We're OKAY!

Today one of the fears that I'm sure all mothers who have a child in their arms while walking outside in the winter became my reality. That's right. I fell. While carrying Miss A to our house from the car. I was being careful but my feet slipped right from under me and I fell right on top of her. She sort of fell in the snowbank which sounds alright except that the snowbank has kind of melted and hardened a bit. I knew right away that she had hit her head on the snow and she started crying immediately. I think I had time to say “Oh sh!t!” on the way down.

All I could do was pick myself up and go inside with my hysterical baby. I took her hat off first afraid that her head might be cut or something. I couldn't even find a bump. Upon inspection I determined that she seemed to be okay. I checked out my knee which was stinging to find a bit of a scrape. I guess that the fall had simply frightened her which was why she'd cried so hard. She would have likely cried less if she actually had been hurt, tough little monkey that she is. I was relieved and now I feel like going outside and bashing at the ice with a sharp shovel to diffuse my anger. Honestly though I can't believe something like this has never happened before. I suppose I should consider myself lucky.

In other news I had my second counseling appointment today. It seemed more productive. I felt more comfortable and the experience was more positive. My counselor seemed warmer this time and I think we accomplished more. I was also much more emotional. I left feeling better but also drained.

It's going to be a long process. I need to make a concerted effort to stop looking at everyone else and thinking “See, they're normal. What's wrong with me?” Not that I want everyone to be messed up but I realize that how people may appear on the outside is not necessarily how they are on the inside. In fact other people may look at me and think “Look at her, she has it all together.” Which let me tell you, I certainly do NOT.



And finally, I don't know if you all noticed my new profile picture. I've been wanting to put up a new one for some time but none of our pictures seemed right. This one was taken during one of those rare moments when we caught A looking at the camera. And smiling no less! I think it's quite sweet. These days in most of our photos of her we get bizarre looks like this one...