Getting Back To Normal

So last night my mom went home. She'd been waiting for the go ahead since about the middle of last week. Things were pretty much done and she was hoping to get the phone call to move back in but as of today she still hadn't heard anything. She tried to get a hold of the fellow who is doing the work all day yesterday and finally got his wife on the phone who told her that he'd gone out of town with his brother. In any case she has friends in the building with keys (she'd given hers to the clean up people and the guy doing all the repairs) so she decided to go back.

She's been with us since the week before Christmas and although we all coped rather well with the circumstances I could tell she was beginning to lose her patience with the situation. That could have had something to do with the fact that my kids got sick, Miss A went nuts due to the cold medication I was giving her, and my mom caught the cold too. She has been hacking her guts out for two nights now and I know that she is exhausted. And um... napping around here just doesn't happen. I so wish it did, but it doesn't. Well, at least not for Miss A and consequently not for me. I offered her our bed to nap in but she refused. I inherited my stubbornness from her and have now passed it on to A and possibly B as well. Anyway, I don't think she could bear another night of trying to cough quietly (impossible) so as not to wake anyone up and another day of being so bloody tired and having a 3 year old try to boss you around. Not to mention that I'm back to work tomorrow night and that's always when our week becomes a little bonkers.

Despite her trying to insist that I not come over and help her get settled in again, I did. As I was driving over in my own car I suddenly was overcome with emotion that she was suddenly not going to be around so much and I started to cry. It all just happened so suddenly. I thought we'd find out a few days in advance that she could go back and we'd all have time to mentally prepare. Not this, "Okay, Bye! I'm leaving!" business. If my sadness over her moving back home is any indication of how badly I am going to take it when she is not around any longer, it's going to be pretty disastrous.

I did however, wipe away my tears, put fresh sheets on her bed and help her do a few things to feel at home again. I have to say her place looks fantastic. The fellow she has working on it (we call him Bob the Builder around these parts due to the fact that his name is Bob) has done a beautiful job and has updated some things which really make it look great. And I got him to install a detachable shower head while he was at it because I found out the poor woman has been bathing using a cup!! (Two knee replacements make it impossible to get down into the tub. Wish I could afford to buy her one of those fancy tub elevator thingies)

It will be nice to get back into the normal swing of things around here. My children are likely to be suffering withdrawal for the next several days. One extra person around to love you is pretty easy to take. Especially when that person is your Grandma.

I talked to Miss A about it at bedtime and she threw a curve ball my way. (big surprise) She was concerned that Grandma didn't have a 'Daddy' to go home to. That she'd be there all alone. She doesn't see my father often but I reminded her who he was and that he and Grandma were once married like Daddy and I but that they didn't live together anymore. Just when my brain was starting to swell from the stress and I started to explain that Grandma and I moved here when I was a little girl she asked me to "Please read her story." Yes. Okay. Let's read a story about something other than the fact that your Grandma doesn't have a 'Daddy' and is all alone, not to mention the implications of what that means in the grand scheme of life etc. Whew! Dodged that one for now.

Yet ANOTHER Cautionary Tale (come ON!)

So, last week was pretty bad. It was bad for so many reasons. Basically, Miss A got a cold. No big deal. But she starting coughing at night. So I ended up pulling out some Tylenol Cold and Runny Nose for ages 2-11. I administered this for three nights at bedtime. And her behavior disintegrated with each passing day. Oh, the anger. The rage. She was irrational. She was up. She was down. She was INSANE. And I blame sleep deprivation for the fact that it took me three days before I discovered that it was the bleeping Tylenol that was doing it. And it wasn't even ME that discovered it. My mom (who's still living here) was the one who said "Could it be that cold medication you've been giving her?" one night after we were all suffering aftershock from the temper tantrum thrown at bedtime. Oh. I consulted the internet (I'm too lazy and tired to look for the links) and found that they are repackaging that stuff and not recommending it for children under six. Not only that I found reports of it causing some children to be "irritable and hyperactive". That would be the biggest, fattest understatement. I also found reports of night terrors. Which had also been occurring during that time. Did I ever feel like a big fat loser. Her behavior was making us all crazy and I was the one causing it. And my poor girl, when I would try to talk to her about how the way she was acting was NOT OKAY she proclaimed with heartbreaking sincerity "But I can't help it!!" She wasn't kidding.

I lay in bed that night thinking about all the times when her behavior had resembled that level of insanity and I believe that all those times were directly related to that cold medication or medication that we were prescribed for mild allergies. I always attributed this behavior to the sickness and her being rundown and overtired. Now I'm certain it was a sensitivity to the medications.

I just feel like such a schmuck. But I post this in hopes that some of you might avoid the same disaster. Or perhaps have experienced a similar thing and want to console me?

It Has A Name

A few months back I posted this. Baby B was only just over one month at the time. There was another motivating factor for my writing that post, one that I never mentioned. Something that has worried me since she was born both for vain reasons as well as valid ones.

When Baby B was born we quickly noticed that she really couldn't open her left eye at all. It pretty much stayed closed all the time and she'd peek out of her right eye at us. We affectionately called her Popeye during that phase. We were told not to worry about it. That it could have happened for many reasons - position in the womb, during birth, or something like that. We were told that it would likely get better or possibly go away, by the time she was six months. It hasn't. It has gotten better, which is good. But when I'm editing our photos and I'm removing red eye it's painfully noticeable how bad it still is. What had me the most worried was that I noticed her eyelid is often partially covering her pupil which makes me wonder how much her other eye is overcompensating.

The part of it that plays into the post I linked earlier is that people are starting to notice it. One girl pointed out to me "There's something wrong with her eye." other comments have been like "Oh, she's got a lazy eye." and that sort of thing. It's as though it's the only thing they see. Meanwhile Miss A is getting the "OMG! Her eyes are SO BIG and SO GORGEOUS!!" It's only a matter of time before both of them aren't too young to be oblivious to the comments, the meaning behind them and suffer hurt feelings.



On Monday we had an appointment with our Optometrist. He did as many tests as he could and told me that although her left eye seemed a bit weaker it was still considered normal - vision wise. But he did tell me that her 'condition' has a name - Ptosis. He also referred us to a specialist in a nearby city. He will be able to investigate further and determine whether or not he thinks surgery is necessary now, or perhaps later.

I'm glad to finally have a definitive answer about what is up with her eye, and plans to look into it further. I often feel guilty for being concerned about it when I know that there are kids out there with much more serious issues and parents with HUGE worries regarding their children's health.

Yet, I still find my heart sinks when I look at her sweet face and see how her poor little eye looks so tired. And it sinks even further when I get those comments that one day soon she'll be able to understand.

Success! (I think.)

So on Monday Miss A had her first dance class. I was so glad she was in school during the afternoon so I didn't have to constantly answer "No, it's not time to go to dance class yet." repeatedly. When we were leaving she was all "BYE DAD!!! I'M GOING TO DANCE CLASS!!!" which amused us both greatly. When we arrived 'Angelina Ballerina' was playing on a television in the lobby.

I was very pleasantly surprised to find that two little girls from her preschool class are in her dance class. Thrilled would be a better word to describe Miss A's feelings. The class was pretty small which I was pleased about. I watched through one way class as the three young instructors led the 'warm up' and the rest of the class. Miss A did amazingly well listening and following instructions. Unfortunately she tended to like to follow when some of the other girls flaked out and just ran around. I'm not sure the young instructors have been equipped with the skills to handle these situations very well. When things get out of hand class comes to a halt while all three girls try to rein them in. I think it would be better if one of the girls continued to teach while the other two get everybody back in line.

I had to listen to this very intense woman complain about this fact. Her granddaughter was one of the older girls (5) in the class and she was very perturbed about how she was missing out because of the ones fooling around. While I could see her point I had a difficult time not laughing in her face because she spoke with such intensity as though the girls who were goofing off were destroying her granddaughter's chances of becoming a professional dancer. She went on and on about it, talking about how it's too expensive to be fooling around etc. I wanted to say to her "Lady, look at what they are doing! It's not rocket science." Sheesh! I kept my lip buttoned for the most part but I did point out that the instructors were young and should be told what to do in those situations and reminded her that they were just kids after all.

I think I made a mistake in telling Miss A that dance class was like school in that she had to listen to what her teacher's said and so on. A mistake because after only a half hour when the class was finished she was devastated. Perhaps because she thought it was going to last as long as school does? And also all the students have a card which they get a sticker on at the end of class. They didn't have a card prepared for A and she was heartbroken despite all their assurances that she'd get one next class.

It was a bad scene when we left and in all the insanity I left my camera behind. I only discovered this yesterday morning and then spent the remainder of the day worried sick about it until I could call and see if it was actually left behind. I clearly have no faith whatsoever in the goodness of people because I was certain that someone would have taken it home. Thankfully, that was not the case, which gave me even more good feelings about this place. I'm thinking next week can only be better. All I have to do is avoid the grumpy lady and I should be good to go.

(Warm up. Crappy picture because it's taken in the reflection of the mirror)

Let's Try This Again, Shall We?

Any of you who have been reading for a while would remember Miss A's month long attempt at dance classes which began like this and ended like this. The whole experience was really quite depressing and I was sure that I'd be waiting for at least another year before trying this again, but... there was this whole matter of Miss A saying on several occasions "Mama, remember when I went to dance class? Maybe, I could go to dance class again." I was talking to a client of mine about it and she gave me the name of the studio that her daughter dances at. She started at the same age, the classes are much smaller than the studio we tried last time. Her daughter is loving it and doing very well. I figured since I'm back at work I could put some of my tips towards her classes and give it another try.

Not unlike last time she was thrilled to get her dance gear. Here she is practicing her moves in both her ballet and tap shoes. I'm surprised that all of the photos aren't blurry because she really didn't stop moving from the moment she put her shoes on.











This one looks posed but was totally by accident. (A good sign?)



I am trying not to get my hopes up to high this time but I think it will go a lot better. She's been in preschool for several months now so I think she'll find settling down and following instructions much easier. Monday is her first class, feel free to keep your fingers crossed.

As you can see the hairstylist in me couldn't resist giving her some 'ballet hair'.

Simplicity

Another theme from Total Mom Haircut.

I don't think it gets much simpler than this.

Life at Our House

It has been crazy. We were only away from home for two nights over the holidays but it seemed to take Miss A two WEEKS to recover and be rested again. Baby B must have been having a growth spurt because she was consistently getting up at around 3 am, 6 am and 8 am. It was... tiring. She seems to be getting through most of the night right now on a fairly regular basis. I don't find the getting up so frequently too difficult except on the Saturday mornings when I work at 9 am. But the time Saturday night rolls around I am exhausted and it feels like it takes me days to recover.

My Mom is still living with us. I'm not sure for how much longer but I know that they have begun the painting so that should be a good sign. It has been an interesting time. I hadn't realized how precious that hour or so Peter and I spend together curled up on the couch watching one of our favorite shows is. Somehow it's just not the same watching the Game Show Network with my mom before bed. She is wonderful to our girls but I know I'll be in for it when she moves back home because they have both become used to much extra attention. Miss A always has a playmate and Baby B always has a lap to sit on. I expect there to be much crying once we are on our own again.

I can tell that the whole situation is getting a little tiring for her as well. The novelty is wearing off and she's needing some space. Thankfully her bowling and cards have started up again this week so she has gotten out to do her own thing in addition to getting out to play Bingo. (In case any of you didn't know, my mom is 72.)

During the night when the baby gets up I never know what to do. I usually come out to the living room to feed her so that I don't totally mess up Peter's sleep (he tells me not to bother but it becomes very obvious very quickly toll interrupted sleep takes on him) but my mom is sleeping on a hide a bed just off the living room and I know it disturbs her if I come out there. (She also tells me not to worry) Depending on how often she gets up I switch between staying in our room and coming out to the living room. It's just a frustrating situation.

And then there is the cold. It has been like, ridiculously cold here. And I live in Manitoba so I'm not just being wimpy about it. It's the kind of weather where you inevitably end up cooped up inside most of the time except when you HAVE to go out. Miss A is getting major cabin fever. Now that the craziness of the holidays are over we'll be getting to the YMCA on a regular basis again, cold or no cold. As a humorous kick in the pants by mother nature the cold lets up long enough just so we can have another big dump of snow on top of the already obscene amount we've already had. But to show you that despite my complaining we still try to make the most of it when the weather is at least warm enough that you can go outside without your face freezing off in like, two seconds... here are some photos.





I think Miss A's red face is a good indication of just how cold it is here lately.

I've started my second month back to work. Generally it's been a much smoother transition this time than it was last time, going back. However during the last week before Christmas my boss was rather cranky and for some reason he seemed to be directing it at me. I know I'm not imagining it because several of my coworkers have brought it up to me and expressed their surprise and displeasure about it. I'm hoping he has gotten whatever it was out of his system and we can start the new year off on a better note.

And to end this whiny post here is a funny story and an interesting observation from Audrey.

Yesterday, when we had arrived home and were just walking into the house our neighbor was just leaving. We waved to each other and then he specifically greeted Miss A. She turned to say hello and promptly walked right into the snowbank. My neighbor and I both found this highly entertaining, and as I was pulling her up out of the deep snow and brushing her off he proceeded to say "It's been a long time since I've had that effect on a woman!" And this had me in stitches because our neighbors are two married men.

And the observation was:

"Mom, my hair is brown, like poop."

Just Some Awesome Pictures

Rockstar with cookie on her face.



Two Cuties





Almost Crawling (what the heck!??!)



Adorable Chef

2008

Elizasmom did this and invited anyone to join so here goes.

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?

Break my ankle. Break my ankle while pregnant.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

My main two were - Have a baby (But I knew that one was happening. Is there such a thing as cheating on your resolutions?) and Start Training in Taekwon Do again. Unfortunately the first doesn't go so well with the second. That's okay, there is a time and a season for everything.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Several clients of mine. And someone I've never met in person but someone I consider myself to be close to, Bon.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Our sixteen year old, outspoken, stubborn, moody, lovely cat, Casey. An amazing woman who was one of my clients.

5. What countries did you visit?

No other Country besides Canada. I don't expect to get to another country, except maybe, the US, anytime soon.

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?

A greater feeling of financial security.

7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

July 17, the birth of our second daughter.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

There were a few. Learning how to walk again after my ankle break. Learning how to do this while VERY pregnant. Giving birth for the second time.

9. What was your biggest failure?

The times when I lost it with either Miss A or Peter. They sort or blend into one gigantic failure.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Um... yeah. See number 1.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Ah...nothing important. Killers CD maybe? Breaking Dawn, perhaps?

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

My kid. Aside from that brief but violent descent into the Terrible Threes this fall, she is a sweet, funny, generous, loving little girl.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

My entire family, including myself. But I love them anyway and I'm learning to forgive myself.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Our mortgage and extra expenses while on maternity leave.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

I've got to agree with Elizasmom on this one - "Potty training! No more diapers!" Oh and that little movie called 'Twilight' was pretty exciting too.

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?

Viva La Vida and Human.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder?

Probably happier because I'm not barfing my guts out.

b) thinner or fatter?

Hard to say. I'd been vomiting a lot this time last year... Still I think I may be a bit smaller.

c) richer or poorer?

Dude... poorer.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Laughing.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Crying.

20. How did you spend Christmas?

At my MIL's with her brother. A great time was had by all.

21. Did you fall in love in 2008?

I often fall in love with Peter and Miss A all over again. But I fell in love with Baby B.

22. What was your favorite TV program?

True Blood was probably my favorite this year and Californication was next in line.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

Probably.

24. What was the best book you read?

Breaking Dawn.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Hmmm. I really liked some of the bands I hadn't heard of on the Twilight soundtrack. For instance... The Black Ghosts - "Full Moon", Blue Foundation - "Eyes on Fire", Iron & Wine - "Flightless Bird, American Mouth" and even... (or especially) Rob Pattinson - "Never Think"

26. What did you want and get?

A baby.

27. What did you want and not get?

More sleep.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?

Um... Twilight

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I was 32, it's an after baby haze... oh yeah, rock climbing (on a rock wall) and lobster dinner.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Financial security.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?

Part One - How not to look like a huge pregnant lady when you are hugely pregnant.

Part Two - How to look good in clothes when you just gave birth.

I failed at each part.

32. What kept you sane?

Umm... I'm not sure anything did.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Yeah, Robert Pattinson.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?

The whole Obama thing was pretty amazing. Even though it wasn't a political issue in my country it still affects me.

35. Who did you miss?

My niece. My cat. My friends that live far away.

36. Who was the best new person you met?

I honestly don't think I met anyone knew.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.

Relax. I didn't put it into practice though.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

Sorry to be a copycat AM, "and I’m on my knees looking for the answer".

It's Over. Sigh...

So Christmas is over for another year. We traveled to Peter's Mom's place and stayed for two nights. We had a marvelous time. This Christmas was A's best yet. She was really able to understand what was going on and had a great time. I still don't think she's fully recovered from all the excitement but unfortunately we never really captured any on camera. I filmed the present opening fiesta so it's captured on video at least. This is the best of the bunch.



These are the photos we took on the way home.



We try to get pictures of Miss A of the rare occasions when she crashes in the car. We find this one particularly cute.



And of course Baby B always sleeps and is cute.




This is Peter being afraid of me driving and taking a picture at the same time.



But he really thought it was funny.



And Peter took a picture of the good winter driving conditions and the traffic.



And when we arrived home she opened her 'bigger' gifts. The one's we didn't want to pack up and have to drag home. We bought her a Barbie house and some accessories. She loved it. And I was happily surprised because I was ready to be disappointed in it once it was opened. I was worried when I bought it that it was going to be cheap and fragile. It's not. And not only that but it packs away to a tiny size which is perfect for our small house which is slowly being overrun with toys. Here are some humorous photos of the Barbies enjoying their new home and Miss A enjoying her gift. Can I just say that the washing machine and dryer actually spin. How cool is that?? (Yes, I'm living vicariously through my child!)











So anyway, now to get back into the regular swing of things. Which will likely include playing a lot of Barbies. :)

Damage

My mom didn't want me to take any pictures but I couldn't help it. I wanted to be able to show my siblings just how bad it was because I think they're all in denial.

And I'm posting them to again drive home the point how fast something like this can happen.







This pot was the start of it all, yet it is still in tact.



This is what remains of the artificial plant (deadly kindling) above the sink.



These are my girls enjoying their Grandma.



Merry Christmas and please be safe!

Blessings

Things have been crazy around here. On top of adjusting to my back to work schedule, general Christmas madness and preparations, my mother had a fire at her condo last night. Thank god she was not hurt. Seriously, if you have never experienced a miracle - live vicariously through me.

She was starting a batch of butter tarts when the phone rang. It was my sister at the door on the first floor. My mom ran down to let her in but my sister was just dropping something off and didn't want to come up. They talked for a couple of minutes when it occurred to my mom that she might have left butter melting on the stove. When she got back up to her condo the pot was dry and smoking. She transferred it across to the sink and it seemed about to burst into flames. In a panic, the best thing she could think of to do was run water on it. LET THIS BE A LESSON. DON'T DO THAT!!! The water caused the butter to basically explode which caught an artificial plant directly above the sink on the top of the cupboards to burst into flames. (Another very important tip. It is a terrible idea to have anything in your kitchen which could become coated in a film of grease from day to day cooking. If you have things like that I would highly suggest you move or dispose of them.) She went into the hallway and struggled with the fire extinguisher. Luckily a neighbor was able to get it and extinguish the fire.

The fact that my mother escaped with the slightest burn on her hand (it's not even really a burn actually) is almost unbelievable. The only explanation is that there was an angel protecting her. Her condo, however, did not fare so well. There is extensive damage to the kitchen. The ceiling is black and the light fixture is melted. I went there today and seeing it with my own eyes only made it more disturbing not to mention driving home the point that it is a miracle she was not harmed. She is staying with us right now and we have no idea how long it will take for her place to be cleaned and repaired. She most definitely won't be home for Christmas.

The saddest thing of all is knowing how awful my mom is feeling. She feels so stupid for letting something like that happen, not to mention embarrassed. She feels guilty about how this has and will effect her neighbors. She misses her home. Though she's very fortunate, not only not to be hurt but also that she didn't lose any personal belongings, it's still very depressing. There is a lot of smoke damage and everything is covered in a thick layer of soot. The disaster specialists will be starting the cleanup tomorrow.

The other thing that breaks my heart is how nervous she is about cooking now. Cooking is my mom's thing. She can cook/bake better than many people out there doing it for a living. This has really shaken her up. While we were preparing supper together this evening she was asking me all kinds of questions as though I were the amazing chef and she was some inexperienced moron. I guess this is pretty normal after something like this. I really hope that she can get past it. One of the ways my mom expresses love for others is through her cooking. It would be really strange if this big part of what makes her who she is was suddenly gone.

For now, I am just grateful and feeling blessed that she is okay. I share this to remind us all how quickly something like this can happen, even to the most experienced cook. I can't think of how many times I've left something on the stove to tend to one of my crying children. I don't think I will do this again. I would rather have them cry a while then possibly start a fire which could destroy our home, hurt us or both.

Ring a Ding Ding

My ears are ringing. I just arrived home from an evening of dancing. My old school friend/DJ was in town doing a gig at a local boutique/eatery (weird location). I would just like to say that I am officially old. Don't. Don't argue with me. Because my body would like to tell you otherwise. My back is stiff and aching (I don't even want to think about what it's going to feel like tomorrow), my knee is hurting as is my ankle which also got stiffer and stiffer the longer I danced. I suppose I shouldn't be too hard on myself. I can't remember the last time I danced for about 3 hours straight.

I went by myself and not one of the people I invited were able to make it. I ran into an acquaintance who invited me to dance with her which I did, the whole night. She is this drop dead gorgeous Czechoslovakian woman and I was staring at and coveting her cheekbones all evening. The music was superb but the crowd was irritating at best. The following would be my personal messages to some of the characters I was surrounded by.

To the girl with the hooker boots on that ended up in bare feet by the end of the night - Those boots aren't very practical for dancing. They aren't really practical for life actually.

To the two eighteen year old amorous couples - I could do without seeing you grind each other on the dance floor. This is not a club. People like you are specifically the reason why I decided to come to this event and why I avoid clubs. Please take your dirty business elsewhere.

To the drunk woman with the sparkly shirt - Please stop bumping into me. Your shirt is giving me road rash every time you touch me. If you are too intoxicated to dance perhaps you should sit down. Or another novel idea would be, go home, sleep it off and rethink that shirt.

To the guy with the 90's Matchbox 20 hair - You are not cool. No one is attracted to you. I know you were a stud once and could probably get any girl you wanted but those days have long passed. Now you are just a short, drunk guy with an outdated haircut who everyone is trying to ignore.

To my Czechoslovakian acquaintance - Why must you be so beautiful? You are very nice and I love listening to your accent but you are making me look bad. Also, I can't stop envying your cheekbones.

And this is what several people were probably thinking about me.

To the lady in the pigtails - Dude. Don't you think you are a little too old for pigtails? Why don't you get a cute short haircut like that gorgeous Czechoslovakian woman you're dancing with? You dance like someone who doesn't get out much and what is with your boobs? You totally look like you need to go and feed a baby or something.

And guess what? I do.

*#@$ !

It is so totally unfair that less than five months after having Baby B, and in spite of the fact that I am exclusively nursing, my 'womanly gift' has returned. What the bleep?

It wouldn't be quite so bad if it didn't make me feel like a bag of crap. Like a bag of crap that can't stop crying over NOTHING.

It was the weirdest thing. On Saturday night after the kids were in bed and we were catching up on various television programs I was suddenly hit with a wave of dizziness and fatigue. Soon after I discovered the likely culprit and was absolutely disgusted.

I recall it came back when Miss A was around 7 months old and I was very upset and sent a worried email to Bon asking "Am I normal?" It seems everyone else I know gets at least a year out of the deal.

Why not me? Looking after two kids is challenging enough without being an emotional basket case and feeling so exhausted that you just want to lay around all day. All of this on the heels of going back to work. Sigh.

On the upside, I'm ready for Christmas. Oh. Except for the tree which is still naked. I'll see what I can do about that.

It Crept Up on Me

Wednesday. That's tomorrow. The day I go back to work. The day my maternity leave is officially over. I'm only going back sixteen hours a week until July but still. This was the last time in my life that I was able to be at home with my kids without having to work. Tomorrow the juggling begins. The passing Peter at the door with a quick kiss and supper instructions. The pumping of milk. The stressing over having enough milk pumped. The pumping at work. Sigh.

I cannot complain. I know that many people out there have it worse than me. And this was the choice that we made. The choice that works best for us. I could have chosen to stay home longer. I'm just not sure what the consequences would be. I won't have to find out either. I will go back to work tomorrow. I will put on my happy face. I will kiss my sweet baby goodbye and know that I will be missing out on things while I am gone. I will accept it and carry on.

The Trickle Down Effect

I know it's painfully obvious to everyone who reads my blog that I have a serious obsession with Twilight. From the videos to the posts to the countdown widget. What I hadn't realized was the trickle down effect this would have on Miss A.

When the full trailer came out Peter was kind enough to transfer it to our DVR. Let's just say it was watched several times. With different people who happened to be over and were interested. Like, my sister, my niece, friends. It wasn't an overly scary trailer so I didn't mind if Miss A watched it. She pays attention to everything in great detail. So I shouldn't have been surprised when she started asking to see the 'Bella one'. And then asking many, many questions. "What's his name? Why is Edward climbing up the tree like this? (mimics him climbing fast with Bella on his back) Why is Edward kissing Bella?"

Last weekend our friends came over for supper. They gave me the awesome early Christmas gift of a Twilight poster. Miss A was pleased about it and informed me that it was Bella and Edward on the poster, then I believe she asked to see 'the Bella one'.

Today, while in the car she noticed the CD case of the soundtrack and she asked to listen to it. I told her we already were. She was delighted because she has been singing and humming along to it for weeks now. She asked to hold the case and after pointing out that Edward and Bella were on the cover she preceded to clutch it all the way home.

I think the real kicker was this past weekend when we went to Madagascar 2. This was her very first time in a movie theater. We went because Peter's work reserved the theater as a kids Christmas function. Her attention span waned a little at times during the movie and it scared her a few times but overall I think she enjoyed it. Santa was waiting for the kids as they came out. They were able to say hello and get a little present from him. Miss A thought that was kind of cool but as we continued to the exit she said "I want to see Bella!" (Which was a little confusing for those of you who know us.) Peter was the one who figured out she meant. She wanted to go and see the life size cardboard cut out of Bella and Edward at the front entrance of the theater. She happily pointed them out to us and the young girl at the ticket counter (seemingly a fan) cooed "AWWW! That's so cute!!" To which I replied "Is it cute? Or is it weird and kind of creepy that my three year old knows who they are?" Not to mention that after that she seemed to forget all about the fact that she'd just seen Santa. Sigh. I think I'm going to be in trouble when she gets to be a teenager.

I Promise I Won't Spoil Anything

That said I will reference. So for anyone who hasn't read the book skip this post or read it and don't be mad, I warned you.

So. I saw Twilight last night. And I had to write about it. Not the movie really, but the experience.

I haven't gone to a special showing of a movie on opening night for a long, long time. Peter and I were discussing the one's we've gone to and all we could come up with were 'X-Files Fight the Future' and each of the Matrix sequels. And I can say that for me at least, my anticipation for Twilight was the greatest.

Since Peter has also read the series it was important to me that we saw it together for the first time. He had volunteered to babysit but I found a babysitter so that we could both go. We went with my fifteen year old niece and a friend of mine. We arrived almost an hour and a half early. There was already a small line up but we were sure to have good seats. Other friends of mine were ahead of us in line and they ended up sitting in front of us so while we waited for the movie to begin we all had a good, hyper visit.

The crowd was pretty diverse. A lot of teens, some with, some without their Mom's. A couple of hardcore girls with official Twilight T-shirts. There were also some almost gothy looking 20 somethings who sat behind us and they were acting too cool to be there. They amused the heck out of me because they were trying to be all 'I don't care' yet there they were at the sold out show. It's not like they just decided on a whim to come because they had nothing better to do. And I heard them muttering at the teens to 'Stop texting!' and then 'The movie's starting, shut up!'

There were audible cheers and applause as the lights went down. (Some of which may have come from me, it's a blur. Ha!) The most memorable trailer was for this movie which I hadn't heard of but I'm not very excited to see. Wow, Dakota Fanning is growing up. And I think she's going to make it. I'm so glad because I think she is an amazing actress and I'd hate to see her end up being 'that child star'. I digress.

So it begins. I had the most bizarre warm feeling inside my body the entire movie. I actually enjoyed the experience of watching it with other avid fans of all ages. I thought they behaved themselves rather well. * If you don't want to know anything about what is in the movie even though you've read the book and can guess skip to the next paragraph. The only time I was confused with the crowd reaction was during the classroom scene where Edward first catches Bella's potent scent. Here is Edward Cullen obviously in pain, tormented - and the crowd starts laughing. It was the sort of reaction only a large group of people who'd read the book would have. Maybe it was nervous laughter? Who knows? Anyway, it was weird.

*Maybe skip this one too. I was happy that they took a lot of lines directly from the book. I was also impressed with some of the lines they added that were either very funny or touching. And I can't keep this one to myself, when Edward first speaks in the movie I think Robert Pattinson may have channeled Edward Scissorhands. Just that scared, socially awkward thing and his tone of voice. Don't let that turn you off though. It worked and yet was very amusing to me.

There were also parts were I had to fan myself with my hand because they were so romantically intense and beautiful. Unfortunately there were as many of those times in the movie as there were in the book but I wasn't expecting there to be so I wasn't disappointed.

I found myself feeling sad as I knew we were approaching the end. I took comfort in the fact that I'll be seeing it again on Sunday night. When it was over there were cheers and applause again and the gothy 20 somethings mocked saying 'Oh my God Twilight!!' in shrill voices. I couldn't keep my mouth shut and piped up. (indirectly) I don't remember what I said but it seemed to shut them up. I just couldn't take any more of their we're too cool to be there crap.

I was relieved when my niece broke down in the car afterwards clapping her hands saying "That was so good!!!" I was beginning to feel like a bit of a loser for being more excited than a 15 year old.

And I have said nothing of the experience of watching it with Peter. We laughed at all the same parts, swooned (I think) at all the same parts and agreed on the parts we thought were cheesy or lame. Though we both needed our sleep we lay in bed for a long while last night whispering about it. I am so glad I married someone who I have so much in common with and whose company I enjoy so much. Being married to him is like getting to have the best sleepover (or slumpover) party every night.

Anyway, go to the movie.

Obsessions

I know I've written many posts and linked many videos about Twilight. But this a honest to goodness thoughtful and serious one.

This Saturday some of the cast visited Much Music for an hour long 'Twilight Special'. Being the devoted fan that I am, I tuned in. I have watched a few short videos of the casts public appearances. It's amusing at first, all the screaming, but it gets old fast. Which is why I've only ever watched the short videos. But this live appearance at Much was basically an hour long scream fest. It was, frankly, a bit much. I started feeling like a bit of a knob for watching it. Actually, I started feeling uncomfortable.

Here are these poor, drenched, freezing kids, who'd stood outside (some for TWO DAYS!) waiting for their chance to see the stars of this movie. Although it likely won't be followed up on I have absolutely no doubt that many of these kids will end up with pneumonia. They'll be sitting in the theater when the movie comes out, deathly ill, hacking their guts out, tears streaming down their faces because "OMG, it's just so beautiful!" (Right now being a fan kinda feels like getting caught playing Bratz dolls in your bedroom.)

It got me thinking about how I'd feel as a parent if my girls wanted to go and stand in the rain for two days to see something/someone they were obsessed with. Would I let them go? I want to say 'no way'. Peter says 'no way'. But the thing is I'm still young enough to be in touch with the 15 year old girl that I was. They girl who wore a gold band on my left ring finger and a single gold sleeper in my left ear so I could be like Robert Smith. Would I have stood in the rain for two days for the chance to meet him up close? Heck yeah. Would my mother have let me? I can safely say, no.

So how far is too far? At what point as a parent do you decide an 'interest' has become too intense? Can you do anything about it? I mean, obviously you can prevent them from spending two days in the rain and getting hypothermia but you can't control their thoughts. As I mentioned, I LOVED Robert Smith. I LOVED The Cure. Still do actually. Many times I sat in my room weeping over songs that I thought were so beautiful, so perfect. I had dozens of their posters plastered all over my wall. My obsession influenced my clothing, my jewelry, my hair color (not style ha ha!), my choice of alcohol. Did it hurt me? Well, I didn't go out on many dates but in the long term, no. I still love the band. I'm still a rather obsessive person (gasp! you're kidding!) but in a much more low key way. (yes, really.)

I don't think it's a bad thing to feel deeply about things. I do think that it's worth talking about. No one ever talked to me about why I felt so strongly about The Cure, or anything else I was crazy over. They just shook their heads, teased me or ignored it. I plan to do things differently. I'd like to know what my kids are passionate about and why. I'd like to have conversations with them about it. Perhaps sway them on things that I may not particularly be too happy about them loving. But I'll never be able to do that if I don't listen and really want to hear what they have to say.

So when the day comes that my girls are asking to do something outrageous because of their undying devotion to whatever I will seriously consider and weigh the pros and cons before laughing in their faces and saying "Absolutely not!"

Revealing Her Competitive Nature

Lately I've been trying to encourage Miss A to speed up. She has a tendency to dawdle. For real. I've been getting really tired of listening to myself saying "Come on, let's hurry up." "We've got to hurry, we'll be late." Or when I'm really exhausted and fed up giving the dreaded label "You are SO SLOW! Hurry up!!!" and then I feel guilty.

Recently I've tried to motivate her to be faster by making a game out of it. So I try the "See if you can beat Us" game. We have done this when getting into the car and it seems to work rather well. The other day I tried it when we were getting dressed. I challenged her to see if she could get her clothes on faster than I could dress Baby B. It took her a little while to get on board with this but once she did she was delighted with the idea of being 'the fastest'. Until she noticed that we had quite a head start. It was at this point that she fell to the floor in a heap and began to sulk.

I wondered how her excitement had turned to despair. And then I realized she quit because she thought she stood no chance of winning. Therefore she didn't even want to try.

I have to admit that was a big revelation to me about her character. I know that she is a perfectionist even now, at age three. But I wasn't really aware of just how competitive she was until then. And how uninterested she is in being anything other than #1.

I think I have some work cut out for me. Who am I kidding? I know I do.

Further Exploration

I wanted to include in this post how I took a course which was based on the book 'Raising Your Spirited Child'. But really it's a stand alone post.

Honestly, I could have likely gone without taking the course. I wasn't overly impressed with how it was presented but I was very grateful to find out about the book. I had several 'Ah Ha!' moments while reading it. (though I haven't read it cover to cover as yet) It sort of put into words what I have always known about Miss A. And it's the kind of book I'd like to give to those people I've come across who don't seem to believe me when I tell them about how she is. The people who seem to think that I should just be able to make her behave a certain way, that is if I was really a good parent. Which obviously, I'm not. Of course those people would never actually read the book, but maybe it would make me feel better just knowing that they might one day flip through it out of boredom and become enlightened.

Without going into it too much it basically describes the kind of kid Miss A is and then talks about the negative labels we tend to give them or their behavior. Guilty. So guilty. For example... she is so crazy! (or insane or nuts or wild, etc.) It reminds us parents to try to think of better words and not to use those potentially hurtful labels. Point taken. I am trying. But I constantly find these words slipping out. It also points out how their temperaments can help them to become very successful later in life. This is something I knew, something I have always said. I know she is going to have amazing qualities as she gets older but parenting a child with these personality traits now is... painfully difficult at times. Not to mention exhausting.

Reading this book felt like having a conversation with a friend. A friend who knows exactly what it's like to parent Miss A and who knows exactly what to say when I am feeling discouraged. It was one of those weird experiences when I actually felt like saying aloud, to the book, "Yes! Exactly! That's exactly how I feel. How did you know?" Really odd, but also really comforting.

I would recommend this book to any parent actually. Even those who might not consider their child to be 'spirited'. Some of it might sound hokey but the overall message is really great. Accept your kids for who they are. Don't wish that they were any easier, quieter, calmer or whatever. Help them to develop their unique and amazing personalities so that they can grow to be amazing adults one day. It sounds so simple but it's something I find I constantly forget and I find myself daydreaming that she could be just a little more like this or that instead and then wouldn't life be so much easier...