Working Mama

I am happy to say that my muscles, although still a little sore, are getting less sore. I was a bit concerned I was going to have the second day seize up. You know, the day after a good workout you are thinking “Wow, I'm pretty stiff.” and then the next day you can hardly move. Thankfully this is is not the case for me today. Obviously I'll have to try harder next week.

I'm sure the thousands of people who read my blog are DYING to know how I'm doing since going back to work. Since I can't stand keeping people in suspense I'll tell you.

Although I was very apprehensive about going back and really was filled with dread about it, once I actually got there, I was fine. Better than fine really. I was/am great. And of course, because I like to drive myself crazy, I feel bad about it. What is wrong with me? I am enjoying being away from my child and my husband. I would never say it that way but I am glad to be back at work and I am a nicer person to both of them since going back. That is the only conclusion I can come to. That and what a horrible wife and mother I must be.

I have tried to figure out the reasons why it has helped my whole state of mind so much. There is the obvious, getting out of the house. Which previously consisted of getting groceries, visiting grandma or going to appointments. There is the adult conversation. This is really nice since I am totally a chatterbox and strangely find myself mostly talking about Baby A anyway. There is the making of money. Relieving some of the financial strain is rewarding. Feeling like a contributer to the household cash flow. Those are the reasons that first come to mind.

Of course all my clients say “Good for you! It's good to get out of the house.” and stuff like this. I imagine them secretly thinking that I must be a rotten mother to leave my baby so soon. Four months! Only four months old! I don't mean to brag, but I am good at my job. And people appreciate me. They want me back there making them look good whether I'm a bad mom or not. Of course they're going to say “Good for you!”. What they really mean is “Good for me!”.

I can't help feeling guilty about this. It's my other part time job. A very wise friend said to me last night “If you were working 14 hours a day at a 'job' that would be ridiculous but that's what mothers do and somehow that's just expected.”. (Sorry, if I misquoted. I believe I am close) Her point (I believe) was that it is okay for me to enjoy some time away from that job because I spend a lot of time doing it. But hey, can I really trust her because I was doing her hair at the time? Ha ha!

I'm just happy to be enjoying work because I'm doing it whether I like it or not. I'm enjoying my husband again which is much nicer than being angry with him all the time. Most importantly I am loving every moment I am with Audrey and appreciating every little thing she does. Even when she's grumpy or crying. I can see that she is so happy to see me and that no one can take my place.