Still a Baby, Yet Also a Girl

My girl she is a growin' up. She is in this weird phase right now between baby/toddler and little girl.

We are still breastfeeding a tiny bit. And given her age and how smart she is I am amazed that she's never asked for it or tried lifting up my shirt or anything like that. What she does do however is tell me when “It's all gone.” She'll stop nursing and lift her hands up almost into a shrug and exclaim “It's all gone.” and then we switch sides. She'll do the same on the other side. The first time she did it I thought she was playing but she's deadly serious. I think it's the funniest and cutest thing.

We have been gradually working on the potty training thing. She doesn't ask to go but if I ask her if she has to go she'll enthusiastically run to the potty. And regardless of whether or not she actually goes she flushes the toilet, waves and says “Bye, bye poo!”

When we are changing her diaper now she'll ask “Is it a poo?” and if it's not she'll say “Just pee.” She is totally mimicking me because I think I have always said that while changing her diaper since she was born.

It's so funny what they learn and what they are paying attention to. It makes me a little nervous actually. I never know what she's going to say next!

We've Come Along Way Baby

Just over seventeen months ago when I was dealing with a brand new jaundiced baby, breast pumps and Mastitis I would have never been able to relate to the feelings I'm having today.

Today and for the past couple of weeks Miss A has been increasingly uninterested in breastfeeding. This seems to occur mostly during the before and after naps feedings. We go about our usual routine and when I try to lay her back for a drink she cries and wants to stay sitting up. She will usually cuddle, suck her thumb and even lay her head down on my shoulder but when I try to lay her down again she protests.

I have been comfortable with the way she's been self weaning until now. It's been gradual, painless and even convenient. But I'm wondering if she's nearly ready to stop altogether and to be honest I'm feeling a bit distressed about it. I had fully intended on continuing until she was two, now it's looking like we won't make it that far.

It's funny because like I said, at the beginning we had so many struggles and I often considered quitting but I pushed through. I honestly didn't think I'd be upset when she one day decided to quit. In fact I thought I'd be happy. But the thing is I'm not. I'm not exactly sad either, just confused. I'm not sure if I'm reading her right or not.

At this age there are a lot of situations where it's like “Listen, I know you want to climb up on the dresser but it's not safe and I want the best for you so get down please...” I'm wondering if this breastfeeding thing is the same, that I need to be persistent because I know what is best. Perhaps she thinks she's too busy for it. My concern is if she stops nursing in the afternoon my milk supply will definitely drop. I know, I keep forgetting how amazing our bodies can be and that they adapt in whatever way it needs to.

I also don't want to try to force her to continue if she is truly done. Since this is my first time I have no idea how to go about this. Also, I imagine it's different with every child. Sigh. I would appreciate any ideas, opinions or suggestions that any fellow breastfeeders may have. And for those of you who might be all “You're STILL breastfeeding and your kid is 1 and 1/2!? Gross!” Well, yes I am. And no, it's not.

Sleepy Head

We have been having some issues over here at my house. Some sleep issues. Now I know that several of you would say that I deserve it. After having months of restful nights when Miss A slept for at least ten hours in a row. But it's payback time. She has consistently been getting up at least once every night. What's worse it's usually at around 4:00 AM. Yuck. The worst part about that hour or the next three is that they are so close to morning. You have already been sleeping a long while, but not long enough. When you try to go back to sleep your body is confused and thinks that you've slept enough and it seems to take forever fall asleep again. If she must get up, any hour earlier than 4:00 AM is preferred.

On a few rare occasions she has decided that 4:00 AM is a totally acceptable time to get up. I strongly disagree. I am firm and insist that she, at the very least, must stay in her bed. She will chatter away to herself and play with her stuffed toys, aquarium and crib toy. Eventually she falls asleep again. I then have no idea how much sleep she actually got since I usually fall asleep despite still hearing the chatter coming from her room.

Some of you may be surprised to learn that I am still breastfeeding. Not a lot. Just first thing in the morning, before and after her nap (if I'm not working) and before bed. Oh yeah and IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT if she gets up. Since she went for months sleeping through the night, not nursing at all I know that she can do it. Therefore I can't say that hunger is the reason for her waking. We've even tried giving her a bottle in the evening to help 'fill her up' in case she's just not getting enough from me. (Breastfeeding so infrequently has definitely decreased my milk supply)

I know that her waking up could be due to any number of reasons. Growth spurt. Teething. Nightmares. Who knows what the reason is. I do feel lucky to have had it so good for so long. However that doesn't make it any easier to deal with now. In fact it may be harder because I've grown accustomed to getting more sleep.

Now here is the part where I ask the internet for advice. Or suggestions. First let me start by telling you that I don't jump out of bed and run to her room the moment I hear her cry out. So those of you in the cry it out camp can be assured that I wait to see if she'll just fall back to sleep. On the other hand sometimes I think I have unintentionally shot myself in the foot by letting her complain too long, in turn giving her too much time to fully wake up, making it harder to get her back to sleep. This usually happens when I am so tired that it takes me forever to drag myself out of bed. At those times I am having a groggy argument with myself – “Get up, she's crying. Don't bother, she'll go back to sleep. She's not going back to sleep, get up! I don't want to get up.” etc. Also, once when we tried the whole 'fill her up' with a bottle before bed she peed so much it leaked out of her diaper and onto her pajamas and I'm assuming that she woke up because she was wet. So what do you think? Is there anything else I can try? Or should I just suck it up?

And I will wrap up this gripey little post with the most hilarious picture I have ever taken of Miss A. This was taken last Friday morning. She usually gets up in her own good time except on Fridays and Saturdays when I work in the morning. On those days I often take my camera into her room in attempts to catch the rare sleeping picture. On this occasion she heard me coming in and started to get up. And then I captured this priceless photo of my sleepy headed baby. I have seen her father in the morning with the exact same impression on his face.

We Interrupt Our Current Program

So here it is, as promised my television interview.

Here are some interesting tidbits of information.

#1 The 'set' that we filmed on was in a huge warehouse sized room. Although the laminate flooring appears to go on and on, it doesn't. About a foot (maybe) in front of where I am sitting it just drops off and below the 'set' is concrete floor. Someone who saw the interview asked, was I hanging on to Miss A's sleeve to try to keep her on camera? No. I was trying to keep her from walking off the set and splitting her head open.

#2 You'll notice my husband's voice dubbed in “Mama D” and “Baby A” near the beginning of the interview. Just for fun he did it in a cheesy voice. I'm not sure how many times she said our names but it was a lot. Also the white bar at the bottom during the clip is protecting our identities. We also edited out the names of the midwives and the lactation consultant that I mentioned. So when the audio cuts out, that's why.

#3 During the 7 minute interview I say “breastfeed” or “breastfeeding” six times and the interviewer says it three times. I also saying “pump” or “pumping” seven times. I only counted once, I may be a bit off. I also said “Like” a couple of times.

You can see at the beginning of the interview Miss A is having some snacks. As I mentioned here she soon decides they would be more fun to throw than eat. Then she decides to play 'horsey' and eat them right out of my hand rather than pick them up. At this point she begins rubbing her eyes, classic “I'm tired” behavior. I consider it lucky that we didn't have any sort of screaming or head throwing during the interview.

My voice sounds pretty husky in this interview. I was still getting over a bad cold which caused me to actually lose my voice altogether. Another thing that annoys me is that I mention how I would bottle feed her what I pumped while I was at work. Obviously, I wasn't the one who bottle fed her while I was working. There I go again, trying to take credit for EVERYTHING around here.

I have watched it several times now and I can do it without cringing. I think the interview went pretty well. I don't know how inspiring I was or how many Mamas or expectant Mamas were actually watching but if there were I hope I was interesting at the very least. I'm glad I agreed to do it and if I was ever asked to do anything like that again I wouldn't hesitate to say yes.