Revealing Her Competitive Nature

Lately I've been trying to encourage Miss A to speed up. She has a tendency to dawdle. For real. I've been getting really tired of listening to myself saying "Come on, let's hurry up." "We've got to hurry, we'll be late." Or when I'm really exhausted and fed up giving the dreaded label "You are SO SLOW! Hurry up!!!" and then I feel guilty.

Recently I've tried to motivate her to be faster by making a game out of it. So I try the "See if you can beat Us" game. We have done this when getting into the car and it seems to work rather well. The other day I tried it when we were getting dressed. I challenged her to see if she could get her clothes on faster than I could dress Baby B. It took her a little while to get on board with this but once she did she was delighted with the idea of being 'the fastest'. Until she noticed that we had quite a head start. It was at this point that she fell to the floor in a heap and began to sulk.

I wondered how her excitement had turned to despair. And then I realized she quit because she thought she stood no chance of winning. Therefore she didn't even want to try.

I have to admit that was a big revelation to me about her character. I know that she is a perfectionist even now, at age three. But I wasn't really aware of just how competitive she was until then. And how uninterested she is in being anything other than #1.

I think I have some work cut out for me. Who am I kidding? I know I do.

Further Exploration

I wanted to include in this post how I took a course which was based on the book 'Raising Your Spirited Child'. But really it's a stand alone post.

Honestly, I could have likely gone without taking the course. I wasn't overly impressed with how it was presented but I was very grateful to find out about the book. I had several 'Ah Ha!' moments while reading it. (though I haven't read it cover to cover as yet) It sort of put into words what I have always known about Miss A. And it's the kind of book I'd like to give to those people I've come across who don't seem to believe me when I tell them about how she is. The people who seem to think that I should just be able to make her behave a certain way, that is if I was really a good parent. Which obviously, I'm not. Of course those people would never actually read the book, but maybe it would make me feel better just knowing that they might one day flip through it out of boredom and become enlightened.

Without going into it too much it basically describes the kind of kid Miss A is and then talks about the negative labels we tend to give them or their behavior. Guilty. So guilty. For example... she is so crazy! (or insane or nuts or wild, etc.) It reminds us parents to try to think of better words and not to use those potentially hurtful labels. Point taken. I am trying. But I constantly find these words slipping out. It also points out how their temperaments can help them to become very successful later in life. This is something I knew, something I have always said. I know she is going to have amazing qualities as she gets older but parenting a child with these personality traits now is... painfully difficult at times. Not to mention exhausting.

Reading this book felt like having a conversation with a friend. A friend who knows exactly what it's like to parent Miss A and who knows exactly what to say when I am feeling discouraged. It was one of those weird experiences when I actually felt like saying aloud, to the book, "Yes! Exactly! That's exactly how I feel. How did you know?" Really odd, but also really comforting.

I would recommend this book to any parent actually. Even those who might not consider their child to be 'spirited'. Some of it might sound hokey but the overall message is really great. Accept your kids for who they are. Don't wish that they were any easier, quieter, calmer or whatever. Help them to develop their unique and amazing personalities so that they can grow to be amazing adults one day. It sounds so simple but it's something I find I constantly forget and I find myself daydreaming that she could be just a little more like this or that instead and then wouldn't life be so much easier...

Stretched

Lately, I've really been experiencing that feeling that I'm certain is familiar to moms everywhere. You know the one. The one where you are literally being pulled in every direction. You know those medieval stretching machines? Where they attach all your limbs to different pulleys and then basically wind it until you come apart? Yeah, that's how I'm feeling. Except it's my mind that's pulling in every direction. There are always too many things to do and not enough time to do them.

My mind is always spinning and trying to think of how I can try to fit it all in. Or wondering which is the most important. My internal dialogue usually sounds something like this. "I really want to go to the gym, I'll feel so much better if I do and then I can get everything else done. But it takes up so much time and then I won't have time to go through that HUGE PILE OF CLOTHES in my bedroom and decide what stays and what I'm giving away. And I should do laundry, if we go out I won't get it all finished. If we stay home I can just spend quality time with the kids. But then Miss A starts bugging me 'where we are going? what are we doing? LET'S GET OUT OF HERE it's boring!' and then when we're home I'm compelled to putter around and get SOMETHING, ANYTHING done. And what are we having for supper? There are no left overs. Be creative! Man, I suck at cooking. I'm going to do the dishes while I think about this. Why is it that I can only ever accomplish the bare minimum but never get to the larger tasks? Sigh."

It's ridiculous. I know that. I know I need to give myself a break blah, blah, blah. But I just can't stop my brain from spinning. I happen to know how good it feels to have everything (or almost everything) that you want accomplish in a day completed. (On the very rare occasions when that happens) And it's an additively good feeling.

For a while now, going to the gym has been winning out over all else. Miss A is happy because she gets to play with kids and possibly GO TO THE PLAY STRUCTURE! and run off steam.(which also has perks for me!) Baby B sleeps. I am currently training for an indoor triathlon. (Not as impressive as it sounds. It is simply a 15 minute swim, 15 minute cycle and 15 minute run. Whomever goes the farthest in that time 'wins'.) It's the only kind of triathlon I could complete. The hardest part for me is the running. I HATE to run. I've tried everything to make myself like it but nothing has worked thus far. Any tips AM, Bon? I can however, FORCE myself to run for 15 minutes. I did it yesterday. Pathetically slow, but I ran the entire 15 minutes. My ankle didn't hurt too much either. I just felt it a little. Every. time. it struck the treadmill.

I always tell myself I just need one good day to get everything done. I just need a little help. Someone to distract Miss A. Someone to cuddle the baby. And then I'd feel caught up. But I suppose the sad reality is even if I do catch up, I'll only get behind again. But the peace of mind I'd have for that brief period would be worth it.