A Total Winner

Beth is a lucky name. Beth from Total Mom Haircut gave the first correct answer to this week's Say WHAT?



I contemplated my quote. At first I thought it might be too easy, then too obscure but it's one of my favorite lines in the film, it's so quirky. That scene captures so perfectly the awkwardness of our teen years. That is, if we had the opportunity to go to a secret party of sweaty dirty dancers and had a much older man whisk us onto the dance floor and gyrate his pelvis into ours. Sadly, this never happened to me. Except in my dreams.



The quote is from 'Dirty Dancing' yet another inappropriate (for my age) movie I saw when I was 11. I believe it was the first movie we rented and watched on our *game show host voice* Brand New Video Cassette Recorder! From the moment it began I was enthralled. An ordinary young girl going on a summer holiday where she learns how to dance and falls in love with a hunky guy. That could be me! Except I was 11, and that would just be wrong. Needless to say I had a huge crush on Patrick Swayze and after seeing that movie bought a gynormous (yes it is a word!) poster of him to put up on my wall tout de suite. (are y'all impressed with my use of francais?) He was old enough to be my father (my actual father is much older) but it didn't matter cause man, could he dance. This may explain my current obsession with this show. (watch the clip or suffer my wrath!)

I had to quote from this movie since some people don't think it's worthy of being on my list of 7 movies I could watch over and over again. I guess you should have watched it a few more times after all Big Fugr!

Till tomorrow, Ciao! (Oooh, Italian! But no, I am not your slave.)

Say WHAT?

Before posting todays Say WHAT? I would like to share a Haiku poem I wrote about Blogger. This is my first time attempting a Haiku so I may not have it right. Let me inspire you to leave me your Haiku poetry about blogger in my comments along with your Say WHAT? guesses.

Oh Blogger
How I hate thee
You suck!


With that let us begin my new game Say WHAT? How do you play? Basically I post a quote from an 80's movie and you all leave me your guesses in the comments. I will announce the winner on Sunday night and if the winner has a blog, I'll link them. If they have I profile picture I'll post that too. Beth from Her Majesty's Throne (her site is temporarily under construction) won last week and she was quick on the draw so, good luck everyone!



Here is today's quote. (Not that you need any hints but my first few Say WHAT?'s are going to be taken from my most favorite 80's movies. (See my profile.)

"I carried a watermelon."

I Spy With My Little Eye

Something I love to do when I get the chance is to spy on my daughter. I love to watch her when she doesn't know I'm looking. I find this to be one of the most entertaining things ever. I used to do this all the time at the door of her bedroom a few months ago when she just started to play with her crib toys. I thought is was the cutest when I'd see her little feet and hands reaching up to make a button squeak or a wheel spin. We have a little aquarium that she used to turn off and on with her foot. She could be happy doing that for days. This is it, only the baby in this picture has teeth. TEETH! You know, those things that my baby is never going to get. She'll be the first toothless Supermodel.



Once she learned how to get up on her hands a knees she began head butting everything. Especially the little green squeaking button on this thing.



She had tiny little bruises on her forehead that matched the design on the button. Peter and I would stand at her door stifling our laughter. It was amazing to watch all the things she was beginning to do. Had it really been that long ago when she would just lay in her crib on her back and not do anything?

Now that Little A has learned to stand I don't often peek in to her room unless I mean to go in. Her eyesight is keen and if she catches site of me she'll expect me to come in. But when I get the chance I do enjoy a bit of spying. Watching as she plays by herself. It is truly a sight to behold.

I don't much care for her new bed and nap time routines which involve her waking immediately after I lay her in her bed, rolling over, standing and crying hysterically. I can't think of many things that would be more fun than being her own personal human bed. Oh wait, yes I can. That would be just about anything. Not that I don't bask in the beauty of my darling baby asleep in my arms, but come on. A mama's got to get stuff done. Like dishes. Laundry. Or sleeping! Especially the sleeping, which is pertinent to a happy mama the following day. So, no baby, I do not enjoy letting you sleep on me the rest of the night when you wake up at 2:45am. Almost as much as I don't enjoy getting up at that ridiculous hour. So I apologize for your unhappiness about this. Life is hard. I teaching you early. Some day, you'll thank me. I promise.

This current sleepy time unpleasantness is slightly relieved if I am able to spend some quite time standing at the door to her room watching Baby T.V.

Getting Back on the Horse...and man, does it hurt!

This is the week I started getting back to the gym. And also to TaeKwon Do. It's not as if I've been sitting around on my butt all the time or anything. If it's nice out, we go for a walk. And I do work 16 hours a week. While I'm at work I am constantly on my feet (except when I eat my lunch/supper and pump) or scurrying around mixing colors and such. But it's not the same. I get no satisfaction from leisurely walks or busy days. I need to get my sweat on. I need to make my instructor think “Wow! That girl is really working hard!” It's sick, I know. I think it stems from my childhood. My parents rarely told me that they thought I was doing well, working hard or that they were proud of me. They were I guess, they were just too busy (getting drunk) to say it. (That was a bit mean. I'm kind of sorry.) Anyway, now as an adult I crave positive feedback about everything I do. I go above and beyond to try to impress people. Even if I can't walk the next day.

Such was the case On Monday night. Baseball night. Yes, I went back. I'm no quitter. I may hate it but I'll soldier on. Actually, last night was a lot more fun. We played an actual game. We were short players which made it more challenging. I say bring it! This other team were very good. They like, knew what they were doing or something. One girl actually slid! Can you believe it? What did she think this was MLB? I played 2nd base. It was action packed and I did my best. Apparently it is one of the more difficult bases to play. So let's put the girl with no ball experience there. *shakes head* I was definitely out of my comfort zone. I hate not being good at something. (See above paragraph) I persevered, I learned and next week I'll be better. I got up to bat three times and got on base twice. I even got home once. Someone told me I needed to run faster. I swallowed my pride and the urge to say something in my defense. I am the youngest and probably the fastest runner on the team. Not the best ball player, not by a long shot. But I can run. If they had said I needed to catch better, bat better, understand what the heck I was doing better, I would not have questioned it. But I nodded and said “Okay.”

I definitely need to practice my catching. Last week I bruised my left hand catching with the ball of my hand instead of in the glove. Last night I bruised my right thumb trying to make a catch when I could have got someone out. Strangely enough the fact that I hurt myself a little both times I played gives me more respect for the game. If you can get hurt playing it, it must be worth playing. My desire to be a better ball player is driving me. I actually had fun last night. I want to be an asset to my team. Not an ass on the team.

I did a step aerobics class Monday and a cycle fit class yesterday. Neither were the hardest of classes which was actually perfect since I haven't been in a while. Little A had a blast in the kids room with older kids buzzing around yesterday and today a little guy from our La Leche League group was there. That made me feel a lot better about leaving to go work out. I have to say that between aerobics, baseball and cycle fit I am one hurting unit right now. Stretching my chin down to my chest feels like heaven. I just have to get through my TaeKwon Do class (without getting kicked in the head) and then I'll take a break until Friday.

Peter was wishing he'd brought the camera to ball. I borrowed a baseball hat to keep the sun out of my eyes. I asked him if he'd ever seen me wear a ball cap before. He said “Never” and had the most peculiar look on his face as he observed my new fashion statement. The really weird part is, I think he liked it!

,Seven

Nikkie tagged me for a list of Sevens. I haven't done one for a while so this should be fun!

And when you're done reading these useless but possibly interesting facts about me check out 'Ten' at The Mama D Experiment.

7 things I want to do before I die:

-Have another baby
-See my kids graduate from high school and college/trade/university
-Give my kids 'away' at their weddings
-Celebrate an anniversary at the location of our honeymoon
-Travel my country with my family
-Travel with my family
-Cuddle my grandchildren


7 Things I can't do:

-math
-sit still
-stop talking
-worrying
-stop being paranoid
-play baseball well
-stay mad at my husband

7 things that attracted me to my spouse:

-his grey hair
-his intelligence
-his painful shyness
-his sense of humor
-his laugh
-his body
-the whole package, baby

7 Things I say often:

-crazy
-like
-for real
-go to sleep already!
-come on then
-I love you
-Hi Baby! (emphasis on eeeee!)

7 Books I love:

-The Catcher in the Rye-J.D Salinger
-Jennifer Government-Max Barry
-Fray-Joss Whedon (comic, does that count?)
-The Stranger-Albert Camus
-Romeo & Juliet-William Shakespeare
-Hope Springs Eternal: Rita Hayworth and The Shawshank Redemption – Stephen King (short story from Different Seasons)
-Bible

7 Movies I could watch over and over again

-Say Anything
-Some Kind of Wonderful
-Pretty in Pink
-Vanilla Sky
-Dirty Dancing
-The Princess Bride
-The Matrix

7 People who I'm going to tag!

Okay, my blogging world is not that big. I am going to tag my two buddies who actually know me in my real life. Like, for real. And hopefully they'll still want to be my friends after I tag them.

Big Fugr from Confessions of a Small Town Rock Star and Gardener Extraordinaire - This Single Spark

Surreality

This weekend was an eventful one. Our friends had their baby 5 weeks early. He arrived early Friday morning. We went to visit that evening. Everyone seemed to be doing well. It's hard to believe our bodies can produce these tiny perfect little beings. That was the first time I have been back on the maternity ward since having Audrey. I was surprised at the emotions that came rushing back.

It made all those feelings of excitement and fear about the birth come rushing back to me. As well as the feelings of overwhelming sadness and frustration that I also experienced shortly after the birth. When we arrived for our visit the mama was in 'the pumping room'. Another room I was very familiar with during my week stay in the hospital. The surreal part of our visit was the fact that even though being there made me feel like I'd just gave birth yesterday I stared at my almost 9 month old girl and there was the proof that I hadn't. She was crawling all over the room and trying to get up on the bed. I just kept thinking, '8 and a half months ago when we were here you couldn't even manage to eat. And now look at you!' Talk about a reality check!

Since having A, every time someone I know has a baby I have feel a strong responsibility to do everything I can for them. I want things to be easier for them than they were for me. I want to prevent everyone from going through the crap that I went through. People put on a brave face, want everybody to think that things are great. But I don't buy it. I know about the hormones coursing through your body. I know about the sleep deprivation. I know about how desperately you just want to feel normal again. I just want to be there. Be someone who knows and will listen. Nothing will shock me. Just spill it.

But maybe it was just me. Maybe having a baby is a lovely experience for everyone else. Perhaps other women take it all in stride. Embrace the hormone surges, say “Bring it on!” to the sleep deprivation. Maybe they want everyone to back off and let them do it on their own. But from my experience, and from what most other mama's I've met here have told me... I don't think so.

We Have A Winner!

Congratulations to Queen Beth from Her Majesty's Throne who knew what film this weeks Say WHAT? quote was from. She also knew the name of the character quoted as well as the actress's name. Show off! (Just kidding!)



This is a quote from one of my all time favorite movies – Some Kind of Wonderful.



I am not sure how old I was when I first saw it. Perhaps ten or eleven. It was very likely a tad grown up for me at the time. Yet it would still have been one of the tamer of things that I was exposed to at a very young age. All I know is that I fell in love with it. I wanted to be Watts. I already had the tomboy part down all I had to do was learn how to play drums. Keith Nelson was my dream boyfriend until Lloyd Dobler came along. (and he shall forever be in my heart.) The kissing scene in this movie still makes me get all tingly. That feeling of kissing someone that you are absolutely dying to kiss. I love the way her eyes twitch when their lips first touch. And the music in that scene, though it is now dated, is perfect. I couldn't tell you how many times I've watched it. I have probably watched it at least once a year since I first saw it so... math is not my strong suit... that would be approximately...twenty times. And I know that's low. Between the ages of 15 and 24 I must have watched it at least three times in one year. I have forced every friend I've ever had to watch it with me. Even my male friends. (I love you guys!) I think my three older nieces have also watched it with me. And my husband. My poor husband. He has suffered through it many times as well. He watched a lot of movies with me when we were first dating that he probably had little desire to watch. Now that we've been together so long it is difficult to persuade him to watch my favorites yet again. My power over him is waning...

I recently purchased a DVD copy and have retired my tired old VHS version. If you haven't seen it I highly recommend you go out and rent it. I am surprised that I still love it so much after all these years. I can't help myself. I am a sucker for a good love story. Especially a John Hughes love story. I can identify with being friends with a guy that you love (or think you love). That happened to me several times when I was younger. It is a cruel way to live and unlike the movie those friendships of mine never ended in romance like in this movie. But I've had my happy ending and am starting with a new beginning!

Say WHAT?

Hello all and welcome to my new game Say WHAT? How do you play? Basically I post a quote from an 80's movie and you all leave me your guesses in the comments. I will announce the winner on Sunday night and if the winner has a blog, I'll link them. If they have I profile picture I'll post that too. The Big Fugr won last week and I'll warn you all, he is a movie aficionado. If he gets here first you may not have a chance. Good Luck!

Here is today's quote. (Not that you need any hints but my first few Say WHAT?'s are going to be taken from my most favorite 80's movies. See my profile.)

"The only things I care about in this life are me, my drums and you."

My Garden - A Tour...

I'm going to post something happy about my garden but first I must put this out there.

*its the eye of the tiger,
Its the thrill of the fight,
Rising up to the challenge of our rival,
And the last known survivor
Stalks his prey in the night,
And he's watching us all
With the eye of the tiger.*

To clarify - Baby A has the eye of the tiger, it gives her a thrill to fight nap time, I am her rival, she is the survivor and stalks 'her' prey (me) in the night. 'She's' watching us (Mama & Papa D) with the eye of the tiger.

After much protest, as per usual, she finally fell asleep. Sadly I must wake her in an hour and a half to take her to my sisters while I go to work. What she really needs is a three hour nappy. I was having a stress reaction of laughing when she was making this awful screeching/crying noise from her crib. It was the oddest sensation. What I wanted to do was cry. Because it was hurting my ears and my heart. Instead I laughed... Weird. I have tried various methods of getting her to sleep but there comes a point when putting her in bed and leaving her there is the only method that works. Let me say I do not enjoy this new phase.

And now on to brighter and happier things! Thanks to great advice and help from This Single Spark my garden is in! I invested in several perennials and a few annuals. Also two shrubs. (Peter was reluctant about these, imagining them taking over our yard and house like some kind of evil thing. After much coaxing and promises of keeping them pruned back, he agreed.)

When we bought this house, the yard was an over grown disaster. There were perennials but they were running wild, overgrown with weeds and very neglected. Had I been a more experienced gardener I may have been able to salvage more of them. What seemed easier was to do a clean sweep. When we did we found pipes, glass, shells and rocks. Oh the rocks. Last year one of the ones we had missed relocating to our rock collection got run over by the lawn mower. It was pitched through the first pane of glass in our basement window. Ouch. As you can see in the following picture it's fixed now. Oh, I nearly forgot. There was also a kitchen sink in the back yard. No, I'm not kidding. Perhaps it was meant to be a pond? Or maybe a bird bath.




Though we pretty much dug everything out I kept this little corner by the stairs. Iris's and a Peony. And something else I can't remember the name of that looks like rhubarb. As I think you will notice I am a color Nazi. I plant red, yellow, orange, green or white. No girly colors allowed. No pink, or purple. My reasoning is simply because I don't think those colors go with my tan house. And I like those other colors best anyway. Unfortunately the peony has pink flowers and the iris's are white with purple. Why do they get to stay? They are well established and if my attempts to fill my garden with colors I like fail then at least they still look good.




Here are pictures of my Hosta post hail. Thought I'd stick my finger through it for dramatic effect.







Now I'd like to introduce you to my shrubs. (A SHRUBBERY!!!!)

Rose Glow Barberry - Isn't it lovely. I wanted a red one and this is the one I chose. It makes me happy when I look at it!




Annabelle Hydrangea – Pleased to meet you, I'm sure. Will one day have gorgeous white puffs of flowers... Yeeeaaaay!!!



This is called Yarrow and it's red, though the sun is shining brightly and it almost looks pink. See color Nazi portion of my post.



My narrow little portion of garden by the house. A Marigold, Day Lily and Silver Mound (the pet of the garden).



And lastly my Creeping Jenny. I have been warned of her evil spreading ability. Since this is what I want her to do, I'm cheering for her. She can't get into any trouble between the house and the sidewalk.








How did you enjoy your tour? Please sign the guest book.

P.S. Sorry you have 'Eye of the Tiger' in your head now.

Disjointed and Double Jointed

Well I did it. I played baseball. And as I expected my worst fears were realized. There I stood in the outfield for. what. seemed. like. hours. This, this is the reason for my hatred of baseball. I prefer activities that keep you moving. Such as soccer or TAEKWON DO! I do not do well with standing and waiting for someone to hit the ball to me only to watch me not be able to catch it and pathetically attempt to throw it to the infield. One of the few reasons I agreed to play (other than guilt and an inability to say no) was that it would be competitive. Even if I wasn't having the best time there would be the incentive to win. But wouldn't you know we didn't have enough players (could this be the reason I was asked?) so we played something called 'scrubs'. This meant we were essentially all on the same team or if there was anything the slightest bit competitive if you were batting – everyone else was against you. I was up to bat a few times. The other 'fun' part about scrubs is apparently, you can't stop batting until you hit the ball. And foul balls don't count. I spent a humiliating amount of time on the plate attempting to make a hit. Once I finally hit the ball, I didn't even make it to first base. Enough about that.

I started this post yesterday but obviously didn't finish. The day got away from me. It started with me thinking “Gee, I can't believe I still have another day off.” and ended with me thinking “Where did the day go?” I had a La Leche League enrichment meeting in the afternoon and directly from there picked up This Single Spark from work. From there we headed down to a local nursery to pick out shrubs, perennials and annuals for my flower garden. SO exciting!! She also generously gave me some plants from her own garden. Tomorrow I will post some pictures for anyone who cares!

Baby A is a different kid these days. She is less baby and more little girl. She has been totally fighting naps and bedtime lately. At times I put her in her bed and she'll stand there and cry. She is such a determined little person. She has very little patience. I will put her in her high chair while I make her breakfast. She will play with her toys for a while but soon she is yelling for her food and if I enter the room and leave it again her cries will reach a fever pitch. I tell her to relax, it's coming. She is much better on the floor now. She can get around well (too well!) and she rarely falls. She can competently stand up to things and lower herself back to the floor without any trouble. That being said, last night while we had company she fell over and bumped her head rather hard on the wood floor. She was tired and uncoordinated. It's the first bruise she's had in a while and it's a good (?) one.

My new exercise regime is on hold for the remainder of the week. Other than any walks we may venture out on, that is. I will get my TaeKwon Do membership next Monday and get a gym routine figured out this week. I can't wait. I am tired of being annoyed about it.

Since it's been a while, here are some of the latest Baby A photos.

Modeling her new Baby Banz (she won't leave them on!)

"I'm so cute I can't stand it."



These two were taken while we were at a friends place. Little A was very excited.



It hurts my knees just looking at her sitting this way!



By the way, check "The Mama D Experiment" out.

Hail

Yesterday while we were in church there was a hail storm. The hail was the size of ping pong balls. We couldn't see outside at all during the storm we just heard it start coming down. It was rather creepy. There was a crack then another then another until it sounded like a thousand rocks pelting the building from every direction. I think I've mentioned how vivid my imagination is so I was picturing baseball sized hailstones smashing through all the windshields of the cars in the parking lot. I thought about Audrey who was being babysat in another area of the building. I felt that strong mama urge to go to her and make sure she was safe. Which of course I rationally knew that she was. It was hard to concentrate on the sermon which was about conquering your fears and we reviewed the scripture about Jonah on a boat in a storm. As soon as we started reading the scripture the storm stopped... Weird, huh? It made me think about this NOOMA video called Rain. If you have never seen any of these you should really go to the link. I think Rob Bell is such an amazing speaker and that is one of my favorite NOOMA videos. Let me know what you think.

Anyway, Audrey was fine of course and there were no broken windshields. There were lots of kids outside looking for hailstones in the grass. Gotta love kids. Who cares if hard chunks of ice just fell out of the sky, look how cool they are!! Upon inspecting our vehicles we discovered a couple of significant dents. Neither of us cared too much because, whatcha gonna do? I don't know if autopac with cover any of the damage or not. I didn't bother calling today since they'd likely be swamped with calls.

In the afternoon I went on a cleaning rampage. I cleaned our entire bathroom and moped the floor and the kitchen floor. I also cleaned the wood floors in the hallway and dining room with Murphy's Oil Soap. What a feeling of satisfaction. It was badly in need of being done but I never seemed to have the time. I always think I am such a freak when I get so giddy about freshly cleaned floors or whatever. Oh well.

My next project is getting some gardening done. My lovely Hosta has a big hole through one of it's leaves thanks to a hailstone. I was actually surprised that my garden looked as good as it did afterwards. I was happy that I hadn't already done the rest of my planting. My friend from The Single Spark is a pro gardener and she's going to help me out. Yippee!

And the most hilarious news of all is that I have been invited to play baseball tonight with some ladies from our church. Apparently, someone told the woman who's recruiting players that I was a “ball player”. I set her straight and told her I was a “ball breaker”. (I prefer definition #2) I am in fact a terrible ball player. Or at least I think I am and must be considering I haven't played baseball since I was at least ten. I also hate baseball. I hate watching it on television. I did go to a NLB game while visiting a friend in Toronto a few years back. That was kinda fun. Mostly because I liked making fun of the drunk guys in front of us. Oh, and the pretzels were good too. So of course when I was asked if I'd be interested in playing the answer was definitely no right? Right? Come on, Right? Wrong. It will be a blast from the past this evening when I am standing out in right field picking my hang nails and waiting for this dumb game to be over already. Peter and Baby A will be there to witness the humiliation I will experience when I repeatedly strike out. I'm trying to teach my child early about how it's okay if you're not good at everything you do. And how you shouldn't really agree to play a sport you hate even if everyone goes out for ice cream afterwards. They will have to come and watch me spar when I am back at TaeKwon Do. That way my daughter will know I'm not terrible at everything. She can watch me kick butts with the big boys.

You Win!

Thanks to all who participated in the game that shall now be known as Say WHAT? (Thanks Bon!) That named seemed most appropriate given my decision to use a picture from Say Anything as a header for the game. I do believe you were all winners, perhaps it was too easy, but The Big Fugr answered first.

“There's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. It would be a pity to damage yours.” is from the movie The Princess Bride. As I mentioned before it is one of my favorite movies and I also took inspiration from one of Buttercup's gowns for my wedding dress.



I forgot to warn y'all that my friend The Big Fugr from Confessions of a Small Town Rock Star is wicked awesome at knowing movie dialog or music lyrics. I figured he would get it but I wasn't expecting him to have the first crack at it. So congratulations Big Fugr! And good luck to you next Friday! The Game is on!

A Game!! A Game!!!

Two bloggers both going by the name of Beth have a day when they host a really fun games on their blogs. Participating in these games is sometimes the highlight of my week. This Beth host's 'Tuesday's Guess It'(which I have won!! Yay me! Note the banner on my sidebar!!!) Beth posts a photo that is cropped in a challenging way and we all get to guess what it's a picture of. The other Beth hosts an 80's Lyrics game where she posts the Lyrics to an 80's tune and we are supposed to guess without using internet resources. Although I was born in 1976 I adore 80's music and movies (the good stuff). To my surprise I am horrible at Beth's 80's game. Without hearing the music to go along with the lyrics I don't have a hot clue. Then I thought about how I am awesome at memorizing dialog from movies. A light bulb lit up over my head. I could host a game. An 80's movie dialog game!! Won't that be fun? Yes, yes it will! I know that I can't stop you all from using the internet as a resource but I ask you nicely to restrain yourselves. It's more fun that way. Also I'm a II Degree Black Belt and I could come and kick your butt if you break my rules!

So here goes. I'm still looking for a catchy name for my game. Any suggestions? But I'm going to use this picture as the header each week. It's from the best 80's movie EVER! Say Anything. I will update on Sunday night who the wiener, I mean winner (I love that joke!) is. Good luck!




“There's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. It would be a pity to damage yours.”

You Can't Always Get What You Want

As I age and also since becoming a mother I feel I am more in touch with my needs. My genuine needs. Not like, I really need those shoes or I really have to go to that concert or I'll die. Giving it more thought I think it has more to do with becoming a mother and less to do with aging. In a way I think I need more because I sacrifice more. Before having Audrey things like, free time or a shower were not on the list of things I needed. They were things I didn't even think about. I just had free time. If I needed a shower, I'd take one. That's how things were back in the good old days.

The other night when Little A was refusing to go to bed even though it was over an hour later than her bedtime, I couldn't take it anymore. It was hot, I was tired and I needed some space. I handed the grumpy one to her Dad and informed him I was getting in the shower. I do not believe I have ever enjoyed a shower more. I had the water at a coolish temperature which felt heavenly and brought my body temp back down to normal. I washed my hair with tea tree shampoo which cooled me off even further and made my head all tingly. The sound of the water coming down totally drowned out the sounds of A's complaining and I even began to fantasize about her just giving up the fight, falling asleep on her dad's shoulder and him gently placing her in her bed and tucking her in. As soon as I shut the water off however, I heard her whining. But it didn't matter. I had taken the time I needed for myself. Though only 10 minutes, I was refreshed and in better spirits. I successfully put Audrey to bed shortly thereafter. I believe that because I had taken my 'time out' I was more relaxed which then relaxed Baby A and helped her to finally go to sleep. I considered how easy it had been to just decide I needed to do that and do it. I realize I need to do that more often.

Another need that I have is the need for exercise. I have complained about this a lot to many people lately. I appreciate all the tips i've been given, such as take Audrey for a walk (I do), or use work out videos (I have them but I can only do them when she's sleeping and it's too loud). Since my mom is no longer able to babysit while I go to the gym I have been frustrated. I need to work out in a group atmosphere. I enjoy the people and I push myself harder. After weeks now of not getting there I mentioned to Peter that I was going to cancel my gym membership. He told me that I shouldn't do it because he knows how much I enjoy going to classes. I had always gone to the 9:30am classes when my mom came over to babysit. I have considered packing up A and heading down there since they have childcare for $2 an hour. It has so far been too daunting. I am planning to walk down to the gym and get a program. Once I know when the later classes are I could plan to go to those. I would be able to make it for noon hour classes, that isn't as daunting. The most exciting new development in this area is that I will be going back to TaeKwon Do in June!! I will get the casual membership and go once a week either Monday or Tuesday, which ever night works out the best. It's only for one hour and it's going to be great. I never expected to be able to get back this soon. Once a week is really not enough time to be training but it's all I can do the way my life is right now and I'll take what I can get. I am blessed to have a husband that recognizes my need to do this and is making it possible for me.

I know that I am very guilty of playing the martyr. Usually putting everyone else's needs before my own. Is there any way of being a mother and not doing that? I find myself getting more and more disgusted with things and then becoming a very miserable person. This is not pleasant for me, Peter or Audrey. I am learning that it's okay for me to need things. More importantly it's okay for me to find a way to get what I need. In fact, it's necessary for my sanity and for everyone else's sake. After all when all you need is a shower or an hour spent kicking the crap out of a foam shield, is that really too much to ask?

Once Upon A Time...

When I was thirteen years old my parents split up. The strangest thing about it was that I was actually happy. They had been fighting for as long as I could remember. They had some good times too. But good times are so easily erased by alcohol abuse, verbal abuse and just plain absence. I was thrilled to move away from the town where I had been bullied and belittled by my classmates more days than I cared to think about. It was a fresh start for my mom and I. In time she healed and became the mother I always knew she could be if not preoccupied by a failing marriage that was an unbelievable heaviness on her shoulders. We could now move forward and make a life for ourselves.

What did I learn from that experience? I learned that I never wanted to go through what my mother went through. I never wanted to spend my life with a person, have children with a person, and have that person trample on those years and those memories and tarnish them forever. I was convinced that I would never find someone that I trusted so implicitly to never do that to me. Someone who would truly commit to me for life, in good times and bad. I thought I'd found that person in high school. We were each other's first 'real' loves. We dated for 2 ½ years. The last 1 ½ were not great. They were filled with jealousy and trust issues until the relationship finally dissolved. My world crashed in on me. My suspicions had been correct, I couldn't trust anyone. I was only happy to have found it out before I married him and had his children. I then attempted to have a 'casual' relationship, one that would never lead to marriage. This relationship which last for about 3 years was also emotionally draining and seriously damaging to my self esteem.

It was at this point that my life took a turn. I went to visit a friend out of town for the weekend. When I arrived her husband's brother was already there. I had met him several years earlier when I was 19 and still dating my 'high school sweetheart'. I had always thought him to be 1. gorgeous 2. Intelligent 3. Interesting. He was also painfully shy and over the years when I was around him I enjoyed forcing him to talk to me by asking him questions about the book he was reading or whatever. From pretty much the first time I met him I would often think about him and consider what it would be like to date him. I didn't even think of this as being a real possibility since I was always dating someone else and he lived two hours away. Yet on that weekend while visiting his sister in law the possibility presented itself. I had recently given up on the 'casual' relationship that was going no where and found myself to be unattached for the first time since I was 16. I hadn't expected to be spending so much time with my friends brother in law during my visit but each night, after everyone had gone to bed we stayed up talking. I wanted to hug him many times but he made me nervous. I was never too nervous to be affectionate. Except with him. I left that weekend with his address in my pocket. Little did I know that he would be the person who I would trust enough that I'd agree to spend my life with him.

And now we have had his baby. I don't regret it. Not one bit. Even though our relationship has gone through more ups and downs in the past months since her birth than it has in the nearly ten years we've been together. I look at him and I believe that it is all going to be okay.

Yet things, bad things have been happening to women I care about lately. The men in their lives have disappointed them in the worst ways. It shakes my confidence in my own relationship. We all want to believe that we are going to live happily ever after. When the happily ever after falls apart for people we know how do we pick up the pieces? And how do we not lose faith in our own happiness?

I Had A Dream (It Was Called the Long Weekend)

And finally the girl goes down. This has been the second day in a row that Baby A totally skipped her morning nap and despite being tired refused to nap before two in the afternoon! She has also been difficult to get down at bedtime. She'll be nearly asleep as per usual and I slip her into bed where she usually inserts her thumb and drifts happily off to sleep. Lately? As soon as I lower her body to the mattress her eyes open and she begins to cry, roll over and stand up. I then take her back to our room to try all over again. Or if I'm really fed up I'll leave her there to get tired and fall asleep on her own. Which never seems to happen anymore. With her new found ability to stand she has little interest in sleeping. I hope it's only yet another phase which will soon pass and she'll be back to two naps a day.

This long weekend was productive even though I worked on Saturday. On Friday evening our friends invited us to their house for a BBQ. Our other friends who are eagerly awaiting the birth of their son were also invited. I can hardly believe that I was in her shoes less that a year ago. I would have still been in the 'head in the bucket' stage. Weee! After everyone was finished eating Little A provided much entertainment with her unending energy. She demonstrated proficiency in crawling, babbling and coffee table chin ups. A good time was had by all.

After work on Saturday I put Baby A down for a nap and Papa D and I puttered around, tidying the house before our friends arrived for supper. Supper which I did not have to cook. We ordered the most delicious pizzas from a restaurant that just opened. We ordered a Bruschetta and Spanikopita pizza. We also ordered two pieces of Baklava for dessert. Mmmm! Decadent. Baby continued napping until we were nearly done eating. She was rewarded with much praise and cuddling for sleeping so long. After supper we all sat down to watch the riveting “Baby Galileo” and I impressed our guests with the extent to which my brain has gone mushy.

Sunday started off with a bang when Audrey got up at 4:30am and stayed up for an hour and then we both went back to bed. I didn't set an alarm for church since she always gets us up in plenty of time. When I awoke to her happy babbling at 10:00am I knew we would be late. We hustled but had no chance of being early. I think we were right on time. Our church program for kids called 'Promiseland' was full so we had to bring Little A into the service. She enjoyed the music but once the sermon started Daddy and I had to take turns walking around with her out in the foyer. This was our punishment for being late.

That afternoon while A slept we went outside and transformed our dumpy yard into a respectable one. Peter mowed while I dug evil weeds out of the flower beds. These weeds are so evil. How evil are they? So evil Peter had to help me once he was done mowing because I was only about half done. The night our friends came for pizza they brought us some plants for our garden. Sunflowers and a Lamb's Ear. After digging out all of the evil weeds I found special places for my new plants.

Since Peter didn't have to work on Monday we decided to rent a movie. We haven't done this in ages. Baby A did not want to cooperate and decided she would move her bedtime from 9:00pm to 10:45pm. She must have been able to sense how badly I wanted her to go to sleep. She must have tasted it in my milk or something. Later than expected we cuddled up on the couch and watched 'The House of D'. I am a die hard David Duchovny fan and have wanted to see this since I first heard about it. My review? It was pretty good. The acting was really good. I liked the idea of it. The story didn't quite flow the way it should have. David's goatee was unfortunate. I wanted to like it a lot more which is often the way I feel about movies that he is in. Because he wrote this one I really wanted to like it. Oh well. At least I didn't feel it was a total waste of my time. But the true test of a movie being good is my desire to watch it more than once. I chronically watch movies that I like over and over and over again. Examples in no particular order: Dirty Dancing, Some Kind of Wonderful, Pretty in Pink, Say Anything, The Princess Bride, The Matrix. All of these I have watched at least 15 times each. At least. I wont tell the true number of times lest you all think I'm a complete nut... So anyway, 'The House of D' gets 2 ½ stars out of 5 from me. I'd give it three but that goatee... ick...

This brings us to the last day of our weekend. Monday. Although Little A was reluctant to go to bed at the proper time once there she stayed asleep until 8:30 Monday morning. This was good because we were late getting to bed after our movie date. It's so much easier to appreciate her after a good nights sleep. I looked forward to a productive day due to the fact that there were two of us to look after the baby. The day would have been even more productive had she gone for her nap at the usual time. Instead as aforementioned she didn't. I felt I spent the entire morning and early afternoon waiting for her to just go to sleep already!! Once she did we had a glorious time cleaning out the eaves troughs and watching Season 3 of The Ultimate Fighter. (I'm so predictable...)

This weekend made me realize that the ideal way to raise children is with two parents at home at all times. When one is frustrated, the other can take over. Or if both are frustrated you can joke with each other about how frustrated you are. If you are only one person primarily responsible for child care you become mentally and physically exhausted. Sadly I am the person primarily responsible. This weekend was simply a tease of what an ideal life would be like. Sigh. Back to the real world.

Update at 'The Mama D Experiment'

The End of an Era...Almost

I am not a person who deals well with change. From big changes to very small ones I have difficulty adjusting.

Before Peter and I were married I bought a couch and matching chair. It was supposed to be for his apartment. The couch ended up being too big and awkward to get up the narrow staircase so my roommate and I made room for it. It wasn't a new couch. If I had to guess it's age I'd guess it was made during the 70's. When I bought it I thought it was cool. I was impressed that Peter who is 6'3 could lay down on it without his feet wouldn't hang over the end. We spent many comfortable evenings together sitting on it with our legs intertwined watching movies, television or just talking. A couple of springs had broken a few years ago but we flipped it over and managed to fix it. Many good times have been had on that couch. (Get your minds out of the gutter people. But yes, those sorts of good times too.)



Since Audrey was born our beloved couch has had a lot more use. I spent many late nights nursing on it. Spent many long days nursing on it. The many visitors that came by to see her piled onto it while they oohed and aahed over her. Something had to give. Unfortunately the couch blew almost half of it's springs. We flipped it over once again but the diagnosis seemed to be that it should be put out of it's misery. I sighed but knew it was true.



I began searching our local second hand stores for a replacement. The pickings were slim. You see, I like my 70's couch. I am not a fan of the puffy couches in pastel colors or even of the newer trends of leather or faux suede. I like my furniture to be funky or antique. It's a thing. That's when my friend (and former roommate) told me that his grandma needed to get rid of her couch and chair from her home. She was moving to a smaller place and didn't have room for all of her furniture. I asked about this couch. It seemed to fit my criteria. It was the right age and had a matching chair. It was even the right color. How much would she like for it? I asked. He told me it would be free. Free. How could I turn down a free couch? The problem? In order to look at this couch I would have to travel about an hour out of town to where his grandma lived. Feasible? Not really. Did I really need to see it, I wondered? After all, it was free. It sounded fine. My friend's mother even dug up a photograph for me. Unfortunately, the only one she could find was one from like, at least 30 years ago. It was hard to tell. Ultimately I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth and said we would love to have it, thank you.

Last night my wonderful friend and his wonderful father drove out to retrieve this furniture for us. I was working until 9:00pm and knew it would be waiting for me when I arrived home. I had a small break early in my evening and I frantically called home. I asked Peter to please take a photo of our couch, you know for posterity. Not because I was being sentimental and let's face it, a little crazy. I believe I even asked him to “Make sure it looked nice.” ? Like how? Fluff it's cushions or something. He indulged me and told me he would take a beautiful picture and I was relieved.

I drove home from work feeling excited and anxious. When I walked in the door two of the chairs were sitting in my front entrance waiting for me to put them where I wanted them. I quickly said “Hi!” to the baby and walked into the living room. There it sat. It was a bit smaller, different shade of green and a different kind of fabric. I liked the style, it looked nice in the room. I could see it had been well used and was worn but I expected this. I sat down on it. It felt wrong. I observed it's cushions and fabric a little closer and noticed that it was extremely worn. I wanted so badly to like it and in a lot of ways I did. I felt profoundly sad. Peter stood there holding the baby and stared at me. “It's nice, huh?” he said.
“Uh huh.” I replied the sadness coming through in my voice.
“You don't like it do you?” he asked me.
“Um, it's just different. I didn't know what to expect.”
“Well, I think it's fine.” he told me. I felt worse. I was a terrible person. I should like this free couch that we were given but instead I just felt awful. Then the phone rang. It was my friend. We made small talk and then he asked me if I'd seen the furniture.
“Uh huh.” I said.
“You don't like it do you?” he asked.
“I feel really bad.” I said.
“It's okay, I had a feeling that you might not like it.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, that's why I called. Do you want me to bring your old couch back?”
I officially felt like the worst person in the world.
“Um...”
“You have to make a decision now.” he told me “It's no big deal, I'll just bring it over now.”
“Okay...”




So he did. He and Peter carried out the old/new couch and chairs and carried back in our old couch. My anxiety floated away with only residual guilt remaining about my friend and his dad going to so much trouble for nothing. So, it's back. It's a little saggy and not as comfortable as it once was but I love still love it. I am still going to hunt for a new (second hand) couch but I am willing to wait until the right one comes along. No more blind dates for me. I need to fall in love with the next couch before I bring it into our home. Or I at least have to be infatuated with it.

Why?

My job has it's advantages. Like great hair products at cost prices, fabulous cuts (in exchange for a cut from me) and colors (in exchange for a color from me as well as paying for product). I also get to meet a lot of really great people and fill my extroverted social needs. I have mentioned some disadvantages here and here. I experienced something yesterday at work which fell into both categories. I thought about whether or not it was appropriate to write about it here but it really affected me and posed significant questions in my mind. Of course I'm not naming names and therefore decided that it would be safe to put it out there.

I was especially looking forward to seeing one of my clients yesterday. I have done her hair for a long time. She started coming to me several years ago when we were both unmarried and unattached. Over the years she's sat in my chair and told me about everything. I remember her telling me about a man she was dating. One day she came in and showed me the engagement ring on her finger. I did her hair for her wedding day. There was the day that she told me they were expecting. She had sent her husband to me and I have cut his hair several times. Throughout these years I also shared with her these same excitements in my own life. My engagement and the news of my pregnancy. She lent me so many beautiful maternity clothes while I was expecting since it was exactly one year after the birth of her daughter. I have many clients, many of whom mean so much to me. This woman is no exception, especially because we are close to the same age, but mainly because she is an incredible person.

So yesterday she sits in my chair and tells me that her husband has been cheating on her. With a much older woman. And how did she find out? An anonymous phone call from a terribly concerned elderly neighbor. My heart was breaking for her while she gave me the awful details. How this woman was supposed to be a friend of hers. That she looked her in the face so many times knowing what she was doing behind her back. She is understandably devastated, although I thought she was doing incredibly well. She seemed relatively calm which is likely due to her lingering shock about the situation. She feels like this person that she married is a stranger. He seems to have no remorse for what he has done.

I stood there in disbelief as she told me the story. I couldn't help but imagine myself being in the same situation and I felt physically ill. I can't fathom how someone could do that to another person. As she told me there were other circumstances that she'd imagined that would have been horrifying yet, more understandable. For instance, if he'd come home from a weekend away with friends and said he'd cheated and that he was sorry, it was a mistake and so on she could see MAYBE being able to forgive that. But bringing this woman, this friend, into their home over the course of at least two years... is unforgivable. Not to mention the fact that they had mutually decided to have another baby and were trying to get pregnant again.

It blows my mind and I had to talk about it. I guess on one hand I am thankful for knowing such a wonderful person and feel blessed that she feels comfortable talking to me about this. On the other, it is so hard to have clients that you have developed a friendship with share such heartbreaking news with you. I have listened to people talk about deaths, illness's, and breakup's. And occasionally clients have passed away. It's emotionally draining because I feel connected to these people and I really care about what's happening in their lives. I want to do something for them but really all they want me to do is listen. Then they leave and have to deal with the real consequences of what is happening. I am just left to wonder how they are doing and praying that they will pull through. Which is what I'll be doing for this woman and her little girl from now on. They are going to need it.

The 19th Letter of the Alphabet

Bon from 'The Mama' is passing around letters. I asked for one. And the letter she gave me is 'S'. My task is to write down ten words that begin with 'S' and explain why I chose them. Then I'm supposed to share the love and give a letter to any of my commenter's who'd like to play. Sound fun? Okay then, let's go...

Smart - This is always something I wanted to be but have never felt that I am. My next word could have been stupid, which is what kids called me in school when I was young. This is probably why even now I still doubt my intelligence. Also because I never did well in school and never went to University. Over the years I have realized that my skills lie in other areas than 'book smart' ones. I am wicked awesome at TaeKwon Do which takes brains plus physical coordination and skill. And I have the ability to make hair bend to my will as well as shape and sculpt it like artwork. Not traditionally things that would make the scholars of the world stand up and take notice but that's okay because if they were lucky enough I would give them an awesome haircut and then kick their butt!

Smile – Something I do a lot. I tend to smile with every tooth in my mouth. I smile when I think of Audrey. Or Peter. Or two of my best friends whose names also both start with 'S' but I didn't want to expose their identities.

Spoiled – Something that I have often been called by my older siblings because I am, the 'baby'. When people find out I was the last of five children they assume that I was spoiled or ask if I was. It's annoying. My childhood sucked so bad I hardly consider myself to be spoiled. Being accused of this always makes me want to fly into a rage and say a lot of hurtful things. I usually refrain. I also don't want to 'spoil' Audrey. My interpretation of spoiling is giving them every single thing they want. Since we are rather financially strained this shouldn't be an issue for us. Love, however. She'll get plenty of that.

Simply – This is the way we live our life. In my opinion.

Smack Down – Two words but I wanted a word that reflected my feisty nature. Everyone always thinks I'm such a gentle, nice girl. Which I can be. They are always surprised to find out that I have my II Degree Black Belt and that I love to fight. I am super competitive and hate to lose. I loved wrestling as a kid and occasionally go to amateur wrestling with my guy friends (including my best friend, Peter) and heckle with the best of em'.

Sims - This is a game I became addicted to. I haven't played it since before Audrey was born. I used to spend several hours at a time playing it. I would prioritize my day off, get everything done and then settle in and play my game. The Sims 2 was what I was playing before Audrey was born. I think it is the doll house come to life concept that sucks me in. I used to play Barbies for hours when I was little. The Sims reminds me of those days. But I'd feel like an idiot playing Barbies at my age. The Sims? Not so much.

Silly – A good description of my husband and I. Separately, or together. We have often described ourselves as weird too. Then we always agree that we're okay with that. Because we don't care for being 'normal' anyway. We like ourselves just the way we are. And Audrey seems to like us too.

Sumptuous – Why? Because it's fun to say. Say it! Sumptuous. I challenge you all to use it in a sentence as much as you can for one whole day. This is part of the definition I found: extremely costly, rich, luxurious, or magnificent. Magnificent, now there's a word. Now I want to do the letter 'M'!

Sex – You know you were all thinking it. So I said it. This seems to be a bit of an issue for most new Mama's. Usually, the husbands are ready long before we are, postpartum. I however was lucky? My drive was not totally killed by giving birth or lactation. Yet, again I seem to be the freak in the crowd. You think I'd be used to that by now but really, I just want to fit in.

Soul mate – My best friend, the person I will be with until I die, the father of my child, my lovah, my husband, Peter. (Kissy noises)

My Little Life - An Update

I hope someone noticed I wasn't here yesterday. Where was I? Standing in front of my work peers doing a presentation on 'Upstyles'. It was my first ever presentation. At least to people from work. I have stood in front of a lot of people teaching TaeKwon Do but this was different. One of the people was my boss. Another was a woman who has been in this industry about 10 more years than I have. I beat down the insecure voice inside of me that was saying “What can these people learn from YOU.”

Once I got started I thought things went pretty well. I spoke for about ½ and hour and then did three models. It was pretty weird standing and working in front of people. It gave me a lot more respect for the stage artists I have watched. There is an art to showing the audience what you are doing while being interesting and doing nice work. Everyone had a model of their own to do after I was done. I think everyone got something out of it. I did feel a little like a couple people might have found it to be a waste of time but hey, whatever.

What was really exciting was that Audrey spent the afternoon with the woman who will be looking after her on Fridays come September. That is when I will be adding a day to my work schedule. I am relieved to have found someone I trust who can look after her. When I arrived to pick her up all the kids were in the backyard and Audrey was in a swing. The sun was shining on her little head and she looked so content. It was a really great moment. She was happy to see me though which was also nice.

Today is my mom's 70th birthday. I can't believe it. I remember as a kid I always felt bad that my mom was 'so old'. Much older than all of my friends moms. I also remember imagining my high school graduation and how my mom would have a walker or be in a wheelchair by then. Not quite. I do still sometimes feel sorry that because of the age gap we do not have more things in common. When I hear about other people going shopping or to movies with their moms I get I little sad. She is coming over for supper tonight though and we are going to order Chinese food. As a family we are going to celebrate in a larger, more important way. A way that a 70th birthday should be celebrated. And try to distract her from her impending surgery date scheduled for June 26th. She is very anxious about it. I can't really blame her. Being honest, I am too. She taught me well.

In other news I posted TWO, that's right TWO new chapters at “The Mama D Experiment”. (Since some people think that one just isn't enough Feedback is very much appreciated. I happen to think 'Seven' is quite good. Write what you know...