I Have Something to Say. Finally.

It's shocking. I actually do. I've been feeling like a freeloader. Reading blogs, feeling connected to the writers and giving nothing in return. Well, except Twilight related videos. Oh and Elmo too. Anyway, I'm here. I really have been writing. I'm 22 pages into a story I started writing on Easter weekend. I'm really excited about it. Really. It's been very all consuming. Also, I just read this story. Frick. I put it down at one point and yelled at Peter for getting me to read it. I asked him, told him, there had better be a good reason why he begged me to read it. Asked him how much more would I have to endure before the @ss kicking I knew had to be coming? I'm glad I soldiered through.

This is the stuff I would appreciate feedback on. Okay. Here goes.

My TaeKwon Do instructor dropped the bomb on me this week that he thinks I should test for my 3rd Degree Black Belt. In November. This came as a gigantic surprise to me. Prior to my previous Black Belt examinations I had been training regularly. I hadn't had two children. I wasn't training a measly 90 minutes a week. I didn't think testing while training so little was even an option which is why the suggestion caught me so off guard.

On one hand I am flattered, that may be the wrong word but I'll go with it, that he has enough faith in me, in the small amount of time that I have to dedicate to training before November, to think I may be ready to test. He also admitted to me and the whole class that he also had somewhat selfish reasons for wanting his black belts to advance. Regardless, although I didn't expect it, I can't deny I'm interested. Of course I want to advance.

Now the other hand. The idea of actually embarking on this journey of training to 3rd Dan scares the crap out of me. Logistically, I have no idea how I'll be able to do it. How I can possibly be ready to test in amount of time I have to prepare. Another thing that worries me is how I will ever live up to my last test. Testing to my 2nd Dan was one of the things I am most proud of ever doing. Not the getting of the rank but the actual test. It was like an out of body experience. I was so prepared, so tuned in that while I was performing each task, especially my patterns by body took over and my mind was all like "Wow. You're doing awesome. Way to go!" and then I was like "Hey. My body is totally in auto pilot and I'm not even really paying attention to what it's doing." Except I was, or I must have been because I didn't mess up. I did awesome. So awesome that I impressed the Master who tested me and was invited to travel 4 hours to his city to train with him on weekends if I could. (I couldn't.) A part of me is really afraid of replacing that memory with one of me having a terrible test Scraping by. Feeling like I don't deserve the new rank.

So I'm not sure what to do. If I make the decision to do it I know I will commit wholeheartedly. Still, wholehearted now and wholehearted before two kids is different. I am finding the whole idea very daunting and I'm thinking it may be impossible to be as ready as I need to be.

AND... then there is this little matter of ROLLER DERBY starting up in my city. Roller. Derby. How cool is that? And I'm SO interested. But I can't do both. There is no way. I really am interested but I'm also wondering if my wanting doing to do it is just a good way to get out of training for my 3rd Dan.

Kick This

Okay, I'm not sure how I'm going to follow up yesterdays post. I made my husband read it and he said it made him a little uncomfortable due to it's personal nature. Sorry dearie, you knew I was a blabber mouth when you married me. (He always tells me when something is totally off limits because I have a habit of talking about personal stuff to my clients as well) My main goal is to try and get this posted before I have to go to work today. Lately I have been spuratically writing all day. I want to get this baby done before baby wakes up.

Any of you who have viewed my profile may have noticed I listed TaeKwon Do as an interest. It's more of a compulsion actually. I have been training off and on for over nine years and have achieved my second degree black belt. I started when I was around nineteen years old because a friend of mine had encouraged me to join her. At first it was just a fun form of exercise until I went to my first competition. I won silver and gold medals. I was hooked.

As a kid I was hyperactive (some things never change) and always into almost any sport especially swimming and figure skating. We lived in a very small town and those were the only activities available to do other than casual school sports. Once I moved to the small city I live now at the age of thirteen sports in general were a lot more serious. We couldn't really afford swimming or skating lessons so I just played sports at junior high school. My first year in high school I had a very bad experience. I tried out for the volleyball team, got onto the team and after my first practice was called into the coach's office. There were two coaches and while one told me he wanted me off the team the other said I could stay but as a bench warmer. I told them to stuff it and walked out. Being so young I didn't know how to handle it. I wish I could travel back in time and give myself the words to say to those stupid men and make them tell the rest of the team what they had done so I wouldn't have to suffer through my teammates all individually asking why I wasn't coming to practice anymore. What cowards. Needless to say I wasn't interested in any school sports after that. Except I played soccer one year but only because they brought in coaches who weren't teachers at my school. We sucked and lost every game anyway. I became a somewhat 'hefty' kid due to my inactivity. I do believe I had a pretty good body image anyway though. I must have been oblivious.

Fast forward to age 19. I was totally craving some sort of physical activity that I could really love. I was feeling unhappy with my weight and needed to make a change. My friend had just started TaeKwon Do and was really enjoying it. I had never considered a martial art but was totally pumped to try it out. I loved the “Karate Kid” and can't believe I hadn't tried something like this earlier. As I said earlier, soon after I started I was a lifer. It filled a void in me that had existed since my spirit had been broken in that coaches office in high school.

I have met some of my best friends through TaeKwon Do. One of these friends was my roommate for two years. He is one of the most wonderful, generous and hilarious people I know and he stood up with us when we were married. I met my boss and his family through TaeKwon Do and have my dream job (which I have had for nine years) all because I met them there. My husband and I just attended my instructors wedding this summer and now they are expecting their first child who will almost certainly be friends with Audrey. Not only have I met great people but I have found confidence and pride in myself that wouldn't exist if I had never joined TaeKwon Do.

Here is me breaking the most boards I have ever broken at one time. Six ¾ inch pine boards with a Side Piercing Kick.

And this is me working out on the speed bag my husband gave me last Valentines Day and only put up about two weeks ago.



Now you know a bit more about what makes me tick. Baby A just woke up. Mission accomplished.