Slightly Melancholy

So I realize that my body is full of post pregnancy hormones which will obviously be affecting my feelings right now. Regardless, I think I would still be feeling this way.

It is hitting me now, almost two weeks after having Baby B that I will never be pregnant again. I mean, I know I could be, but I don't want to be. Not even though I'm feeling a bit sad about the realization of it.

It's crazy anyway. It's not like I have nice, enjoyable pregnancies. I barf my guts out. Barf so hard I pee in my pants. And I break my ankle. And the whole thing is pretty much a game of 'how much can one person endure in nine months'?

But there's the belly. Even though I complained about the comments I was getting, I personally loved the belly. It's so hard and round and miraculous. I look down at it's absence now and over at B and think, wow, she was in there.

And the kicking. The moving. The human being that you are growing inside of you is moving. And you wonder, wonder who this little person is. What they'll be like. Marvel at their strength.

And I won't experience those things again. I know I could. But I won't. And right now I'm having a bit of a hard time with that. Which I guess I should be happy about because I think it is a testament to my mental health this time around. With A at this point I was all, this is it I AM NEVER DOING THIS AGAIN! IN FACT, WHY DID I DO IT AT ALL? I THINK I HAVE RUINED MY LIFE! Yeah. For real. I thought that.

So, I guess I'm happy that I can even feel those sad feelings about never doing it again. I think it's actually a positive way to complete your family.

Strange

I really thought this baby would be here by now. Today is my official ultrasound due date. Not to say that things are happening, they are. At my appointment yesterday I was informed that I was 3-4 centimeters dilated, 50% effaced and some other stuff that is good. I've been crampy for about two weeks. My midwife had also told me that she would do a sweep if I hadn't had the baby by yesterday. So after she determined all the aforementioned stuff in her examination she then proceeded to do 'the sweep'. It was uncomfortable but since I seem to be able to tolerate things like turning my ankle around completely backwards it really wasn't so bad. Unfortunately, it's looking like I'll be going back for another 'sweep' today. She really wants to get this party started. Which is okay with me I guess.

To be honest I am starting to get a bit restless and paranoid. I was up this morning at 4:30 sitting in the bathroom, poking at my belly trying to get the baby to move. It must have been sleeping or something because it just refused to do anything. So I went back to bed and waited to feel it move. Which it eventually did. I don't know what my problem was. Delirious maybe?

So I continue to wait. And Miss A is sitting at the table doing a craft. Want to know what it is? She is making a 'puppet' out of a disposable breastpad that she found. I guess the way it folded in half made her think of a puppet. Humorous if nothing else.

Just in Case

I don't want that last grumpy post to be the one you are all stuck with in case I do actually have this baby in the next few days. I'll admit though, while I was sitting in A's room last night at 2am and she was telling me that she just wanted to stay "wif you" and I was all bitter and tired and painy I was imagining the kind of post I could write about that today.

Instead I'll post a couple of pictures. Perhaps the last of the belly that compels total strangers to say all manner of dumb things to me. Such as yesterday. Gas Station. Kindly older gentleman who is pumping my gas...

"When are you due?"

"Next week."

"Oh! You're gettin' pretty big!"

Grit teeth. Smile. Nod.



My hair looks shorter in that picture but it is actually just pulled back. I had it done on Monday. This is what it looked like when it was actually done nicely, I was less grumpy and actually felt kind of attractive.

Holy Grumpiness Batman!

If there was a super hero who was nine months pregnant and protected the world from criminals by taking them out with her incredible grumpiness I would be her. Thinking of myself as a super hero feels better than realizing that I am just a plain cranky Mama who is inflicting her horrible mood on everyone around her.

You know what really sucks? Knowing that you could give birth any day while your nearly 3 year old daughter is simultaneously getting her 2 year old molars. She is a mess. She is even moodier than I am if that is at all possible. So we are both being just awful to one another. And why don't we just throw in some potty training into the mix. For extra good times.

Oh yeah. It's fun around here. My mood is pretty bleak. But my midwife told me at my appointment tonight that the head is officially down. I suppose that might be a good reason. That and hauling around this gargantuan child. And having to tolerate the stupid comments of strangers every where I freakin' go. Seriously people. Shut up!

Any Day Now

So last night I was saying to Peter "In a week or so we could have another baby." He nodded at me silently. We both sat there looking at each other letting that knowledge sink in. We are going to have two kids soon. One of whom is going to be a tiny (or maybe not so tiny) baby who won't be able to tell us what's the matter. Wow. Deep breaths.

Happiness Is...

Eating watermelon on the couch.



Corn on the cob.



Sleeping in.



Swimming with your cousin in the backyard.



Being done work.



Watching a movie and eating popcorn.

Not to Worry

I just wanted to make sure that none of you were worrying about me or wondering where I am. Just busy. This is my final work week and I am going in every. single. day. because of graduation. I made two lovely young ladies even more beautiful yesterday and then I was pampered. I had a facial and a pedicure. Hurray. It was so nice.

I am still trying to get things ready. Wow. It's so much harder to do with a 2 1/2 year old running around. If it's at all possible she is getting even MORE entertaining. The other day when her dad was attempting to put some shoes on she didn't want to because "Her toes didn't remember these shoes." Uh huh. Okay. Next it will be "My body doesn't remember this bed." To which I'd say "Let's get them reacquainted."

I have been feeling strange. Feeling some things I don't remember feeling with A. Little pains and stuff. And I'm feeling more nauseous again and sometimes I get sick. (Still! When will it end?) It's freaking me out a bit to be honest and it's making me get my butt in gear and really get everything ready. This baby? It is STRONG! When it moves sometimes, I wince. Like, ow! That's different too.

So I'm sure I'll write again once I'm finished work and get everything else ready. Until then... I'm pretty sure I won't be around. Until then...

A Lesson in Knowing When to Shut Your Mouth

So you are at the mall minding your own business when someone you know walks by. You turn excitedly to say "Hello" and realize that you don't actually know this girl. She smiles at you and asks you if you thought you knew her. You sheepishly tell her yes and instead of going on minding your own business you begin to walk alongside this girl and her young toddler who she's pushing in a shopping cart. You talk to the toddler in a goofy voice and she stares at you while sipping on her smoothie. You notice the girl is rather pregnant. You make some dumb remark about your observation. Then you start to ramble on about how your own daughter was married on the weekend and how you are so tired and happy that you took Monday off. The girl nods politely and you notice she looks tired too. Of course she does. She's pregnant and she has a small child as well. You decide to carry on your own way and continue going straight as they begin to turn the corner towards the grocery store.

THIS IS THE POINT WHERE YOU SHOULD WAVE GOODBYE AND NOT SAY ANOTHER WORD. THE WHOLE CONVERSATION HAS ALREADY BEEN REALLY STRANGE AND AWKWARD. THE GIRL HAS REALLY BEEN RATHER POLITE AND UNDERSTANDING CONSIDERING YOU DON'T ACTUALLY KNOW HER AT ALL. YOU DEFINITELY SHOULDN'T SAY WHAT YOU ARE THINKING FOR MANY REASONS BUT MAINLY BECAUSE YOU ARE A MAN AND HAVE NEVER CARRIED A CHILD. SO DON'T SAY IT, OKAY? DON'T. REALLY. DON'T.

"Are you having twins?"

YOU SAID IT.

"No."

And the girl's back is turned to you so you can't see her expression. You hope she isn't too offended. It was an honest mistake wasn't it? I mean, Wow! What a belly! Oh well.

*Peter took this picture on Sunday night. Does it look like I'm having twins to you? (If your answer is yes, I don't want to know.)

Thank Goodness and a Belly

I have managed to get Miss A into the tub twice in a row using the same method. First of all I run the bath without her even knowing, therefore we avoid the protest before we even attempt to get her in. Then I make a heart on the wall with the finger paint soap and also put a small puddle on the side of the bath. Then I lead her to the bathroom to reveal the bathroom paradise. We now have NO toys in the bath except "Baby Anna" and a wash cloth both of which she keeps VERY close tabs on. We usually spend the first part of the bath with A washing baby and me washing her. Then at some point she wants the baby and anything else out so the tub in completely empty. She then proceeds to lay on her tummy, submerge her face and blow bubbles. As I said before, her fear is definitely NOT of the water. Anyhow, I am so relieved and happy to have finally found a way for her to be comfortable with bathing again. I can tell that the same concerns are still there so I just try to be very sensitive and careful not to do anything that would upset her.





And since I always bug everyone I know to post or send pictures of their growing belly... Here is mine. The expression I have in this picture is very odd, Not sure why.

Introduction

Everyone, I'd like you to meet the tiny person who has been making me ill for months now. Seeing that little face makes everything seem just a little bit easier...

Cuteness and Cuddles

One of my best friends had a baby girl yesterday. 9lbs 2 ½ ounces! I was so excited for her because finally (this is her third child) she was able to have a midwife as she had always wanted to. The birth pretty much went awesome other than she was a tad on the large side... the baby I mean!

My friend called me shortly after having her sounding all normal and fine as though nothing major, like giving birth, had just taken place. She sounded the same way when she called me after her last baby was born, all nonchalant and stuff. I think she is a born mother.

It has been a while again since I have been up to the maternity ward in the hospital. It still sends all kinds of positive and negative feelings rushing back to me. My friend seemed to be doing as awesome as she sounded on the telephone. Her husband was cuddled up with the baby but I got to hold her for a while. She was sweet and tiny and she didn't even scare me at all. Probably because I knew I didn't have to take her home and look after her. That always helps. Still holding the little soul made me feel a little twinge of desire to have another one. And I figure that's promising when compared to my feelings of totally ditching the whole idea.

Because my friend has an incredible green thumb I couldn't resist getting her baby these. My friend thought they were great. And I also got baby's big brother a Bob the Builder book and big sister a princess coloring book. I hope it makes them feel a little less left out to get something since new babies always get a ton of gifts.



This friend is my inspiration. She is a fabulous mother and makes it all look easy, from giving birth to potty training and beyond. Yet she tells me the truth about the trials and tribulations that motherhood brings. I'm glad this is yet another bond that we share.

You've got the Cutest Little Labor Face

I decided to take part in a photo tag. Stefanie started it over at Adventures in Babywearing. Check out her new profile picture... she looks like a model for goodness sakes!

So all those who take part are supposed to post a 'belly shot' from when they were expecting. I've posted this picture before but here it is again... in all it's un-retouched glory.




Not only is this a photo of me pregnant but I also happened to be in labor and only about five hours away from giving birth. I like to call my expression my 'labor face'. You can see I have the exact same expression earlier in the day both here



and here




during an outdoor church service and potluck lunch which followed. It could also be called the 'Holy Crap I'm about to become a mother!' face.

Miss A was born naturally at 3:14 AM at 8lbs 7ozs. I still can't believe that was nearly two years ago. And when I think back to how she was in those early days - stubborn and sometimes angry at the world, I realize that not much has changed. For some strange reason I find that kind of comforting.