Wednesday, September 03, 2008

Don't Hate Me For This One...

I'm going to apologize for this post right now. In fact I'm kind of ashamed to be writing it but I kind of feel like I need to get it out there. Why? I'm not sure. I'm weird like that.

Although Baby B is a mere six weeks of age I already worry about her. But wait, before you tell me this is normal I will be more specific about what it is exactly that I worry about.

I worry that she will live in her sister's shadow.

I think I have mentioned several times here, at the risk of sounding totally braggy pants, that I think Miss A is ridiculously stunning. When I say stuff like that I really don't mean to be boastful at all, it's just that I am genuinely floored and flabbergasted by her beauty. I worry about her too. I worry about how her looks might affect her as she gets older and the way people treat her or the way she treats others. I don't want her to be judged only by her looks or to be able to coast through things easily because of them. (I even see the beginnings of this already) I don't want her to become a 'mean girl'. I only hope that I will be able to teach her the right things as she grows and she'll know that looks are not what count, but who you are and how you treat people.

So the thing is I'm worrying that B will have to suffer the hardship of being the pretty girls sister. You know, the one that no one notices. Having to hear all the time about how gorgeous her sister is, blah, blah, blah. I know this must sound ridiculous. After all Baby B is only a few weeks old.

But I remember A even at this early age. Her long, dark eyelashes. Her big, pouty lips. Her skin. Everything. People told me all the time what a beautiful baby she was. Strangers would stop me so they could tell me this. They would never use the word cute, but beautiful. And they were never the 'just being polite' kind of compliments, they always seemed to be given with a kind of awe. Being that I find myself utterly ordinary I am still in shock that I gave birth to this girl. I feel totally unprepared and inexperienced in regards to what I need to do in order to keep her grounded but I will do my best.

My sweet B. Her eyelashes may not be so long, or dark. Her lips not so pouty. She may not be as striking. But I sense the sweetness about her. I think she will have the most lovely disposition. She is already so patient and tolerant. So easy going. So nice.

And this is why I worry. Maybe because I have my own hang ups about the importance of beauty in our society. Maybe because I endured being told I was ugly by my peers at a very young age and even now, years later recognize that the scars left by those words are still there. Maybe I'm projecting. But it breaks my heart to think that my daughter might ever feel that way about herself. (And please understand I'm not saying B is ugly, I'm just saying, kids can be cruel.)

I know we can't protect our kids from everything. Especially not from the things that people will say or the way that people will treat them. I can only try to help them understand why.

Of course I have no way of knowing if my worries are valid. It is just something that has been nagging at me. I know I risk sounding like a HUGE jerk even writing this or at the very least, ridiculous but it's been swimming around in my head for a while now and I needed to get it out. So it's okay, give it to me straight, I deserve it...

Miss A on the left, Baby B on the right. (Okay, I might be on crack, they kinda look the same.)


Nicole said...

They do look the same. I'm sure the same baby bouncer and gene-pool have nothing to do with it.... :)

I hear you and even though my kids are opposite gender, I worried the same with my second. All I can tell you is to not project what you think might happen (pretty older sister syndrome) in any way either sister might pick up on. Easier said than done, I know. I constantly say about Maddux (second born) how loud she is. It is not meant as a put-down, but I know I need to curb my words incase she perceives being loud as a negative thing. God forbid she doesn't speak up for herself one day because her mommy said she was too loud. Man, this parenting is stressful stuff, huh!?

bon said...

Woman... i TOTALLY hear you. Like sort of unnervingly so. Birdie was born stunning. From her sweet red hair and black, camel-long lashes she always got the "omg, it's like she's from a Baby Gap commercial." And LaLa... well she didn't. She got the requisite "cute baby" comments and nothing more.

Plus I could see the difference, and I worried.

I didn't need to. LaLa is so, SO VERY growing into her face... she may end up being the "pretty" one, and I can see that once they start wearing make-up then there goes any edge Birdie may have. ALL THAT SAID, it has been a total non-issue now that Pearl is here, because now I have clearer vision. Once you get to know B's strengths, you will worry a little about A too. Or you may worry less just in general.

Don't sweat it... B may surprize you and end up being the "prettier sister," as if THAT really matters.

Jenn said...

Moms do tend to worry about odd things. I think it's normal. And for a minute I did think both babies were A. You do make some seriously beautiful babies!

beth - total mom haircut said...

Um, sweetie, they look exactly the same. (Hubby agrees, as he's looking over my shoulder.) They're both beautiful. They both look exactly like you.

Anonymous said...

Hey! Craig wants me to tell you it's just second child syndrome, and just because people aren't making comments about her beauty has no bearing on how sweet she really is. I think as long as the girls get along nicely together as they grow up, there won't be any worries. You and Peter are both beautiful people!
Love you

jen k said...

oh dawn...
i know how hard it is when you have a second child come along and you can't imagine them even coming close to your first...i found it a little harder with my i couldn't get to know her as well...
but you're right about one thing...your baby is still so young and having 2 kids is still a fresh new experience...don't stress'll back at this soon and wonder.."What was i thinking?"