Weeeeee!!!!

My belated birthday gift.



This one is my favorite. Bella is all, yeah I'm just hanging out with Edward Cullen.

When You're Smiling

My baby girl. She's smiling already. It's a beautiful smile. And she has a dimple. It's adorable. When I see her smile I feel like I'm seeing a glimpse of the good natured, happy girl that she is going to be. Here, see for yourselves...





*Note to all parents: If you use the word 'ridiculous' around your children, say in a sentence such as "She's been acting so ridiculous lately!" don't be surprised to hear your child say back to you "Who's a-dick-less Mommy?"

The Perspective of a Three Year Old

I mentioned that we were giving Miss A this camera for her birthday. Score 10 points for mom and dad because she LOVES it. Like, really loves it.

So here are some of the photos she has taken.

I have a feeling there will be a lot of pictures of our bums.



The picture quality is not excellent but seems to be further hindered by moving, being to close to the subject or facing a sunny window. As seen in this photo. I think she was also dancing while she took this one.



I'm thinking that her sister is going to appear in her photos often. I like the last one especially because her eyes stand out more than anything else.





P.S. What is it about the postpartum period that makes me feel like my heels have been bashed in with a hammer when I try to walk. I remember this happening with A too. Especially when I would get out of bed to feed the baby. Has anyone else experienced this? Is it the calcium being depleted from my body or what?

Having a 'Take it Easy' Day

Yeah. Cause man, do I need to.

I'm not sure if it's because Baby B is such an AMAZING baby (because really she is more patient than any baby has a right to be) or what but I've been doing WAY. TOO. MUCH. For real, yo.

Example: Yesterday.

Got up at 4:50 am to feed the baby. Didn't get her back to bed until about...6:15. Heard Peter get up around 7:00, drifted back to sleep. 7:45 Peter woke me up to tell me he was going to work and that Miss A was awake (I know I'm tired when I don't hear her get up) and watching her new favorite movie on the couch. I got up and made us both breakfast. Did the usual morning routine of getting the two of us dressed and presentable and then dressed and fed the baby. Packed everyone into the car and drove A to daycare. (she's still going one day a week to maintain routine, to hold her spot and to give me a break) Went to the gym and worked out for an hour. Took Bella to the photographers to have her two month portraits taken. Went to my mom's for lunch. (Pretty much my only downtime for the day) Went to the bank, and a couple of stores (I had to get one of these) and then went grocery shopping. I then came home, unloaded and put away the groceries. Sat at the computer for five minutes. Went to pick up Miss A from Daycare. Came home and helped make supper. Ate. Packed the kids up again and went back to the YMCA for my two hours of volunteer work, 6-8. (* Okay, I need to emphasize that this is not the kind of volunteer work that I'm doing out of the goodness of my heart. I am doing it to get a free membership. And also because I like the idea of financially benefiting from something I enjoy doing. For now I am simply showing new members around and explaining how the cardio and weight machines work but soon I will be teaching classes which is what I really want to be doing.) The kids had a great time, well Baby B slept but whatever. Came home put pajamas on the kids, put Miss A to bed. Had more down time at this point (9:40) while simultaneously feeding baby, watching 'The Sarah Connors Chronicles' (Did you know Shirley Manson is on that show now? She is!) and having my feet rubbed. (11:15) Put Baby B to bed crawled in myself hoping that she would stay asleep. (She did until 7:30 am. Thank god!)

Anyway. That was a stupid day. Ridiculous. I was so tired and sore and did I say tired? Yeah. And this was just a little busier than my usual days have been. So today my mission was to take it easy. So far, so good. I had two cups of tea this morning. (Mopped the kitchen and bathroom floor, whoops.) Watched for Beth in the audience on 'The Martha Stewart' show. Spent quality time with the girls. Walked with them to drop off Miss A at preschool. (Cleaned the bathroom. Whoops again.) And I'm planning on having a soak in the tub before either the baby gets up or we have to go pick A up from school. I have plans to continue having a relaxing day.

And look how beautiful my street looks. I love fall.

Amazing!

It's been a while since I've talked about how amazing I think blogging is. How grateful I am for the wonderful people I've met since I started my blog.

A couple of weeks ago I was in a foul, foul, horrible mood. (Not unlike today...sigh)



I don't even remember why now. Probably the usual, getting up at 5:00am with the baby, barely getting back to sleep before Miss A is at our bedroom door telling us "the sun is up". (Say, that's what happened this morning too...) Anyway I was terribly grumpy and feeling sorry for myself. When I went to check the mailbox I found this inside from Beth, one of my bloggy friends.



I felt sheepish about my silly bad mood which almost immediately disappeared. Inside the package was a lovely card and presents for the girls. Miss A was thrilled.



She loves books and this one has become one of her favorites. She has memorized it and can pretty much read it to me now.



It still blows my mind that someone whom I've never met in person would take the time and care enough to send us a gift. And this is not the first time this has happened. Bon, yet another one of my wonderful blogging friends sent me ONE OF THE GREATEST 80'S MOVIES EVER!! for my birthday. (but I couldn't find the link to the post about it!) She took the time to read a short story I entered in a competition. So did Elizasmom and she also worked on editing it with me. Thanks to her it was a much better story. A much better story that still didn't win. :)

The only thing that makes me sad about having 'met' such amazing people is that they all live so far away. I fully intend on meeting each of them some day and am totally confident that when we meet for the first time there won't be any of that awkward first meeting stuff. I think we'll be totally comfortable, like old friends. Because really, that's what we'll be.

Three? Three!

My baby is three today. Wow. She is so not a baby anymore.

We had her party yesterday. All of her little guests were boys. Not counting her cousins. This presented me with the issue of not wanting to have a girlie, girlie party. We had yellow balloons and a Dora cake. (I opted out of making the cake this year. A coworker of mine makes fancy pants cakes as a hobby so I hired her to do it. I think I'm entitled to be lazy since I have a newborn.)



I planned a craft and a scavenger hunt. (for stuffed animals hiding in the backyard) We ate a healthy and nutritious meal of hot dogs, chips and pop. Woo Hoo! Hey, it's birthday food.

I believe the party was a success. She seemed to have had a good time. It may be a little confusing to her that today is actually her birthday but our celebrations will be less exuberant. She will be receiving this gift from us. I love how in one of the pictures you see it bouncing down the stairs. And the one where it's sitting in a puddle of milk is pretty funny too. Not that I'm planning on testing that one out.

And this evening we will travel to Peter's mom's for our first away from home trip since having Baby B. My anxiety level about this is currently low but could change at any moment. Such is the delicate balance of a new mother's hormones. Whee!

Anyway. Here is the montage I created for year 3.

Hey, Let Me Out of Here

Do you ever have that feeling that you are trapped inside yourself? What I mean is, do you ever feel like the real you is on the inside watching this other, awful version of yourself behave horribly?

I've been feeling like this a lot lately. Like I'm inside listening to myself talking to Miss A in a way that I don't like, hearing that edge to my voice, knowing that I'm being overly harsh. Sure I can say that I'm tired from being up with the baby for an hour or so each night. That it's wearing me down. It's true but I feel it's a cop out. Miss A didn't have a choice about when we decided to have another baby. She couldn't tell us to wait until she was a little older or a little less demanding so that I wouldn't get so frustrated with her all of the time. Although, I'm honestly not sure if that would make a difference.

I know that when I'm getting after her it's for a reason it's just on those days when I feel disconnected from myself I hate the tone I am taking with her, how I sound when I'm disciplining her, how unnecessarily harsh I am. It makes me sick actually. And even though I recognize myself doing it, I can't seem to stop. Not at the time or in the future. It's a terrible feeling.

I'm hoping this lack of patience and calm is just a product of sleep deprivation in which case it won't last forever. Also, Miss A started preschool TODAY!! So perhaps spending a little bit more time apart, when she can have fun, learn, and be stimulated and I can... do whatever I need to do, will help the situation. AND Peter and I are taking a yoga class together starting tonight! With any luck this will chill us both out a little, give us a break to spend time together and make us feel refreshed. We can only hope!

In the meantime, here is my school girl!

Really?

*Inspired by Amy Poehler and Seth Myers on Weekend Update (but totally not as funny at all)

Really? You thought it was a good idea to come to my door only seven weeks after I gave birth to ask me if I'd cut your hair at home? Really? And you really thought I'd actually even give this a moments consideration given how rude you were to me the first time I met you and did your hair? Oh Really, you thought it would take only two more appointments during which you were sickeningly nice to me to make up for that first horrendous time? Really? Really? You really think that after three (THREE!!!) appointments with me that it's okay for you to show up on my doorstep telling me how no one else "understands" your hair. Really? And I'm really supposed to care about this. Huh. And you really thought your obvious disinterest in my children was going to get you any further ahead in your quest? REALLY? Wow. Really, you were surprised when I said no, telling you to WAIT UNTIL I GO BACK TO WORK from my already ridiculously short maternity leave. Really. really. Interesting.

Now get out of my house lady before my artificial niceness wears off to reveal how super pissed I am at you and I go all Bella Vampire on your @ss!

P.S. C you can you guess who this might be?

Don't Hate Me For This One...

I'm going to apologize for this post right now. In fact I'm kind of ashamed to be writing it but I kind of feel like I need to get it out there. Why? I'm not sure. I'm weird like that.

Although Baby B is a mere six weeks of age I already worry about her. But wait, before you tell me this is normal I will be more specific about what it is exactly that I worry about.

I worry that she will live in her sister's shadow.

I think I have mentioned several times here, at the risk of sounding totally braggy pants, that I think Miss A is ridiculously stunning. When I say stuff like that I really don't mean to be boastful at all, it's just that I am genuinely floored and flabbergasted by her beauty. I worry about her too. I worry about how her looks might affect her as she gets older and the way people treat her or the way she treats others. I don't want her to be judged only by her looks or to be able to coast through things easily because of them. (I even see the beginnings of this already) I don't want her to become a 'mean girl'. I only hope that I will be able to teach her the right things as she grows and she'll know that looks are not what count, but who you are and how you treat people.

So the thing is I'm worrying that B will have to suffer the hardship of being the pretty girls sister. You know, the one that no one notices. Having to hear all the time about how gorgeous her sister is, blah, blah, blah. I know this must sound ridiculous. After all Baby B is only a few weeks old.

But I remember A even at this early age. Her long, dark eyelashes. Her big, pouty lips. Her skin. Everything. People told me all the time what a beautiful baby she was. Strangers would stop me so they could tell me this. They would never use the word cute, but beautiful. And they were never the 'just being polite' kind of compliments, they always seemed to be given with a kind of awe. Being that I find myself utterly ordinary I am still in shock that I gave birth to this girl. I feel totally unprepared and inexperienced in regards to what I need to do in order to keep her grounded but I will do my best.

My sweet B. Her eyelashes may not be so long, or dark. Her lips not so pouty. She may not be as striking. But I sense the sweetness about her. I think she will have the most lovely disposition. She is already so patient and tolerant. So easy going. So nice.

And this is why I worry. Maybe because I have my own hang ups about the importance of beauty in our society. Maybe because I endured being told I was ugly by my peers at a very young age and even now, years later recognize that the scars left by those words are still there. Maybe I'm projecting. But it breaks my heart to think that my daughter might ever feel that way about herself. (And please understand I'm not saying B is ugly, I'm just saying, kids can be cruel.)

I know we can't protect our kids from everything. Especially not from the things that people will say or the way that people will treat them. I can only try to help them understand why.

Of course I have no way of knowing if my worries are valid. It is just something that has been nagging at me. I know I risk sounding like a HUGE jerk even writing this or at the very least, ridiculous but it's been swimming around in my head for a while now and I needed to get it out. So it's okay, give it to me straight, I deserve it...

Miss A on the left, Baby B on the right. (Okay, I might be on crack, they kinda look the same.)

Realization

My birthday was great. Peter and I went to a rock climbing wall first and then for supper. The rock climbing was much harder than the last (and only) time I did it. Although to be fair I just had a baby six weeks ago and my ankle is still kinda sucky.

For those of you with a week stomach, don't look at the following picture. I had to get a photographic evidence of the amazing pukey baby. "Happy Birthday Mama!"



I was thinking about something this evening as I was rocking with the baby. From 8:30 (if I'm lucky) (and I realize some of you would be SO happy if their kids got up at 8:30) until anywhere from 10:00pm to 12:00am (or later) I am looking after kids without a break. I know that's what being a mom is all about, yada, yada, yada, but you know what... it's getting tiring.

I was used to having some down time after Miss A would go to bed. Now it's get her to bed then spend the rest of the evening settling Baby B down. At least we can still watch television or a movie if she's not too fussy. And for the past two nights she's slept a really nice long stretch when she finally does go down.

I know this isn't going to last forever. And I also remember being so much more exhausted, frustrated, angry, etc. when A was a baby. So really, I'm doing well. Still, I'm tired. But yeah, goes with the territory, I know.

One new thing that I have mixed feelings about - Miss A has learned to use the computer. Okay, I taught her. She was interested in playing computer games so I thought I'd show her this website. At first she couldn't really do anything. I would sit with her with my hand over her hand on the mouse, showing her how to move it and which button to click. Then she started doing it on her own. This was only a few days ago. Now she can navigate all over the site, playing different games, watching videos. It's crazy. When I show her something once, she remembers. I barely have to help her anymore. She requests to play often now and I am limiting the time she spends on the computer, but... it does allow me to get stuff done. And I have to ask myself if it's better or worse than watching a bit of television. It's more interactive, improves hand/eye coordination and the games are all educational. Do I sound like I'm making excuses? Honestly, I don't think it's so bad. Mostly I am just totally amazed at how quickly she has caught on. I hope everything in life is so easy for her to learn.

Another Year Goes By

So I'm 32 today. Yep. It should be a good day. Grandma is coming over for lunch. My sister and niece are coming over to babysit tonight so Peter and I can go for supper. The baby slept through the night for the first time.

And here is my gift to all of you today. A video we took one of the first times Miss A held Baby B. She attempts to feed her and well you will see the hilarity that ensues...

Training Tales

Miss A is still going strong with the potty training. She is very proud of her bathroom accomplishments and always wants us to look at what she's done. She's been known to tell strangers that she "pooped in the potty today!" Everyone has been really polite so far, congratulating her and so forth. The other day at the park I was sitting next to a mom whose little girl A was playing with. This mom's little girl came running over to us at one point and said while pointing back at Miss A "She pooped on the potty today!" Oh boy.

Today she asked me to come to the potty with her. Her face lit up as it always does when she begins to pee. And then there was a huge fart. She looked surprised and I explained it was a big fart. She then says earnestly "Do you want to see my fart?"

It was all I could do not to burst out laughing.

Um...No

Yesterday Miss A pulled my shirt up a little to inspect my belly. She did this a lot while I was pregnant. She hasn't done it since I had B. She looked at it for a while and then asked "Is there another baby in your belly?" (I refuse to be offended by my 2 year old) "No" I told her, then asked "Would you like there to be another baby in there?" (Why would I ask this?) She nods and says "A brother one." I try not to laugh and say "Isn't a sister good enough?" She simply shakes her head no. And I mumble "Well it will have to be."

Also, regarding the potty training business, she's been in panties all week (in the daytime) with only minimal accidents. Today she is wearing two pairs at once, just because. I say whatever, more absorbency in case of an accident. And I know this is TMI but when the kid has a bowel movement it's like watching her give birth. I feel so sorry for her. No wonder she has hated going #2. Perhaps we need to eat more Bran...

Glutton for Punishment

So B wouldn't settle down until 12:30ish last night, followed by the usual night feedings. And then Miss A decided to get up at 7:30 this morning. This is the kid who NEEDS to sleep until 9:00.

Yet I am sticking to my plan to have her wear big girl panties starting today instead of pull-ups. This seems like a very bad idea considering how little sleep I've had and am likely to get anytime soon.

That said, we have had zero accidents thus far. We are going to a paddling pool this afternoon, so we'll see how that goes. So far it's been good for bribery purposes.

And now some pictures. This one's for Beth. I believe this would qualify as "smooshy face".

Face Painting Step By Step

Our La Leche League group had a 'Family Fun Day' BBQ today. There were plenty of fun things happening such as crafts and bubbles but Miss A's priority was to get her face painted.

Here are the step by step photos and the finished look.

It was so cute to watch her sit so still and look so serious.



She kept requesting the sparkles, the sparkles!



Inspecting herself in the mirror.



Smiling for the camera.

One Month Old

Hard to believe really. Doesn't she have an odd wise look about her?



added by Papa D:

Big Girl and Little Girl Developments

So Miss A has officially moved to a 'Big Girl Bed'. See here.




(Yes, that is a Barbie bedspread. Handed down from her cousin. It actually matches the room, saves me money and so on and so forth. A likes Barbies and I loved them too when I was little.)

I asked her to sit on her big girl bed and smile and this is what I got.







It's going pretty well so far, which is shocking to me. I did not think she would stay put but she has. We go through the same bedtime routine except that I lay bedside her on the bed and read to her, we pray, we sing (and at this point she often asks to go potty which is probably a stalling technique but she does actually go so I'm not going to refuse) and then when it's time for bed I kiss her, tell her I'll see her when the sun comes up (not literally) and say "Nighty, night night night night". She giggles, repeats and I turn the light off and pull the door almost closed. Done.

So far so good. Now, having said that said I will also say that I expect there will be issues... There always is. She seems to go through cycles with bedtime. Sometimes it's easy and routine goes well, sometimes she totally bucks routine and tries to pull all kinds of crap. So that is coming... I'm sure.

As for the little one. She continues to be an amazing baby. I can't believe she will be a month old tomorrow! Wow. My only complaints are her late owl tendencies as of late (she wants to stay up until almost midnight, meanwhile I'm nodding off in the chair) and her habit of overeating and then puking copious amounts. I'm not kidding. It is something to see. It comes out of her nose and mouth like a fountain. I sit there helpless, trying to catch it, fumbling for a kleenex, anything, while also trying to keep her from drowning at the same time. It's really rather ridiculous. Then we go and change all of our clothing.



I'm trying to keep up with things around here, without overdoing it and I'm trying not to feel overwhelmed. Trying to find balance with the scales weighing heavier on the 'spending time with the kids' side. I've been wanting to post for days and yet haven't until today. (And I've had to stop several times to - get paint, clean up paint, help wash hands, help brush teeth) I have dishes to put away, dishes to wash (I'm beginning to see the appeal of a dishwasher), I'd like to dust and wash the kitchen and bathroom floors and oh yeah there's that load of laundry downstairs...

Anyway. AND I read 'Breaking Dawn' which I thought was amazing and I'd love to write a review here but I'm going to wait to give people more time to read it. I recently discovered that there are fans(?) who really hated it. I of course acknowledge that everyone is entitled to their opinion but some of these people are starting a campaign encouraging people to return their books to 'send a message' to Stephanie. For pete's sake. Not only that, but some people are making ludicrous claims about things that the book is supposedly promoting. (I won't mention these because they could be considered spoilers.) Mostly this depresses me because I think it would be awful to pour your heart and soul into something, like this book, only to have people be ungrateful, misinterpret and basically crap all over your effort. You don't have to like it, just don't be so ridiculous... Rant over.

My Girls

The other day I was talking to a friend and I off handedly said "The kids" and then stopped for a second. Plural. I have kids. Wow.

Things are still going along nicely. This week will be the true test as I will be 'flying solo' starting tomorrow.

I have a terrible cough at the moment which I find incredibly irritating because it is stealing further sleep from me after I get the baby settled down in the night. I lay there hacking away, my face buried into a pillow in an attempt to disturb everyone else as little as possible. I am taking a mild cough syrup only at night as well as slathering myself with 'Vicks' and I keep 'Riccola' cough lozenges on my bedside table. I will be thrilled when it finally goes away but I'm certain sleep deprivation does nothing for the immune system and a person's ability to get healthy.

Miss A has been amazing with Baby B. At the moment she is 'reading' her a story. I am relieved that she seems to really love her sister already and I don't feel that I need to worry about her doing anything physically aggressive towards her if I'm not looking. However, she is playing the baby card with her Dad and I. She wants to be carried, is crying more, baby talking etc. She seems to especially dislike it when her Dad is carrying or holding B. She then insists that he carry or hold her also which he usually manages somehow. She sometimes does this to me as well but seems to understand a bit more when it comes to me. Perhaps because I have been unable to do certain things for/with her for a while now and so she is more used to it. For the most part I don't feel that I can really complain about her behavior much, considering the adjustment I think she's doing rather well.

*Sidenote Miss A is going to miss her playmate when he goes back to work. They play pretend all the time and she explains to him who each of them are. "I am the Mama and you are the Baby." and so on. But when she refers to him Daddy always precedes who his 'is'. For instance DaddyBaby, DaddyKitty, DaddyMonster etc.

Miss A has finally cut two (the bottom two) of her remaining molars. Sheesh. The kid has had a brutal time with teething. This might explain why she was getting up in the night last week. Seems back to normal now. (Thank GOD!)

And finally... I am totally immersed in Bella and Edward land reading the final book in the Twilight Series, 'Breaking Dawn'. I think I have been exercising incredible restraint by not getting up to read after settling Baby B back down in the middle of the night and feeling wide awake. Instead I lay in bed a while thinking about them and developing theories about what is going to happen.

Slightly Melancholy

So I realize that my body is full of post pregnancy hormones which will obviously be affecting my feelings right now. Regardless, I think I would still be feeling this way.

It is hitting me now, almost two weeks after having Baby B that I will never be pregnant again. I mean, I know I could be, but I don't want to be. Not even though I'm feeling a bit sad about the realization of it.

It's crazy anyway. It's not like I have nice, enjoyable pregnancies. I barf my guts out. Barf so hard I pee in my pants. And I break my ankle. And the whole thing is pretty much a game of 'how much can one person endure in nine months'?

But there's the belly. Even though I complained about the comments I was getting, I personally loved the belly. It's so hard and round and miraculous. I look down at it's absence now and over at B and think, wow, she was in there.

And the kicking. The moving. The human being that you are growing inside of you is moving. And you wonder, wonder who this little person is. What they'll be like. Marvel at their strength.

And I won't experience those things again. I know I could. But I won't. And right now I'm having a bit of a hard time with that. Which I guess I should be happy about because I think it is a testament to my mental health this time around. With A at this point I was all, this is it I AM NEVER DOING THIS AGAIN! IN FACT, WHY DID I DO IT AT ALL? I THINK I HAVE RUINED MY LIFE! Yeah. For real. I thought that.

So, I guess I'm happy that I can even feel those sad feelings about never doing it again. I think it's actually a positive way to complete your family.

Catching Up

Still here. Still doing well, considering. Two hours of sleep at a time really doesn't cut it though does it? The 'big' girl continues to be the most challenging. Peter is home with us for one more week, then it's all me baby. I have some deep posts lurking around in my head but I'm feeling too exhausted at the moment to get them out. We try to have some sort of 'outing' every day so we don't all go stir crazy. Baby B is always very cooperative, bless her. So yeah. That's what's up.