Tuesday, February 13, 2007


Never in the span of almost 2 years (coincidently the timespan of Miss A's life) have I behaved in so many ways that are uncharacteristic and unpleasant. Parenting has at times brought the very worst out in me. My inner crazy person comes out, the one that is usually hiding just under the surface waiting for the opportunity to rear it's ugly, horrible head.

This crazy person appeared at 3:30 am Sunday morning. Well okay, more like 4:30 am after it became clear that Miss Monkey Doodle A the First was not interested in going back to bed. I tried to be patient, to wait it out. She'd have to get tired eventually, right? Right. Several hours later, at 7:00 am she went back to bed. Prior to that time there was much frustration, some yelling and plenty of tears. Most of which belonging to me. My lovely husband was convinced I had lost it and frankly, I think I had.

We went back to be for about three hours and then got up for church. Getting a bit of sleep didn't make me feel better. I had this awful guilty feeling hanging over me from the night/morning before. I kept thinking that I should have handled things better. Asked myself why I'd gotten so upset. I didn't come up with any answers really.

With two good nights sleeps under my belt I am feeling more normal again. The memory of my unsavory behavior is fading. Yet I know it's just a matter of time before it happens again. Another night will come when A just doesn't want to sleep. Those are the times when I wish I was a celebrity and I could just get my live in nanny to take over. How much do live in nanny's cost these days anyway?


bon said...


No, not laughing at you ... laughing at the five paragraphs of assvice that I was about to lay on you, getting sucked into the morass of lost Blogger comments! Trust me, you are better off with out my expounding on the grief process and self-flagellation.

Short story? Here is a hug and a big "I love You!" And now it's time to forgive yourself and rededicate to being The Dynamite Mama D.

Nikkie said...

I think we've all been there with the what-the-hell-are-you-doing-up-at-this-hour thing before. I know I've said and felt somethings I regret deeply during those times. Its okay, I hope it gets better.

Akhor said...

At least you were not hungover and feeling like a piece of poop. As I'm sure that would have made it 1000 times worse.

Thanks for visiting my site! I do remember you from the afternoons I would waist over at Neelin ;)