Right... Important Stuff

I mentioned our trip to the city and the reason for the appointment, B's eye, and then never said how it went. I'll be perfectly honest, I felt it was a complete waste of time. We went in the night before to avoid bad weather that didn't actually happen and we spent $100 on a hotel room. Our appointment was all of maybe 15 minutes and she was barely looked at. He seems satisfied that she is seeing well and thinks the droop will become less obvious as she gets older. I hope this is all true but is difficult for me to believe that he can determine this with minimal examination.

When complaining to someone else about this they pointed out that her doctor is a specialist and he likely doesn't need to do such a thorough examination in subsequent visits because he can see improvement just by looking and without measuring or using any instruments. Perhaps this is true but I would appreciate it if he spent a little more time, just to humor me and make me feel like it was worth a two hour drive and the cost of a hotel room.

He also said he'd see us "one more time" in six months. Maybe I was reading too much into his tone but it sounded like he thought it would be a waste of time, but he'd look at her again anyway. All I could think was, Dude, if you think it's a waste of time don't waste our time by getting us to come.

I should be happy right? Happy that he thinks it's really nothing, barely worth his time. I just feel like I need a bit more reassurance that everything is indeed okay. I might not get that in six months but I really hope to.

An Explanation Nonetheless

So. Turns out I am a terrible blogger these days. Can't seem to make it happen. I defend myself by explaining some of the major contributing factors to this. Miss A loves the computer, which in turn means it's not available for me to use. If I do manage to get on it Baby B climbs up with me preventing me from actually getting anything done or turns off the computer or switches off the powerbar all of which make me want to lose my mind with frustration so I tend to just avoid it. Baby B often doesn't go to bed until after 10:30. We've been watching Friday Night Lights. I play the Sims 3 during B's naps instead of writing posts. (Coincidentally, Sim B is much more cooperative than real B. Perhaps that is why I find such pleasure in playing that game.) That pretty much sums it up I think. Some of the excuses I think are quite good and others are rather lame. Ah well...

Here is an interesting discovery that I should have made ages ago. I was watching this video



the other day and it suddenly and strangely (because you can't really see him) occurred to me that Thom Yorke has ptosis just like Baby B. And in the same eye.





I have loved this man for years and have gushed many times about how adorable, what I describe as his squiffy eye, is. How did it take me so long to notice that my sweet baby shares this condition with one of my favorite musicians? It was/is an important discovery for me because somehow knowing this makes me more appreciative of it and less freaked out about it. I almost feel like I can embrace it now. I know this must sound idiotic but it's true. I guess it's knowing that although I noticed his eye when I first saw Thom Yorke in a Radiohead video and wondered why it was the way it was, it soon became yet another quirky thing I loved about him and it in fact made him even more attractive to me because of it. It makes me think that if B doesn't end up having surgery to correct this that it will be a thing that makes her unique and even if people do say things to her about it they will begin to accept it as part of what makes her who she is and that she will be loved regardless of any flaws visible or not.

More Watching And Waiting

My last post was regarding Baby B's eye issue. I've been meaning to write about the other appointment we had last week. We saw a podiatrist. Why? B's left foot (to match her left eye, coincidence??) turns in rather severely as she walks. I was a bit concerned because it hasn't been improving as she has been walking longer and sometimes her toe drags as well. It seemed like yet another thing I should have checked out. The podiatrist told me she's walking that way due to a bowed tibia. The good news is that she'll very likely grow out of it although she figured we'll probably need to put an orthotic in her shoe when she's around four. Fine with me, as long as we get it straightened out. Literally and figuratively.

Poor kid though. Seriously. I know this stuff can be character building but honestly it pains me to think about the razzing that she could suffer if we are still dealing with this by the time she goes to school. sigh.

On a less sympathetic note regarding the little one... SHE IS DRIVING ME CRAZY RIGHT NOW!!! Honestly. She climbs up in to her high chair repeatedly and then can't get out. She has started messing with the computer which looks cute in the picture but in reality... She is always trying to steal her sisters food, which, often she can't eat anyway because she only has THREE TEETH! (all of which you can see in the last photo!) She is becoming increasingly bored with mushy food so I'm finding I have to get continually more creative with what I am feeding her. And finally I still need to use the living room as her second bedroom halfway through the night otherwise she wakes her big sister too frequently resulting in a very grumpy Miss A and thus a very grumpy Mama. On the bright side, for the most part she's keeping her clothes on.

So Far So Good!

Our appointment regarding Little B's Ptosis went well. You know it's a good sign when after the physician asks you to remind him why you're there and you explain "Her eyelid is droopy." and he replies "Well, hardly at all." Also, sitting in the waiting room for one and a half hours seeing all sorts of other children with various, often more serious eye conditions, is very humbling and has a tendency to put things in perspective. I kind of couldn't help feeling a bit silly for being there at all actually. The doctor did a variety of things during the examination both before and after the pupil dilating drops were given. (Which I swear made her cranky, I had to have those once and they made me feel almost ill, it's such a weird sensation.)

He seemed to think that things look fine for the moment. He brought up the possibility of surgery but it didn't sound as though it was anything he'd even want us to consider for some time. He thinks that it will improve as she ages and wants to see us in another 6 months. Whew! Glad to have that appointment behind us for now. It is a relief knowing that her eyesight is not being compromised in any way and that it isn't hindering her development.

By some cool coincidence one of my friends was also there for an appointment with her kids. The neat part about it was that we both have to travel about two hours to the office so the likelihood of us being there on the exact same day at the exact same time was strange. It was so nice to see a familiar face and talk to someone who "knew the ropes" so to speak. Peter and I were a little frazzled when we arrived because we weren't completely sure where we were going and accidentally cut it a little short for time. We ending up getting there exactly on time but it was nerve wracking just the same.

B was really well behaved in her incredibly busy kind of way. Having had this sort of toddler already we are always prepared to take turns following her around as she is constantly moving from one thing to the other, climbing, wandering, smiling and poking at random people. Understandably she did not enjoy getting the eye drops but she did very well all things considered.

Before heading home we treated ourselves by going here which is a restaurant we don't have in our city and one we highly enjoy. The best part is that though the food tastes gourmet it is delivered at the speed of fast food, therefore it is perfect when you have an impatient toddler tagging along and you don't have any time for dilly dallying. She enjoyed gnawing on garlic bread sticks and sampling my portabello mushroom ravioli. Mmmm! She also traveled well napping some on the way there and the way home, which is a welcome change to the crying for two hours straight she did last time we came home from the city.

Unknown

So next Wednesday we have our appointment (finally) for Baby B with the pediatric ophthalmologist. I am both excited and nervous. Excited to finally be seeing a specialist who will either reassure us that it is really nothing to be concerned about or that it is problematic and we can finally DO something about it. That's where the nervous part comes in. Doing something.

I'd like to be prepared for the appointment. I've read up on Ptosis, seen photos of different severities and treatments etc. We are seeing one of two doctors. Apparently one is quite nice and the other, while being an excellent doctor/surgeon is kind of an @ss. It honestly doesn't matter to me which one we see except that my experience dealing with 'difficult' physicians is that you really need to be on top of your game, so to speak. As in, know the questions you want to ask, get to the point, don't waste his time, etc. And the thing is because I have no idea what he is going to say about her eye, I find it very hard to be prepared.

I have given a lot of thought to the possibility of surgery. If it is recommended, how would I feel? What would I want to do? It is really difficult to say. I'd really have to weight the pros and cons. If the cons are really not all that great I may consider putting it on hold until later when she could actually make the decision herself. There are possible side effects to surgery that would be unpleasant and almost make it not worth doing.

Sometimes I look at her and think her eye looks perfect. That we'll be told that it's really not worth doing anything about. And other times, when I'm doing red eye reduction on a photo or when I'm holding her and see her reflection in a mirror, I realize I must simply be used to the way it looks now and only when I see it in a different way do I notice how droopy it really is. All I want is the best for her, and we'll do whatever we need to do to make sure that happens.

It Has A Name

A few months back I posted this. Baby B was only just over one month at the time. There was another motivating factor for my writing that post, one that I never mentioned. Something that has worried me since she was born both for vain reasons as well as valid ones.

When Baby B was born we quickly noticed that she really couldn't open her left eye at all. It pretty much stayed closed all the time and she'd peek out of her right eye at us. We affectionately called her Popeye during that phase. We were told not to worry about it. That it could have happened for many reasons - position in the womb, during birth, or something like that. We were told that it would likely get better or possibly go away, by the time she was six months. It hasn't. It has gotten better, which is good. But when I'm editing our photos and I'm removing red eye it's painfully noticeable how bad it still is. What had me the most worried was that I noticed her eyelid is often partially covering her pupil which makes me wonder how much her other eye is overcompensating.

The part of it that plays into the post I linked earlier is that people are starting to notice it. One girl pointed out to me "There's something wrong with her eye." other comments have been like "Oh, she's got a lazy eye." and that sort of thing. It's as though it's the only thing they see. Meanwhile Miss A is getting the "OMG! Her eyes are SO BIG and SO GORGEOUS!!" It's only a matter of time before both of them aren't too young to be oblivious to the comments, the meaning behind them and suffer hurt feelings.



On Monday we had an appointment with our Optometrist. He did as many tests as he could and told me that although her left eye seemed a bit weaker it was still considered normal - vision wise. But he did tell me that her 'condition' has a name - Ptosis. He also referred us to a specialist in a nearby city. He will be able to investigate further and determine whether or not he thinks surgery is necessary now, or perhaps later.

I'm glad to finally have a definitive answer about what is up with her eye, and plans to look into it further. I often feel guilty for being concerned about it when I know that there are kids out there with much more serious issues and parents with HUGE worries regarding their children's health.

Yet, I still find my heart sinks when I look at her sweet face and see how her poor little eye looks so tired. And it sinks even further when I get those comments that one day soon she'll be able to understand.