Ashamed

Never in the span of almost 2 years (coincidently the timespan of Miss A's life) have I behaved in so many ways that are uncharacteristic and unpleasant. Parenting has at times brought the very worst out in me. My inner crazy person comes out, the one that is usually hiding just under the surface waiting for the opportunity to rear it's ugly, horrible head.

This crazy person appeared at 3:30 am Sunday morning. Well okay, more like 4:30 am after it became clear that Miss Monkey Doodle A the First was not interested in going back to bed. I tried to be patient, to wait it out. She'd have to get tired eventually, right? Right. Several hours later, at 7:00 am she went back to bed. Prior to that time there was much frustration, some yelling and plenty of tears. Most of which belonging to me. My lovely husband was convinced I had lost it and frankly, I think I had.

We went back to be for about three hours and then got up for church. Getting a bit of sleep didn't make me feel better. I had this awful guilty feeling hanging over me from the night/morning before. I kept thinking that I should have handled things better. Asked myself why I'd gotten so upset. I didn't come up with any answers really.

With two good nights sleeps under my belt I am feeling more normal again. The memory of my unsavory behavior is fading. Yet I know it's just a matter of time before it happens again. Another night will come when A just doesn't want to sleep. Those are the times when I wish I was a celebrity and I could just get my live in nanny to take over. How much do live in nanny's cost these days anyway?