Stretched
Lately, I've really been experiencing that feeling that I'm certain is familiar to moms everywhere. You know the one. The one where you are literally being pulled in every direction. You know those medieval stretching machines? Where they attach all your limbs to different pulleys and then basically wind it until you come apart? Yeah, that's how I'm feeling. Except it's my mind that's pulling in every direction. There are always too many things to do and not enough time to do them.
My mind is always spinning and trying to think of how I can try to fit it all in. Or wondering which is the most important. My internal dialogue usually sounds something like this. "I really want to go to the gym, I'll feel so much better if I do and then I can get everything else done. But it takes up so much time and then I won't have time to go through that HUGE PILE OF CLOTHES in my bedroom and decide what stays and what I'm giving away. And I should do laundry, if we go out I won't get it all finished. If we stay home I can just spend quality time with the kids. But then Miss A starts bugging me 'where we are going? what are we doing? LET'S GET OUT OF HERE it's boring!' and then when we're home I'm compelled to putter around and get SOMETHING, ANYTHING done. And what are we having for supper? There are no left overs. Be creative! Man, I suck at cooking. I'm going to do the dishes while I think about this. Why is it that I can only ever accomplish the bare minimum but never get to the larger tasks? Sigh."
It's ridiculous. I know that. I know I need to give myself a break blah, blah, blah. But I just can't stop my brain from spinning. I happen to know how good it feels to have everything (or almost everything) that you want accomplish in a day completed. (On the very rare occasions when that happens) And it's an additively good feeling.
For a while now, going to the gym has been winning out over all else. Miss A is happy because she gets to play with kids and possibly GO TO THE PLAY STRUCTURE! and run off steam.(which also has perks for me!) Baby B sleeps. I am currently training for an indoor triathlon. (Not as impressive as it sounds. It is simply a 15 minute swim, 15 minute cycle and 15 minute run. Whomever goes the farthest in that time 'wins'.) It's the only kind of triathlon I could complete. The hardest part for me is the running. I HATE to run. I've tried everything to make myself like it but nothing has worked thus far. Any tips AM, Bon? I can however, FORCE myself to run for 15 minutes. I did it yesterday. Pathetically slow, but I ran the entire 15 minutes. My ankle didn't hurt too much either. I just felt it a little. Every. time. it struck the treadmill.
I always tell myself I just need one good day to get everything done. I just need a little help. Someone to distract Miss A. Someone to cuddle the baby. And then I'd feel caught up. But I suppose the sad reality is even if I do catch up, I'll only get behind again. But the peace of mind I'd have for that brief period would be worth it.
6 comments:
i am there right now...
but for me its keeping the kids busy...
wanting to be creative, but can't with the supper dishes waiting to be done, and the laundry piling up...and if i leave these things too long they just grow larger...and by the time i get the kids showered and in bed, i am pooped and don't feel like doing anything but vegging at the TV...then i feel guilty when i want to go out and do my own thing because i work full time and feel i should be with the girls.....sigh....i totally know how you feel and it doesn't change as the girls get older...but rest assured there are others out here that can sympathize with you. just remember to breathe...seriously...
Tell it sister.
I love that feeling of a clean and orderly house, laundry folded and put away, something yummy bubbling on the stove and even yummier baking. Kids happy and healthy and having done something productive and creative that day... it will never all happen all at once unless I have a housekeeper or nanny.
As far as loving running? I suspect you either do or you don't. Trust me, I am slow as dirt... but I love the fact that I CAN do it. When you get your wind and your runners legs, the ones that can pump out five miles with out dying... ooooooooo. The feeling is HOT! Makes me love my body, makes me proud,
I am doing a triathlon too! Next summer a sprint triathlon. I also hate the running part. Happy to swim and bike. But damn that running. Good Luck and I'll be reading to see how you are doing.
Jenn
Yeah, I hear you. It bugs me to no end that I have become The Woman Who Is Always 10 Minutes Late to Everything. I NEVER used to be late.
As for running, what bon said. I think one of the most important things to do is give yourself permission to run slowly. My mantra while I run (I know this sounds dopey) is "Tortoise!" As in, tortoise and the hare, because whenever I give in to the temptation to pick up the pace, I get winded and frustrated, so I remind myself that slow and steady wins the race for me.
More concretely: I started running initially on treadmills, which are good for helping you figure out what pace you can maintain over a distance, and I listened to music and found songs that helped me run at that pace (you don't want anything too zippy, you want a steady rhythm at a clip that works with your stride: that Champion song is perfect for me, actually). Then, once I hit the streets, I knew what it felt like to run at a good pace and I was able to keep it up for a long time. It's way more fun to run outside, but if you're not a natural at it, I found that running inside was a great way to start.
Either way, you go, girl, on the triathlon! I have never done one, because I am the opposite — not a terribly enthusiastic swimmer and I only like to bike at a leisurely pace.
I feel your pain. Thank you for putting it into words. A stretching machine...yeah. On a board with water dripping on my forehead. Aiiyeee...
I totally hear you! My problem is that I've just been too lazy lately, even though my mind tells me to get things done now because as tired as I am 9 months pregnant with a toddler it's only going to get worse with a newborn! I had planned on leaving Ethan in daycare 3 days a week for my first week of maternity leave to do some catching up but she decided to go to Vegas on vacation for 2 weeks! Sigh.
As for loving running I never could really enjoy being on the treadmill. I came to really enjoy running outdoors though. Then I actually have a destination to push myself towards.
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