Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Way Beyond

I am so way beyond writing a cute little post about how tired I am because my baby won't sleep. Things are bad over here folks. Desperate in fact. With every passing night I feel the life being further sucked out of me. I've tried keeping it in perspective, imagining that one day when she's older and actually sleeps we'll laugh about it. But it's looking more like we'll be saying "Remember that kid we had? She was nice but she didn't sleep worth a darn so we had to let her go." And hey, let me say that I'm no wimp. I totally knew what I was getting myself into here having another baby. I was prepared for a considerable lack of sleep. Call me crazy, but I was banking on having at least four hours at a time by the time the baby was 7 (almost 8!) months old. One - two hours at a time just do. not. cut. it. Not after this many months.

I've had her to the doctor numerous times (see previous posts) but they currently appear to be stumped. She is on a nose spray right now which I am conflicted about giving her because the pharmacist wasn't in favor of giving it to a baby. She discussed it with my doctor and he insists that it's not a problem to give it to her for the short period of one week. I am ready to pull my hair out what with the obsessing over what could be the reason for her frequent wakings? - sickness? medication for sickness? teeth? too hot? too cold? hungry? tummy ache? allergies? What? What! WHAT???

And watching Peter and Miss A suffer is not helping either. They are both exhausted as well. It's hard to tell with A. She doesn't seem to be bothered by the crying in the night but she's been sleeping in later which I think is a sign that her sleep is in fact, being disturbed. And yesterday she was having trouble listening which in her case always seems to lead to injury. Thus she is sporting a bump on top of a bump on her forehead. I feel badly that they have to share a room. And I would be trying to let Baby B cry a bit longer to see if she would self soothe and fall back to sleep. I try to be patient with her but after three or four times of getting up, I pretty much have none left. Not to mention that I barely have the capability to walk properly anymore. I hate losing my temper with her and everyone else in my family. They obviously don't deserve to have my fatigue taken out on them. I never seem to be able to stop myself before I say something or take a tone I later regret.

It's a bad scene over here. Somehow putting it down here makes me feel a little less burdened with it...


Lynanne said...

I feel for you. We're having a rough spat too. This morning I had a screaming meltdown and cursed (the kinds of words that make a sailor blush) at my husband over some stupid misunderstanding. I don't do well with multiple nights of little sleep.

How does B respond when you go to her room? Does she immediately stop crying or does she continue to scream. The former might mean she just wants you whereas the latter might mean there is something bothering her.

Would A sleep better in your room until B gets through this? I know you just got the baby out of your room and don't want to start a new habit. :( Maybe tell A it's a special "sleepover" for a few nights. That way you wouldn't stress about letting B cry for longer periods of time.

Since neither you nor Peter is getting enough sleep, could you each take a 4-hour shift? At first this didn't work with my husband and I because I'm ultra-sensitive to the slightest noises and he sleeps like a rock. After a while, I was so sleep deprived that I was able to snooze through some of the nighttime wakings. I still had to wake up to him awake but I fell back to sleep much quicker than if I actually got out of bed. As for feeling guilty that my husband didn't get enough sleep: at first it bothered me until I realized that it was better that we both got 4 hours and we were a little grumpy than if I got no sleep and went insane. :)

wish I had better advice for you. keep writing about it - you aren't alone.

bon said...

Uhh yeah... all it took was four days of that kind of BS to tip me over into phycho-ville.

Not a "tone" not "yelling"... to my deep shame I found myself all out screaming at LaLa last week. I suspect it was that BS that tipped me over into Strep throat. You need sleep and you need a break.

To get a decent four hour shift, you may need to invest in either ear plugs... or even do what I do, because I can STILL hear a baby cry through earplugs. Get an ipod/cd player and spend $20 on sound cancellation ear buds and sleep with Enya or white noise or some such playing.

It's about survival, baby.

Jenn said...

I'm sorry things are rough. I have no fabulous advice - I went through the same rotten thing with both my kids. Can you ship both kids out for a couple hours a day a few times a week and get a nap in?

Not Arron said...

"And yesterday she was having trouble listening which in her case always seems to lead to injury. Thus she is sporting a bump on top of a bump on her forehead."

Please stop beating your kids.

Sandy said...

Wow, girl, I feel for you right now. Kids who don't sleep are really, really tough. My first required an abnormal amount of sleep. Problem with that was he would only sleep at home, in absolute SILENCE. During the night he would only sleep if he was in our bed. This was something that I was absolutely opposed to...before I had kids. The fact that I felt bad that he was waking my husband up when he had to work in the morning coupled with my resentment towards him for being able to sleep while I was up all through the night made me change my mind pretty quick. Not saying that this is what you should do, but this is what worked in our home. I nursed him for 7 months and this was the best arrangement. We all slept and everyone was happy. I don't regret it for a second. I wish I could offer some other kind of advice to you. I feel your frustration. *hugs*

elizasmom said...

I have nothing but sympathy for you. I cannot deal with that kind of sleep deprivation even short term very well, so I think you are a hero for not having ebayed her yet (kidding). I hope you find something that works for her and all of you, and soon!

Is it coincidence that my word verification is comaj, as in "If that kid does not let me get some sleep soon I am going to lapse into a comaj"?

beth - total mom haircut said...

I'm so sorry. I don't know if it will help, but I do actually know what you are feeling right now - you'll remember I wrote about it once when Sam was older than B is now.

Don't beat yourself up about this, please. It sounds like A is ok. She's not waking up during the night. But if you're worried about it then I second Lynanne's suggestion of shuffling people around. Maybe even someone in the living room is an option?