Slightly Melancholy

So I realize that my body is full of post pregnancy hormones which will obviously be affecting my feelings right now. Regardless, I think I would still be feeling this way.

It is hitting me now, almost two weeks after having Baby B that I will never be pregnant again. I mean, I know I could be, but I don't want to be. Not even though I'm feeling a bit sad about the realization of it.

It's crazy anyway. It's not like I have nice, enjoyable pregnancies. I barf my guts out. Barf so hard I pee in my pants. And I break my ankle. And the whole thing is pretty much a game of 'how much can one person endure in nine months'?

But there's the belly. Even though I complained about the comments I was getting, I personally loved the belly. It's so hard and round and miraculous. I look down at it's absence now and over at B and think, wow, she was in there.

And the kicking. The moving. The human being that you are growing inside of you is moving. And you wonder, wonder who this little person is. What they'll be like. Marvel at their strength.

And I won't experience those things again. I know I could. But I won't. And right now I'm having a bit of a hard time with that. Which I guess I should be happy about because I think it is a testament to my mental health this time around. With A at this point I was all, this is it I AM NEVER DOING THIS AGAIN! IN FACT, WHY DID I DO IT AT ALL? I THINK I HAVE RUINED MY LIFE! Yeah. For real. I thought that.

So, I guess I'm happy that I can even feel those sad feelings about never doing it again. I think it's actually a positive way to complete your family.

Catching Up

Still here. Still doing well, considering. Two hours of sleep at a time really doesn't cut it though does it? The 'big' girl continues to be the most challenging. Peter is home with us for one more week, then it's all me baby. I have some deep posts lurking around in my head but I'm feeling too exhausted at the moment to get them out. We try to have some sort of 'outing' every day so we don't all go stir crazy. Baby B is always very cooperative, bless her. So yeah. That's what's up.

Differences

Here are some of the ways my two girls differ. And I'm talking about when Miss A was the same age.

Regarding breastfeeding

Miss A - Get those things out of my face right now before I spontaneously combust from anger.

Baby B - Wow! These are great, full of deliciousness. Please don't make me stop.

Regarding Noise

Miss A - Shut up!! How do you expect me to sleep with all this noise? The creaky floors. The talking. The whispering. The breathing.

Baby B - Don't mind me. Yell, scream, cry, have a tantrum. I might jump or frown but I'll just keep right on sleeping.

Regarding Bodily Functions

Miss A - I poop once a week. It is a big deal. Expect me to be miserable the rest of the time. How would you like to have that sitting around inside you for a whole week?

Baby B - I am a regular girl. I really like to go right after a fresh diaper change. Nothing I like better than a good dump. Well, maybe eating.

Regarding Sleep

Miss A - I don't really like to sleep. I prefer to cry for hours on end, especially between 11:00 pm and 5:00 am. And don't even try to make me happy. It's really just a waste of time.

Baby B - Okay, so I really like to eat. But other than that I'm good. No need to do anything else really, just put me back in bed once my belly is full.

Regarding Anger

Miss A - I am so angry. I don't really know why. The world just seems like a pretty unfair place if you ask me.

Baby B - Anger? Oh, you mean when I'm hungry and I'm not eating and I'd like to be eating? Yeah, I guess that makes me a bit angry. But only for like, a minute or so. And sometimes wiping my bum makes me mad. And when the bath water is a bit too cold.


So yeah. Wow. Mostly I am happy for Miss A that Baby B is so easy going. It is keeping us all pretty sane during a time when I was sure we'd all be losing our minds.

Here are some more pictures.

The Downlow

We are home. Miss A is out of town visiting with her Auntie, Uncle and Cousins. I miss her and yet I am relieved to be able to ease into this whole 'new thing'.

So I'm going to attempt to tell the birth story. The tiny one is stirring now so I may rush a bit. It's a relatively short story so it shouldn't take me long to get it out.

I guess I could lengthen it a bit by saying that on Wednesday I did have the second 'sweep' done. My midwife said by cervix was 4-5 and stretchy to 7-8 centimeters (ouch!) I was also given a recipe for a castor oil smoothie to be taken on Thursday morning if I still wasn't in labor. (Thank god I didn't have to go that route...) My midwife was teaching the Aqua Natal class that evening so I went early to swim some laps before hand. She was disappointed to hear that I wasn't having any contractions yet. The class was very enjoyable and I actually felt really great and energetic the whole way through. I went home, did the bedtime routine with Miss A and watched 'So You Think You Can Dance'.

I wasn't really expecting anything to happen. I was dreading yet another 'sweep' planned for the following morning as well as the icky smoothie chaser. My mom was coming over to help out that next morning so I could go for my appointment and to be around when the nasty effects of the smoothie started to kick in. I woke at 3:30 am, groggy and thinking "Ow" then I lay in bed half awake until another "Ow" sensation hit. After another I began checking my watch for duration of the contractions and length of time between. Approximately 10 minutes and pretty strong already. I contemplated waking Peter up but decided against it. I thought as my breathing intensified he may wake up anyway... nope. I just continued to labor this way and 'rest' in between contractions. By 5:00 am I could tell things were getting stronger and closer pretty quickly. I started to consider when I needed to start taking some serious action.


(Taken around 6:00 am)


I woke Peter at around 5:20 and filled him in. While he had a shower I called my mom and asked her to please come over a little earlier than she'd planned to. At 5:50 I paged my midwife, she called back, I filled her in and she told me she'd be at the house in a half hour to assess me. She also gave me her cell phone number in case I needed to meet her at the hospital instead.

Peter had breakfast and loaded everything into the car. My contractions were getting pretty crazy and while I was having one I tried to make sure I was in an 'easy to clean' area in case my water broke. I was kind of preoccupied with the idea that Miss A might wake up with all the commotion. Miraculously she didn't. I think everything would have honestly freaked her out and I would have felt really badly about that.

I was seriously thinking that I might have to call my midwife and ask her to meet us at the hospital but that was right when she arrived.(6:35) She assessed me during a contraction and said you are fully dilated and we need to get to the hospital now. She instructed Peter to 'step on it'. (He loved this by the way, driving fast and being annoyed with the slow drivers and all the traffic.)

We arrived at the hospital.(6:50) I was amazed my water still hadn't broken. We had a bit of a long walk from the parking lot to the hospital, rode the elevator and headed to our room. While I was walking past the nurses desk my midwife filled them in on where I was at. When she explained that I was fully dilated I head a resounding "Holy Crap!" from several of them.

I was so relieved to have arrived in the room - that I wouldn't have the baby at home or in the car or in the elevator. My back was feeling sore so my midwife started to run me a bath. I asked if I could sit on the toilet (what is it with me and the toilet when I'm in labor?) and she told me to go ahead. Then I realized I really wanted to push. She told me to go ahead. I did and my water broke. The next contraction I was thinking "Oh man, I'm going to deliver my baby into the toilet!" I told her I thought I'd better move. She agreed and shared that she'd had someone deliver into a toilet before and it wasn't the greatest thing. I knelt on the bed and leaned against the head of it which was raised. I couldn't control the urge to push and the baby started crowning. My midwife told me to wait until she had her gloves on! I think everyone was shocked about how quickly everything was happening.

Next thing we knew her head was delivered. I heard Peter and my midwife saying how amazing it was. She told me I could just relax and wait until I was ready to push again. I did. She told me to take it easy and Peter kept making sure that I was hearing what she was telling me. I think he was a bit freaked out for me since he had a very good view of what exactly was going on and didn't want me to tear. Her shoulders were the worst bit but they were quick and then she was here! Peter told me she was a girl. I admit I was surprised. I think I was convinced she was a boy.

(My Wonderful Midwife)




And the rest of the details are probably not as interesting. Her cord was very short so passing her through my legs to the front and having me turn around seemed like an acrobatic feat. I cannot describe the joy and utter amazement I felt when I first tried to nurse her and she actually opened her mouth and sucked and did what she was supposed to do! I wish we had a picture of my face it would have been classic.

I don't want to jinx anything by saying much but I can honestly say that she has been absolutely amazing so far. Just a totally different temperament to her sister. I am so incredibly relieved and thankful. I love my A so much but I honestly didn't know if I could do that again. My only complaint is that this girl loves to suck so much that she would stay on all day! This is hilarious in itself since her sister wanted absolutely NOTHING to do with breastfeeding! So strange.





It has been tiring since she is a bit hard to settle down at night, in the sense that when she appears to be all settled in and relaxed and I try to put her to bed she won't go for it because "Hey, I want a nipple in my mouth." But given the choice to have that or a kid who cries all night, refuses to eat and nothing makes her happy, I'll take this. It is comforting to me at least to know that I have the means to soothe her. It was awful to feel so helpless with A. I could just do nothing at all for her and it was a sickening feeling.

Anyway, I guess I had a lot to say after all. (What a surprise!) I have no idea when I'll get to post again. Miss A is coming home tomorrow and I imagine there will be a lot of adjustments going on around here in the next while and not nearly as much free time. Thank you all for your kindness and well wishes. You seriously have no idea how special that is to me.

Now Presenting... Baby B!

Hello all, this is a special update from Papa D. The new baby is finally here, born this morning at 7:28 am after 4 hours of labour! She weighs 8 lbs 15oz and is 20.5 inches long. We shall call her Baby B, and no, we are not going to have one child for every letter of the alphabet, although it sounds like a good idea to me, I believe I would be vetoed on that.

Baby and Mama D are doing just fine. Baby B is taking to breast feeding like she has been doing it all her life (actually, she has). They should be home soon but here are some pics to entertain in the meantime...

Strange

I really thought this baby would be here by now. Today is my official ultrasound due date. Not to say that things are happening, they are. At my appointment yesterday I was informed that I was 3-4 centimeters dilated, 50% effaced and some other stuff that is good. I've been crampy for about two weeks. My midwife had also told me that she would do a sweep if I hadn't had the baby by yesterday. So after she determined all the aforementioned stuff in her examination she then proceeded to do 'the sweep'. It was uncomfortable but since I seem to be able to tolerate things like turning my ankle around completely backwards it really wasn't so bad. Unfortunately, it's looking like I'll be going back for another 'sweep' today. She really wants to get this party started. Which is okay with me I guess.

To be honest I am starting to get a bit restless and paranoid. I was up this morning at 4:30 sitting in the bathroom, poking at my belly trying to get the baby to move. It must have been sleeping or something because it just refused to do anything. So I went back to bed and waited to feel it move. Which it eventually did. I don't know what my problem was. Delirious maybe?

So I continue to wait. And Miss A is sitting at the table doing a craft. Want to know what it is? She is making a 'puppet' out of a disposable breastpad that she found. I guess the way it folded in half made her think of a puppet. Humorous if nothing else.

Just in Case

I don't want that last grumpy post to be the one you are all stuck with in case I do actually have this baby in the next few days. I'll admit though, while I was sitting in A's room last night at 2am and she was telling me that she just wanted to stay "wif you" and I was all bitter and tired and painy I was imagining the kind of post I could write about that today.

Instead I'll post a couple of pictures. Perhaps the last of the belly that compels total strangers to say all manner of dumb things to me. Such as yesterday. Gas Station. Kindly older gentleman who is pumping my gas...

"When are you due?"

"Next week."

"Oh! You're gettin' pretty big!"

Grit teeth. Smile. Nod.



My hair looks shorter in that picture but it is actually just pulled back. I had it done on Monday. This is what it looked like when it was actually done nicely, I was less grumpy and actually felt kind of attractive.

Holy Grumpiness Batman!

If there was a super hero who was nine months pregnant and protected the world from criminals by taking them out with her incredible grumpiness I would be her. Thinking of myself as a super hero feels better than realizing that I am just a plain cranky Mama who is inflicting her horrible mood on everyone around her.

You know what really sucks? Knowing that you could give birth any day while your nearly 3 year old daughter is simultaneously getting her 2 year old molars. She is a mess. She is even moodier than I am if that is at all possible. So we are both being just awful to one another. And why don't we just throw in some potty training into the mix. For extra good times.

Oh yeah. It's fun around here. My mood is pretty bleak. But my midwife told me at my appointment tonight that the head is officially down. I suppose that might be a good reason. That and hauling around this gargantuan child. And having to tolerate the stupid comments of strangers every where I freakin' go. Seriously people. Shut up!

Any Day Now

So last night I was saying to Peter "In a week or so we could have another baby." He nodded at me silently. We both sat there looking at each other letting that knowledge sink in. We are going to have two kids soon. One of whom is going to be a tiny (or maybe not so tiny) baby who won't be able to tell us what's the matter. Wow. Deep breaths.

Fly Girl

HAPPY JULY 4TH!!!

Canada Day Celebrations

The church we go to has never had a building of it's own. We have always rented spaces. We have recently built a building that is nearly finished. It has been an exciting thing. I think it is so cool that we will be able to tell our kids that our financial contribution actually helped to build our church building. Anyway, it is located at the top of a hill which is a perfect location to watch the fireworks from.



So last night they had a big celebration with lots to do and it was open to anyone who wanted to come. There was quite a good turn out despite the fact that the mosquitoes far out numbered the people.

Here are some of the photos.

Balloon Animals



Face Painting

(It's serious business.)




Bouncy Castle

(Patriotically)



Peek a Boo

Happiness Is...

Eating watermelon on the couch.



Corn on the cob.



Sleeping in.



Swimming with your cousin in the backyard.



Being done work.



Watching a movie and eating popcorn.