I Yell

There are things we all do as parents that we aren't proud of. Things we try not to do. I yell. I don't like it. My kids don't like it (but it gets their attention which after all is the desired effect.)

Lately it feels like I've been yelling a lot. I think after a year of surviving sleep deprivation something has finally snapped. My body and mind have just said ENOUGH. I get frustrated ridiculously fast and next thing I know I'm shouting.

Yesterday I got thinking about my yelling and the impact it might be having on my kids. I'm sure there have been hundreds if not thousands of studies done on that very subject. I can guess that the findings are not positive. As it is, Miss A can often be found yelling "No!" at her sister to either keep her safe or to discourage her from touching Her toys. I ask her please not to yell and feel like a hypocrite.

Having said that I was thinking about all of the positive things that I/we are doing as parents. I was also thinking about the various things that parents do which can impact their children. To use one example, some parents can be incredibly soft, letting their kids get away with everything and/or coddling them. On the surface it may not seem as detrimental to their children as yelling however I believe it's impact can be just as harmful or worse.

Maybe I'm just trying to give myself an excuse to continue yelling but looking back at my own upbringing I know it wasn't the yelling that had the most negative impact on me. I will and do try my best to keep my voice even and calm. I know Miss A doesn't respond well to shouting and often responds with a loud "O-KAY!" And I'm often telling her to be mindful of her tone and the way she speaks to me and others. I know I need to do the same.

Differences

Here are some of the ways my two girls differ. And I'm talking about when Miss A was the same age.

Regarding breastfeeding

Miss A - Get those things out of my face right now before I spontaneously combust from anger.

Baby B - Wow! These are great, full of deliciousness. Please don't make me stop.

Regarding Noise

Miss A - Shut up!! How do you expect me to sleep with all this noise? The creaky floors. The talking. The whispering. The breathing.

Baby B - Don't mind me. Yell, scream, cry, have a tantrum. I might jump or frown but I'll just keep right on sleeping.

Regarding Bodily Functions

Miss A - I poop once a week. It is a big deal. Expect me to be miserable the rest of the time. How would you like to have that sitting around inside you for a whole week?

Baby B - I am a regular girl. I really like to go right after a fresh diaper change. Nothing I like better than a good dump. Well, maybe eating.

Regarding Sleep

Miss A - I don't really like to sleep. I prefer to cry for hours on end, especially between 11:00 pm and 5:00 am. And don't even try to make me happy. It's really just a waste of time.

Baby B - Okay, so I really like to eat. But other than that I'm good. No need to do anything else really, just put me back in bed once my belly is full.

Regarding Anger

Miss A - I am so angry. I don't really know why. The world just seems like a pretty unfair place if you ask me.

Baby B - Anger? Oh, you mean when I'm hungry and I'm not eating and I'd like to be eating? Yeah, I guess that makes me a bit angry. But only for like, a minute or so. And sometimes wiping my bum makes me mad. And when the bath water is a bit too cold.


So yeah. Wow. Mostly I am happy for Miss A that Baby B is so easy going. It is keeping us all pretty sane during a time when I was sure we'd all be losing our minds.

Here are some more pictures.

Issues

Okay. We are having issues. There's the bath phobia thing. Then this weekend Miss A had what I think you'd call a 'Night Terror'. It was SO scary! She woke up and when I tried the usual stuff that I do when this happens she started to freak out and scream and writhe and kick. She seemed afraid of me, she hid in the corner of the room and when she'd look at me she'd scream. No matter what I said I couldn't calm her down. Eventually, I left the room and called for Peter's help. I began sobbing uncontrollably because I just couldn't believe what was happening. Peter was somehow able to pick her up and soothe her and then we sat together in the living room for a while watching a show to make sure she was calmed down. She seemed fine all of a sudden and kept asking "Mama feel better?" She went back to bed relatively easily and slept the rest of the night without a problem. It took me a long time to go back to sleep since I was so freaked out by the whole ordeal. Has anyone else experienced this or anything like it?

We also seem to be struggling with eating right now. Like, not in a picky way. In a, I don't want to eat anything kind of way. She's nibbling on stuff but she really doesn't want to have anything to do with sitting down and eating a meal. This is SO not her. She is the girl who loves to eat. Who eats bizarre things. Who has a huge appetite.

And then there's the crying. Everything seems to make her cry these days. She's just really not herself. I would describe her as miserable actually. With very brief sunshiny moments. Not nearly enough sunshiny moments these days.

So I don't know. I'm feeling pretty down about all of this. I keep thinking about how I will deal with this stuff when I have a new baby to deal with as well. I know I will be lacking the patience I need to handle this stuff. To be honest I'm lacking the patience now. My belly is getting bigger and more in the way all the time and it makes it difficult to wrestle with a very strong toddler. I'm feeling a bit like I'm treading water and my legs are slowly turning to lead.

She Speaks!

We have moved on to sentences around here. Most of them start with “I want” and end in a variety of ways. For instance:

“I want DOWN!”
“I want Up!”
“I want juice!”
“I want bottle!” (b pronounced like a p)
“I want food.” (pronounced a bit like fuud)

But some other cute things she's been saying are “Again?” after every game we play or song we sing. And then I say “Again?” and she says “Okay!” The “Yee Haw!” thing I mentioned yesterday, she says this whenever she sees a horse or rides piggy back or now, when she's on the bike. She also says “What happened?” when she drops something on the floor or when 'something happens'. She also randomly says “Oh, Hi Mommy!” as though she just noticed I was there.



She also knows opposites really well. Down came first. Then we spent some time on the teeter totter saying “Up, Down, Up, Down” and she learned Up as well. I also give Elmo credit for that one. She learned Hot pretty quickly. Not she always says “Hot” when I give her a warm meal or when we get into the car. I'm not sure when and how she picked up Cold but she knows that one too. When I give her yogurt popsicles she'll say “Cold”. She also says it when we walk into the shade or when the wind picks up. The most comical one lately is “Push”. It is always said with an exclamation point at the end. She will say this whenever she's trying to get doors open, the fridge open or when dressing or undressing her babies. Lately she has started to say Pull as well. But “PUSH!” is still my favorite. I send my midwife a message the other day saying that perhaps Miss A would go into the midwifery profession as I often heard her say “Push! PUSH! All done.”

I also measured her height yesterday. She is measuring 34 ½ inches tall. After consulting the growth charts I see that she is indeed in the highest percentiles. It's weird Peter feels slightly saddened by this since he found being tall to be uncomfortable when growing up. I myself always wished I'd been taller. For her sake I just hope it serves her well in some way in whatever activities she chooses. I guess the career of jockey will likely be out of the question for her.



She continues to have no fear on the playground. She climbs almost anything without a moments hesitation. The other day we had to prevent her from following a ten year old boy who slid down a pole. She was convinced she could do the same. I hope she always has that attitude in life. “If he can do it, so can I!” For right now it's a little difficult to explain why that's not always the case.

The temper is as bad as ever although the tantrums seemed to have eased. Or I'm getting used to them or better at avoiding them. I referred to myself as a storm watcher the other day in regards to her and her anger being like the weather. I use that analogy a lot actually because I also have this theory that I treat her tantrums the way you treat a very bad storm. Take cover and wait for it to blow over. There is no stopping that kind of storm. And it's futile to get in it's way. It's probably something she just has to do every now and then to relieve the frustration that builds up inside of her. Whatever. It seems to work for us.

What's New?

I realize that I haven't given many updates about Miss A lately. Other than to reiterate what a handful she is. Let me tell you some of the cute and fabulous things she is doing these days.

In the morning after we have our snack and cuddle I ask her if she wants to go get the kitty. She excitedly climbs off the bed and stands at the basement door so we can go down and let him out of his room. (In case any of you are wondering why our cat sleeps in a room in the basement it is for the good of everyone. This way he does not disturb anyone's sleep and he gets to keep living.) Anyway, we go downstairs and she says “Kitty! Kitty!” and when we let him out she follows him up the stairs again, chatting in her own language.

At the end of an episode of 'The Big Comfy Couch' they say “And the Cow jumps over the Moon!” and she always says “MOON!” at that part. And then they have a logo for the production company which is called 'Radical Sheep' and there is a “Baaa!” noise to accompany it. A always does the “Baaa!” as well. It took me a while to figure out what she was doing. Then I felt guilty that she knows the show so well that she can do that. Then I forgave myself because it's a good show and she loves it.

She loves shoes. She can put almost all of her shoes on herself and she almost always puts them on the right feet without any help. She often puts on several different pairs in a row, as though she's trying to choose the right pair to go with her outfit. If I tell her certain ones to wear she usually knows which ones I'm talking about. She also enjoys wearing other peoples shoes. Especially flip flops. She doesn't have any of her own and I never had to show her how they fit between your toes, she just figured it out. She walks around in my flip flops and they look like snow shoes. She is surprisingly graceful in them too. When we walk in a shoe store she exclaims “SHOES!” almost before we're through the door.

She also likes hats. I have about three hats that sit on a shelf near the front door. She often gets them down and brings them to me. She'll wear one and hands one to me to wear. Then we switch. This game can go on for some time.

At bed time we rock in a chair in her room. She likes to have several stuffed animals on her lap at once. Then after a while she'll say “Bye” to each of them and toss them on the floor.

Family Reunion/Barbecue/Awfulness

So we had this family thing yesterday. And it was whack, yo. A cousin of mine was in town and another cousin hosted a BBQ so all family in the area (most of us are in the area) could see him. Never mind the fact that I'm not really close to this cousin or any of my cousins for that matter. But you know, whatever.

Whenever we have to go anywhere that we've never been before I always give myself a pep talk. Actually Peter and I give each other a pep talk. It goes something like this...

“Okay. The next two hours are pretty much going to suck. We'll take turns constantly following Monkey A around trying to keep her from:

a) Breaking anything
b) Climbing everything
c)Hurting herself (badly)

We can do this! Go Team!”

And I can honestly say we rarely worry for nothing. And today was no exception. Some of the highlights of the afternoon/evening:

-Trying to keep A from getting hit by some sort of golf ball sling shot type contraption that was part of a game akin to 'Horseshoes'.

-Trying to keep A from climbing in to the pond as though it was a pool.

-Trying to keep A from escaping out of the yard when the fence was left open.

-Worrying about A falling down a few cement stairs that she was fascinated with climbing repeatedly.

-Trying to get A to eat when there were SO many cooler things she could be doing mom, sheesh.

I think you get the idea. The worst part is that everyone tries to convince me that she is just an average normal (almost) 2 year old. Come on people! What kind of a moron do you think I am? I wasn't born yesterday. I've been around 2 year olds plenty. I happen to know for a fact that my kid is way more psycho than most. She does things that most kids don't even think of. She is constantly finding new ways to get into trouble. And... she. never. stops. So quit trying to tell me it's her age, she's fine, don't worry about it... I don't see YOU running around after her. That's my job.

I don't mean to complain. I love my A. I do. She's sweet, her personality is out of this world and she is going to grow up to be the most incredible woman. But man, does she tire a person out. We always leave that sort of function feeling totally drained and usually a bit depressed. We often vow to never agree to attend something like that again with Miss A in tow. But we never seem to stick to the rules we make up for ourselves.

For Pete's Sake!

(And no the bear was not strategically placed. That's just where I found it!)

This was the state of affairs I found Miss A in last night at approximately 11:00 PM. I am at a loss since she is getting out of her pajamas despite them being on backwards. The zipper is more at the side then the back but still... She hadn't figured out how to get out of her other couple of pairs but they are too hot for the summer. I have been looking for more zippered pj's but I'm having no luck. Anyone interested in getting together and inventing pajamas for kids that can get out of anything? I think there is a real market out there.

Today has already been rough and it's only 9:30. Perhaps because she normally isn't up until around now. There has been much crying and complaining. Here is photographic evidence. She looks a bit like Eliza don't you think?



To top it off she was 'helping' me with the laundry and because she is always moving at warp speed I didn't notice where she was and managed to smuck her in the head with the dryer door. Yay Mama! That was a classic move! Sigh.

My plan is to take her for a long walk this morning. With all the running back and forth to the hospital I haven't had any time for the gym this week. Blah!

The Blur

Now that the warmer weather has finally arrived we have been trying to get out more. We have started taking Miss A to various playgrounds which are close to our house. On Sunday evening the three of us went for a stroll and had a play on this fabulous structure. As you can see there are plenty of things on which our little monkey can hone her climbing skilz. Her Grandma would have had about five heart attacks if she had been there with us. “Watch out! She's going to fall. Don't let her do that. Please make her get down.”






I had to set our camera to the sports setting and still I often was only able to catch her blurry body running by.




I think her expression in this photo pretty much captures the level of excitement that she has for this activity.



The only downside to doing this sort of thing with her is convincing her that it is time to go home. Her Dada usually has to haul her away kicking and screaming. Poor little psycho.

I am looking forward to setting up her little inflatable pool in the back yard. (A couple of months from now, it's still WAY too cold for that yet) I think it's going to be a blast. Who knows I may even get a tiny bit of a tan. That would be astounding.

Why I Blog

I'm still trying to catch my breath after Easter. You would THINK that I would be rested because I took Saturday off which meant I had five, that's right FIVE days off in a row. But you see we traveled on Friday to see my mother in law and traveled back Sunday only to quickly unpack and head to my mothers for Easter supper. We were lucky enough to have Peter home on Monday as well but the day seemed to fly by with yet more food at my moms and my first class back at TaeKwon Do. (YAY!) And today wasn't much better. The A-ster and I were running all day. So needless to say I'm not feeling very rested. Sigh...

I do have a story for you all to enjoy. A story that will make the majority of my readers breathe sighs of relief that their children have never done such a thing.

The story takes place at Grandma D's house. Once we were settled in after the two hour drive most of which A spent sleeping the four of us were enjoying a bit of television together. Miss A often goes up to the television to point out something to everyone. Not a big deal. But for some reason she suddenly decided that it would be a good idea for her to try to climb the television. She placed one hand then the other on the top of the TV. We all sat there watching, yet seemingly paralyzed.

And then it happened. The TV began to fall. There was nothing any of us could do. And just like in an action movie Miss A somehow dodged out of the way of the falling television set. And stood there in shock as it sat screen down on the floor. I yelled her name out of instinct immediately causing her to begin crying. Peter set the TV back on the entertainment center only to find that the color was all messed up like the way a calculator screen goes all crazy when you push on it. Luckily we had a spare TV to use because, for goodness sakes what would we do without TV?

Grandma was very gracious and not at all angry. She was just so relieved that A wasn't hurt as were Peter and I but once those feelings wore off we were just blown away by the fact that our offspring had just destroyed something so expensive. She now holds the record in both our families for the most expensive thing wrecked by a grandchild.

I can't help but be embarrassed. I feel negligent. What if she had gotten hurt? Then I guess I'd just feel worse. Seriously, I didn't order such a busy, rambunctious, monkey of a child. I ordered a well behaved, calm, relaxed one. Who messed up my order?

We offered to buy Grandma a new television. Of course she declined. She 'needed' a bigger one anyway. Not to worry. Yeah. Thanks Grandma. We promise to keep her away from all of your expensive appliances from now on. Or bring a medium sized cage to keep her in when we visit.

My only consolation when stuff like this happens is that I can blog about it. Imagining the shocked looks, the “Oh No!”'s, the hands held up to you mouths when you read that A almost pulled a television set down on top of herself, makes it all worth while. Knowing that someone can feel comforted by the fact that while their child may be mischievous and get into their fair share of trouble they have never broken a television. That friends, brings me comfort and it is the reason I blog.

Something for the Scrapbook

Due to the graphic nature of this post (mentioning pee and poo which I refuse to call anything other than those names) viewer discretion is advised.

Okay. Something really weird happened yesterday. As Miss A was finishing her lunch she started getting what I like to call the “doin' her business” face. And let me say now if I haven't mentioned it before that we've had the potty set up in our bathroom for a while now. You know just for her to get used to the idea. She's sat on it many times (mostly with her clothes on) and wiped her (clothed) bum with toilet paper. So she had the idea. Also my mother had been hassling me lately, telling me that she was so obvious when filling her diaper that she'd be 'easy' to potty train. Ha! I thought.

But today when I saw that face I thought, what the heck. So I explained that 'we' were going to sit on the potty. We took off her diaper and down she sat. I read her a book a few times in a row as she sat there and wiggled around a bit. I honestly didn't think she was doing anything at all until I smelled a little something. I assumed that she may have left a tiny poo behind which I would celebrate with her anyway. Then we looked through a home decorating magazine after which she seemed to want to get off the potty.

When she did I was shocked and surprised to see that there was a tiny amount of pee and a very nearly adult sized poo sitting in the potty. Quickly I started clapping my hands (as I've been told you should celebrate and congratulate the child) and saying 'Yay! Good girl! You went on the potty!' She clapped her hands also but seemed a bit confused and also shocked about what was in there.

I had to take a picture (I know what you're thinking but I'm comfortable with the fact that I'm a sicko) and I immediately emailed it to Peter at work with little explanation. He promptly called me back for further details. I can hardly wait to scrapbook this poo photo using decorative brown and yellow paper and stenciling 'Miss A's first Poo on the Potty!' JUST KIDDING!!! But it will make a great bribery photo when she's a teenager. “By all means A, go ahead and disobey me. Just expect to see that photo of your first poo in the newspaper next week.”

Now before anyone gets all “I can't believe you potty trained your child at 18 months!” let me be clear. I haven't! In fact now I'm feeling all this pressure to start potty training. When I put her on the potty I didn't actually think she'd do anything! I started getting all stressed about it after it happened like, so does this mean I have to start potty training or what? But she can't really tell me that she needs to go. How are we going to do this? I don't know what I'm doing... AhhhhH! Then I took some deep breaths and realized that I can take things slowly and gradually. And that is what we are doing. Today we haven't used the potty at all. Maybe after her nap. Maybe not.

But it's still exciting. The prospect of not having to buy diapers anymore is exciting. I know I have the accidents, bum wiping and so forth to look forward to but still... exciting. And although the poo photo exists and I'm tempted to post it because I am sick like that I'll simply post a shot of the infamous potty...

Tantrum Update 2007

Thanks to all of you who gave me any advice on toddler tantrums. Especially to my friend KT who actually contacted her sister-in-law (Early Childhood Educator) on my behalf. I've been taking it all in and applying advice as necessary. Upon re reading my post I realized that I made myself sound completely incompetent which, although that's how I may feel, is not exactly accurate. I will give myself some credit and say that after reading more about how to correctly deal with tantrums I have found I'm doing a lot of those things already.

I do find that the majority of things I read or am told apply more to slightly older children. She's really too young yet to understand if I try to explain stuff to her for instance “We are running late so I'm going to carry you instead of letting you walk down the stairs yourself because it'll take forever!” or “You can't run around on that wet floor because you're going to fall and crack your head open!” or “You can't have that pen because you are going to scribble all over the door (again) or yourself.”

But I am learning what is likely to set her off and so I can try to avoid it. Except for those times when it's just something random or a tantrum has resulted in pure fatigue, which is sometimes unavoidable. I don't know if it's getting better or if I'm getting better at dealing with them. Or just getting used to them. Except that eardrum piercing scream. I could never get used to that.

If nothing else I have a lot of great ideas that are going to be awesome as she gets just a bit older. Such as setting a timer for when it's time to get out of the bath. That one will be awesome. Right now it would be all - Ding! “Hey, that was a cool noise! Let me have that thing so I can bring it into the tub with me, I won't break it. What do you mean I can't? But I want it... I need it! Give it to me!! WAAAAHHHH!!!”

Um. Yeah. That's pretty much how it would go down.

But I do try to explain things to her. Even if I think she won't understand, because really, she's pretty smart. And she'll catch on eventually. Just look at me. Once I was just a girl with a new baby. Now I'm a Mama.

Deaf by Thirty-Five

Things have been a little low around here the past couple of days. There's been some lack of sleep due to really bad headaches and teething. Temper tantrums (Miss A's) have been at an all time high. I've been asking people I know with children if they can feel their eardrums rattle when their kids scream, because I can. The general consensus has been “no”. Bad news for us I guess. I'm predicting that Peter and I will be stone deaf by the time she's five, if not sooner.

I keep asking myself if there is something more I could be doing. I've tried various things. Ignoring her, getting cross and raising my voice, being calm and trying to calm her as well. Nothing works. It's like a hurricane that you just need to wait out. To be honest I'd like to put her outside at these times and board up my doors and windows.

Of course I've been getting a lot of advise. Some I've asked for and some I haven't. I take this advice differently depending on my mood. The most promising thing I'm told is that she'll grow out of it. But then I ask, “when?” and no one knows.

I love her, she's a great kid but lately there have been days when I think “I just can't handle another tantrum, I can't.” But then she'll have one because she doesn't want to get out of the bath or because she doesn't want her jammies on or because life is just so HARD!!! And somehow I get through it and put her to bed. Then I play Unreal Tournament which usually makes me feel better.

So because I had an adequate amount of sleep last night and I'm in a pretty good mood I'm welcoming any advice anyone might have on dealing with temper tantrums. Specifically for 18 months olds. Reasoning with her just isn't happening yet. Ready...Go.

The Best $2.99 I Ever Spent

I'm not sure if any of you out there are familiar with a show by the name of 'The Big Comfy Couch'. It's a Canadian show. It's basically about a clown named Loonette who has a doll named Molly and friends named Major Bedhead and Granny Garbanzo. There is singing, dancing and stories. There is also a cat named Snicklefritz.

A is in love with this show. IN LOVE. It just happened to be on a few times and we discovered how much she paid attention to it. How she smiled, laughed and danced when it was on. Sometimes she even tries to do the 'Clock Stretch'.

So the other day I went to Value Village. I checked out the toy section as usual. I often find vintage Fisher Price toys but on this particular visit I find something better... A Molly doll. I couldn't actually believe it and didn't have to think twice about buying it. Toys are ridiculously cheap there anyway. As long as they are easy to wipe down or throw in the washing machine (that's where Molly ended up soon after arriving to our residence) then they are keepers.

When I brought Molly home that evening I think I became the most popular Mama ever. A immediately knew who she was and tucked her under her arm. By morning she'd forgotten about her which was good because Molly was having a bath and air drying on top of the dryer that day. The following day however I made the mistake of introducing them again before breakfast. A would not be separated from Molly. Molly sat in the highchair with her during breakfast and was even offered toast to share. I had to take pictures because I thought it was sweet although I had to suppress my OCD and not worry that the freshly washed dolly was getting crumbs and butter all over her clean self.

It was rewarding to spend $2.99 and bring so much joy to Miss A. I hope she continues to appreciate affordable gifts as she gets older...

Diapers are for Babies

I knew it was coming. I predicted it here. No amount of wishing it wouldn't happen could have stopped it.

Yesterday Miss A was in her crib 'napping' she took off every stitch of clothing which included – diaper, tights, onesie and jeans. Her diaper had poo in it. She gleefully smeared in all over her bottom sheet. After inspecting and cleaning her up it seemed she did most of the job with her feet.

Overall I thought I handled it quite well considering how frustrated I felt, not only with what she'd done but also with yet another day of nap refusal. I did count my blessings that she hadn't smeared it on the wall or anything that wasn't easily washable. I didn't even think of getting a photo. Although I guess that some of you with weak stomachs wouldn't be interested in seeing that anyhow.

As you can see she just doesn't think anyone should be wearing diapers or clothes for that matter. She gets very upset when I attempt to redress her dolls. Strange.







I am praying for a quick end to this phase. I'm not sure I'm up to it really. Not to mention I'm fairly certain that if Peter was confronted with the same mess he might just toss his cookies.

We've Come Along Way Baby

Just over seventeen months ago when I was dealing with a brand new jaundiced baby, breast pumps and Mastitis I would have never been able to relate to the feelings I'm having today.

Today and for the past couple of weeks Miss A has been increasingly uninterested in breastfeeding. This seems to occur mostly during the before and after naps feedings. We go about our usual routine and when I try to lay her back for a drink she cries and wants to stay sitting up. She will usually cuddle, suck her thumb and even lay her head down on my shoulder but when I try to lay her down again she protests.

I have been comfortable with the way she's been self weaning until now. It's been gradual, painless and even convenient. But I'm wondering if she's nearly ready to stop altogether and to be honest I'm feeling a bit distressed about it. I had fully intended on continuing until she was two, now it's looking like we won't make it that far.

It's funny because like I said, at the beginning we had so many struggles and I often considered quitting but I pushed through. I honestly didn't think I'd be upset when she one day decided to quit. In fact I thought I'd be happy. But the thing is I'm not. I'm not exactly sad either, just confused. I'm not sure if I'm reading her right or not.

At this age there are a lot of situations where it's like “Listen, I know you want to climb up on the dresser but it's not safe and I want the best for you so get down please...” I'm wondering if this breastfeeding thing is the same, that I need to be persistent because I know what is best. Perhaps she thinks she's too busy for it. My concern is if she stops nursing in the afternoon my milk supply will definitely drop. I know, I keep forgetting how amazing our bodies can be and that they adapt in whatever way it needs to.

I also don't want to try to force her to continue if she is truly done. Since this is my first time I have no idea how to go about this. Also, I imagine it's different with every child. Sigh. I would appreciate any ideas, opinions or suggestions that any fellow breastfeeders may have. And for those of you who might be all “You're STILL breastfeeding and your kid is 1 and 1/2!? Gross!” Well, yes I am. And no, it's not.

Feeling Like Good Parents

About two weeks ago Peter and I were making supper together. He was on biscuit detail. Miss A decided that her Dada needed her assistance. I was making turkey meatballs so my hands were a mess and Peter's were covered in dough and flour so neither of us were able to stop her.



We were both standing there cringing as she became covered in flour but then we stopped and realized – Hey, she's having fun. The flour would come off and eating some dough wouldn't kill her. We relaxed. We even let her use the cookie cutter to help make the biscuits.




Eventually she became bored and discovered that making supper is hard work. I think you can see that here in her expression. (the same expression I wear when I am making supper) I brushed the flour off and away she went.



It was a neat moment (or few moments) for Peter and I. We realized that sometimes we are so busy telling her to not touch that, be careful, don't do that, get down... that we forget to let her just have fun. When we saw how happy she was to just get up there and 'help' even though we knew it would be an awful mess, it was worth it.

I predict that Miss A will teach us many lessons like this one along the way. Getting her parents to just lighten up already! Parenting is a journey, isn't it?

Battle of the Wills

Cons of Having a Strong Willed Child

-it's difficult to get them to do anything you want them to do unless you trick them into thinking it's their idea.

-once they decide something it's almost impossible to get them to change their minds

-they are prone to temper tantrums

Pros of Having a Strong Willed Child

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I haven't thought of any yet. Just kidding. Sort of. Lately I have been fighting with A in regards to her nap. On Sunday, she won. I didn't put up much of a fight. I had memories of the last time she tried it when not only did she win but she also reduced me (okay, I can't blame her) to a sobbing mess over the whole thing. So Sunday, I decided, fine, don't nap. Then you'll find out how tired you'll be by the evening and you'll regret it. I was right about the tired part. But I'm not convinced she regretting anything. And it happened again on Monday. I fought harder that time but eventually she won. Again. Yesterday she actually did nap. But not without a big screaming, kicking, fight about it.

I'm wondering if this is the end of the naps. Maybe I'm getting ahead of myself but two days in a row doesn't bode well. I'm quietly getting ready for it. I'm trying to mentally prepare. It's not exactly the best time for nap elimination given my current state of mental health or lack thereof. But it seems that trying to enforce napping is more difficult to cope with than giving in.

I'm not sure what I will do without my little slice of alone time in the afternoon. It's a bit scary really. I'd appreciate any tips on this transition from those of you who've been through this before. Keep in mind that I'm not much of a drinker. (Ha ha!)

Not Alone

The other day I had the most amazing conversation with a friend of mine. We had been playing phone tag and then we eventually caught up with one another. She and I were very good friends when we were younger. We both got married and she moved pretty far away and we kind of drifted apart. Not emotionally, just physically. We really lost touch with one another for a while.

We both have children now and since then I have found that we have gradually reconnected. She recently moved back 'home' and somehow that seems to have made a difference. Knowing that she is physically living closer now makes it seem that much easier to reconnect.

While talking to her on the telephone the other day I was amazed to find that we are still just as close as ever. We had absolutely no trouble opening up to one another the same way we did when we were seventeen, writing letters back and forth. We were surprised to find that we are living rather parallel lives at the moment. Sharing very similar struggles that are very real and very frightening. Though our situations are serious we managed to laugh at ourselves and find comfort in the fact that we are not alone.

After hanging up the phone that night I cannot express the renewed feeling I had. I was so thrilled to have been able to have such a great conversation with her and I realized just how much I'd missed her presence in my life. And knowing that although our lives may not be perfect, we have each other to lean on for support. And that's the kind of thing that makes it easier to get out of bed in the morning (or in the middle of the night as it may be.)

Ashamed

Never in the span of almost 2 years (coincidently the timespan of Miss A's life) have I behaved in so many ways that are uncharacteristic and unpleasant. Parenting has at times brought the very worst out in me. My inner crazy person comes out, the one that is usually hiding just under the surface waiting for the opportunity to rear it's ugly, horrible head.

This crazy person appeared at 3:30 am Sunday morning. Well okay, more like 4:30 am after it became clear that Miss Monkey Doodle A the First was not interested in going back to bed. I tried to be patient, to wait it out. She'd have to get tired eventually, right? Right. Several hours later, at 7:00 am she went back to bed. Prior to that time there was much frustration, some yelling and plenty of tears. Most of which belonging to me. My lovely husband was convinced I had lost it and frankly, I think I had.

We went back to be for about three hours and then got up for church. Getting a bit of sleep didn't make me feel better. I had this awful guilty feeling hanging over me from the night/morning before. I kept thinking that I should have handled things better. Asked myself why I'd gotten so upset. I didn't come up with any answers really.

With two good nights sleeps under my belt I am feeling more normal again. The memory of my unsavory behavior is fading. Yet I know it's just a matter of time before it happens again. Another night will come when A just doesn't want to sleep. Those are the times when I wish I was a celebrity and I could just get my live in nanny to take over. How much do live in nanny's cost these days anyway?

Happier Times

Peter is home now and I can't express how great it is to have him around again. I commend all of you single mothers out there. I really don't know how you do it.

Logically I should be well rested. I've been getting a decent amount of sleep for at least a week. Yet, I feel exhausted. In a way that I don't think I have been before. It is the strangest and scariest feeling.

Sadness is my only explanation. Being sad takes a lot out of a person. Miss A is a great distraction but she can also be a contributer to fatigue and stress. I picked up an extra day at work this week to try to make up for the three days that I missed. Though my week has only just begun I already feel so very, very tired.

The bitterly cold weather may not be helping my mood or my desire to get out and get some fresh air. It only makes me want to stay in bed with my electric blanket and hide.

Having Peter home again is helping me to feel better. We are getting back into our routine and having his help with things again is alleviating the stress I was feeling.



I took this picture last night of my two favorite people and I thought it was too sweet to keep to myself. When I have smiles like that to look at how could I be sad?