Weekend

Well, our weekend is over. I hate looking so forward to something because the disappointment when it's all over is nearly crushing...

We had a really, really nice time. We didn't take many pictures because we stayed in the same cabin as last year and I posted the photos here.

So I guess I captured some key moments, like this one when we first arrived. (We don't look a bit thrilled to be kid free for the weekend do we?)


And of course, we had to document the major difference in my appearance from last year...


And then I took a photo from our last day. This is the lovely bath I prepared for myself with tea and a book to enjoy.


Our first night we had beautiful weather. I was even able to get in the pool and swim some laps which felt great. Much different than swimming at the YMCA. There was blue sky and trees and nature to look at instead of concrete walls. We had a BBQ and then watched a couple of movies. I just have to say "I am Legend" So. Good. Wow. I was super tense through most of it though and had to take several breathers to calm down. I also cried an awful lot. Also, Will Smith is a highly underrated actor. There were moments in this film when he simply blew me away.

The following day it rained. And rained. And rained some more. When we were going to bed I'm pretty sure it was sleeting actually. It didn't matter though. We slept in... for the first time in... such a long time. And since we didn't have to get up with a child in the night it wasn't the kind of sleeping in that is the result of being overtired. It was pure, sweet, extra sleep. We read books. We watched crappy television. (Rock the Cradle) We went out for a nice meal. We watched more movies. We went to bed early.

And then today we had to come home.

It was amazing just to have a break from putting Miss A to bed. It was nice to have a holiday from the responsibility. To just be the two of us.

Yet, at the same time we missed her and kept quoting her the entire time we were away. We looked so forward to seeing her. When we arrived at my sister's to pick her up I couldn't stop staring at her. I was amazed by every word she said. I highly recommend spending some time away from your kids sometimes. It really does make you appreciate them in the most incredible way.

It was also nice to hear that she was an absolute ANGEL for my sister and her family. She slept, she ate, she even napped one day! She had everyone wrapped around her finger. Of course this means that from now on my sister will NEVER believe me when I complain about her being a crazy child and the fact that she makes me think I'm losing my mind sometimes... Then again, she does have kids too so maybe she'll believe me after all.

Anyway, it was a nice break. And now we buckle down for the hard stuff that is on it's way. Like... soon...

Me Time?

I mentioned some time ago that Miss A had decided to quit having naps. In addition to this she has now started getting up about an hour earlier than usual. This hour was valuable to me. I would use it either to catch up on needed rest or to have some quiet time to myself before having to start the day. It's not simply the getting up an hour earlier, it's the yelling "Mama! Mama! MAMA! It's wake up time!" that comes along with it. And if I don't haul my butt to her room pronto she catapults herself out of the crib herself, which I try to discourage telling her to "Wait for Mama!"

I've already had some difficulty sleeping through the night even when Miss A does. This lack of sleep is catching up with me. Not to mention the whole, eight weeks spent on my bum with people looking after me (I'm not complaining) followed by suddenly jumping right back into work and housework and everything. Sigh. Just feeling a bit rundown.

When you are feeling rundown it's a bit scary trying to imagine how much more rundown I'll feel once this new baby arrives...

I guess when you sign on for this mom business you are signing away things like rest and me time. I do look forward to the day when I will have those things again. And I except that the choices I have made make those things nearly impossible to have at the moment. That's okay. I'm going to make it.

The Things I Have Learned

Well. This is officially my last week as a cripple. My last week as a non working one anyway. As of next Wednesday I am back to work and my family will be assuming our usual routine. To be honest, this scares the crap out of me a little.

You see I am a creature of habit. When I first broke my ankle things were crazy. I was in the hospital, having surgery, trying to get a grip on the fact that this really did happen. Once I arrived home I had to adjust to everything. I had no choice but to sit back and let everyone look after me/my family. This is a very hard thing for a control freak to do. But if you are forced to do it long enough you can get used to it. Longer still and you depend upon it. My fear as we approach this new independence once again is that we won't be able to do it. Which is silly, I know, because we were doing it before this all happened. Still... It freaks me out.

But here are some valuable things we have learned over the past several weeks.

My mom is awesome. We knew this, because she repeatedly displays her awesomeness over and over whenever we are struggling. (which unfortunately seems often) She has truly outdone herself this time into hella mega awesomeness. Though we have some ideas about ways we could even begin to repay her that task will be truly impossible.

I have learned that the world will not fall apart if I can't do anything. Also, that by doing so much I had caused Peter to be unsure as to whether he could do certain things. Most importantly, putting Miss A to bed. This is something I had always done. Sometimes, a burden I didn't want anyone else to have to deal with. I feel terrible that this was one of the many tasks that fell into Peter's lap when I was unable to do it. I feel terrible because it was totally unfamiliar territory for both him and A and because I hadn't shared the responsibility I caused them both undue stress when they had no other choice. Peter has been amazing. I have loved watching him handle things in his way and appreciate that it is different than my way. It was so important for both of us to learn that we can each to everything that needs to be done around here. Especially with another baby on the way. The way I was going before this accident I would have had a nervous breakdown for sure.

I have also learned that people are amazing but when it comes right down to it you have to know that it's all on you. There were a few times in the past weeks when I found myself thinking “Where are all those people who said 'if you need me call'?” I called. I left messages. Nothing. There were far, FAR more times when people where there. Sometimes before I called. Without being asked. Bringing food, visiting, babysitting, just being amazing in general. But there are still those times when you feel alone and it seems that no one is available. I found these times valuable too. Because I realized that I could survive them, no matter how much they truly sucked.

And finally I have learned that you can be a parent from the couch. It was difficult. Miss A and I both had to get used to it but we developed our routine. I can see how delighted she is to see me walking again. I don't think I will ever really know or understand how difficult this has all been on her. Early on her behavior was a good indication. Things seem to have settled down now.

I am excited to really get back to 'normal' but I'm happy to have been able to find positive lessons in this “garbage dump of a situation”. (I stole that from this freaking incredible movie)

Almost There

I didn't expect to blog much during this recovery time but my absence has been longer than I thought it might be. Sitting at the computer has not really been an option for me. I have been spending most of my time with my leg up - on the couch. Peter has been reading my email to me as well as any blog comments. He says he feels like an assistant to a celbrity. Ha ha. But he managed to get an old laptop running for me so now I can blog more easily and check my own email. The freedom!

I won't bore you all with the details of my recovery. I keep getting asked how my ankle is healing, to which I reply "Fine, I think." How should I know really? (I'm having an x-ray on Wednesday and I'll be told then.) I have not really had any pain since about a week after my surgery. Only discomfort when my ankle is down. These days it feels okay down but still starts to swell rather quickly. As long as everything looks good with my x-ray on Wednesday I should be able to start putting some (definition of 'some' has yet to be determined) weight on it. I have booked myself to go back to work the second week of March. I am really hoping that was not too optimistic. I just went by what my doctor said.

I have already had two sessions of physio. The second of which was last Friday. I think I blew my physio's mind when he saw how much range of motion I had gained in only a week. Clearly the guy doesn't know who he's dealing with. He gave me exercises - I did them. I improved a tremendous amount in only one week. Perhaps he is used to people not actually doing the exercises he gives them. Personally I am going to do whatever it takes to get up on my feet as soon as possible. Besides, I'm sitting on the couch most of the time it's nice to shake things up a bit with a few exercises.

The pregnancy seems to be going along fine. I have my ultrasound next week and an appointment with my midwife tomorrow. I have noticed this baby is WAY down low. It's noticable to me because I carried Miss A up, like super high. I suppose this will have everyone convinced I'm having a boy this time but I won't be convinced until I hear my midwife tell me one way or the other after the birth. The sickness seems to still be hanging in there... which is another story entirely.

I feel like a total bore right now because I am not doing ANYTHING. I find myself telling Peter about interesting things I saw on television on any given day. Sheesh. We did get out to see a movie on Valentine's Day. 'Juno'. I HIGHLY recommend it. It's such a cute little movie.

I am amazed that I have not totally lost my mind yet after this many weeks of being so isolated and having to depend on everyone so much for everything. It has certainly been a test of my ability to 'let go'. I'm sure this experience will make me a better person. I can say I have spent most of this time just being a really frustrated person.

That's all for now. Thanks again for all your well wishes and concern. Miss you all.