Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Far From Normal

Right now I am feeling rather awkward. Everything is still fresh and painful and I don't feel like writing about everyday life again yet. So it's either write nothing or write more about my feelings. Since this blog is ultimately therapy through writing I guess I know what I need to do.

One of the most difficult things about losing my father in law is that my own family who I am very close to just can't really grasp my loss. I find this very alienating and I can't help but feel very detached from them at the moment. Since Peter is still with his mom right now and A and I are at home alone I have been feeling very introspective.

I think I have had an unusual relationship with my in laws compared with most people. Usually you hear horror stories about overbearing mother in laws or intimidating father in laws. I could only describe my relationship as amazing.

When I started dating Peter he was living with his parents. Since they lived two hours away when I would visit it would be for the entire weekend. This gave me a unique opportunity to get to know them better and more quickly than one would usually get to know their boyfriend's parents. Luckily for me I think they liked me from the start. I think part of this might have been because they were relieved that their shy and introverted son had actually met someone. I didn't have to pretend to like them because they were fantastic. I will never forget and will forever cherish our long breakfast chats about everything and anything.

Although I had many years to get to know my father in law yet I can't help feeling now that I never really appreciated them. Sort of like if you had a lot of money for a long time but you spent it frivolously and then when you found yourself broke one day you realized that you should have paid more attention and been more careful about your spending. I feel like there were many things I had yet to tell him. Things I wish he had known.

I wish I had been able to tell him how much I appreciated the way he welcomed me into his family. Made me feel loved like one of his own children. That I felt closer to him than I do to my own father. How much it meant to me that he was so involved in our lives and in the life of our daughter. How much I admired the way he loved his wife, sons and grandchildren.

I really hope he knew how much I loved him and how much I would miss him when he was gone.


bon said...

That's cool, the relationship you had with your FIL.... I wish I could say the same.

There is a good chance that if he didn't know... he knows now those things that you wish you had told him. If not, you can tell him later.

Akhor said...

I'm really sorry to hear about the loss of your father in law. Always when people pass away you dwell on the things that you wanted to say or do with them. I think this is a natural course of action, one that must be traveled to better appreciate them and yourself.

However, don't linger on the should have and would have's too long. Death gives you the opportunity to celebrate their life. It's a time to reflect on all their accomplishment, the way they affected others around, what they enjoyed, and what they disliked.

I wish the D family my best during these times.

Jenn said...

That was really nice. Very emotional. Your analogy to the money thing was right on and a very neat way to look at things. I know it really makes me think about the people in my life. I know it will be a long road ahead for you and your family but we're praying for you.

Dawnyel said...

*HUGS* He knows!! I'm sure of it!
Grieving is hard, but I guess I didn't realize Peter wasn't there with you...that's gotta be even HARDER than normal! I hope you can find some peace in your life soon!

Dawnyel said...

*HUGS* He knows!! I'm sure of it!
Grieving is hard, but I guess I didn't realize Peter wasn't there with you...that's gotta be even HARDER than normal! I hope you can find some peace in your life soon!

Code Yellow Mom said...

It is so true - it is hard to really cherish someone adequately sometimes...Thanks for sharing your feelings - it really is important (and normal) to talk about your loss and the terrific things that you love about your FIL. Hugs to you...

Melissa said...

Reading this post made me feel so sad, yet oddly happy for you that you were able to have such a great relationship with your in laws. I'm so sorry for your family's loss. I am sure he knew how special he was to you.

I love the picture you posted of him and Baby A.