Precious

Tonight I am attending the memorial of one of my clients. Cancer stole her life from her too early. Her daughter, also a client of mine, is my age. Her daughter is not yet married and has no children. I can't help but think that her mother will never see her get married and never see the children she may one day have. And she will never be able to call her mother to ask her those questions we all have for our mothers about our kids.

I can only begin to fathom how difficult this must be. Thinking about not having my mother in my life makes me feel like I'm suffocating. And yet, I know that one day she will be gone. It makes me appreciate every single thing she does for me and my family and every precious moment we spend together.

The Best and the Worst

The best things Miss A is doing right now.

-Saying "Bless you!" when people sneeze. (I personally am doing a lot of this right now due to allergy season.) This evening she called "Bless you!" all the way from the living room while I was doing dishes in the kitchen and sneezed. My heart went all warm and fuzzy.

-Pretending. Especially pretend picnics and tea parties.

-Saying "Thank you" without being reminded.

The worst things. (This list might be longer than the first...)

-Not sleeping well.

-Sometimes refusing to do even the simplest things. Example: Putting on her jacket and shoes even when she WANTS to go where we are going.

-Screaming "Don't say DAT!"

-In general, being difficult about almost everything.

I'll stop there because I don't want to dwell on the negative. There's always good and bad in everything right?

Did I Mention...

How much I miss naps? Not naps of my own (I'm not much of a napper) but I really wish Miss A still took them. Especially since she's been getting up a lot at night these days, which I hope is due to the cutting of two year molars and not just a habit she's getting into. Last night at around 4:00 am she called from bed "I need Dada to take me to the Doctor!"

The previous night was actually worse and then we were out of town the following day and I managed four hours of driving, miraculously without even the urge to fall asleep at the wheel. I did however have what I call a 'fatigue headache'. So actually, I could go for a nap these days. Unfortunately, I seem to be the only tired one. We settle for quiet time on the couch together. I take what I can get.

YouTubesday

It took great restraint not to post this as soon as I found it. I have personally watched it... let us just say 'several' times. It is the closest thing to a trailer that exists up until now. Enjoy.

What a Bad Idea

Yesterday Peter and I took Miss A to something called 'The Preschool Wellness Fair'. The purpose is to screen vision, hearing, development and speech/language. And the kids also get a free nutritious snack! Sounds great, right? That's what I thought until we walked in the door. It was pretty much chaos from the very beginning. While I sat down to register her she and Peter were running up and down a nearby ramp. I had dragged Peter to this thing pretty much upon his arrival home from work so he hadn't even had a chance to unwind.

The first (and only) screening we did was speech/language. They had a special room for this and outside the room was a few chairs and a very few toys. Trying to convince Miss A that we should stay in this area was an impossibility. She found the stairs at the end of the corridor which she wanted to 'explore'. I told the people at the desk where we'd be when it was our turn. I felt guilty because my poor husband was pretty much souly responsible for chasing after A since I am still pretty gimpy and this big (massive, huge, enormous) belly doesn't help either.

When it was finally our turn we pretty much had to drag her, crying, away from the stairs and tell her "Come on, we're going to do something fun." We were all supposed to sit at this little table and A was to look at pictures and tell us what they were. Yeah. Right. A table full of toys just behind us was WAY more interesting. I apologized to the girl and told her I was going to get the free snack and see if that would help. It did, a bit. It's always helpful to screen speech and language when you have a mouthful of crackers. When she finally settled down to answer she did great. Except for a part with a small basket and boat. She was asked to put the boat 'in' the basket. No problem. Under, beside, behind? All went 'in' the basket too. Whatever.

The vision screening (which we've basically already done) was in a huge room with tons of play areas. There were craft tables, playdough tables, car ramps, tunnels, you name it. We waited for at least a half an hour until it was our turn. A was happy to play so it wasn't so bad. But when it was her turn... forget it. No way. It was at that point we decided to leave.

All in all it was a pretty frustrating experience. I'm not totally sure what went wrong. I think it may have been a combination of things. I guess A was a bit young. But since she's supposed to be going to Preschool this fall I thought it was a good thing to do. The layout of the 'fair' is a bit overwhelming. Hard for a kid like ours to want to actually do something structured when there is SO MUCH COOL STUFF EVERYWHERE! I don't know. I was very thankful for Peter who somehow managed to keep it together as I was progressively losing it.

I know it's dumb but if I'm really honest with myself I'm disappointed because I know Miss A is really bright and I wanted to see her do well at all of the screenings. The thing is, I already KNOW she's bright. I don't really need proof. This whole thing was probably more of a learning experience for me than anything. At least now I can't say I don't know what that whole thing is about. Maybe we'll try again next year and maybe it won't be such a total bust.

Oh Brother

I seem to be saying that a lot these days. It's funny how we (well, I do) adopt new sayings at different times. And obviously these sayings become 'cleaner' once we have children. And once those children listen to every. word. you. say. and can repeat it clearly.

I have reached the 'really pregnant' stage. I think I may need to remove my wedding rings soon. I only noticed yesterday that I'm feeling a tad puffy in the hands and the rings are getting a bit snug. I've been getting all those ignorant comments from people that seem to come during the last few months of a pregnancy.

"You're going to be HUGE by July!"

"You've still got a long way to go!" *Translation: You're going to be HUGE by July!

"You look like you could have that baby RIGHT NOW!"

Thanks. Thank you all. Because there is nothing better than feeling like you are pretty enormous and then having those feelings confirmed by the inconsiderate comments of mere acquaintances. This is a down side to my job. I see a lot of people. And for some reason those people are fascinated by this sort of thing. And because they don't know me well, (other people's clients anyway) they feel they can say almost anything to me. No matter how stupid.

On Saturday we had a Birthday get together for Peter. Before heading over to our friend's house we stopped by Dairy Queen to pick up a cake. I had worked all day and then spent the remainder of the afternoon and early evening making snacks for the party. As we walked up to get in line at DQ I was both waddling a bit and limping because my ankle was sore and I really needed to get off my feet. This lady who works at my bank was already standing in line. I noticed she was chuckling at me. I flat out asked her if she was laughing at me. She said "No, not at you." Hmmm. Sure. What was so funny? The fact that a very pregnant girl, who was having difficulty walking was in line for ice cream? Don't I deserve ice cream? I mean, I'm carrying around this kid, who is kicking the crap out of my insides and making me want to pee every five minutes. Carrying it around on an ankle that was operated on a mere four months ago and continues to swell and be uncomfortable, perhaps even more as this child grows bigger. Don't I deserve a little something for all my trouble? Or should I go home and have some celery sticks so I don't balloon up further thus causing myself more difficulty walking? Grrr. Rant over.

My brain is also turning to mush. This has really been obvious to me in the past week. It's so frustrating because I know what I mean to say but what actually comes out of my mouth is all wrong. My coworkers seem to find it amusing and I try to be good natured. What is the point of being upset?

I am happy to say that Miss A seems to be past her days of not wanting to have her picture taken. She is now happy to pose for a photo. I took this one last week and when I looked at it I began laughing to the point of tears... it just struck me as funny. When I showed her she began laughing as well (probably because I was) and so we sat and laughed together about what a silly girl she is.

YouTubesday

These are the the kinds of videos that brighten my day and make me feel excited like a teenage girl again...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PAPA D!!!

Today is my lovely husband's Birthday. Unfortunately, we won't be seeing much of each other because he works until 3:45, we kiss at the door and then I work until 9:00(ish). Miss A and I made a treat for us/him. Also, I thought the picture diary would be a cute present he could check out from work. Almost as good as spending the day with us.

This one was taken last night actually. Miss A was so pooped that she tipped out of her chair and crashed on the floor. It's a cute one of both of them.



And here are our cookie making adventures.









And as you can see Miss A is holding a special Birthday cookie with a candle in it!



We love you Papa D!

The Sun Has Gone to Bed (and so must I)

So Miss A has this new thing she's doing. Often when going up or down stairs she stops and says she needs to do "The Sun". At first I didn't know what the HECK she was talking about until she started going up on her bum and singing the song seen here and especially seen at 2:24. It's official, I've given birth to the strangest and cutest kid ever. I wonder what the next one will be like.

Thank Goodness and a Belly

I have managed to get Miss A into the tub twice in a row using the same method. First of all I run the bath without her even knowing, therefore we avoid the protest before we even attempt to get her in. Then I make a heart on the wall with the finger paint soap and also put a small puddle on the side of the bath. Then I lead her to the bathroom to reveal the bathroom paradise. We now have NO toys in the bath except "Baby Anna" and a wash cloth both of which she keeps VERY close tabs on. We usually spend the first part of the bath with A washing baby and me washing her. Then at some point she wants the baby and anything else out so the tub in completely empty. She then proceeds to lay on her tummy, submerge her face and blow bubbles. As I said before, her fear is definitely NOT of the water. Anyhow, I am so relieved and happy to have finally found a way for her to be comfortable with bathing again. I can tell that the same concerns are still there so I just try to be very sensitive and careful not to do anything that would upset her.





And since I always bug everyone I know to post or send pictures of their growing belly... Here is mine. The expression I have in this picture is very odd, Not sure why.

Better but Not Back to Normal

Just an update for those of you who might be wondering how we are doing over here...

Things have been... better. Not better enough to get rid of the sick feeling I have been carrying around in the pit of my stomach or the urge to cry all the time. (The later may have something to do with pregnancy hormones too.)

I appreciate all the feedback and good wishes more than any of you could possibly know.

I have wondered myself if she is more aware of this pregnancy and it's future implications and aftermath that I have given her credit for.

And I also would not be surprised if this could be fall out from the whole ankle breaking fiasco. Really, she coped amazingly well at the time, perhaps she is just allowing herself to react now that things are back to 'normal'.

I do hope it is a phase that is over quickly. My heart has been breaking when I see her behave in ways that seem so opposite to her usual self. It is something I can't seem to stop thinking and worrying about. Which does no good at all other that to give myself an ulcer but I can't seem to cut it out.

Anyhow, I will write again soon. I am hoping that it will be to say that things have settled down.

Issues

Okay. We are having issues. There's the bath phobia thing. Then this weekend Miss A had what I think you'd call a 'Night Terror'. It was SO scary! She woke up and when I tried the usual stuff that I do when this happens she started to freak out and scream and writhe and kick. She seemed afraid of me, she hid in the corner of the room and when she'd look at me she'd scream. No matter what I said I couldn't calm her down. Eventually, I left the room and called for Peter's help. I began sobbing uncontrollably because I just couldn't believe what was happening. Peter was somehow able to pick her up and soothe her and then we sat together in the living room for a while watching a show to make sure she was calmed down. She seemed fine all of a sudden and kept asking "Mama feel better?" She went back to bed relatively easily and slept the rest of the night without a problem. It took me a long time to go back to sleep since I was so freaked out by the whole ordeal. Has anyone else experienced this or anything like it?

We also seem to be struggling with eating right now. Like, not in a picky way. In a, I don't want to eat anything kind of way. She's nibbling on stuff but she really doesn't want to have anything to do with sitting down and eating a meal. This is SO not her. She is the girl who loves to eat. Who eats bizarre things. Who has a huge appetite.

And then there's the crying. Everything seems to make her cry these days. She's just really not herself. I would describe her as miserable actually. With very brief sunshiny moments. Not nearly enough sunshiny moments these days.

So I don't know. I'm feeling pretty down about all of this. I keep thinking about how I will deal with this stuff when I have a new baby to deal with as well. I know I will be lacking the patience I need to handle this stuff. To be honest I'm lacking the patience now. My belly is getting bigger and more in the way all the time and it makes it difficult to wrestle with a very strong toddler. I'm feeling a bit like I'm treading water and my legs are slowly turning to lead.

YouTubesday

This is a fake trailer for a real movie coming out in December. I was just screwing around on Youtube and found it. I thought it was so incredibly well done and splices together footage of the actual actors who have been cast in the movie. I would never take the time to do something like this myself but I am enough of a geek to appreciate it when someone else does.

Potty Tales

Wow! This potty training thing is tough. It's been happening gradually for several months. My goal is to have A trained before the baby comes. Also, she is starting preschool in September and must be trained by then or she won't be able to start.

I don't know why I wasn't expecting it to be hard. I guess because several months ago she sat on the potty and went #1 and #2 without batting an eye. It gave me a false sense of security. Then there was the whole breaking my ankle thing. Potty training during that time was pretty much not happening. So now we've been back on track. We've tried just switching to big girl panties but... the laundry... with the still sore ankle... was too much. So we're doing the pull ups thing. Which sometimes seems pointless sometimes. I try to talk to her and explain that she needs to tell me when she needs to go. When I ask her if she needs to go she won't. And I don't want to make her. We have good treats for when she does go and when she does go she seems very excited and proud of herself.

So. Maybe I'm just impatient. It's happening. Just not as easily as I hoped. What else is new? Really.

Unreasonable?

The driveway and main door of our neighbors home happens to run right alongside both ours and Miss A's bedroom windows. This is unfortunate for many reason. Especially in the winter when people need to let their vehicles run to warm up.

Last summer new neighbors moved in. I'm not sure what the living arrangement is. If it's a young couple or if the girl or guy own the house and are renting a room out to the other. We have tried to be friendly but they don't seem very interested.What has really been bugging me lately is that they seem to frequently have people over on weekends. The problem? Their guests smoke outside the door.

Sidenote: Having grown up with parents who drank alcohol on a regular basis as well as hosted many drunken gatherings I am familiar with how ingesting a fair amount of alcohol affects your ability to judge how loudly you are speaking. I spent many nights of my childhood laying awake for hours in bed listening to the boisterous voices of my parents and many of their 'friends'.

Having explained my prior expertise in this area I think it's fair to say with much certainty that my neighbors guests are under the influence while standing outside my window. They proceed to 'talk' which is actually yelling. This happened on the weekend waking me up at 2:30 AM. I think this is ridiculous. On another occasion several guests were leaving and I suspect they were all heading to the bar. They must have stood outside shouting back and forth to one another for at least 15 minutes before they finally left.

Is it unreasonable for me to expect more from our neighbors? Is it too much to ask that they are quiet after 11:00? I'm not talking about unavoidable noise such as vehicles coming and going or doors opening and closing. I'm talking about the yelling. Yelling at all hours of the night. So far they haven't ever woken Miss A up in the night. I think that might be grounds to go outside and play the bitchy neighbor role.

I keep thinking about the best and most non confrontational way to deal with this. I'm not sure it's such a good idea to deal with it in the heat of the moment when we are angry and they are intoxicated. That situation has the potential to even be dangerous. I'm thinking about putting a polite note in their mailbox explaining my view. Perhaps they don't even realize how obnoxious their friends are being. The pessimist in me tells me they won't care and they'll just blow it off and then things will be even more unpleasant. I just don't know. What would you do?