Monday, April 07, 2008

Issues

Okay. We are having issues. There's the bath phobia thing. Then this weekend Miss A had what I think you'd call a 'Night Terror'. It was SO scary! She woke up and when I tried the usual stuff that I do when this happens she started to freak out and scream and writhe and kick. She seemed afraid of me, she hid in the corner of the room and when she'd look at me she'd scream. No matter what I said I couldn't calm her down. Eventually, I left the room and called for Peter's help. I began sobbing uncontrollably because I just couldn't believe what was happening. Peter was somehow able to pick her up and soothe her and then we sat together in the living room for a while watching a show to make sure she was calmed down. She seemed fine all of a sudden and kept asking "Mama feel better?" She went back to bed relatively easily and slept the rest of the night without a problem. It took me a long time to go back to sleep since I was so freaked out by the whole ordeal. Has anyone else experienced this or anything like it?

We also seem to be struggling with eating right now. Like, not in a picky way. In a, I don't want to eat anything kind of way. She's nibbling on stuff but she really doesn't want to have anything to do with sitting down and eating a meal. This is SO not her. She is the girl who loves to eat. Who eats bizarre things. Who has a huge appetite.

And then there's the crying. Everything seems to make her cry these days. She's just really not herself. I would describe her as miserable actually. With very brief sunshiny moments. Not nearly enough sunshiny moments these days.

So I don't know. I'm feeling pretty down about all of this. I keep thinking about how I will deal with this stuff when I have a new baby to deal with as well. I know I will be lacking the patience I need to handle this stuff. To be honest I'm lacking the patience now. My belly is getting bigger and more in the way all the time and it makes it difficult to wrestle with a very strong toddler. I'm feeling a bit like I'm treading water and my legs are slowly turning to lead.

8 comments:

elizasmom said...

Oh I'm so sorry.

If it's a Terrible Twos thing, Eliza had a bad outburst about a month ago, where we were waiting for her head to start spinning. But while she is not completely back to normal, she is much better already and seems to be kind of at a new level in terms of some of her play/social interactions, which makes me think maybe it's a developmental thing. A's a little younger, right? Maybe she's just hit the same thing?

On the other hand, sounds to me like perhaps she is dealing with some fears and having trouble processing them?

I don't know, but I am sorry you're having to deal with them. I hope Miss A is back to her sunny self soon so you and Peter are able to stop worrying.

Carrie said...

My 2 1/2 year old is having major issues too. Screaming, writhing, tantrums, hair washing phobia, whining about everything, hating everything, insisting on his way. It is wearing me down, big time.

He had night terrors a few times as an infant. Seriously scary! Putting a cool wash cloth on his face helped almost instantly. I've read a lot about it and it is just the freakiest thing ever.

Lynanne said...

Two things come to mind: Being 2 sucks. and Trust yourself.

Night terrors - my middle son had these (yes, him again). What worked one night didn't work the next. Like colic, you just have to ride them out. Close your eyes, breathe deeply. Sometimes your calm presence in the middle of the bedroom floor is enough. Sit down with a book, pretend to read. Whisper that you love her every few minutes. Don't take it personally if your husband is able to calm her. Step back and watch how he does it. It might just be him. Smile at his bond with her rather than feeling inadequate. There will be plenty of times in her life that she turns to you for comfort.

Eating. I read that a serving size for a toddler is a tablespoon (10ml) for each year of age. Kids eat when they are hungry. They eat more when they are having a growth spurt. They lose weight when they have a spurt in activity or grow in length. Offer her food at the normal times of day and don’t fret if she doesn’t eat. Skipping a meal or two or eating a favorite food every day in a row for a week won’t harm her. Slip her a multivitamin or nutrition shake if it helps you feel better. She'll be ok.

The crying is a tough one. Maybe she’s getting read for a huge leap forward in development? (infants can be fussier than normal and sleep less right before a major milestone – why not toddlers?). If you’ve noticed it’s triggered by struggles over independence, pick your battles. Maybe today she goes to daycare without her socks. Send them along in a bag. If she doesn’t want to put her shirt on. Walk away. Come back with a book and read it while you put her shirt on. Play silly games, speak nonsense (Time to pick up the blue umbrella eggs! Oops, I mean the blocks). Put a pair of shorts on your head while you put her coat on. Anything to get her attention or distract her from the trigger. If nothing works, reassure her while she cries. Cry with her. We all have those days/weeks. Being 2 sucks, remember?

Try not to stress about all you’ll have to deal with when the baby comes. She’ll be older then. Babies sleep a lot the first months. You’ll be amazed at what you can do with a baby stuck to your chest. It may not have felt that way the first time around, but you’ve got your black belt in mommyhood now. The baby may have a completely laid back personality. Miss A may mellow out when she’s the big sister.

Wow, I’ve written a book again. You’re going to have to moderate your comments just so you can filter me out ;) One more thing: take care of yourself. Make sure you are getting time to recharge your batteries. Even if it’s a 5 minute walk (waddle?). Or, make your husband take a 5 min walk with Miss A while you talk on the phone with a friend or soak in the tub. Give yourself permission to feel down. This is a lot for you right now. It won't always be this way. Close your eyes and breathe through the stress. Easy for me to say, I know. I'm not pregnant and dealing with a spirited toddler. Hang in there! I'll be thinking of you!

Elicia said...

Man I wish I still lived in Brandon so we could get together!! I hope I get to visit with you soon. My advice... deep breaths, cry when you need to, remember what doesn't kill you will make you stronger (that's my mantra lately!)

bon said...

LaLa had a night terror incident kind of like that around that age. I suspect that it was exacerbated by the fact that we were out of town and staying at a lake condo. We ended up having to take her on a drive and play music for her, but it was a good half hour or so of inconsolable screaming and sobbing. No matter how you slice it though... it's unsettling and pretty scary for EVERYONE. Rest assured she will not have even remembered what happened the very next morning.

As far as the eating goes? Ummm... yeah. This is about the age. Sorry 'bout that. Pediasure if you get real nervous about it.

I dunno though. That is a whole list of issues... what does you Mom-dar tell you? Is this maybe a big developmental concern that you want to start talking with your Doc about? Or is it just frustrating-for-you-but-normal
growing up issues? I am rooting for the latter, because large chunks of these "issues" will have then cleared up by the time the bebe shows up.

this single spark said...

You're getting lots of advice and support from amazing women who are actually mom's, so I'm just going to send you my love. Sorry that all this is happening to you, Miss A and Papa.

Beth - Total Mom Haircut said...

I don't know that I have advice here. Sam has not had night terrors, but from what I hear they are very scary. I've heard you're not supposed to touch the kids or talk to them, but I've also heard that's pretty much impossible to do.

As for eating I obviously can't help with that since we are having these issues over here as well.

I imagine this is probably the age and a phase. She's going through a big transition with you back up and to work and stuff. She also knows a baby is on the way. Sam got very clingy as my pregnancy progressed. It was like he just knew things were about to change.

Sugarmama said...

My first thought was that A is retroactively dealing with you having been laid up with your hurt ankle for so long. Not long to you, I'm sure, but long to her little kid sense of time. I wonder if she was really worried about what was going on with you.

And if she's been clued into the baby coming, that can't have helped. That's not to make you feel guilty, of course, but having recently had another baby myself it's a fact! Kids just don't know what to expect with the arrival of another sibling.

Only you can say what the reasons are, but I'm sure that trying to be as loving and patient with her little inner struggle as possible is the way to go. Not easy when you're exhausted and cranky yourself, I know...