Just in Case

I don't want that last grumpy post to be the one you are all stuck with in case I do actually have this baby in the next few days. I'll admit though, while I was sitting in A's room last night at 2am and she was telling me that she just wanted to stay "wif you" and I was all bitter and tired and painy I was imagining the kind of post I could write about that today.

Instead I'll post a couple of pictures. Perhaps the last of the belly that compels total strangers to say all manner of dumb things to me. Such as yesterday. Gas Station. Kindly older gentleman who is pumping my gas...

"When are you due?"

"Next week."

"Oh! You're gettin' pretty big!"

Grit teeth. Smile. Nod.



My hair looks shorter in that picture but it is actually just pulled back. I had it done on Monday. This is what it looked like when it was actually done nicely, I was less grumpy and actually felt kind of attractive.

A Lesson in Knowing When to Shut Your Mouth

So you are at the mall minding your own business when someone you know walks by. You turn excitedly to say "Hello" and realize that you don't actually know this girl. She smiles at you and asks you if you thought you knew her. You sheepishly tell her yes and instead of going on minding your own business you begin to walk alongside this girl and her young toddler who she's pushing in a shopping cart. You talk to the toddler in a goofy voice and she stares at you while sipping on her smoothie. You notice the girl is rather pregnant. You make some dumb remark about your observation. Then you start to ramble on about how your own daughter was married on the weekend and how you are so tired and happy that you took Monday off. The girl nods politely and you notice she looks tired too. Of course she does. She's pregnant and she has a small child as well. You decide to carry on your own way and continue going straight as they begin to turn the corner towards the grocery store.

THIS IS THE POINT WHERE YOU SHOULD WAVE GOODBYE AND NOT SAY ANOTHER WORD. THE WHOLE CONVERSATION HAS ALREADY BEEN REALLY STRANGE AND AWKWARD. THE GIRL HAS REALLY BEEN RATHER POLITE AND UNDERSTANDING CONSIDERING YOU DON'T ACTUALLY KNOW HER AT ALL. YOU DEFINITELY SHOULDN'T SAY WHAT YOU ARE THINKING FOR MANY REASONS BUT MAINLY BECAUSE YOU ARE A MAN AND HAVE NEVER CARRIED A CHILD. SO DON'T SAY IT, OKAY? DON'T. REALLY. DON'T.

"Are you having twins?"

YOU SAID IT.

"No."

And the girl's back is turned to you so you can't see her expression. You hope she isn't too offended. It was an honest mistake wasn't it? I mean, Wow! What a belly! Oh well.

*Peter took this picture on Sunday night. Does it look like I'm having twins to you? (If your answer is yes, I don't want to know.)