Doing This

Last weekend I played in what I consider to be my first competitive roller derby scrimmage. To explain the "what I consider to be" part, my FIRST scrimmage took place during this weekend which I blogged about last year. However, I was fresh, so fresh I had a 'F' on my arm with my number so more experienced player knew not to hit me...much.

This scrimmage there was no 'F' on my arm. We set it up with another team a couple of hours away. They've been playing about as long as us but have had the opportunity to play other teams. I was under the impression that this scrim would be mostly about learning and getting to know each other. My impression was false. It was competitive and it was rough. Just so you know I was not surprised to find that roller derby is rough, only this game in particular.

Within seconds of playing I was rocked several times. What happened next did surprise me. I remember thinking, "Wow, this is really rough." and then a huge involuntary smile broke out of my face (which looks pretty silly when you are wearing a mouth guard) and I realized that I loved it. I loved people slamming into me trying to knock me down and failing (most of the time). The realization of this and what it indicates about me (I'm nuts) made me grin uncontrollably.

I wasn't smiling the entire time though. By half time (30 minutes in) I felt like barfing. There is nothing like thinking you are in pretty good shape and finding out you were horribly wrong. Although I think it had more to do with the fact that in that kind of competitive situation (before you've become accustomed to it) you forget to breath. Skating really hard + not breathing = feeling like you want to puke or pass out.

The second half was much better. I survived and had an immense feeling of satisfaction. I knew I'd made the right decision to start playing roller derby. It's something I'm good at and I can only get better. I'm about to invest in some serious skates which will be my birthday present. I can justify it because I know I'm going to keep doing this for a while and I think it's in my favor to do it in a Porsche instead of a Chevy. I'm doing this.

It's About Freakin' Time

I've been wanting to post. I have. Now I'm doing it. I just am. Now what I have to give is a mish mash of information about what has and is going on around here.

Miss A is well settled into Kindergarten. She has started both piano lessons and gymnastics since January and is loving both of them. I find it fascinating to hear about social interactions between her peers. Best friends change weekly, sometimes daily. Peter has named this time "The Golden Age of A" because we are so absolutely enamored with her at the moment. She just seems so incredibly easy right now. Her temperament is calmer, she disappears for long periods of time to play, she is generally very content. However, it may just be because of the stark, STARK contrast to her younger sister.

Miss B is... challenging me. To. my. very. core. I think it would be a useful exercise to go back in this blog and read over some of what I wrote about Miss A. I am certain that she was the very same but it's difficult to remember (I think I blocked it out) and also to believe. I made a grave mistake in labeling this girl. She was initially so much better as a newborn that I gave her the title of "the easy one". Apparently defiance runs deeps in our gene pool because it would seem she has been bound and determined to rid herself of that label.

I take comfort in the fact that Miss A seems to have turned out so well and I'm sure I have something to do with that so perhaps I could be two for two.

Roller Derby. See when I started on that path last May I had absolutely NO IDEA what I was getting myself into. I foolishly thought it was going to be a hobby. That my life would basically stay the same only my recreational activity was a different one. Boy was I WRONG. Four hours of practice a week. Training team duties which include researching drills for both on and off skate, planning practices, going to meetings and most recently giving and marking tests and drawing up answer keys. Currently we are planning a social. Seems like all fun and games until things don't go as smoothly as you thought they would and you're scrambling to get all your ducks in a row again. I feel guilty because really it's a huge part of my life and I didn't give anyone any warning about that. Except that it's because I totally had no idea this was what was going to happen. I adore Peter in new and unexpected ways for his understanding about the whole situation. I am so lucky to have married someone who understands me so well and adapts to whatever insanity is taking up pieces of my life at any given time.

I completed the story I briefly mentioned in this post. I am so satisfied to have finished and excited to see what may come of it, if anything. In any case it makes me feel like all of those hours I spent sitting at a typewriter when I was a kid writing crappy stories my have had some value after all.

And also. Dang it's cold outside.

My Mind Blowingly Awesome Weekend

So, I've been doing this Roller Derby thing for about seven months now. In that time I've experienced a lot of emotions - fear, horror, anxiety, excitement, pride and most recently LOVE.

An established Roller Derby League nearby decided to host a two day Roller Derby bootcamp right here in my city this past weekend. There would be three Coaches - Coach Pauly, Bonnie D. Stroir and Smarty Pants all of whom I'd heard/read about but had no idea how incredible they actually were.

I arrived on Saturday morning feeling incredibly nervous and intimidated, knowing that I would be among the least experienced skaters there. After attending my first session with Bonnie I began to relax. I was doing okay and she was so entertaining and informative that I stopped worrying about anything. Throughout the rest of the day I had some periods of feeling clueless but mostly I had SO MUCH FUN. The other skaters were really great about helping each other out.

My first day ended in a session with Smarty and I completely fell in love. She is the sweetest, most hilarious woman and if that wasn't enough she is the most unreal talented skater and coach. She's the kind of person you meet and you immediately want to be their BFF but you have to chill so as to avoid being creepy.

There was an exhibition scrimmage at the end of the first day which I was totally sure I wouldn't have the opportunity to play in because it stated on our itinerary that the teams would be made up of "All Stars". Now, I'm not being modest when I say I KNEW that did not include me. In the end a decision was made that they didn't have enough time to determine an "All Star" team and didn't want to be unfair so anyone who wanted to participate was welcome to do so. I'd invited my husband and friends and had planned on sitting with them and enjoying the game. I made the decision to go with that original plan instead of skating. I felt mentally and physically unprepared (and unskilled) to throw myself in the mix with these talented women that evening. It was a great game and I only had a few pangs of regret for not playing throughout. Smarty Pants played in the scrimmage which was absolutely thrilling to watch even though I know it was probably not even half as entertaining as watching her skate with her home team on the bank track.

The second day began with something called the "Smarty Party" in which we essentially danced around on skates and Smarty imparted the genius idea that playing derby could be a lot like dancing or moving around in a packed club, that sometimes your body rubs up against someone else's as you try to get by but it's not meant in animosity, you're just trying to get where you need to be. I LOVE this philosophy for blocking and when you see this woman block it is a thing of beauty. This session was easily the most fun I had the entire weekend and as if I didn't have it bad enough already she had to go and mention her love of 80's music and how she liked to pretend she was Molly Ringwald sometimes. Sigh.

There was another scrimmage at the end of the bootcamp and I had decided I would skate in it, unskilled or not. It was a blast and I was so amazed by all the help I received from more experienced players. I even skated a Jam as a Jammer and wasn't horribly slow and I didn't get knocked down. I think I'm beginning to own that I could be intimidating, my size that is. People may think twice about messing with me purely based on that. I have to have something in my favor I guess.

It's not difficult for me to say that although I missed my family like crazy it was one of the best weekends of my life. It's been such a long time since I've felt excited about something this way. Excited about the journey that's ahead of me.

Here's a photo of me and my new hero (my coloring is so strange, I look grey or something) and two videos that demonstrate her fun loving personality and her balls.

Safety First or well... at least I'm trying

I've had mixed reactions to my decision to pursue roller derby. Most have been along the lines of "That is SO cool! I think you'll be fantastic at it!" some have been more like "Is that really a good idea?" or "Why in the world are you doing that?" and a few have been "What is roller derby?"

I myself have finally made peace with my decision. I no longer feel sick with worry before going to practice, I'm not laying in bed awake thinking about whether I'm being irresponsible to take up a hobby like this.

I've been to several practices now and I'm doing pretty well. I am in love with skating and with all of the challenging things I can make my body do on skates. I was worried about the risk to my body from doing this (which is still a real and logical concern) but I wasn't expecting the improvement. I can actually feel my knees and ankle becoming stronger and more stable because of the muscles that are targeted to do what I'm doing.

As I improve and am trying more difficult things I felt it was especially important to try and protect myself as much as I can. That's why I ordered these (which I think should be a part of every Fresh Meat package)



as well as these for under my kneepads. See. I'm trying to be safe. I am.

I am also going to watch my first bout this weekend. I have no idea what to expect. I'm actually mostly really excited about spending my first night with out Baby B. Yeah!

Oh and by the way. These are my skates, basically.

I Have Something to Say. Finally.

It's shocking. I actually do. I've been feeling like a freeloader. Reading blogs, feeling connected to the writers and giving nothing in return. Well, except Twilight related videos. Oh and Elmo too. Anyway, I'm here. I really have been writing. I'm 22 pages into a story I started writing on Easter weekend. I'm really excited about it. Really. It's been very all consuming. Also, I just read this story. Frick. I put it down at one point and yelled at Peter for getting me to read it. I asked him, told him, there had better be a good reason why he begged me to read it. Asked him how much more would I have to endure before the @ss kicking I knew had to be coming? I'm glad I soldiered through.

This is the stuff I would appreciate feedback on. Okay. Here goes.

My TaeKwon Do instructor dropped the bomb on me this week that he thinks I should test for my 3rd Degree Black Belt. In November. This came as a gigantic surprise to me. Prior to my previous Black Belt examinations I had been training regularly. I hadn't had two children. I wasn't training a measly 90 minutes a week. I didn't think testing while training so little was even an option which is why the suggestion caught me so off guard.

On one hand I am flattered, that may be the wrong word but I'll go with it, that he has enough faith in me, in the small amount of time that I have to dedicate to training before November, to think I may be ready to test. He also admitted to me and the whole class that he also had somewhat selfish reasons for wanting his black belts to advance. Regardless, although I didn't expect it, I can't deny I'm interested. Of course I want to advance.

Now the other hand. The idea of actually embarking on this journey of training to 3rd Dan scares the crap out of me. Logistically, I have no idea how I'll be able to do it. How I can possibly be ready to test in amount of time I have to prepare. Another thing that worries me is how I will ever live up to my last test. Testing to my 2nd Dan was one of the things I am most proud of ever doing. Not the getting of the rank but the actual test. It was like an out of body experience. I was so prepared, so tuned in that while I was performing each task, especially my patterns by body took over and my mind was all like "Wow. You're doing awesome. Way to go!" and then I was like "Hey. My body is totally in auto pilot and I'm not even really paying attention to what it's doing." Except I was, or I must have been because I didn't mess up. I did awesome. So awesome that I impressed the Master who tested me and was invited to travel 4 hours to his city to train with him on weekends if I could. (I couldn't.) A part of me is really afraid of replacing that memory with one of me having a terrible test Scraping by. Feeling like I don't deserve the new rank.

So I'm not sure what to do. If I make the decision to do it I know I will commit wholeheartedly. Still, wholehearted now and wholehearted before two kids is different. I am finding the whole idea very daunting and I'm thinking it may be impossible to be as ready as I need to be.

AND... then there is this little matter of ROLLER DERBY starting up in my city. Roller. Derby. How cool is that? And I'm SO interested. But I can't do both. There is no way. I really am interested but I'm also wondering if my wanting doing to do it is just a good way to get out of training for my 3rd Dan.