Tuesday, March 04, 2008

The Things I Have Learned

Well. This is officially my last week as a cripple. My last week as a non working one anyway. As of next Wednesday I am back to work and my family will be assuming our usual routine. To be honest, this scares the crap out of me a little.

You see I am a creature of habit. When I first broke my ankle things were crazy. I was in the hospital, having surgery, trying to get a grip on the fact that this really did happen. Once I arrived home I had to adjust to everything. I had no choice but to sit back and let everyone look after me/my family. This is a very hard thing for a control freak to do. But if you are forced to do it long enough you can get used to it. Longer still and you depend upon it. My fear as we approach this new independence once again is that we won't be able to do it. Which is silly, I know, because we were doing it before this all happened. Still... It freaks me out.

But here are some valuable things we have learned over the past several weeks.

My mom is awesome. We knew this, because she repeatedly displays her awesomeness over and over whenever we are struggling. (which unfortunately seems often) She has truly outdone herself this time into hella mega awesomeness. Though we have some ideas about ways we could even begin to repay her that task will be truly impossible.

I have learned that the world will not fall apart if I can't do anything. Also, that by doing so much I had caused Peter to be unsure as to whether he could do certain things. Most importantly, putting Miss A to bed. This is something I had always done. Sometimes, a burden I didn't want anyone else to have to deal with. I feel terrible that this was one of the many tasks that fell into Peter's lap when I was unable to do it. I feel terrible because it was totally unfamiliar territory for both him and A and because I hadn't shared the responsibility I caused them both undue stress when they had no other choice. Peter has been amazing. I have loved watching him handle things in his way and appreciate that it is different than my way. It was so important for both of us to learn that we can each to everything that needs to be done around here. Especially with another baby on the way. The way I was going before this accident I would have had a nervous breakdown for sure.

I have also learned that people are amazing but when it comes right down to it you have to know that it's all on you. There were a few times in the past weeks when I found myself thinking “Where are all those people who said 'if you need me call'?” I called. I left messages. Nothing. There were far, FAR more times when people where there. Sometimes before I called. Without being asked. Bringing food, visiting, babysitting, just being amazing in general. But there are still those times when you feel alone and it seems that no one is available. I found these times valuable too. Because I realized that I could survive them, no matter how much they truly sucked.

And finally I have learned that you can be a parent from the couch. It was difficult. Miss A and I both had to get used to it but we developed our routine. I can see how delighted she is to see me walking again. I don't think I will ever really know or understand how difficult this has all been on her. Early on her behavior was a good indication. Things seem to have settled down now.

I am excited to really get back to 'normal' but I'm happy to have been able to find positive lessons in this “garbage dump of a situation”. (I stole that from this freaking incredible movie)

8 comments:

jen k said...

its great you're gonna be out of your cast..
just be prepared to have a tough time walking w/o it again...
when i broke my foot, it took me weeks to get back to normal..my calf muscle had almost shrunk a little...but then again, you've been doing physio...so you could be totally fine...
well...i can't wait to get my hair did!!! see you soon!!!

elizasmom said...

I'm so sorry you've had such a lousy time of it but I am glad that there was a silver lining. I feel you about the control freak-y stuff. That is a lesson I have a hard time learning, so my hat's off to you for being able to do it.

It's great to have you back on the blogosphere!

bonrhe said...

Heh... I agree with you that there were lessons to be learned, but why are these lessons always so HARD to learn!?! And why is there often, actual physical PAIN involved!?! BLEAH!

I too am glad to have you back.

Elicia said...

Fantastic lesson to learn before baby number 2 shows up. Very crappy way to learn it. Hope things go well with your cast off!

Sugarmama said...

Wish I could be a parent from the couch. Sigh.

But seriously, I'm glad that you're officially all better. Hope the transition back to work isn't too rough (or too painful).

Beth said...

Wow. I'm so glad you're through this. I don't quite know how you did it. Well, I guess you've sort of explained how you did it but I guess I just wonder if I'd be able to cope. It sounds like all did wonderfully given the circumstances. Congrats on walking again. Glad that's over.

Jenn said...

Even the situation stinks it's great that you were able to learn some things through it and that Peter rose to the occasion! What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right!

ali said...

what a good post