Thursday, October 22, 2009

My Girls

Seriously I am disgusted with my lack of postage on the blog recently. I'm not sure what my problem is. Stuff is happening. Perhaps too much stuff yet nothing of much actual interest? Another reason that comes to mind is that Baby B has been taking the notion to switch off the power bar while I'm on the computer recently. Just one of the many charming things she's been doing of late. Which leads me nicely into the first subject of this post.

B. Seriously. This kid is MAKING ME NUTS! I know this is redundant because I mentioned it in my last of infrequent posts but it bears repeating because crap sakes she really, really is. I am trying so hard to enjoy her right now. You know, because that is what people tell you you should be doing because "they grow up so fast, before you know it they'll be grown up." Honestly, I know this. I have a living, breathing, vibrating with energy example of this in my 4 year old daughter. Evidence that they do indeed grow up and learn to entertain themselves in constructive, rather than destructive ways. Right now B is in this majorly mischievous phase. I feel like I have to sneak around my house sometimes so that she won't follow me and get into trouble. We keep both our bedroom and bathroom doors closed at all times now because she cannot be trusted. She seems to be magnetically attracted to everything that she isn't supposed to touch.

I realize I'm coming across like a first time mom here. Or a mother whose first child was a perfect angel (subjectively) who always did what she was told, sat quietly and played with her toys etc... which of course any of you who've been reading since A was a toddler, know that I didn't. But I can honestly say, as shocking as it might seem to any of you who remember A's shenanigans, that B is more active, more curious, more... exhausting. Peter and I have discussed this whilst shaking our heads wondering aloud how we created yet another child who is this wild.

I am so happy that A is in preschool because it allows her to have a break and be able to do things without her sister climbing on top of her to get to her toys or food or craft or whatever. Other times she just goes in her room and closes the door so she can have a little undisturbed playtime. I am amazed at how loving and patient she can be though and I try to take some inspiration from her in that department because it seems my patience is running dangerously low these days. When I lose it with B I can see that it upsets A which in turn upsets me both for losing it and for upsetting both kids... Ah, good times. As difficult as she is right now, she is also a sweetheart. She's fun loving, good natured, and hilarious. Oh yeah, and she still doesn't sleep worth a darn.

And then there is Miss A. I have been having many of the opposite kind of moments with her lately. Moments where I am astounded, and stupidly saddened, by how grown up she is. I watch her doing something amazing and remember that she was once this tiny helpless squawking baby in my arms. And then I'm struck by the fact that I am one of the people responsible for bringing her to the place she is today. This incredible little person that I helped to shape.

The other day we were heading to the optometrist for her yearly eye examination. I was asking her if she remembered what the eye doctor did during the exam. She had him confused with our regular doctor. Then she piped up about this dream she had about a bad doctor and how "he took off all my skin and drank my BLOOD!!" I, as I often am when she tells me about her dreams, was flabbergasted. I told her that sounded like a terrible dream. She agreed and told me that once she woke up and saw that she still had her skin and blood she was okay. I swear that I don't allow her to watch horror movies in her spare time. I have no idea where this stuff comes from. I fear that she has inherited the vivid dreams from me. I recall having nightmares often as a child but I always thought it might have had something to do with my tumultuous childhood. It seems I would have had them regardless just as A does.

She is loving preschool and gymnastics and the kids seem to flock to her in both places. I'm happy to say that she stands her ground and sticks up for herself when the need arises which was never something that I was good at (I'm still not very good at it) and I feel is an important skill to have. Her teachers have given me excellent feedback about her without me needing to ask which I take to be a good sign. She is still a very intense person but she seems to be getting a better handle on her emotions all the time under normal circumstances. If she is tired or hungry however, it's an entirely different story.

I am completely comfortable saying that we are done, our family is complete. I know in my soul that I do not have it in me to do it again. I have reached my limit. I am not cut out to be the mother of more than two. Sometimes I doubt my ability to be the mother of two but I think (hope) it's normal to feel that way sometimes.



bon said...

WOW! Grown up girls!

I am starting to get a taste of the business from Henry now. He tried to dig a houseplant out of it's pot at grammies house yesterday and I was all, "oh YEAH! I remember this stuff now!"

Gahghk! I could so do without large portions of this right now!

New Moon! i already have my ticket! Midnight! Wheee, what a party!

Elicia said...

First I will say that your update on Miss A gives me hope. Ethan is still so intense in his emotions although we have seen glimpses where we have a couple good days in a row. I hope by 4 he is starting to get a handle on his emotions.

And it makes me laugh hearing you talk about Miss B because I remember us talking about what easy babies we had right after they both were born. Calli is turning into a little terror too. Not bad, she is the sweetest thing going, but she is in to everything!

We should get these 4 together some day. It would be very interesting to see how they would get along!

Elicia said...

Oh and I hear you on being done and thinking maybe I wasn't cut out for being a mom of two. I think we'll get past that though once we start getting some sleep!

elizasmom said...

Oh, I hear what you are saying. I remember Jim once turning to me and saying, "You know, it's like they walk into a room and think, what is the most dangerous thing in here? and beeline for it."

And I am glad to read that Miss A is able to stick up for herself. Eliza's teacher told me that last year she used to worry about Eliza for the same reason, and I felt like I had missed part of the picture because I was so focused on making sure she was polite that I hadn't realized she was being too quiet and accommodating with her peers. D'oh. So good on you for being on top of it!