Way Beyond
I am so way beyond writing a cute little post about how tired I am because my baby won't sleep. Things are bad over here folks. Desperate in fact. With every passing night I feel the life being further sucked out of me. I've tried keeping it in perspective, imagining that one day when she's older and actually sleeps we'll laugh about it. But it's looking more like we'll be saying "Remember that kid we had? She was nice but she didn't sleep worth a darn so we had to let her go." And hey, let me say that I'm no wimp. I totally knew what I was getting myself into here having another baby. I was prepared for a considerable lack of sleep. Call me crazy, but I was banking on having at least four hours at a time by the time the baby was 7 (almost 8!) months old. One - two hours at a time just do. not. cut. it. Not after this many months.
I've had her to the doctor numerous times (see previous posts) but they currently appear to be stumped. She is on a nose spray right now which I am conflicted about giving her because the pharmacist wasn't in favor of giving it to a baby. She discussed it with my doctor and he insists that it's not a problem to give it to her for the short period of one week. I am ready to pull my hair out what with the obsessing over what could be the reason for her frequent wakings? - sickness? medication for sickness? teeth? too hot? too cold? hungry? tummy ache? allergies? What? What! WHAT???
And watching Peter and Miss A suffer is not helping either. They are both exhausted as well. It's hard to tell with A. She doesn't seem to be bothered by the crying in the night but she's been sleeping in later which I think is a sign that her sleep is in fact, being disturbed. And yesterday she was having trouble listening which in her case always seems to lead to injury. Thus she is sporting a bump on top of a bump on her forehead. I feel badly that they have to share a room. And I would be trying to let Baby B cry a bit longer to see if she would self soothe and fall back to sleep. I try to be patient with her but after three or four times of getting up, I pretty much have none left. Not to mention that I barely have the capability to walk properly anymore. I hate losing my temper with her and everyone else in my family. They obviously don't deserve to have my fatigue taken out on them. I never seem to be able to stop myself before I say something or take a tone I later regret.
It's a bad scene over here. Somehow putting it down here makes me feel a little less burdened with it...
