Let's Try This Again, Shall We?

Any of you who have been reading for a while would remember Miss A's month long attempt at dance classes which began like this and ended like this. The whole experience was really quite depressing and I was sure that I'd be waiting for at least another year before trying this again, but... there was this whole matter of Miss A saying on several occasions "Mama, remember when I went to dance class? Maybe, I could go to dance class again." I was talking to a client of mine about it and she gave me the name of the studio that her daughter dances at. She started at the same age, the classes are much smaller than the studio we tried last time. Her daughter is loving it and doing very well. I figured since I'm back at work I could put some of my tips towards her classes and give it another try.

Not unlike last time she was thrilled to get her dance gear. Here she is practicing her moves in both her ballet and tap shoes. I'm surprised that all of the photos aren't blurry because she really didn't stop moving from the moment she put her shoes on.











This one looks posed but was totally by accident. (A good sign?)



I am trying not to get my hopes up to high this time but I think it will go a lot better. She's been in preschool for several months now so I think she'll find settling down and following instructions much easier. Monday is her first class, feel free to keep your fingers crossed.

As you can see the hairstylist in me couldn't resist giving her some 'ballet hair'.

No Doubt

Last night I took Miss A to be registered for dance class. At first I was a bit uptight since of course she refused to stand beside me, she had to be running around through the various adjoined dance studio rooms. A slightly older girl seemed to get a kick out of her and kept tabs on her while I waited in line and then filled out the paperwork.

She is enrolled in a toddler ballet/tap combo class. I also had to pick up ballet and tap shoes and luckily they have used ones on hand to buy for a reasonable price. Trying on these shoes stopped A in her tracks. She was thrilled with the tap shoes and once they were on she stood in front of the vast wall of mirror and tapped her feet on the floor while also swaying her hips. Then she noticed a ghetto blaster and attempted to turn it on for musical accompaniment. Everyone beamed at her.

This continued when we went to the dance store to buy her tights and bodysuit. We tried the bodysuit on over her onesie and she wouldn't let us take it off. She was prancing around in her shoes. There was also a bunny rabbit about her height that was dressed as a ballerina. It spent a great deal of time as her dance partner.

The thing I couldn't figure out was when we first arrived at the studio she was saying "I wanna dance, I wanna dance." as if she knew. But I have to wonder how? I guess I don't give her enough credit. All I know is that I no longer have any doubt that I should put her into dance class. It was only a matter of time.

Beauty

Beauty

This is a deep one folks.

The other day I was at the gym. From afar I noticed a young man who had filled in a couple of times teaching the swimming lessons A was in. Embarrassingly, I find him to be extremely attractive although he is very likely over ten years younger than I am. It got me thinking though, I bet his parents are very proud of him. And then I thought, proud of him because he's handsome? I mean, I'm sure there are other things they are proud of him for but I bet they are glad that their son is a good looking guy. Proud that they made such an attractive human being.

Seems weird, huh?

And then I got thinking about my niece who is getting married this December. The fact that she's getting married has made me think of her a lot. I've been thinking about her entire life. About what she was like as a baby, a little girl, a teenager and now as a woman about to get married. I can honestly say she is one of the most beautiful women I know. For so many reasons, but also in a purely shallow way. She is the perfect height and weight. She is ridiculously physically fit and has beautiful hair and skin. I know for a fact that my sister and brother in law think she is beautiful. And I know that it fills them with pride. I also know that they have conveyed this to her as she has grown up. Maybe not by repeatedly telling her she was beautiful (although I'm sure they did that as well) but in the things they didn't say. And I also must say that despite her beauty she is a completely humble and grounded individual. Yet she has the confidence of a person who knows they are attractive.

And then I thought about myself. And this is where it gets ugly... no pun intended. I do not now, nor have I ever felt beautiful. There have been times when I think I looked really great (my wedding day comes to mind) but no matter whether I am told I am beautiful or not, I don't think I ever in the core of my being believe it about myself. Thinking back to my niece and the way that I feel her parents raised her and gave her this self confidence from the time she was born, I believe this is what I lacked. Not to bash my own parents but once I was thinking about it I don't think I ever remember my parents ever telling me I was beautiful, or pretty, or even cute. I don't remember ever feeling like they thought that way about me. In fact, if anything I think I can remember trying to prove to them that I was or trying to seek approval about my appearance.

This gets better.

What if my parents had brought me up the same way my sister and her husband have brought up their daughter? Would I feel differently about myself? What if my niece had been raised the way I had, yet looked exactly the same way as she does right now. Would she feel as beautiful?

I know I'm covering really basic stuff here and you are likely all going, “Uh, yeah duh Mama D.” But for me this was a revelation. Thinking of beauty in terms of people I actually know and not in terms of celebrities.

Finally, this all made me think about my daughter. And how beautiful I think she is. How I try not to get carried away talking about how absolutely gorgeous I think she is. Because it feels like I'm bragging. It feels wrong. I have worried about her, because of her looks. I feel so unprepared to bring up a child that is so breathtakingly lovely when I am so... not. But I've decided that it's okay for me to think she's beautiful. And to tell her so. Because then maybe she'll grow up to be a woman who is confident in who she is. Who knows that she can do anything. And no matter what anyone else ever says, she'll know in the core of her being that she is beautiful. And she will succeed.

The Joy Being a Woman Brings

*Very girlie post. Any Fellas reading should consider yourself warned.

Since hitting my teens or perhaps even earlier I had heard women talk about PMS. Pre Menstrual Syndrome. I heard stories of cramps, headaches, backaches and crankiness. Then there were always the asinine comments by men about PMS and 'the rag' and how every time a woman is angry or frustrated with them, those must be the reasons why.

Once I actually started getting my period I was confused by all of it. (Here I go again, about to make everyone want to throw darts at my head.) I never usually had cramps, at least not very bad ones, and I also never had any of the other terrible symptoms that can go along with menstruating. It would often come and go without giving me a whole lot of trouble.

I got through all of my teens never having been on the pill. It wasn't necessary for me as I wasn't sexually active. My doctor put me on a pill called Diane-35 when I was about 24 hoping that it would help clear up my acne. (On a side note, it did. They don't prescribe it often because of the serious side effects it can have on some people.) During the two years I was on that pill I found my periods to be even less memorable than ever. They were shorter and there was less blood. (sorry for the graphic detail) Who wouldn't be happy about that?

I went off the pill in September 2004 and became pregnant that December. Before getting pregnant I did notice my periods being a little heavier again and that they lasted closer to a full 5-7 days but I still didn't seem to have any other symptoms. Then of course during pregnancy there were a whole lot of other girlie problems to deal with.

This is turning out to be a long story to get to my point. I'm sure you're all very surprised since I always take forever to get-to-the-point already. Anyway, as especially Bon knows I got my period back again when Miss A was about 8 months old. I was pretty sad about it since I was (am) still nursing and thought I wouldn't get it again until I quit. (ha ha, what a stupid myth!) And here is where I finally start getting to the point.

I have found that my postpartum periods have been just terrible. I feel crampy and tired. They have been really heavy and difficult to keep up with. And perhaps the worst of all, and something that I suspected since they started six months ago but I have now decided is a fact, I have relatively severe PMS. For like two weeks before my period. I am sensitive, cranky and weepy. I find I argue with my husband a lot during that time and I also get emotional with very little cause to do so. So, to sum up. Two weeks PMS, one week period, one week normal. (?) And that makes a month. It sounds pretty crappy when I break it down that way. This may be why life feels so hard sometimes. At least I've figured it out.

I guess since I've never really had these symptoms before I am having an extra hard time coping with them now. Not to mention running around after a toddler too. So I'm probably sounding like a huge wimp to most of you out there. It's okay, you can say it. But I'm curious, has anyone else found that their period has been more um... intense after having a baby? Or is it just me? I'm wondering if it's just a coincidence or something. And I'm hoping someone is going to tell me it gets better. Anyone?