Most Definitely Second Best

*I think my title is inspired by my new favorite show which also happens to have the best titles ever.

Christmas is supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year but Halloween is putting up some tough competition. I know some people would have a real problem with that but frankly, I don't care because we had the most glorious Halloween ever this year. I mean, can a Christmas tree compete with this?





And then there was this costume. Which I managed to find second hand and fit her to perfection. When I asked her what she wanted to dress up as several weeks back the first thing she'd said was a pumpkin. Then she had said a spider. So I bought a giant spider that I was going to use in the event that she didn't wear the pumpkin costume. The spider ended up being decoration. See right hand corner of photo.



She was so cheerful and agreeable about everything. I could say "Put your hands up in the air and smile!" and my wish was her command.



She has recently discovered the amazing joy of ringing doorbells. And then with the trick or treating - so many doorbells I can ring!



We only walked a block but I think she could have gone for hours. She was so well behaved, holding my hand and walking up to the doors while I took pictures. There was some pretty amazing decorating out there. She enjoyed it all immensely and only looked curiously at the fog machine at one house and laughed hysterically at the rather scary 'evil laughter' noise detector at another.



Even after we arrived home she was very proud of her haul and also very agreeable about my candy rationing. I admit I was rather nervous about her waking in the night having dreams about scary masks and so on but I worried for nothing. Who knew? This is a kid who tells me about her 'bad dreams' every. single. morning. So far so good.

I have always been a lover of Halloween but I think I have finally discovered the magic of how your children can make holidays even more enjoyable than you have ever experienced before.

Happy Halloween!

Stretched

Lately, I've really been experiencing that feeling that I'm certain is familiar to moms everywhere. You know the one. The one where you are literally being pulled in every direction. You know those medieval stretching machines? Where they attach all your limbs to different pulleys and then basically wind it until you come apart? Yeah, that's how I'm feeling. Except it's my mind that's pulling in every direction. There are always too many things to do and not enough time to do them.

My mind is always spinning and trying to think of how I can try to fit it all in. Or wondering which is the most important. My internal dialogue usually sounds something like this. "I really want to go to the gym, I'll feel so much better if I do and then I can get everything else done. But it takes up so much time and then I won't have time to go through that HUGE PILE OF CLOTHES in my bedroom and decide what stays and what I'm giving away. And I should do laundry, if we go out I won't get it all finished. If we stay home I can just spend quality time with the kids. But then Miss A starts bugging me 'where we are going? what are we doing? LET'S GET OUT OF HERE it's boring!' and then when we're home I'm compelled to putter around and get SOMETHING, ANYTHING done. And what are we having for supper? There are no left overs. Be creative! Man, I suck at cooking. I'm going to do the dishes while I think about this. Why is it that I can only ever accomplish the bare minimum but never get to the larger tasks? Sigh."

It's ridiculous. I know that. I know I need to give myself a break blah, blah, blah. But I just can't stop my brain from spinning. I happen to know how good it feels to have everything (or almost everything) that you want accomplish in a day completed. (On the very rare occasions when that happens) And it's an additively good feeling.

For a while now, going to the gym has been winning out over all else. Miss A is happy because she gets to play with kids and possibly GO TO THE PLAY STRUCTURE! and run off steam.(which also has perks for me!) Baby B sleeps. I am currently training for an indoor triathlon. (Not as impressive as it sounds. It is simply a 15 minute swim, 15 minute cycle and 15 minute run. Whomever goes the farthest in that time 'wins'.) It's the only kind of triathlon I could complete. The hardest part for me is the running. I HATE to run. I've tried everything to make myself like it but nothing has worked thus far. Any tips AM, Bon? I can however, FORCE myself to run for 15 minutes. I did it yesterday. Pathetically slow, but I ran the entire 15 minutes. My ankle didn't hurt too much either. I just felt it a little. Every. time. it struck the treadmill.

I always tell myself I just need one good day to get everything done. I just need a little help. Someone to distract Miss A. Someone to cuddle the baby. And then I'd feel caught up. But I suppose the sad reality is even if I do catch up, I'll only get behind again. But the peace of mind I'd have for that brief period would be worth it.

What is it about Saturdays?

So after tomorrow I will only have one month of Saturdays to spend with my family. After that I'll be working every Saturday, except for holidays and Christmas time, until Baby B is in Kindergarten. Ugh.

I shouldn't complain. I should be happy that I have the ability to work when my husband can be home with the kids thereby avoiding having them in child care for another year. (Except Miss A still goes one day to hold her spot.) I should be happy that although I'm going back to work so soon I actually have a longer period of time when I won't be working full time so that I can be with them more in the long term.

I'm feeling conflicted about going back to work. Of course. How could I not? I did last time and last time I REALLY NEEDED TO GET THE HECK OUT OF HERE. This time is totally different. Things are so laid back this time around. Peter and I are coping well and getting along. The kids are happy. We are in a nice little routine. I feel, most of the time, that I'm keeping up. Add work into the mix and things may fly out of balance.

And what is it about Saturdays? There is something about working on that particular day that makes me feel resentful. Like I'm missing out on something that everyone else gets to have. I have always hated working on Saturdays even before I had kids, even before I was married. The Saturdays I when I would get to stay home for some reason were sacred. The television was different, therefore better. If I went shopping it just seemed like more fun. It always felt like a holiday.

I think that's it. When I work Saturdays I always feel robbed. My weekend begins when I am finished work so that only leaves me with a few hours on Saturday and Sunday. Sure I don't have to work again until Wednesday but Peter goes back on Monday so that means it's back to the old grind. I miss that family time. That tag team parent time.

So I'm deciding to celebrate every remaining Saturday I have left before going back to work. Tomorrow I'm making pancakes and bacon for breakfast. Special. After that I'm at a loss. Maybe we can chill out? If it's nice, go for a walk? Watch a movie? All I know is I'm going to concentrate on fully appreciate it. Inevitable screaming and whining included.

Misconceptions

So, my cycling class on Saturday went well. I only had two students, one of whom was a friend of mine I'd invited to try to ensure someone was there. The girl I didn't know arrived first. I introduced myself and we started chatting a bit. I asked her if she normally attended classes to which she told me she did. I confessed that it was my first class and told her what I had planned for the hour. She nodded politely.

This next paragraph is going to sound either insane or conceited but bear with me. I am a perceptive person. I notice things that a lot of other people tend not to notice. I sometimes question whether I really have the right idea about someone or something but then I've often found out I was correct after all. So when I say that I could almost hear this girls thoughts, you need to try and give me the benefit of the doubt instead of assuming that I was just being paranoid.

She was thinking "This girl seems nice but she doesn't look like she's as fit as I am. This is going to be a weak class. Oh well."

This made me a tad nervous but I had practiced my class twice during the week to make sure that it would go smoothly and also to be sure it was adequately difficult. I was also a bit nervous (although very happy) that my friend was able to make it because she's been training really hard and ran a couple of half marathons this summer. She was excited to come to the class but I was hoping she wouldn't find it too easy and boring. And I had no idea what the fitness level of any other participants would be. I took a few deep breaths and started the class.

About 20 minutes into the class I wasn't worrying anymore. We were all sweating and working hard. It wasn't easy for anyone. But it was fun. (At least I thought so.) The girl I didn't know kept checking me out periodically during the entire class and I could almost see the surprise on her face. She couldn't believe that I was not only keeping up with her but that I was actually going a bit harder. At the end of the class she said in a round about way that it had been the most difficult class she'd been to (score!) and my friend said she'd had to take it easy a few times because she knew if she didn't she might barf. (sorry)

Now, I am a competitive person but I wasn't trying to be competitive that morning. I was just trying to lead a workout which would be challenging for my participants. I was glad to have achieved my goal. I knew that no one was pushing themselves beyond their limits and that everyone was safe. I will save my competitive nature for when I am the student, not the teacher. It was rewarding though, to know that I'd planned a difficult and enjoyable class and also to know that I'd surprised someone with my fitness level.

I am cool with being that instructor who isn't a stick but damn, can she give you a good workout!

Exploration

So Beth had a great idea. She gives a theme and we can all write about it in whatever way it strikes us. This time around the theme is exploration. As I thought about that word what came to my mind was parenting.

I looked up the word explore. This is the definition Merriam-Webster gives

Explore :to investigate, study, or analyze :look into :to become familiar with by testing or experimenting

This pretty much explains my approach to parenting.

Having Miss A rocked my life. Now, I know that could be heard coming out of the mouth of any new mother. But I seemed to be utterly lost. I remember flipping through the book 'What to Expect - The First Year'. I thought, wow. None of this really applies to us. I mean the milestones sure, but as for any suggestions on what to do when your baby cries and cries and cries, for example - the best it had to offer was "If you need a break, take one." I thought my baby wasn't 'normal' and I didn't know what to do.

Then one night, I was up late again trying to calm my crying baby. I was exhausted, at my wits end. I typed into Google "baby won't stop crying" just to see what would come up. And guess what I found? A blog. The author was a mom of a girl roughly the same age as Miss A. I loved her writing because it was raw and brutally honest. She didn't candy coat motherhood, she admitted it was hard. Damn hard. Turns out she had a baby who wouldn't stop crying either. And she laid it all out there. The good, the bad and the ugly. (That particular blog no longer exists but you can find her writing here and here.)

I guess you could say that night changed my life, as dramatic as that sounds. Because if I hadn't been looking for answers, exploring, I would have never stumbled upon that blog and blogging in general. And in that case I likely wouldn't have started my own blog. Blogging has become a huge part of my life. A huge part of who I am today.

If you go back and read my earliest posts you can tell I'm searching. Trying to find the reasons why I was having such a hard time adjusting to being a mother. The whole reason I decided to start my own blog in the first place was because I was hoping to find other moms who might be having similar experiences. And I was hoping to find some answers.

Did I find the answers? Sometimes. More importantly I found some amazing mothers who I had lots in common with. People I could bounce things off of or just vent to. I found out I was not alone. But parenting is an adventure and I find most of the time as a parent I just go by instinct. You can't always find the answers in a book or on the internet. But I keep exploring. Looking for better ways or sometimes just a shoulder to cry on.

Date Night

Last night Peter and I went out for our anniversary. (ahem, September 14th! My sister offered to babysit for us but logistically couldn't do it until last night) We went out for supper and then to a movie. We had a really nice time and some great conversation. You know that supposed rule that you can't talk about your kids while on a date? Well, we totally broke it yet we still had a great time!

We were torn about what movie to go to. 'The Dark Knight' wasn't playing anymore and that was what we had wanted to go to on our actual anniversary. It seemed that our choices were limited and there wasn't anything we were dying to see. I made the executive decision to go to "Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist". Peter had barely heard of it and asked me to justify why we should choose it over all the other's. I believe I said "because it has that guy from "Juno" in it." to which I think he replied "So?" Anyway, I won and that's what we went to. And thoroughly enjoyed.

You know those movies that aren't too deep or stressful to watch and nothing really happens but they have really great characters and dialogue and they make you laugh. This was one of those. I think Michael Cera is so cute and although he likely isn't so witty and awkward in real life I enjoy watching him act that way. And Kat Dennings. I was mesmerized by her the whole time. Mostly her lips. They were so perfect. And I would kill to know what lipcolor she was wearing but I'll likely never find it out. It was the perfect blue-red color. The color I should have worn in high school instead of that awful orange-red, but I didn't know better and I was trying to make a statement. And her hair was lovely, dark and wavy with just the right amount of 'I don't care'. If I didn't know better I would question my sexuality, but I do know better and I know that I'm just appreciating her and also wishing that I looked more like her than I do. Her character, aside from being a babe, was also rad. She was smart, kind and had good taste in music.

Why am I telling you this? I guess because it seems like the kind of movie a lot of people around my age might blow off. Peter confessed to worrying that it was going to be another '200 Cigarettes' which was a god awful movie (despite a wicked cast) if you didn't see it. It was not. It was honest, charming, sweet and funny. It was a perfect date movie. (for us) Peter said the sweetest thing to me afterwards when we walked out. *SPOILER ALERT - but come on, you can guess by looking at the poster. He said "You know what happens if they stay together?" "A sequel?" I reply. "Yeah, but we are the sequel."

So Nick and Norah grow up, get married and have two beautiful and wickedly cool daughters. Awesome.

I had to write about this because I was thinking about several of you after the movie, and I was sure you'd have a similar experience. I'm sharing the love people. Enjoy.

A Cautionary Tale about Stickers

Do your kids stick stickers on their skin? Miss A does. Although, not anymore if I can help it. The other day we had another appointment, an optometrist appointment for A. Here she is pointing at the nose of a finger puppet.



So because she was so well behaved she was given her pick of treats. (Again, just as at the dentist I'm sure the not so well behaved get treats as well) She chose a ring, a plane, a coloring book and a tinkerbell sticker. She was asked what she would do with the sticker, to which she replied "Stick it on my arm." And that is what she did. I didn't think anything of it because it's something she does all the time. But apparently this particular sticker had crazy glue for it's adhesive. When it was bedtime and we were going through our routine of removing elastics from hair and anything that may remain on the skin, (including paint, glue or stickers) we attempted to remove the tinkerbell sticker. It seemed cemented in place and simply pulling a tiny bit of the corner up inducing much screaming. So we left it be.

But last evening I noticed it was red around the edges and it seemed to be irritating her skin. I decided one way or the other, it had to go. So I explained to her that it needed to come off and we commenced soaking and soaping it. As seen here.








Can you tell by her expression how exhausting it was? There was still much screaming as it seemed like torture to remove it. Eventually I let her do it by herself while I supervised since if I tried to help the screaming only got louder. So she peeled tiny bit of sticker, by tiny bit off as she kept adding more and more soap to aid in the task. When all of the sticker seemed to be gone we rejoiced but unfortunately we celebrated too soon. Upon closer inspection I could see that although the paper was gone the GLUE remained. As seen here. When I tried to rub it off she screamed in pain.



Then I had a brainwave. Baby Oil. I probably should have used it from the start but I honestly had no idea what we were getting ourselves into. So once it was finally gone a slight redness remained but we were both relieved. I'm sure it was bothering her but she was afraid to take it off because she knew it was going to hurt.



Seriously, has anyone else every experienced this? I am seriously planning on calling the optometrist office to warn them that kids should not be putting those stickers on their skin. Does that sound crazy? Miss A is actually quite tough, if something hurts her that much I know it must be bad.

Anyway, I don't think she'll be wanting to put any stickers on her skin anytime soon and when the memory fades I will remind her why it's a terribly bad idea.

Um... I don't have a Title

I've been writing a lot of posts in my head lately. But haven't written any down. And now I don't remember what they were. That explains a lot about the state of my brain these days. I have missed several appointments, shown up for appointments on the wrong day, overbooked myself... It's pathetic.

We are sickies around here these days. Everyone sneezing, blowing their noses, coughing. (See M we didn't even need to visit you to catch colds!) Can I just complain again how not fun it is looking after children when you are unwell. And how impossible it is to get the rest needed to recover with a three month old?

Oh yeah! Baby B is three months old today! Wow! Here is some baby cuteness for you all.





It is very inconvenient for me to be sick right now since I'm teaching MY FIRST EVER FITNESS CLASS! on Saturday morning at 9:00. It's a cycle fit class (also known as spin). For my workout yesterday I went through the class I've planned. I was dripping sweat so I think it is adequately challenging. Or else I'm in terrible shape. I guess we'll find out on Saturday during class. I felt like too much of a knob to actually talk out loud to my imaginary students so I just thought to myself what I'd be saying to the class, "Only 10 more seconds!" "Good work!" and that sort of thing. I'm going to go to the gym again tomorrow and practice once more and tonight I want to finish compiling a CD for the class with good tunes. This is one of my new favorite workout songs.

Also, regarding kids shows, I am IN LOVE with this one. Has anyone else seen it? I am a sucker for british accents every. time. I also love the animation. And the music. And the writing is great. I think it's great when I am as entertained by something (or more) as Miss A is. And not in that written over the child's head way either. In a purely innocent funny way. In the way that kids make you laugh kind of way. Did I mention I love this show?



And then there is this one. I am convinced that some television producer was drunk in a club one night and offered this girl a job. And then she negotiated to have her boyfriend play the train engineer. Seriously! What the heck?!

Dentist Appointment in Which She Used Up Her Good Behaviour For the Whole Day

So Miss A had her first ever dentist appointment the other day. You know those times that you sometimes have with your kids when they are so well behaved, so sweet, so perfect even, that your heart swells and you feel like you might just be doing a good job of this parenting thing after all? I had one of those times when we went to the dentist. She was so amazing that I'm fairly confident that the dental assistant we had would be talking about her to all her coworkers. "What a sweet heart!" "What a well behaved little girl!" etc.

Here is some photographic evidence.

This is when she is learning about how the chair goes up and down.



Here she is practicing opening wide for the dentist.



Getting her teeth checked and counted.



Showing off her treat for being so well behaved. (I'm sure every kid gets one regardless.)



And then we left. And everything fell apart. She would not listen to a single thing I said for the remainder of the day. It was actually ridiculous. She is usually challenging but this was so much worse. Like I had to chase her around to get her shoes on when we had to leave a place. She flopped on the ground like a limp doll when I tried to help her with her jacket. That sort of thing. The only thing I can think is that she used up all the good behavior she was capable of for the day during her dentist appointment.

I guess I should be grateful that there wasn't any bad behavior inflicted on anyone else. It just kind of amuses me that we must have left the staff at the office with such a good impression. If only they'd spent the rest of the day with us.

More Photos from The 3 Year Old

I am highly amused and often impressed by the photos Miss A has been taking with her camera. Maybe it's because as parents we are always desperately looking for some clue about what they might grow up to be. I always find myself wishing for artistic jobs. Dancer! Singer! Photographer!

Here are some of her recent photos.

I like the composition in these ones.







This one is a reusable grocery bag. I always find it interesting to see what she deems worthy of taking a picture of.



I love this one. The way Baby B's eyes stand out is neat.





She took her camera to preschool for show and tell and this was one of her photos.



And this is only two of the many, many, many pictures she took of the television. Peter asked me if we should be concerned about the number of photos of the TV because, perhaps that might indicate the importance of it to her. Being in denial I said "No, of course not."

Two of her current favorite shows.

George Shrinks



Charlotte's Web

What we did on our Holidays and oh yeah I'm bleeping tired...

So yeah. We used up the remainder of Peter's holidays. The others were used up during 'we just had a baby, holy crap we have two kids now' time. So we (I) felt like we should make the most of it.

As I mentioned earlier, we started off by going to see my friend Jenn and her family. She used to live in the same city but recently moved to a new place. It was exciting to go and see where they are living now and interesting to spend a big chunk of time together. It's funny how you can be friends with someone but if they live in the same place that you do you never really have the opportunity to spend as much collective time together as you do when they move away and you need to stay with them. I think it went rather well. We were very well fed and entertained. My main concern was that my rambunctious child would overwhelm and/or annoy her children,but I think they coped with her rather well.

They took us to a Corn Maze but there were also a ton of other things to do. The petting zoo and PONY RIDE were the highlights for Miss A.

Our family, deep in the middle of the corn maze. Baby B is hiding in the sling here.



Miss A thrilled to bits at her first ever pony ride.




We also went to see Peter's brother and his family. Again we were very well fed and the cousins all had a wonderful time. That visit was too short but we'll be going back again for Thanksgiving.

Unfortunately Miss A did not do so well with the ever changing sleeping arrangements. Which took it's toll on both her and I. We took this photo while driving home from Peter's brother's.




Let me just say that she NEVER sleeps in the car anymore. No matter how tired she may be. She'll sing. She'll talk. She'll cry. She'll do anything to stay awake. This time she passed out within 20 minutes of driving. I had Peter periodically keep checking to make sure she was breathing. I know, I sound crazy, but I'm serious. It totally freaked me out.

So then we were home for a couple of days. This was one of the things that Peter wanted/needed to do during our holidays.





Yes, that is his car filled with various computer bits, some of which were extremely heavy and were carried up from the basement. The city dump was accepting e-waste trash for a short period of time and he desperately needed to get rid of some of the junk (sorry dear) that he's collected. It's bound to happen when you work on computers for a living. But I am very grateful to have less dust collecting objects in my basement. Hopefully we'll have even less soon when we have the opportunity to donate some excess furniture we have to the needy immigrants that have been moving into the city.

So then we went to my sisters for a few days. More cousins, more food, more fun. And more sleeping issues. The first night she was sleeping in her cousin's room she woke up at 2 am and realized that she did not what to sleep there. When I tried to console her and get her settled back down she refused to go back to the basement to sleep. My sister ended up having to haul the playpen upstairs at her request. Ugh. Then the next night/morning at 5:50 am she woke up crying saying she'd had a bad dream. I settled her back down and tried to get some more sleep.

Anyway, we had fun but wow. I'm tired. We've been home for two nights and Miss A is sleeping well again but Baby B has been getting up really early and taking forever to go back to sleep. Hopefully we'll get back into our regular schedule soon. In any case it's good to be home.

On The Road Again

So we are on holidays right now and trying to get visiting and stuff in before the winter really sets in and we are feeling house bound. Not to mention that in only two short months I will be back at work and working every Saturday which really makes going anywhere pretty much impossible.

We were visiting our good friends on the weekend as well as Peter's brother and his family. We've been having a great time. Today we are off to visit my sister and her family. This is going to be incredibly relaxing because my niece and nephew ADORE Miss A and will keep her so busy and happy that it will be almost like I don't have to parent at all. I don't know what it is about being with those kids but she is always behaves amazingly well. I won't have to cook. It's going to be great!

Weeeeee!!!!

My belated birthday gift.



This one is my favorite. Bella is all, yeah I'm just hanging out with Edward Cullen.

When You're Smiling

My baby girl. She's smiling already. It's a beautiful smile. And she has a dimple. It's adorable. When I see her smile I feel like I'm seeing a glimpse of the good natured, happy girl that she is going to be. Here, see for yourselves...





*Note to all parents: If you use the word 'ridiculous' around your children, say in a sentence such as "She's been acting so ridiculous lately!" don't be surprised to hear your child say back to you "Who's a-dick-less Mommy?"

The Perspective of a Three Year Old

I mentioned that we were giving Miss A this camera for her birthday. Score 10 points for mom and dad because she LOVES it. Like, really loves it.

So here are some of the photos she has taken.

I have a feeling there will be a lot of pictures of our bums.



The picture quality is not excellent but seems to be further hindered by moving, being to close to the subject or facing a sunny window. As seen in this photo. I think she was also dancing while she took this one.



I'm thinking that her sister is going to appear in her photos often. I like the last one especially because her eyes stand out more than anything else.





P.S. What is it about the postpartum period that makes me feel like my heels have been bashed in with a hammer when I try to walk. I remember this happening with A too. Especially when I would get out of bed to feed the baby. Has anyone else experienced this? Is it the calcium being depleted from my body or what?

Having a 'Take it Easy' Day

Yeah. Cause man, do I need to.

I'm not sure if it's because Baby B is such an AMAZING baby (because really she is more patient than any baby has a right to be) or what but I've been doing WAY. TOO. MUCH. For real, yo.

Example: Yesterday.

Got up at 4:50 am to feed the baby. Didn't get her back to bed until about...6:15. Heard Peter get up around 7:00, drifted back to sleep. 7:45 Peter woke me up to tell me he was going to work and that Miss A was awake (I know I'm tired when I don't hear her get up) and watching her new favorite movie on the couch. I got up and made us both breakfast. Did the usual morning routine of getting the two of us dressed and presentable and then dressed and fed the baby. Packed everyone into the car and drove A to daycare. (she's still going one day a week to maintain routine, to hold her spot and to give me a break) Went to the gym and worked out for an hour. Took Bella to the photographers to have her two month portraits taken. Went to my mom's for lunch. (Pretty much my only downtime for the day) Went to the bank, and a couple of stores (I had to get one of these) and then went grocery shopping. I then came home, unloaded and put away the groceries. Sat at the computer for five minutes. Went to pick up Miss A from Daycare. Came home and helped make supper. Ate. Packed the kids up again and went back to the YMCA for my two hours of volunteer work, 6-8. (* Okay, I need to emphasize that this is not the kind of volunteer work that I'm doing out of the goodness of my heart. I am doing it to get a free membership. And also because I like the idea of financially benefiting from something I enjoy doing. For now I am simply showing new members around and explaining how the cardio and weight machines work but soon I will be teaching classes which is what I really want to be doing.) The kids had a great time, well Baby B slept but whatever. Came home put pajamas on the kids, put Miss A to bed. Had more down time at this point (9:40) while simultaneously feeding baby, watching 'The Sarah Connors Chronicles' (Did you know Shirley Manson is on that show now? She is!) and having my feet rubbed. (11:15) Put Baby B to bed crawled in myself hoping that she would stay asleep. (She did until 7:30 am. Thank god!)

Anyway. That was a stupid day. Ridiculous. I was so tired and sore and did I say tired? Yeah. And this was just a little busier than my usual days have been. So today my mission was to take it easy. So far, so good. I had two cups of tea this morning. (Mopped the kitchen and bathroom floor, whoops.) Watched for Beth in the audience on 'The Martha Stewart' show. Spent quality time with the girls. Walked with them to drop off Miss A at preschool. (Cleaned the bathroom. Whoops again.) And I'm planning on having a soak in the tub before either the baby gets up or we have to go pick A up from school. I have plans to continue having a relaxing day.

And look how beautiful my street looks. I love fall.

Amazing!

It's been a while since I've talked about how amazing I think blogging is. How grateful I am for the wonderful people I've met since I started my blog.

A couple of weeks ago I was in a foul, foul, horrible mood. (Not unlike today...sigh)



I don't even remember why now. Probably the usual, getting up at 5:00am with the baby, barely getting back to sleep before Miss A is at our bedroom door telling us "the sun is up". (Say, that's what happened this morning too...) Anyway I was terribly grumpy and feeling sorry for myself. When I went to check the mailbox I found this inside from Beth, one of my bloggy friends.



I felt sheepish about my silly bad mood which almost immediately disappeared. Inside the package was a lovely card and presents for the girls. Miss A was thrilled.



She loves books and this one has become one of her favorites. She has memorized it and can pretty much read it to me now.



It still blows my mind that someone whom I've never met in person would take the time and care enough to send us a gift. And this is not the first time this has happened. Bon, yet another one of my wonderful blogging friends sent me ONE OF THE GREATEST 80'S MOVIES EVER!! for my birthday. (but I couldn't find the link to the post about it!) She took the time to read a short story I entered in a competition. So did Elizasmom and she also worked on editing it with me. Thanks to her it was a much better story. A much better story that still didn't win. :)

The only thing that makes me sad about having 'met' such amazing people is that they all live so far away. I fully intend on meeting each of them some day and am totally confident that when we meet for the first time there won't be any of that awkward first meeting stuff. I think we'll be totally comfortable, like old friends. Because really, that's what we'll be.

Three? Three!

My baby is three today. Wow. She is so not a baby anymore.

We had her party yesterday. All of her little guests were boys. Not counting her cousins. This presented me with the issue of not wanting to have a girlie, girlie party. We had yellow balloons and a Dora cake. (I opted out of making the cake this year. A coworker of mine makes fancy pants cakes as a hobby so I hired her to do it. I think I'm entitled to be lazy since I have a newborn.)



I planned a craft and a scavenger hunt. (for stuffed animals hiding in the backyard) We ate a healthy and nutritious meal of hot dogs, chips and pop. Woo Hoo! Hey, it's birthday food.

I believe the party was a success. She seemed to have had a good time. It may be a little confusing to her that today is actually her birthday but our celebrations will be less exuberant. She will be receiving this gift from us. I love how in one of the pictures you see it bouncing down the stairs. And the one where it's sitting in a puddle of milk is pretty funny too. Not that I'm planning on testing that one out.

And this evening we will travel to Peter's mom's for our first away from home trip since having Baby B. My anxiety level about this is currently low but could change at any moment. Such is the delicate balance of a new mother's hormones. Whee!

Anyway. Here is the montage I created for year 3.

Hey, Let Me Out of Here

Do you ever have that feeling that you are trapped inside yourself? What I mean is, do you ever feel like the real you is on the inside watching this other, awful version of yourself behave horribly?

I've been feeling like this a lot lately. Like I'm inside listening to myself talking to Miss A in a way that I don't like, hearing that edge to my voice, knowing that I'm being overly harsh. Sure I can say that I'm tired from being up with the baby for an hour or so each night. That it's wearing me down. It's true but I feel it's a cop out. Miss A didn't have a choice about when we decided to have another baby. She couldn't tell us to wait until she was a little older or a little less demanding so that I wouldn't get so frustrated with her all of the time. Although, I'm honestly not sure if that would make a difference.

I know that when I'm getting after her it's for a reason it's just on those days when I feel disconnected from myself I hate the tone I am taking with her, how I sound when I'm disciplining her, how unnecessarily harsh I am. It makes me sick actually. And even though I recognize myself doing it, I can't seem to stop. Not at the time or in the future. It's a terrible feeling.

I'm hoping this lack of patience and calm is just a product of sleep deprivation in which case it won't last forever. Also, Miss A started preschool TODAY!! So perhaps spending a little bit more time apart, when she can have fun, learn, and be stimulated and I can... do whatever I need to do, will help the situation. AND Peter and I are taking a yoga class together starting tonight! With any luck this will chill us both out a little, give us a break to spend time together and make us feel refreshed. We can only hope!

In the meantime, here is my school girl!

Really?

*Inspired by Amy Poehler and Seth Myers on Weekend Update (but totally not as funny at all)

Really? You thought it was a good idea to come to my door only seven weeks after I gave birth to ask me if I'd cut your hair at home? Really? And you really thought I'd actually even give this a moments consideration given how rude you were to me the first time I met you and did your hair? Oh Really, you thought it would take only two more appointments during which you were sickeningly nice to me to make up for that first horrendous time? Really? Really? You really think that after three (THREE!!!) appointments with me that it's okay for you to show up on my doorstep telling me how no one else "understands" your hair. Really? And I'm really supposed to care about this. Huh. And you really thought your obvious disinterest in my children was going to get you any further ahead in your quest? REALLY? Wow. Really, you were surprised when I said no, telling you to WAIT UNTIL I GO BACK TO WORK from my already ridiculously short maternity leave. Really. really. Interesting.

Now get out of my house lady before my artificial niceness wears off to reveal how super pissed I am at you and I go all Bella Vampire on your @ss!

P.S. C you can you guess who this might be?

Don't Hate Me For This One...

I'm going to apologize for this post right now. In fact I'm kind of ashamed to be writing it but I kind of feel like I need to get it out there. Why? I'm not sure. I'm weird like that.

Although Baby B is a mere six weeks of age I already worry about her. But wait, before you tell me this is normal I will be more specific about what it is exactly that I worry about.

I worry that she will live in her sister's shadow.

I think I have mentioned several times here, at the risk of sounding totally braggy pants, that I think Miss A is ridiculously stunning. When I say stuff like that I really don't mean to be boastful at all, it's just that I am genuinely floored and flabbergasted by her beauty. I worry about her too. I worry about how her looks might affect her as she gets older and the way people treat her or the way she treats others. I don't want her to be judged only by her looks or to be able to coast through things easily because of them. (I even see the beginnings of this already) I don't want her to become a 'mean girl'. I only hope that I will be able to teach her the right things as she grows and she'll know that looks are not what count, but who you are and how you treat people.

So the thing is I'm worrying that B will have to suffer the hardship of being the pretty girls sister. You know, the one that no one notices. Having to hear all the time about how gorgeous her sister is, blah, blah, blah. I know this must sound ridiculous. After all Baby B is only a few weeks old.

But I remember A even at this early age. Her long, dark eyelashes. Her big, pouty lips. Her skin. Everything. People told me all the time what a beautiful baby she was. Strangers would stop me so they could tell me this. They would never use the word cute, but beautiful. And they were never the 'just being polite' kind of compliments, they always seemed to be given with a kind of awe. Being that I find myself utterly ordinary I am still in shock that I gave birth to this girl. I feel totally unprepared and inexperienced in regards to what I need to do in order to keep her grounded but I will do my best.

My sweet B. Her eyelashes may not be so long, or dark. Her lips not so pouty. She may not be as striking. But I sense the sweetness about her. I think she will have the most lovely disposition. She is already so patient and tolerant. So easy going. So nice.

And this is why I worry. Maybe because I have my own hang ups about the importance of beauty in our society. Maybe because I endured being told I was ugly by my peers at a very young age and even now, years later recognize that the scars left by those words are still there. Maybe I'm projecting. But it breaks my heart to think that my daughter might ever feel that way about herself. (And please understand I'm not saying B is ugly, I'm just saying, kids can be cruel.)

I know we can't protect our kids from everything. Especially not from the things that people will say or the way that people will treat them. I can only try to help them understand why.

Of course I have no way of knowing if my worries are valid. It is just something that has been nagging at me. I know I risk sounding like a HUGE jerk even writing this or at the very least, ridiculous but it's been swimming around in my head for a while now and I needed to get it out. So it's okay, give it to me straight, I deserve it...

Miss A on the left, Baby B on the right. (Okay, I might be on crack, they kinda look the same.)