Yesterday I walked 5K with coworkers, friends and strangers. I raised $435 for WaterCan. That amount will provide roughly 18 people with clean water for the rest of their lives. My fund raising goal was only $250 so I was thrilled to have surpassed it by so much. It was a great way to spend Earth Day and a rewarding event to be a part of.
Wow. So I haven't written in a while. Things have been a little out of control around here lately. I have wanted to write plenty of times but it just never seemed to happen for various reasons. Sick kids. Procrastination. Sleep Deprivation. Depression. Not necessarily in that order.
The girls have both been sick. Miss A has an ear infection. I actually took her to the doctor because she'd been running a low grade fever for too long. I was surprised to find out about the ear infection because she hadn't really complained about her ear at all. After we found out I remembered her asking me once what was in her ear but I never caught on. Baby B has croup. So far it's been manageable, we haven't had to make any trips to emergency in the middle of the night or anything. Poor little girls.
The sleep deprivation I mentioned in self explanatory I think. And is of course, never improved by sick kids.
The depression is better now. It was basically due to work related issues. I wanted to blog about it SO badly because I felt it would be therapeutic but I was (am) terrified that my employer would somehow find out about it. The fact that he doesn't like computers or spend time on the internet makes this possibility less likely but I'm still nervous. I don't want to join the many people who have been fired for writing about their jobs on the internet. I'm only writing about it now because I feel it is somewhat resolved. I spoke to my boss about everything (embarrassingly, while bawling my eyes out) that had been bothering me and although it's obvious we really don't see eye to eye I was satisfied that he knew my side of things. Also, I could tell that seeing me so upset really bothered him and I suspect it may have made him consider the situation further after we'd talked. This week was much more pleasant work wise and I'm hoping the rough patch is over. The whole situation just had me thinking "What the heck am I doing this for anyway?"
And then the procrastination. Ha! Well, when I'm feeling like my life is out of control I like nothing better than playing this game and controlling the lives of the tiny little people I've created. When do I find the time you ask? After the kids go to bed, when Miss A is at school and Baby B is napping. That sort of thing. And now there's a new version coming out. Which likely won't help me with the procrastination bit. Oh well. But seriously. Watch the video. How cool is that?!
Watch the video
Wednesday. That's tomorrow. The day I go back to work. The day my maternity leave is officially over. I'm only going back sixteen hours a week until July but still. This was the last time in my life that I was able to be at home with my kids without having to work. Tomorrow the juggling begins. The passing Peter at the door with a quick kiss and supper instructions. The pumping of milk. The stressing over having enough milk pumped. The pumping at work. Sigh.
I cannot complain. I know that many people out there have it worse than me. And this was the choice that we made. The choice that works best for us. I could have chosen to stay home longer. I'm just not sure what the consequences would be. I won't have to find out either. I will go back to work tomorrow. I will put on my happy face. I will kiss my sweet baby goodbye and know that I will be missing out on things while I am gone. I will accept it and carry on.
So after tomorrow I will only have one month of Saturdays to spend with my family. After that I'll be working every Saturday, except for holidays and Christmas time, until Baby B is in Kindergarten. Ugh.
I shouldn't complain. I should be happy that I have the ability to work when my husband can be home with the kids thereby avoiding having them in child care for another year. (Except Miss A still goes one day to hold her spot.) I should be happy that although I'm going back to work so soon I actually have a longer period of time when I won't be working full time so that I can be with them more in the long term.
I'm feeling conflicted about going back to work. Of course. How could I not? I did last time and last time I REALLY NEEDED TO GET THE HECK OUT OF HERE. This time is totally different. Things are so laid back this time around. Peter and I are coping well and getting along. The kids are happy. We are in a nice little routine. I feel, most of the time, that I'm keeping up. Add work into the mix and things may fly out of balance.
And what is it about Saturdays? There is something about working on that particular day that makes me feel resentful. Like I'm missing out on something that everyone else gets to have. I have always hated working on Saturdays even before I had kids, even before I was married. The Saturdays I when I would get to stay home for some reason were sacred. The television was different, therefore better. If I went shopping it just seemed like more fun. It always felt like a holiday.
I think that's it. When I work Saturdays I always feel robbed. My weekend begins when I am finished work so that only leaves me with a few hours on Saturday and Sunday. Sure I don't have to work again until Wednesday but Peter goes back on Monday so that means it's back to the old grind. I miss that family time. That tag team parent time.
So I'm deciding to celebrate every remaining Saturday I have left before going back to work. Tomorrow I'm making pancakes and bacon for breakfast. Special. After that I'm at a loss. Maybe we can chill out? If it's nice, go for a walk? Watch a movie? All I know is I'm going to concentrate on fully appreciate it. Inevitable screaming and whining included.
Eating watermelon on the couch.
Corn on the cob.
Sleeping in.
Swimming with your cousin in the backyard.
Being done work.
Watching a movie and eating popcorn.
I just wanted to make sure that none of you were worrying about me or wondering where I am. Just busy. This is my final work week and I am going in every. single. day. because of graduation. I made two lovely young ladies even more beautiful yesterday and then I was pampered. I had a facial and a pedicure. Hurray. It was so nice.
I am still trying to get things ready. Wow. It's so much harder to do with a 2 1/2 year old running around. If it's at all possible she is getting even MORE entertaining. The other day when her dad was attempting to put some shoes on she didn't want to because "Her toes didn't remember these shoes." Uh huh. Okay. Next it will be "My body doesn't remember this bed." To which I'd say "Let's get them reacquainted."
I have been feeling strange. Feeling some things I don't remember feeling with A. Little pains and stuff. And I'm feeling more nauseous again and sometimes I get sick. (Still! When will it end?) It's freaking me out a bit to be honest and it's making me get my butt in gear and really get everything ready. This baby? It is STRONG! When it moves sometimes, I wince. Like, ow! That's different too.
So I'm sure I'll write again once I'm finished work and get everything else ready. Until then... I'm pretty sure I won't be around. Until then...
