. I have heard these tales and I don't want to go there.



If nothing else we have documented this phase on film.

Ashamed

Never in the span of almost 2 years (coincidently the timespan of Miss A's life) have I behaved in so many ways that are uncharacteristic and unpleasant. Parenting has at times brought the very worst out in me. My inner crazy person comes out, the one that is usually hiding just under the surface waiting for the opportunity to rear it's ugly, horrible head.

This crazy person appeared at 3:30 am Sunday morning. Well okay, more like 4:30 am after it became clear that Miss Monkey Doodle A the First was not interested in going back to bed. I tried to be patient, to wait it out. She'd have to get tired eventually, right? Right. Several hours later, at 7:00 am she went back to bed. Prior to that time there was much frustration, some yelling and plenty of tears. Most of which belonging to me. My lovely husband was convinced I had lost it and frankly, I think I had.

We went back to be for about three hours and then got up for church. Getting a bit of sleep didn't make me feel better. I had this awful guilty feeling hanging over me from the night/morning before. I kept thinking that I should have handled things better. Asked myself why I'd gotten so upset. I didn't come up with any answers really.

With two good nights sleeps under my belt I am feeling more normal again. The memory of my unsavory behavior is fading. Yet I know it's just a matter of time before it happens again. Another night will come when A just doesn't want to sleep. Those are the times when I wish I was a celebrity and I could just get my live in nanny to take over. How much do live in nanny's cost these days anyway?

She Dominates

Sorry I have been so slack with the posting of my Say WHAT? winner. I am beginning to wonder how I ever found time to write a 'winners post' on Sundays.

For the second week in a row (kind of) our winner is Bon from The Mama. A true sign that we are kindred spirits – she knows quotes from my favorite movie.



I have raved about this movie before here. If you haven't seen it, I insist that you do so as soon as possible.



Diane Court: Are you shaking?
Lloyd Dobler: No.
Diane Court: You're shaking.
Lloyd Dobler: I don't think so.
Diane Court: You're cold.
Lloyd Dobler: I don't think I am.
Diane Court: Then why are you shaking?
Lloyd Dobler: I don't know. I think I'm happy.

Till tomorrow.

Say WHAT?

It's Friday again and that means it's time for Say WHAT? The AMAZING 80's quote trivia game. In case you haven't played before, here is the down low – At the bottom of this post you will find a quote from an 80's movie. If you choose to play you must, without using the internet as a resource, guess which 80's movie the quote has been taken from. But here is where the rules have changed. If by Sunday we still don't have a winner anyone may go ahead and Google away. The first person to give the correct movie wins! Fun, huh? Leave your guesses in the comments section and if you are the first to correctly identify the quote, you win! I announce the winner on Sunday and that winner receives acknowledgment, linkage and if they have a profile picture I post that also. I recap the winner every Friday and include all of the aforementioned information. And hey, even if you don't know the answer just give me a shout out. I like to know who's stopped by!

Our last winner was the marvelous Bon. I gotta say I wasn't expecting you to know the 'Red Dawn' quote, that really caught me by surprise.



Time for today's quote. Don't forget to come back on Sunday to see if you are a winner. Have fun and good luck!





“Brains stick with brains. The bomb could go off and their mutant genes would form the same cliques.”

Happier Times

Peter is home now and I can't express how great it is to have him around again. I commend all of you single mothers out there. I really don't know how you do it.

Logically I should be well rested. I've been getting a decent amount of sleep for at least a week. Yet, I feel exhausted. In a way that I don't think I have been before. It is the strangest and scariest feeling.

Sadness is my only explanation. Being sad takes a lot out of a person. Miss A is a great distraction but she can also be a contributer to fatigue and stress. I picked up an extra day at work this week to try to make up for the three days that I missed. Though my week has only just begun I already feel so very, very tired.

The bitterly cold weather may not be helping my mood or my desire to get out and get some fresh air. It only makes me want to stay in bed with my electric blanket and hide.

Having Peter home again is helping me to feel better. We are getting back into our routine and having his help with things again is alleviating the stress I was feeling.



I took this picture last night of my two favorite people and I thought it was too sweet to keep to myself. When I have smiles like that to look at how could I be sad?

Far From Normal

Right now I am feeling rather awkward. Everything is still fresh and painful and I don't feel like writing about everyday life again yet. So it's either write nothing or write more about my feelings. Since this blog is ultimately therapy through writing I guess I know what I need to do.

One of the most difficult things about losing my father in law is that my own family who I am very close to just can't really grasp my loss. I find this very alienating and I can't help but feel very detached from them at the moment. Since Peter is still with his mom right now and A and I are at home alone I have been feeling very introspective.

I think I have had an unusual relationship with my in laws compared with most people. Usually you hear horror stories about overbearing mother in laws or intimidating father in laws. I could only describe my relationship as amazing.

When I started dating Peter he was living with his parents. Since they lived two hours away when I would visit it would be for the entire weekend. This gave me a unique opportunity to get to know them better and more quickly than one would usually get to know their boyfriend's parents. Luckily for me I think they liked me from the start. I think part of this might have been because they were relieved that their shy and introverted son had actually met someone. I didn't have to pretend to like them because they were fantastic. I will never forget and will forever cherish our long breakfast chats about everything and anything.

Although I had many years to get to know my father in law yet I can't help feeling now that I never really appreciated them. Sort of like if you had a lot of money for a long time but you spent it frivolously and then when you found yourself broke one day you realized that you should have paid more attention and been more careful about your spending. I feel like there were many things I had yet to tell him. Things I wish he had known.

I wish I had been able to tell him how much I appreciated the way he welcomed me into his family. Made me feel loved like one of his own children. That I felt closer to him than I do to my own father. How much it meant to me that he was so involved in our lives and in the life of our daughter. How much I admired the way he loved his wife, sons and grandchildren.

I really hope he knew how much I loved him and how much I would miss him when he was gone.

Saying Goodbye

The funeral was on Friday afternoon. I left Miss A with her Grandma for Friday night. My first night away from her. Not the most ideal circumstances. It was nice to know that she was in good hands as well as a relief to be able to be there for Peter and his family without also having to worry about my toddlers needs.

The day wasn't as awful as I had expected. I think my husband was right when he told me he thought we'd all done most of our grieving at the hospital the previous weekend. I think there will be much grieving to come as the reality of his absence sinks in.

I have already been missing his weekly emails. He wrote in such a way that you could actually hear him speaking to you while you read. This is an excerpt from an email he sent me after my birthday in August.

“Well 'D' do you feel really old now? I am glad you have reached 30. It won't be long until you are forty and then you will realize how much wiser you are.”

Words cannot express how much I miss him already. The only thing that makes me feel less sorry for myself is thinking of how much Peter, his brothers and his mother must miss him.

I wish that A was older and knew him better. They would have been great friends. They already were. I am glad we have so many pictures of them together like this one from Christmas.



At times pictures can speak louder than words.