Friday, April 30, 2010

I Have Something to Say. Finally.

It's shocking. I actually do. I've been feeling like a freeloader. Reading blogs, feeling connected to the writers and giving nothing in return. Well, except Twilight related videos. Oh and Elmo too. Anyway, I'm here. I really have been writing. I'm 22 pages into a story I started writing on Easter weekend. I'm really excited about it. Really. It's been very all consuming. Also, I just read this story. Frick. I put it down at one point and yelled at Peter for getting me to read it. I asked him, told him, there had better be a good reason why he begged me to read it. Asked him how much more would I have to endure before the @ss kicking I knew had to be coming? I'm glad I soldiered through.

This is the stuff I would appreciate feedback on. Okay. Here goes.

My TaeKwon Do instructor dropped the bomb on me this week that he thinks I should test for my 3rd Degree Black Belt. In November. This came as a gigantic surprise to me. Prior to my previous Black Belt examinations I had been training regularly. I hadn't had two children. I wasn't training a measly 90 minutes a week. I didn't think testing while training so little was even an option which is why the suggestion caught me so off guard.

On one hand I am flattered, that may be the wrong word but I'll go with it, that he has enough faith in me, in the small amount of time that I have to dedicate to training before November, to think I may be ready to test. He also admitted to me and the whole class that he also had somewhat selfish reasons for wanting his black belts to advance. Regardless, although I didn't expect it, I can't deny I'm interested. Of course I want to advance.

Now the other hand. The idea of actually embarking on this journey of training to 3rd Dan scares the crap out of me. Logistically, I have no idea how I'll be able to do it. How I can possibly be ready to test in amount of time I have to prepare. Another thing that worries me is how I will ever live up to my last test. Testing to my 2nd Dan was one of the things I am most proud of ever doing. Not the getting of the rank but the actual test. It was like an out of body experience. I was so prepared, so tuned in that while I was performing each task, especially my patterns by body took over and my mind was all like "Wow. You're doing awesome. Way to go!" and then I was like "Hey. My body is totally in auto pilot and I'm not even really paying attention to what it's doing." Except I was, or I must have been because I didn't mess up. I did awesome. So awesome that I impressed the Master who tested me and was invited to travel 4 hours to his city to train with him on weekends if I could. (I couldn't.) A part of me is really afraid of replacing that memory with one of me having a terrible test Scraping by. Feeling like I don't deserve the new rank.

So I'm not sure what to do. If I make the decision to do it I know I will commit wholeheartedly. Still, wholehearted now and wholehearted before two kids is different. I am finding the whole idea very daunting and I'm thinking it may be impossible to be as ready as I need to be.

AND... then there is this little matter of ROLLER DERBY starting up in my city. Roller. Derby. How cool is that? And I'm SO interested. But I can't do both. There is no way. I really am interested but I'm also wondering if my wanting doing to do it is just a good way to get out of training for my 3rd Dan.


jen k said...

all i would say is don't rush yourself, and don't let your teacher pressure you to make a decision unless you;re 100%...i am sure there will be other chances to take this test down the road..

...and hells yeah,'d be an awesome roller girl..just take it easy on the rest of them!!!

tagskie said...

Nice blog you got here... Just droppin' by to say hi!

Diana - Teacher Mom said...

I think you acheiving 2nd Dan is pretty impressive. If you are happy with that achievement, why not wait into you feel more compelled to test for 3rd Dan? This roller derby sounds like fun!

PS. Keep the Twilight videos coming.

joven said...

hi, you have nice blog.. u can view also mine..

D'Anne Witkowski said...

Hey! I was just asked if I am twins with you. I am not, but we both go by Mama D I guess and both blog about being moms ( So maybe you're my heterosexual doppelganger. :)

As for roller derby, it's pretty awesome. We have an awesome roller derby scene here in Detroit. I am not a roller girl myself, but I am a fan. Maybe you could combine both your black belt stuff and the derby stuff -- kicking people in the face while wearing roller skates or something. Something to think about.

Diana - Teacher Mom said...

Ahem. Have you heard?

Yo Gabba Gabba! Live is visiting 60 cities in North America. There might be a Party in a city near you, I hope?