Renewing my Faith in the Internet

Isn't the internet a great things sometimes? Not only can I lay my thoughts and concerns out there for anyone anywhere in the world to see, I can get opinions about them. Just when I had lost faith in technology and decided the internet was only feeding pornography addictions and spitting out spam and spyware onto every computer it could. Then I discovered the blogs of so many lovely, honest, real and gritty people. I decide to start one of my own. I talk about all sorts of things that maybe I just shouldn't talk about. What if I say things that are unpopular? I think, “Oh well, no one will pay attention to anything I say anyway.” But then people did start paying attention. I felt special. People cared what I had to say. Some of these people even think I'm funny. I thought only my husband felt that way.

When I wrote about this vaccination thing I was hoping to get feedback. I got my wish. Thanks to all of you who left comments for me both out of concern and support. I feel like I have a whole bunch of friends out there who don't really know me but care about me and my baby. Being a mom is the scariest thing I have ever done and nothing makes me feel better than to get feedback from every mother I know about everything I am doing with my little girl. It is hard to make decisions that not everyone supports especially when those decisions are regarding a human life that you are responsible for. I wish things were black and white so I never had to wonder if what I am doing is right.

I have changed my mind so many times in the past few days. I am going to get her needles done, no I'm not, maybe I should, no I'm not. When we went to our appointment yesterday and I told the public health nurse that I wasn't going to get them done I felt awful. She didn't pressure me I just sensed her disapproval. Which I expected but it still felt bad. I almost changed my mind again. Why can't I just be committed to what I decide to do? I still had comments coming in about this last night including a link to an article which gave me a little peace about it.

Sometimes I wish I was a robot and didn't have a brain. My brain gives me a headache. Some of my thought process goes like this... pharmaceutical companies make money from vaccinations, there are paranoid and hurting people out there who are convinced vaccinations cause or caused their children to be sick, I've read articles that said there is nothing to worry about, but who's writing those articles, I've read articles that say there is a cover up going on, but who's writing those articles, how do you explain kids getting sick after needles, but what if my baby gets sick from not having her needles... BAH!!

I don't know if I'll ever be comfortable with what I decide either way. I just know what I want to do today. I will pray that this is the right decision for us. I go with my gut and my gut says no, no NO! I promise I will talk about something else tomorrow and keep you all posted. Again, thanks y'all. You know, for being my internet buddies and stuff.