The tales of Mama D

Music and the Realization That I am Getting OLD

2011-11-11T10:42:00.005-06:00

I thank my brother who is ten years older than me for exposing me to great music at a very young age. (Despite the fact that seeing the cover of this album was pretty disturbing to me) One of the most influential albums was the Pretty in Pink soundtrack which included bands like The Psychedelic Furs, New Order and The Smiths, just to name a few. I credit this album with my later great taste in music. (However, I will shamefully admit to liking this song and buying the album. Check out the look that defines the word fierce at 1:17!)

In my twenties I went to my first big Concert. The Cure in Minneapolis. I went to a few other big concerts in that decade, The Smashing Pumpkins, The Cranberries. (I had a strict rule about only seeing bands with 'The' prefacing their name. Just kidding.) I also had the pleasure of seeing some great Canadian bands. One them was a band called The Gandharvas and I have to post the video because I think it has held up over time, as has the song.

However, they are not the band that inspired this post. That band is Big Sugar. I was lucky enough to see them twice in my twenties and again on Wednesday night. Before I talk about that, let me enlighten you.

The first time I saw Big Sugar play Gordie Johnson came out wearing tight leather pants and cowboy boots. Normally this would have made me roll my eyes. I didn't roll my eyes that night. They were promoting Hemi-Vision which I loved but I had NO idea how much my world would be rocked by experiencing them live. If a band puts out an album, you expect them to be competent musicians. I can honestly say that this is the only band I have seen live who has literally blown me away with their ability to play their instruments. Especially Gordie. It is awe inspiring to watch that man play guitar. The thing I found even more astounding, was how he connected with the audience. At least I felt connected. There were moments when our eyes met and volumes were spoken. The conversation went something like this...

Gordie - You're having a great time aren't you?
Me - You seriously have no idea.
Gordie - I'm having a great time too! I love my job! And I love that you are having a great time.

No joke. That's what we said. And believe me, I've seen a lot of bands in this place where I live. A place which would easily be one of the smallest on their tour list, a place that could easily have been skipped over. And it's been more common to see that look on performers faces wondering, why exactly it wasn't skipped. Why. are. we. here? And it's insulting. I bought my ticket. In a lot of cases I bought their album, maybe even an ill fitting t-shirt. I help to pay for them to do what they do. That's why all rolled into one, I fell in love with Big Sugar that night.

The second time I saw them it was when they were touring for Heated

which is my favorite Big Sugar album. The caliber of show was equal to the first time I'd seen them. Perhaps better. We shared the same glorious telepathic conversations and I basked in talent, beauty and Gordie's long black hair.

I was even lucky enough to run right into him coming off his bus on my way out and he graciously signed the tour booklet I'd purchased.

Fast forward to this week. In anticipation for the upcoming show I pulled out my albums and proceeded to rock out in my car everywhere I went. I also checked out a couple of their new songs, and was happy to find that they have remained consistently good. However I was faced with one glaring, unavoidable fact. They were older. It's ridiculous, I know but I admit to being surprised that they had aged. And then I was faced with the inevitable conclusion that this meant I too am older. I don't feel older, don't think I look that much older... then I went to the show. I took my spot at the front of the stage but I had to share it with three young men. At first I dismissed them as kids that were just there for the beer and live music. Once the band started to play in was apparent that they were fans. BIG fans. Belting out the lyrics beside me.

This spurred many emotions in me, mostly irrational ones. I felt some kind of warped ownership of the band, as though anyone who liked them should have to meet my approval. And I wasn't sure these kids did. After all, they must have been in Kindergarten when I saw Big Sugar last time. And there it was. I'm old. So there I stood. Feeling old, watching the band who is also old, next to kids who were probably wondering who the old lady beside them was and why she was fighting them for the front of the stage with such intensity.

After a while I didn't care because I got lost in really loud, genius guitar playing and telepathic conversations. It was comforting to find that in fact, they have only gotten better with age. Perhaps this is the case with me as well.

They finished the show with this song and I thrashed around with the reckless abandon of a twenty year old.

My Sickie

2011-10-10T10:32:00.004-05:00

I always had a hunch that my adventurous children would wind up in the emergency room sooner rather than later but when it happened, and not due to any daring behavior I still found it caught me off guard.

It happened just over a week ago now but each day that passes I'm thankful that I don't have to spend 5 1/2 hours in the ER. It's not a very exciting story. Basically Miss A woke me up to tell me she'd thrown up in her bed. Not the nicest way for either of us to wake up but, it happens. Peter called in to take the day off work and I planned to take Miss B to her sitter and go to work leaving Peter and Miss A to have a lounge on the couch watching movies day. That is not how things went down.

Miss A just kept getting sick, it wasn't long before her stomach was completely empty and yet, she still continued to vomit. I tried to get her to sip water but she barely took any. What happened next seemed to happen quickly. She seemed to suddenly become really lethargic and her vomit began to look bloody and was looking more so each time she was sick.

I was on the phone with Health Links by this time. They told me we should go to the ER so that is where we headed.

Peter held her in his arms in the back seat as we drove and Bella chirped at them about how they didn't have their seat belts on. When we arrived at the ER they weighed Miss A on the baby scale because she couldn't stand. Thinking it would be a while, I zipped Miss B over to her babysitters. When I got back to the hospital Miss A was in a bed, had her blood taken and they'd put in an IV. This was the part where I started to cry, I didn't want to upset her so I got myself under control pretty quickly.

Within 20 minutes she seemed completely better. They'd given her both an anti-nauseate and medication to reduce the acid in her stomach through IV. Then we waited. And waited. And waited some more. The pediatrician came to see her. He told us he suspected it was simply a virus that hit her very hard for some reason.

We waited for the test results to come back. They didn't show anything unusual and she kept some liquid down so we were cleared to go. They wanted to leave the IV attachment in overnight in case it started up again. This was a drag. They were confident that I could take it out the next day but instead I took her to a walk in doctor to have it removed. She would never have let me do it.

It took her a while to start eating more normally again. But she seems better now. I'm not convinced that it was a virus. I suspect her chronic constipation, actually but when I suggested it to our regular physician he seemed skeptical. So now we wait and see what happens. Hopefully no more ER trips in the near future.

Here she is with her IV under a bandage.

CRAZY!!!

2011-09-14T13:54:00.004-05:00

Behold

Another kid, off to preschool. I guess they look more alike than I thought!

Doing This

2011-08-01T11:32:00.003-05:00

Last weekend I played in what I consider to be my first competitive roller derby scrimmage. To explain the "what I consider to be" part, my FIRST scrimmage took place during this weekend which I blogged about last year. However, I was fresh, so fresh I had a 'F' on my arm with my number so more experienced player knew not to hit me...much.

This scrimmage there was no 'F' on my arm. We set it up with another team a couple of hours away. They've been playing about as long as us but have had the opportunity to play other teams. I was under the impression that this scrim would be mostly about learning and getting to know each other. My impression was false. It was competitive and it was rough. Just so you know I was not surprised to find that roller derby is rough, only this game in particular.

Within seconds of playing I was rocked several times. What happened next did surprise me. I remember thinking, "Wow, this is really rough." and then a huge involuntary smile broke out of my face (which looks pretty silly when you are wearing a mouth guard) and I realized that I loved it. I loved people slamming into me trying to knock me down and failing (most of the time). The realization of this and what it indicates about me (I'm nuts) made me grin uncontrollably.

I wasn't smiling the entire time though. By half time (30 minutes in) I felt like barfing. There is nothing like thinking you are in pretty good shape and finding out you were horribly wrong. Although I think it had more to do with the fact that in that kind of competitive situation (before you've become accustomed to it) you forget to breath. Skating really hard + not breathing = feeling like you want to puke or pass out.

The second half was much better. I survived and had an immense feeling of satisfaction. I knew I'd made the right decision to start playing roller derby. It's something I'm good at and I can only get better. I'm about to invest in some serious skates which will be my birthday present. I can justify it because I know I'm going to keep doing this for a while and I think it's in my favor to do it in a Porsche instead of a Chevy. I'm doing this.

My City

2011-05-11T14:10:00.003-05:00

Another significant blogging absence. I do hope that one day I will be able to resume some sort of regular posting. For now apparently I can only seem to muster up a post when something extremely significant is happening. Like right now.

My city is flooding. Like breaking all the records, water has never been this high in the history of it's existence kind of flooding.

Fortunately for myself and my family we are well out of the waters path. Unfortunately for many, including some friends and clients of mine, their residences or workplaces are not.

I have friends who are waiting to be told to evacuate their homes, and people I know well who have already had to evacuate. I feel physically ill on their behalf and have no idea how they must feel considering they are the ones whose homes are at risk.

There is also a certain feeling of claustrophobia since getting out of the city (if necessary) is becoming increasingly difficult. There have been road closures so your options are to take a significant detour or drive through the valley where an impossible amount of water is being held back by ENORMOUS sandbags stacked 3 rows high. Neither option is very appealing.

I've done a little volunteering. It's difficult because I need to have a babysitter to do it. Peter and I had a babysitter the other night and were going to help with sandbagging in a nearby rural municipality but with the logistics of getting there by way of the detour we decided against it. We didn't want to clog the road up with yet another vehicle amongst the ones who were trying to get home.

Adding insult to injury the weather has been the pits. If it's not raining it's overcast and gloomy and threatening to rain which does nothing to improve anyone's optimism or anxiety even if the rain doesn't fall.

It's as though everyone is holding their breath. Waiting to see what will happen. With an unprecedented amount of water, no one knows. And that is terrifying.

I worry about the safety of everyone working on the dikes. I worry about those who haven't been evacuated. I worry. I force myself to stop thinking about worst case scenarios when they come into my mind.

I'm thankful to be going to work today so that I can think about something else. Although, who am I kidding? I think it's a pretty safe bet what every single person who sits in my chair will talk to me about.

Regrets

2011-03-20T08:37:00.004-05:00

I don't think I've talked about my father too often on my blog. That's probably because I have only been writing since Miss A was a few months old and we really haven't seen him much in that time. I really haven't seen him much since I was thirteen actually. That is when he and my mother separated and we moved here.

My father is one of those men who would likely forget their own birthday without their wife to remind them. He failed to remember mine every year since we left and missed many other important events over the years. Dealing with his absence and my perception that he didn't care led me through several emotions over the years. Sadness, Anger, Indifference and finally, in the past few years, a kind of understanding.

It's taken me over 20 years to realize that although he may not show he loves me (and now my children, his grandchildren) in the ways I think he should, he really does love me/us. I have learned to accept the way he is and the way that he loves us. It still makes me sad sometimes that we see him so rarely but when we do it's obvious how much he cares for us all.

I've learned a lot from Miss A loves him so unconditionally.(Miss B is still kind of oblivious.) She loves him in spite of how little she sees him, in spite of the fact that she's seen him only a handful of times in her 5 years of life. She remembers and cherishes and talks about those times to me because they mean so much to her. My instinct is to feel angry about that. I feel like he hasn't earned her love and adoration and to be honest, I don't understand it. I have worked hard to ignore my anger and be happy that she loves him and hasn't felt disappointed by him the way I have. I will also try my damnedest to make sure she never does.

I called him the other night because I had heard from my sister that he'd been here at the hospital to have a test. It was another of many tests he's been having lately. I had a feeling that something was up but of course he hasn't said anything. When I got him on the phone I asked him how his test went. He said he didn't know the results yet. I asked him what was going on and why he was having so many tests done. He told me he had prostate cancer. He seemed very calm about it, telling me that the doctors don't think he'll need surgery, that he'll simply have to take some medication. I'm not certain that he's really clear about what the treatment will be but I know he'll find out in the next while.

After getting off the phone with him I wasn't sure how to feel. I didn't feel as upset as I thought I should. Maybe it was because he seemed so calm about it. Maybe it's because it doesn't seem real to me yet. I thought about how I would feel if I got similar news about my mom. Regardless of how calm she might be (however she WOULD NOT be calm) I would be FREAKING OUT. So then I felt guilty.

My Grandfather on my mother's side died when I was about 19. My father had attended the funeral. I remember sitting there looking at both of my parents. I thought about how I was sure that my mother was saying goodbye to her father that day with very few regrets. I looked at my own father and wondered, when I was sitting at his funeral one day how many would I have? Would I wish that I hadn't been so stubborn, waiting for him to call me, and call him first? Would I wish I'd made more of an effort with our relationship regardless of how little effort he put in? I decided that day that I didn't want to have any regrets.

Unfortunately, I didn't really stick to my decision. I didn't call as often as I planned. I soon grew tired of being the only one making an effort. I learned to settle for the relationship that we had. Appreciate the times we did speak and see each other. Perhaps his current medical condition is indeed, not so serious. We may have many more years with him, I hope we do.

If we don't I'd have to say goodbye. I'd have regrets but most of them wouldn't be about the things I didn't do. They would be about the things I couldn't change.

It's About Freakin' Time

2011-02-01T11:17:00.004-06:00

I've been wanting to post. I have. Now I'm doing it. I just am. Now what I have to give is a mish mash of information about what has and is going on around here.

Miss A is well settled into Kindergarten. She has started both piano lessons and gymnastics since January and is loving both of them. I find it fascinating to hear about social interactions between her peers. Best friends change weekly, sometimes daily. Peter has named this time "The Golden Age of A" because we are so absolutely enamored with her at the moment. She just seems so incredibly easy right now. Her temperament is calmer, she disappears for long periods of time to play, she is generally very content. However, it may just be because of the stark, STARK contrast to her younger sister.

Miss B is... challenging me. To. my. very. core. I think it would be a useful exercise to go back in this blog and read over some of what I wrote about Miss A. I am certain that she was the very same but it's difficult to remember (I think I blocked it out) and also to believe. I made a grave mistake in labeling this girl. She was initially so much better as a newborn that I gave her the title of "the easy one". Apparently defiance runs deeps in our gene pool because it would seem she has been bound and determined to rid herself of that label.

I take comfort in the fact that Miss A seems to have turned out so well and I'm sure I have something to do with that so perhaps I could be two for two.

Roller Derby. See when I started on that path last May I had absolutely NO IDEA what I was getting myself into. I foolishly thought it was going to be a hobby. That my life would basically stay the same only my recreational activity was a different one. Boy was I WRONG. Four hours of practice a week. Training team duties which include researching drills for both on and off skate, planning practices, going to meetings and most recently giving and marking tests and drawing up answer keys. Currently we are planning a social. Seems like all fun and games until things don't go as smoothly as you thought they would and you're scrambling to get all your ducks in a row again. I feel guilty because really it's a huge part of my life and I didn't give anyone any warning about that. Except that it's because I totally had no idea this was what was going to happen. I adore Peter in new and unexpected ways for his understanding about the whole situation. I am so lucky to have married someone who understands me so well and adapts to whatever insanity is taking up pieces of my life at any given time.

I completed the story I briefly mentioned in this post. I am so satisfied to have finished and excited to see what may come of it, if anything. In any case it makes me feel like all of those hours I spent sitting at a typewriter when I was a kid writing crappy stories my have had some value after all.

And also. Dang it's cold outside.

My Mind Blowingly Awesome Weekend

2010-11-22T23:06:00.005-06:00

So, I've been doing this Roller Derby thing for about seven months now. In that time I've experienced a lot of emotions - fear, horror, anxiety, excitement, pride and most recently LOVE.

An established Roller Derby League nearby decided to host a two day Roller Derby bootcamp right here in my city this past weekend. There would be three Coaches - Coach Pauly, Bonnie D. Stroir and Smarty Pants all of whom I'd heard/read about but had no idea how incredible they actually were.

I arrived on Saturday morning feeling incredibly nervous and intimidated, knowing that I would be among the least experienced skaters there. After attending my first session with Bonnie I began to relax. I was doing okay and she was so entertaining and informative that I stopped worrying about anything. Throughout the rest of the day I had some periods of feeling clueless but mostly I had SO MUCH FUN. The other skaters were really great about helping each other out.

My first day ended in a session with Smarty and I completely fell in love. She is the sweetest, most hilarious woman and if that wasn't enough she is the most unreal talented skater and coach. She's the kind of person you meet and you immediately want to be their BFF but you have to chill so as to avoid being creepy.

There was an exhibition scrimmage at the end of the first day which I was totally sure I wouldn't have the opportunity to play in because it stated on our itinerary that the teams would be made up of "All Stars". Now, I'm not being modest when I say I KNEW that did not include me. In the end a decision was made that they didn't have enough time to determine an "All Star" team and didn't want to be unfair so anyone who wanted to participate was welcome to do so. I'd invited my husband and friends and had planned on sitting with them and enjoying the game. I made the decision to go with that original plan instead of skating. I felt mentally and physically unprepared (and unskilled) to throw myself in the mix with these talented women that evening. It was a great game and I only had a few pangs of regret for not playing throughout. Smarty Pants played in the scrimmage which was absolutely thrilling to watch even though I know it was probably not even half as entertaining as watching her skate with her home team on the bank track.

The second day began with something called the "Smarty Party" in which we essentially danced around on skates and Smarty imparted the genius idea that playing derby could be a lot like dancing or moving around in a packed club, that sometimes your body rubs up against someone else's as you try to get by but it's not meant in animosity, you're just trying to get where you need to be. I LOVE this philosophy for blocking and when you see this woman block it is a thing of beauty. This session was easily the most fun I had the entire weekend and as if I didn't have it bad enough already she had to go and mention her love of 80's music and how she liked to pretend she was Molly Ringwald sometimes. Sigh.

There was another scrimmage at the end of the bootcamp and I had decided I would skate in it, unskilled or not. It was a blast and I was so amazed by all the help I received from more experienced players. I even skated a Jam as a Jammer and wasn't horribly slow and I didn't get knocked down. I think I'm beginning to own that I could be intimidating, my size that is. People may think twice about messing with me purely based on that. I have to have something in my favor I guess.

It's not difficult for me to say that although I missed my family like crazy it was one of the best weekends of my life. It's been such a long time since I've felt excited about something this way. Excited about the journey that's ahead of me.

Here's a photo of me and my new hero (my coloring is so strange, I look grey or something) and two videos that demonstrate her fun loving personality and her balls.

Halloween

2010-11-11T19:47:00.003-06:00

Fact. Facebook has been the ruination of my blog. I totally take it for granted that most people who read or used to read it are friends of mine there. I know it's not true but I completely convince myself that it is and allow myself to be lazy and not post here. I hate it and it makes me sad. Oh well.

Anyway, to those of you who haven't seen these on facebook - the Halloween costumes!! You may remember Miss A wearing this same costume at 2. Miss A needed some direction with her costume this year so I suggested a Ninja. She was all on board and ordering me to "Buy the costume!!" already. Mysteriously, a short while before Halloween she announced to me that she no longer wanted to be a Ninja. When I asked her why she told me she would be embarrassed. It didn't seem to matter how much prompting I did she wouldn't tell me what had changed her mind. My guess is that when one of her peers asked her what she was dressing up as they replied in one of many ways, such as "Girls don't dress up as Ninja's." "That's weird." "What's a Ninja?" which then made her reject the costume.

I explained that I'd given her time to think about what she wanted to be before I bought her costume and that I wasn't buying another costume. I refuse to be a parent who has to come up with fifteen different costumes before Halloween because their child keeps changing their mind. I asked her if she knew much about how cool Ninja's were. She asked me to tell her about them. I relayed the tiny amount of information I had and showed her this video I found.

As you can imagine, this clinched it for her. Unfortunately, I could find toy Nunchucks so I had to settle for Katana Blades. She ended up embracing her inner Ninja which made me glad and Miss B was just happy to get "Tweets!!"

Incidentally, this video is also very cool. I'd kill for that kind of flexibility.

Disturbing Developments

2010-09-14T23:16:00.004-05:00

So you know when you have a daughter or in my case daughters and you joke about how you are dreading the days when boys come into the picture only you're not joking because it really, truly does scare the living crap out of you? Yeah, well, I thought I had some time. You know because after all Miss A is only 5 years old after all.

That's right. On Sunday, my first born child turned FIVE YEARS OLD. I know she already started Kindergarten but the actually turning 5 thing just made it all more... real.

So since her party with friends isn't for another couple of weeks we decided to take her to one of those indoor play places (large play structure, bouncy castles) to celebrate. As per usual, she came over to me within 5 minutes announcing that she'd made a friend. An adorable blond boy came running up to her frantically then and they ran off together laughing.

It turned out that said blond boy was there with two of his friends. My guess is that they were all about 5 or 6 years old. I'm not exactly sure how it happened but somehow innocent play morphed into something weird and unhealthy.

Miss A would be playing somewhere and the boys would locate her and try to bait her into chasing them. At first this seemed like fun to her, but then she was confused. During a bathroom break she told me she thought the boys didn't like her because they kept running away. I told her they did like her which was why they kept trying to get her to chase them.

She tired of this quickly and basically had no interest in playing with them anymore. They continued to seek her out and try to get her to play their game. When she ignored them they tried to get her attention by saying "Hey Girl!" not like "Hey! Girl!" Like "Hey Girl!" a la Justin Timberlake. Next they said "Hey Sexy Lady!" at which point I said "Hey, hey, hey. None of that!" They wandered off for a while but I kept an eye on them and they were completely fixated on her and kept coming over to where she was.

Finally she told me "Mommy, they're bothering me." I told her that she needed to tell them so and she said that she wanted me to do it. I told her I would stay with her when she told them and she marched over to them saying "Listen, you guys are bothering me and I want you to stop please." I was amazed that she actually did it and happy that they seemed shocked to hear her say that to them. This seemed to put an end to their silly behavior and we left shortly thereafter.

The whole scenario left me feeling a little sick to my stomach. I was so totally unprepared for something like this to happen at her age. It made me wonder where in the world those boys ever learned to speak that way at their age, it made me fear for the young men they would grow into and it made me sad because really, I think they were decent kids, albeit, confused.

It makes me realize how important it is that I teach her to stand up for herself. Because I can't always be there. Especially now that she is at school. She needs to know that she can speak her mind. And if someone is bothering you, it's important that you ask them to stop. If they don't stop you MAKE them stop.

I always knew that this face was going to be a blessing and a curse. I just didn't expect to see the downside so soon.

KINDERGARTEN!!!!

2010-09-11T09:33:00.002-05:00

Wow. Just wow.

Late

2010-09-01T09:06:00.003-05:00

Soooo, before Miss A starts Kindergarten (!!!) next week I thought I would post the pictures from the start and finish of preschool. In my defense, we were having camera issues. That doesn't excuse my total lack of summer blogging but you know... it's something.

So here they are before and after. I don't see the same dramatic change in her as I did with her last years photos and yet several months passed between pictures.

She has grown like a weed this summer. People keep asking me if she's grown. Yes. She has. She comes up to the middle of my tricep. She is well over half as tall as me in less than 5 years. Shudder. "Where's your mom?" "Over there, she's the short one."

This was also taken on the last day of school. It captures their personalities quite well I think.

Introducing "Miss" B

2010-07-17T09:31:00.001-05:00

I can't believe it's been two years already. My baby days are pretty much over...

Make photo slide shows at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Seeing What I'm Getting Myself In To

2010-07-07T09:44:00.003-05:00

Last Saturday my sister came to stay the night with the girls (my first night away from B) and we went into the city to see a Roller Derby bout.

Two of my best friends accompanied us, one of whom we spent the night with. None of us had ever seen roller derby live before. The seat were pretty uncomfortable and I think it's safe to say that I was more into it than the people I was with but they cheered (or boo-ed) anyway.

There was a girl that played for Fargo whose name was 'Skaty GaGa'. She was my hero. She was an excellent Jammer (point scorer) and played blocker equally well. She wasn't a big girl but man could she throw a hit. And take one!!!

Now that I've seen a live bout I'm confident in saying that I'm sure I can do this. I'm loving it and I'm loving me doing it. I don't know if my body really is changing or if I'm just feeling good about myself because I am amazed at what I've been able to get my body to do ON SKATES!! (Jump, complete 25 laps around the track in 5:21 (I need to do it in 5 minutes, so close!) Use my teammates body to propel myself forward.)

This is a pretty awesome video I found of one of the teams that we saw this weekend which also happens to be a team we could be playing against at some point. Eek!

And What Did I Think?

2010-06-30T11:21:00.003-05:00

Eclipse.

First let me say that I think it is a testament to Chris Weitz that this movie didn't blow my socks off as much as I thought it would. Not that I didn't think it was fantastic, I did. I just recall how totally joyous I was that New Moon was SO much better than Twilight. I have since forgiven Catherine Hardwicke because I think she was really up against it making Twilight and did the best (almost) that she could with what she had to work with. It was partly thanks to her that Chris had so much to work with making New Moon.

Eclipse was, as I expected, more dark and creepy. I expected this of David Slade. I think the change of director was the part that didn't sit comfortably for me at first. This movie was like switching gears from the last one. Not better or worse, different. It took me a while to settle in, if you know what I mean.

One thing I noticed is that the actors all seemed very "at home" in their roles. More than ever before I thought. I guess that's normal being that this was the third time around. Or perhaps it was because they filmed this one right after NM so they were at home in the characters.

As a parent I appreciated the attention to detail they paid to Bella's realization and depth of emotion about how much she was going to miss her own parents.

I knew the scary/creepy factor would be there but I wasn't sure if he could nail the romance and capture the feelings you had (for Edward) (ha!) when reading the books. He did. He REALLY did. In several glorious parts I felt myself swooning as I did when I read it. It was... wonderful.

Stand outs for me were -

Jasper. He was finally able to display his stellar acting ability and seeing more of him made the viewer feel at ease about why exactly Alice loves him so much.

The training and fighting scenes. They could have looked stupid and fake but they actually looked pretty awesome.

The tension was believable between Jacob and Edward. The tent scene was pretty fantastic.

My Favorite:

When Bella tries to seduce Edward (this scene was PERFECTION! I do not exaggerate.)

Tonight

2010-06-29T16:17:00.002-05:00

In honor of the movie I'll be seeing tonight, or technically early tomorrow morning...

Safety First or well... at least I'm trying

2010-06-28T14:56:00.004-05:00

I've had mixed reactions to my decision to pursue roller derby. Most have been along the lines of "That is SO cool! I think you'll be fantastic at it!" some have been more like "Is that really a good idea?" or "Why in the world are you doing that?" and a few have been "What is roller derby?"

I myself have finally made peace with my decision. I no longer feel sick with worry before going to practice, I'm not laying in bed awake thinking about whether I'm being irresponsible to take up a hobby like this.

I've been to several practices now and I'm doing pretty well. I am in love with skating and with all of the challenging things I can make my body do on skates. I was worried about the risk to my body from doing this (which is still a real and logical concern) but I wasn't expecting the improvement. I can actually feel my knees and ankle becoming stronger and more stable because of the muscles that are targeted to do what I'm doing.

As I improve and am trying more difficult things I felt it was especially important to try and protect myself as much as I can. That's why I ordered these (which I think should be a part of every Fresh Meat package)

as well as these for under my kneepads. See. I'm trying to be safe. I am.

I am also going to watch my first bout this weekend. I have no idea what to expect. I'm actually mostly really excited about spending my first night with out Baby B. Yeah!

Oh and by the way. These are my skates, basically.

Worth It

2010-06-14T21:17:00.005-05:00

It's that time of year once again. Summer fair time. So please try to ignore the toque Peter is wearing in several of the photos. It wasn't really cold but last year he was under dressed and learned his lesson.

This was Little B's first time riding. Last year she happily rode around in the stroller, content to simply observe the action. This year, not so much. She was, overall, very well behaved until she started to get tired and totally lost it. It brought back traumatic memories of us taking Miss A to the fair at this age. Apparently, we never learned a thing. Ha.

As usual Miss A was fearless. Little B, being small for her age, couldn't go on many rides which was terribly unfortunate because she loved them ALL. She would often be crying on the ride before it began because the anticipation was horrible for her. The Carnie guys kept saying to us "She doesn't want to ride." but we would explain "She just can't wait for it to start!" they would shake their heads at us until they started the ride and she would shut up and start smiling her head off.

We paid an obscene amount for fair food but really, you're missing out on the experience if you don't pay $5 for a corn. dog. Sigh. She only eats one once a year. Also, did you know that blue cotton candy can turn a child's feces the exact same color? Needless to say Miss A and I were both surprised when she hollered at me to join her in the bathroom to see her "Blue Poop!".

Regardless of the cost, I'm always glad we go because they enjoy it so much. Next year should be even better.

Sleeping

2010-06-08T14:32:00.005-05:00

Is there anything more beautiful than a sleeping child? Especially when it's your child. Because when they are sleeping they aren't crying. Or whining. Or sassing. Or turning their nose up at the food you made. Or saying "No". They are just quiet. And their small relaxed faces remind you that perhaps it wasn't the worst idea you ever had to go ahead and make babies.

And these moments are pretty good too.

Contraption

2010-05-27T15:31:00.002-05:00

The above is a contraption called a Pigg-o-Stat. Baby B had the opportunity to experience it on Tuesday only she wasn't as complacent as the child in the photo. She managed to force her head forward between the plexiglass. We then had to come out from behind the radiation safe wall (Ha!) and reposition her. Awesome.

Turns out she's fine. Just croup related bronchial narrowing. I wish I had been keeping track of the number of times this kid has had croup. It's ridiculous.

Anyway, I'm a terrible blogger as usual. Facebook has been the ruination of this blog. Tell me please if I have any readers who are not also friends of mine on facebook. Not that a quick status update is in any way as awesome as a blog post but I find I keep thinking, aww I don't need to post people know what's up with me. Do you?

I Have Something to Say. Finally.

2010-04-30T22:44:00.002-05:00

It's shocking. I actually do. I've been feeling like a freeloader. Reading blogs, feeling connected to the writers and giving nothing in return. Well, except Twilight related videos. Oh and Elmo too. Anyway, I'm here. I really have been writing. I'm 22 pages into a story I started writing on Easter weekend. I'm really excited about it. Really. It's been very all consuming. Also, I just read this story. Frick. I put it down at one point and yelled at Peter for getting me to read it. I asked him, told him, there had better be a good reason why he begged me to read it. Asked him how much more would I have to endure before the @ss kicking I knew had to be coming? I'm glad I soldiered through.

This is the stuff I would appreciate feedback on. Okay. Here goes.

My TaeKwon Do instructor dropped the bomb on me this week that he thinks I should test for my 3rd Degree Black Belt. In November. This came as a gigantic surprise to me. Prior to my previous Black Belt examinations I had been training regularly. I hadn't had two children. I wasn't training a measly 90 minutes a week. I didn't think testing while training so little was even an option which is why the suggestion caught me so off guard.

On one hand I am flattered, that may be the wrong word but I'll go with it, that he has enough faith in me, in the small amount of time that I have to dedicate to training before November, to think I may be ready to test. He also admitted to me and the whole class that he also had somewhat selfish reasons for wanting his black belts to advance. Regardless, although I didn't expect it, I can't deny I'm interested. Of course I want to advance.

Now the other hand. The idea of actually embarking on this journey of training to 3rd Dan scares the crap out of me. Logistically, I have no idea how I'll be able to do it. How I can possibly be ready to test in amount of time I have to prepare. Another thing that worries me is how I will ever live up to my last test. Testing to my 2nd Dan was one of the things I am most proud of ever doing. Not the getting of the rank but the actual test. It was like an out of body experience. I was so prepared, so tuned in that while I was performing each task, especially my patterns by body took over and my mind was all like "Wow. You're doing awesome. Way to go!" and then I was like "Hey. My body is totally in auto pilot and I'm not even really paying attention to what it's doing." Except I was, or I must have been because I didn't mess up. I did awesome. So awesome that I impressed the Master who tested me and was invited to travel 4 hours to his city to train with him on weekends if I could. (I couldn't.) A part of me is really afraid of replacing that memory with one of me having a terrible test Scraping by. Feeling like I don't deserve the new rank.

So I'm not sure what to do. If I make the decision to do it I know I will commit wholeheartedly. Still, wholehearted now and wholehearted before two kids is different. I am finding the whole idea very daunting and I'm thinking it may be impossible to be as ready as I need to be.

AND... then there is this little matter of ROLLER DERBY starting up in my city. Roller. Derby. How cool is that? And I'm SO interested. But I can't do both. There is no way. I really am interested but I'm also wondering if my wanting doing to do it is just a good way to get out of training for my 3rd Dan.

Busy

2010-04-26T14:06:00.001-05:00

I'm still writing and therefore, neglecting... In the meantime.

Squeeee!!!!

Good Excuse...

2010-04-11T23:40:00.004-05:00

for my blogging laziness. I've been writing! A story. And I think it might be pretty good. So while I'm busy with that, please enjoy this very, very funny video courtesy of Sesame Street.

I Haven't Done This Sort of Thing in a While

2010-03-22T08:00:00.002-05:00

Right... Important Stuff

2010-03-21T09:09:00.002-05:00

I mentioned our trip to the city and the reason for the appointment, B's eye, and then never said how it went. I'll be perfectly honest, I felt it was a complete waste of time. We went in the night before to avoid bad weather that didn't actually happen and we spent $100 on a hotel room. Our appointment was all of maybe 15 minutes and she was barely looked at. He seems satisfied that she is seeing well and thinks the droop will become less obvious as she gets older. I hope this is all true but is difficult for me to believe that he can determine this with minimal examination.

When complaining to someone else about this they pointed out that her doctor is a specialist and he likely doesn't need to do such a thorough examination in subsequent visits because he can see improvement just by looking and without measuring or using any instruments. Perhaps this is true but I would appreciate it if he spent a little more time, just to humor me and make me feel like it was worth a two hour drive and the cost of a hotel room.

He also said he'd see us "one more time" in six months. Maybe I was reading too much into his tone but it sounded like he thought it would be a waste of time, but he'd look at her again anyway. All I could think was, Dude, if you think it's a waste of time don't waste our time by getting us to come.

I should be happy right? Happy that he thinks it's really nothing, barely worth his time. I just feel like I need a bit more reassurance that everything is indeed okay. I might not get that in six months but I really hope to.

Thank You Notes

2010-03-18T14:44:00.005-05:00

I don't know if I've mentioned how much I love Jimmy Fallon before. I do. I love him. He had me at the first sketch he giggled through on SNL. I loved him in 'Fever Pitch' when Drew Barrymore's character wakes up from her flu induced coma to see him brushing her dogs teeth. So it's not a surprise that I enjoy his talk show also. One of my favorite bits that he does is 'thank you notes'. Here is a sample.

So lately I've been coming up with a few of my own...

Thank you to the makers of cheap garbage bags because there is nothing I look for more in a garbage bag than one which rips open when you are taking it to the dumpster leaking various garbagy debris on me, my clothes and or my property.

Thank you preschool for having my child do crafts with sequins stuck to glue, except there is never enough glue so those damn sequins get everywhere, the road, the car, the backpack, MY HOUSE. Don't you know that they are a chocking hazzard!? (I still love you preschool!)

Thank you people who hang 'Truck Nuts' on your vehicles for confirming that you really are the douche bags that I suspected you to be.

Thank you facebook for helping me to reconnect with so many people that I never really knew in the first place but for some reason they've decided that we should be 'facebook friends'.

Thank you guilty conscious for not allowing me to reject people on facebook who I recognize but never knew then and don't really want to know now.

That's all I've got for now. Feel free to leave yours in the comments.

Long Overdue (as usual)

2010-03-12T22:12:00.007-06:00

It's me. Remember me? I've been wanting to write. Really. I have. And I've been wanting to comment but I'm really behind. Now I'm just going to write a lengthly, photo filled post instead of several more focused posts.

The Olympics are over. Thank goodness. I have my life back. Oh, and I'm sorry about the closing ceremonies. Pitiful, just pitiful.

Other than that, life has been crazy lately. Have you heard of the Doodlebops? They are the stars of a Canadian kids television show. I found out that they were coming to our city and although Miss A hasn't watched the show in some time I was certain she'd enjoy going. I was not wrong. Here is some photo evidence of the fun.

Isn't it hilarious how crazed she looks here. I LOVE this photo.

Then we traveled into the city for B's eye appointment. We decided we'd better go in the night before to hopefully avoid the freezing rain forecasted when had planned to travel. By the time we decided to go it was pretty late. B slept most of the way and then when we arrived at the hotel she was all NEW PLACE, NOT TIRED despite the fact that Peter and I were very tired indeed.

Note the time on the clock.

She eventually did go to sleep and we all had a relatively good, albeit not at all long enough, sleep. We took B to the pool which was perfect for kids. I felt a twinge of guilt that Miss A was not with us to enjoy. (We plan to take her there in the future.) I marveled at the difference between B and Miss A, pool wise. I am used to A's reckless abandon. How she runs and jumps and gives me fifty heart attacks when we are near/in water. B is excited, yet cautious. She climbs the ladder, carefully sits down and then wiggles down the slide. She hits the water and looks mildly annoyed. She dragged me along to the bigger slides which we only went down a couple of times. Miss A wouldn't go back to the little slides after experiencing the bigger better ones. It's interesting.

I was able to do some shopping for the girls at Old Navy, which I can't do here, so that was nice. I bought them the cutest navy and white gingham dresses. I also bought myself a new bathing suit. Another item which is difficult to buy here. It's actually a mastectomy suit which sounds weird but it turns out it is excellent for me and my need of extreme support. I'm hoping the streamline design is going to help me swim faster and beat my time at the next mini triathlon!

We also were able to briefly get together with an old friend of mine. Due to distance, kids and life we haven't seen each other in a long time. Yet, it always feels like home when I'm with her.

Wow. I've been working on this post for a week. I'm just going to post it and move on.

On Behalf of Canada

2010-02-14T15:28:00.003-06:00

So have you been watching the Olympics? I felt I needed to write something about this since it's my country that is hosting.

First, let me speak about the Olympics themselves. I personally love the Olympics. I greatly admire the athletes and the time they devote to their sport. I feel a small fraction of the devastation they must feel when they fail to meet their goals or feel as though they've let their country down. In a society which projects a narrow, cookie cutter image of what physical fitness looks like I appreciate how Olympic athletes show true physical fitness in all its many shapes and sizes. As an individual who struggles with body image I always have a sense of peace and satisfaction seeing athletes who's bodies are similar to my own.

Not unlike any other Olympics, there has been a great deal of protesting. Being anti-poverty and anti-globalization isn't a bad thing. I'm not convinced that vandalizing cars or smashing store windows accomplishes this. It seems misguided and ineffective, at least as far as the goal of the protest is concerned.

Truthfully, I did not watch all of the Opening Ceremonies. I taped them and fast forwarded through the dull parts. We thought Miss A might enjoy watching some of them. She did. She was especially excited when Sarah McLachlan performed "Ordinary Miracle" from Charlotte's Web. Also, being the brilliant child that she is, she recognized the part when the messy haired kid who appeared to be running through a prairie wheat field which was projected on the floor and then started flying through the air as being total crap. That's my girl. Sadly, this was the part which was supposed to represent the particular area of Canada where we live.

I was both amused and confused by the 'Ravers' all dressed in white which lined the aisle when each countries athletes entered. I found them very distracting and also ridiculous. I tried to find video of it for those of you who did not experience the wonder yourselves but no dice. I'd be curious to know who thought that was a good idea. However, I thought K.D. Lang's performance was pure brilliance. I would kill to be able to sing those sliding notes she can. Being a huge fan of both Wayne Gretzky and Steve Nash I totally approved of them being chosen to be that last of the flame carriers. I don't blame either of them for the terribly awkward facial expressions they continually made while the waited for the technical difficulties re: lighting the dang cauldron to either resolve themselves or for someone, anyone, to tell them what the crap they were supposed to do now. I'm going to link this article because it's far better writing than my own and it's also very amusing.

While looking for video of the ceremonies I was horrified to find one of pictures compiled from the luge accident, including one of the poor young man as the paramedics worked on him. I felt compelled to leave a comment for the person who posted it telling them I thought it was in poor taste and that if I was the athlete's mother I would be horrified to discover that someone posted something like that for any reason. As for the accident, I think there is obviously great risk of bodily injury or even death in that particular sport. I sincerely hope that it was not caused by a fault in the track/human error and that it was just a freak accident. Either way, I would hate to have been involved in the construction of that track and I wouldn't be able to feel at ease until all competition on it was complete.

As for the weather. It is laughable. Vancouver is notorious for getting terrible, unpredictable weather. Choosing Vancouver to host means choosing potentially awful weather conditions. Why is anyone (in this country) surprised by this?

In any case, on behalf of Canada I hope that the remainder of the Games are safe, fun, and a demonstration of good sportsmanship and incredible athleticism that they should be.

Nice

2010-01-21T09:35:00.003-06:00

Elizasmom passed along a blog award to me. This is awfully nice since I barely consider myself to be a blogger anymore what with all the slacking I've been doing. However...

The rules of this award state that I should list 5 random facts about myself, and then pass it forward to other awesome bloggers.

Very well...

1. I am the last child in a family of five kids. A large family when compared with most people my age. I was born 20 years after my oldest sister and 10 years after my brother who is the closest in age to me. I grew up being closer in age to my nieces and nephews than my siblings. It was kind of strange.

2. When I was in about grade four some friends and I won a lip syncing competition. The funny thing was we were all girls and performed "Fight for your Right" by the Beastie Boys. I had no idea who they were at the time and I think we knew the song from some kind of "Hits" compilation tape. Later I became a huge Beastie Boys fan.

3. I am a pretty athletic person, I have been described as hyper by many people. However I went through a very inactive period during high school which was set in motion by two horrible volleyball coaches who put me on their volleyball team only to cut me after one practice for not picking up game strategies. I am also a stubborn person. This experience made me swear off school sports for the duration of my high school years. (I did make an exception for soccer one year) In my opinion this was a big loss for the school and it was very rewarding to have those two teachers present during my first degree black belt test which I happened to be taking with a coworker of theirs.

4. I have always had very vivid, strange and sometimes horrible dreams. This is seemingly a thing that you can pass down to your children because Miss A suffers from the same thing. Or perhaps it is a coincidence.

5. I met my husband while still dating my high school sweetheart whom I was convinced I was going to marry. I still find it really cool that when I first met him I had absolutely no idea about all the amazing things we were going to do and share together.

And I pass this Kreativ Blogger award on to...

Total Mom Haircut

Life in Sandyland

I love both of these girls. They are both very creative, amazing and deserving.

An Explanation Nonetheless

2010-01-10T23:09:00.004-06:00

So. Turns out I am a terrible blogger these days. Can't seem to make it happen. I defend myself by explaining some of the major contributing factors to this. Miss A loves the computer, which in turn means it's not available for me to use. If I do manage to get on it Baby B climbs up with me preventing me from actually getting anything done or turns off the computer or switches off the powerbar all of which make me want to lose my mind with frustration so I tend to just avoid it. Baby B often doesn't go to bed until after 10:30. We've been watching Friday Night Lights. I play the Sims 3 during B's naps instead of writing posts. (Coincidentally, Sim B is much more cooperative than real B. Perhaps that is why I find such pleasure in playing that game.) That pretty much sums it up I think. Some of the excuses I think are quite good and others are rather lame. Ah well...

Here is an interesting discovery that I should have made ages ago. I was watching this video

the other day and it suddenly and strangely (because you can't really see him) occurred to me that Thom Yorke has ptosis just like Baby B. And in the same eye.

I have loved this man for years and have gushed many times about how adorable, what I describe as his squiffy eye, is. How did it take me so long to notice that my sweet baby shares this condition with one of my favorite musicians? It was/is an important discovery for me because somehow knowing this makes me more appreciative of it and less freaked out about it. I almost feel like I can embrace it now. I know this must sound idiotic but it's true. I guess it's knowing that although I noticed his eye when I first saw Thom Yorke in a Radiohead video and wondered why it was the way it was, it soon became yet another quirky thing I loved about him and it in fact made him even more attractive to me because of it. It makes me think that if B doesn't end up having surgery to correct this that it will be a thing that makes her unique and even if people do say things to her about it they will begin to accept it as part of what makes her who she is and that she will be loved regardless of any flaws visible or not.

Ambitious

2009-12-16T14:08:00.003-06:00

I think it's safe to say this will be my last post before Christmas. Which I'm sure is a total shock to all of you since I've been posting so often these days...

And because I'm lazy mostly I'm just going to use pictures to catch you up on the goings on around here as well as to entertain you.

First of all, I'd like to introduce you to our Christmas tree. It's um... huge. I'm kind of the one in charge of picking the tree. My requirement is that it be almost tall enough to touch the ceiling, however, because we have a rather small living room the Christmas tree usually takes up a considerable amount of room. I was sort of in shock after we brought our tree in this year and it began to warm up and the branches began to fall into place. Enormous. It is beautiful though and worth the amount of space it takes up. A has defined it as perfect and B has amazingly left it alone mostly, only pointing, smiling and touching it occasionally. It's a good thing we have two entrances to the room because it fills almost half of one of them.

We taped 'The Polar Express' off of television and Miss A has been watching it once a day. It's pretty astounding to look at even though it's a few years old already. It's also rather frightening in several parts. I still haven't figured out why kids movies always seem to have to have scary stuff in them, it makes no sense to me. As far as I'm concerned if it was that stressful to get to the North Pole I'd rather not go, however it does seem like the kind of dream Miss A would have.

Which reminds me, the other morning she woke up early crying. I went in to see what was wrong. She told me she had a dream that Santa was here and had brought presents and Baby B had opened hers already. I asked her if that upset her. She told me no, that Santa had said B was guilty. I asked her if Santa was angry with B. "Him was." I have to admit that my heart was warmed by the fact that she is protective of her sister, even in her dreams. Even when she had a right to be angry with her. I have no idea where the 'guilty' part came from but it amused me.

Baby B still continues to struggle with sleep and I continue to struggle with having so little of it. I fantasize all the time about the summer when my sister has volunteered to keep them for a couple of nights. Two. whole. night. With uninterrupted sleep. Heaven. Here she is sleeping in each of her beds. Her crib and her playpen. I really don't care which one she sleeps in. I'd just like her to stay in one for the duration of the night.

I can do what you are doing is going strong around here. Which make me insane some days. It seems B is constantly screeching about something that her sister has that she doesn't. Miss A is extremely patient for the most part but occasionally goes in her room, shuts the door and plays by herself. B has recently learned to say her name in her own way and I don't think I'd be giving away to much by sharing it. She stands outside her door and yells "AUDRA!" It took me a while to figure out she was saying her name and not just yelling some random thing because it sounds a lot like other non-words she says. I do think she's on the verge of really talking because she seems to be coming out with several things lately like, shut and gum. (um!) (thanks to my mother, the gum lady.) Anyway, I often repeat a mantra to myself - enjoy, enjoy, enjoy, but when she's crying or screeching yet again it's sometimes difficult not to wish her older and less whiny.

Anyway, hope you all have a very Merry Christmas, and enjoy the season rather than stress about it.

More Twilight Related Drivel

2009-11-25T09:36:00.008-06:00

So I was sitting at my third viewing (that's right, lets just establish I'm a dork/freak and be done with it, shall we?) of New Moon on Tuesday and couldn't help but notice the kinship I felt with Robert Pattinson. I think it was specifically apparent this time because of my viewing companions. They were heavy with the appreciation on Jacob Black/Taylor Lautner. Not that I didn't appreciate him, and I will say I sympathized with his character in this movie more than I ever did while reading the book where I was all blah, blah, blah, you're nice or whatever but where's Edward? Honestly though, I found his body kind of distracting in a freakish kind of way. His abs looked like six grapes bunched together under his skin and his traps were like, up to his earlobes! I kept whispering to Peter "Dude! His traps are CRAZY!!" which I hope he didn't misconstrue as "which is hot!" because is was more like "He looks like some sort of mutant." Many people have been confessing their guilty (due to his age) love of him and while I think he is adorable if I have to choose a wolf I firmly choose Paul/Alex Meraz (on the far right).

ANYWAY, It really struck me during the Edward reveal part (which after seeing on the big screen I am forced to admit that perhaps his "abs" were enhanced in some way as they were rumored to have been, even so, I don't care!) when my friend muttered "His body just doesn't look as good as Jacob/Taylor's does." to which I replied very defensively - "He's genetically incapable of achieving that physique, and he more than makes up for it with his brilliance in all other areas!" Sensitive? Yes, I do believe I am. On his behalf and mine.

It's pretty obvious that Robert (and his trainer) put a lot of hard work and time into making him look that great and as he adorably told Ellen DeGeneres it's the best his body has ever looked and he was proud of himself. He'll never achieve the results Taylor has no matter how hard he tries and shouldn't be held up to that standard anyway. I personally feel his pain since my own hard work gives me subtle visible results and I must settle for the knowledge that my heart and lungs are strong even if my body doesn't appear to be 'fit' when compared with the general standard of what that looks like according to society/the media.

In a nutshell, Robert and I are kindred spirits in that we are expected to look different than we were ever designed to and if we held ourselves up to those standards we could never hope to succeed. Also, we are both awesome.

And This is My Review

2009-11-20T20:47:00.004-06:00

The first thing I feel I need to say is that Chris Weitz is a genius. Seriously, I feel like tracking him down and embracing him like a long lost loved one. I feel that strongly about him. When I heard that he was going to be directing New Moon I had high hopes because of his film adaptation of this book to this movie which I felt was nothing short of brilliant. (I chose to ignore some of the lower points in his career.) He not only lived up to my hopes but surpassed them infinitely.

It had everything that was lacking in the first installment. It stayed true to the book, rather than feeling like someone picked what they deemed were the best and most interesting parts of the story. It contained mostly dialogue directly from the book but also interspersed new dialogue that was current and sometimes comical.

The attention to detail was impressive except for the odd decision to have Edward driving a black Volvo something or other (looked more like an SUV than a car to me) instead of silver. Peter and I had a lovely moment during the scene when Bella goes to Emily and Sam's place and Emily puts the platter of HUGE muffins on the table. We looked at each other and said "Muffins!", thrilled to see something we'd imagined from the page translate so perfectly to the film.

The special effects were so close to perfect that it's almost not worth mentioning it's tiny short comings. The wolves, all things considered, were pretty awesome. Sam-Wolf in particular looked odd to me at times, I'm not exactly sure why, but the phasing and movement in general was spectacular.

Despite the (expected) lack of Edward in this movie it contained an eternity's worth of beautiful moments between he and Bella which didn't feel rushed at all. This was a huge source of comfort to me as I was nearly devastated by the fact that during Twilight every time it even came close to touching the intensity and passion of their relationship BAM! new scene, moving on to more important things. Um, excuse me, there is no more important thing than that. It's kind of the entire point dudes.

As Bon mentioned in her comment on my previous post, watching it on opening night in a packed theater full of crazed fans is an experience in itself. I refused to be annoyed by any of them, knowing that I'll be seeing it numerous times I couldn't possibly be concerned about missing anything. Peter and I both found it incredibly amusing to hear the whoops and hollers during various parts most of which included any male without their shirt on. (which incidentally is A LOT!) It was a total blast to be in a theater buzzing with so much excitement and energy.

In the risk of building it up too much I venture to say it is about a billion times better than the first and I do believe it is going to break even more records in the money making department. And where Twilight made it's money from the sheer joy fans had seeing their beloved book come to the screen rather than the fact that it deserved to do so well, this movie will deserve every single penny it makes due to its extreme excellence.

The Only 33 Year Old Sobbing in the Theater

2009-11-19T15:31:00.002-06:00

In approximately six and a half hours I should be watching the opening credits to New Moon. In all of my excitement leading up to it's release I think I failed to consider one thing. That thing is the emotional devastation I am likely to experience during the film. Somehow the hype had totally distracted me from the memory of first reading the book and how I spent a good 100 pages of it in a weeping, blubbering, sobbing state. I'm not exaggerating. It wasn't until today when I thought about the fact that seeing this all come to life on film may in fact be worse than reading it was. (I do doubt this, but you never know) I am comforted by the fact that I'll likely be surrounded by over one hundred emotionally fragile teenagers who will likely be hysterical. My sobs will almost certainly go unnoticed, except by my husband who will quietly squeeze my hand and wonder to himself how he ended up being dragged into this whole phenomenon. My answer to him would be "Because you are a better man than most." While some people are annoyed by the crowds and the fact that the majority are so young, I find it entertaining. I giggle when I hear the cheers and gasps as the male leads appear on screen. I enjoy the whole experience. I can't wait.

I'm polling my two readers. Shall I write a review? Yes? No? I mean, we all know what happens right so what could I possibly spoil?

October Stuff in November

2009-11-06T16:57:00.005-06:00

Here are some of the photos I never got around to posting in October.

These were taken at a local pumpkin patch. It was a beautiful day and we had lots of fun riding on the little 'pumpkin train' (incidentally the seats in said train were NOT designed for adult bottoms!) and walking through the corn maze and the spook house.(Miss A insisted we go through like, five times. One of the times as we were about to go through again a boy who looked to be about 8 came out crying. I couldn't help but wonder why it didn't bother A.) A tried out the miniature zip-line, which of course, she loved... adrenaline junkie.

Pumpkin cleaning. Mostly she just spread the "guts" on the outside of it, giving the pumpkin a "bath". A's red eye is often so nuts that I can't get rid of it.

These are pictures I took the day of A's Halloween party at preschool.

This is a picture taken at work on Halloween. It is the reason I left my camera there and didn't get any of my kids on Halloween night. Boo me. Oh well. My friend took a couple when we were at her house trick or treating. I was a 'Mod' girl, in case you were wondering. I was asked several times that day "Who's Maude?"

I'm Still Me

2009-11-03T15:05:00.003-06:00

I am planning on posting cute pictures of the girls from Halloween but due to the fact that I am a dumb@ss I left my camera at work on Saturday. You know, because it's more important to take pictures of my coworkers in their costumes than my children. Mama fail.

Anyway, I just watched this video and I realized that by this time when Twilight was SEVENTEEN DAYS away from opening I would have posted tons of fan related stuff. So, for those of you who dig this, enjoy.

The Twilight Saga: New Moon Volturi Featurette

Trailer Park | MySpace Video

AND for those of you who are crazy, like myself, I realize that the content of this video confirms a change to how the whole Volturi thing actually goes down. For now, I am filing this under "liberties taken which I can live with". I can justify it currently by stating that it will certainly make things more exciting. And also Robert doesn't have his shirt on, so how bad could it be?

My Girls

2009-10-22T13:58:00.006-05:00

Seriously I am disgusted with my lack of postage on the blog recently. I'm not sure what my problem is. Stuff is happening. Perhaps too much stuff yet nothing of much actual interest? Another reason that comes to mind is that Baby B has been taking the notion to switch off the power bar while I'm on the computer recently. Just one of the many charming things she's been doing of late. Which leads me nicely into the first subject of this post.

B. Seriously. This kid is MAKING ME NUTS! I know this is redundant because I mentioned it in my last of infrequent posts but it bears repeating because crap sakes she really, really is. I am trying so hard to enjoy her right now. You know, because that is what people tell you you should be doing because "they grow up so fast, before you know it they'll be grown up." Honestly, I know this. I have a living, breathing, vibrating with energy example of this in my 4 year old daughter. Evidence that they do indeed grow up and learn to entertain themselves in constructive, rather than destructive ways. Right now B is in this majorly mischievous phase. I feel like I have to sneak around my house sometimes so that she won't follow me and get into trouble. We keep both our bedroom and bathroom doors closed at all times now because she cannot be trusted. She seems to be magnetically attracted to everything that she isn't supposed to touch.

I realize I'm coming across like a first time mom here. Or a mother whose first child was a perfect angel (subjectively) who always did what she was told, sat quietly and played with her toys etc... which of course any of you who've been reading since A was a toddler, know that I didn't. But I can honestly say, as shocking as it might seem to any of you who remember A's shenanigans, that B is more active, more curious, more... exhausting. Peter and I have discussed this whilst shaking our heads wondering aloud how we created yet another child who is this wild.

I am so happy that A is in preschool because it allows her to have a break and be able to do things without her sister climbing on top of her to get to her toys or food or craft or whatever. Other times she just goes in her room and closes the door so she can have a little undisturbed playtime. I am amazed at how loving and patient she can be though and I try to take some inspiration from her in that department because it seems my patience is running dangerously low these days. When I lose it with B I can see that it upsets A which in turn upsets me both for losing it and for upsetting both kids... Ah, good times. As difficult as she is right now, she is also a sweetheart. She's fun loving, good natured, and hilarious. Oh yeah, and she still doesn't sleep worth a darn.

And then there is Miss A. I have been having many of the opposite kind of moments with her lately. Moments where I am astounded, and stupidly saddened, by how grown up she is. I watch her doing something amazing and remember that she was once this tiny helpless squawking baby in my arms. And then I'm struck by the fact that I am one of the people responsible for bringing her to the place she is today. This incredible little person that I helped to shape.

The other day we were heading to the optometrist for her yearly eye examination. I was asking her if she remembered what the eye doctor did during the exam. She had him confused with our regular doctor. Then she piped up about this dream she had about a bad doctor and how "he took off all my skin and drank my BLOOD!!" I, as I often am when she tells me about her dreams, was flabbergasted. I told her that sounded like a terrible dream. She agreed and told me that once she woke up and saw that she still had her skin and blood she was okay. I swear that I don't allow her to watch horror movies in her spare time. I have no idea where this stuff comes from. I fear that she has inherited the vivid dreams from me. I recall having nightmares often as a child but I always thought it might have had something to do with my tumultuous childhood. It seems I would have had them regardless just as A does.

She is loving preschool and gymnastics and the kids seem to flock to her in both places. I'm happy to say that she stands her ground and sticks up for herself when the need arises which was never something that I was good at (I'm still not very good at it) and I feel is an important skill to have. Her teachers have given me excellent feedback about her without me needing to ask which I take to be a good sign. She is still a very intense person but she seems to be getting a better handle on her emotions all the time under normal circumstances. If she is tired or hungry however, it's an entirely different story.

I am completely comfortable saying that we are done, our family is complete. I know in my soul that I do not have it in me to do it again. I have reached my limit. I am not cut out to be the mother of more than two. Sometimes I doubt my ability to be the mother of two but I think (hope) it's normal to feel that way sometimes.

Also, 29 DAYS UNTIL NEW MOON!!!!

More Watching And Waiting

2009-10-03T20:30:00.006-05:00

My last post was regarding Baby B's eye issue. I've been meaning to write about the other appointment we had last week. We saw a podiatrist. Why? B's left foot (to match her left eye, coincidence??) turns in rather severely as she walks. I was a bit concerned because it hasn't been improving as she has been walking longer and sometimes her toe drags as well. It seemed like yet another thing I should have checked out. The podiatrist told me she's walking that way due to a bowed tibia. The good news is that she'll very likely grow out of it although she figured we'll probably need to put an orthotic in her shoe when she's around four. Fine with me, as long as we get it straightened out. Literally and figuratively.

Poor kid though. Seriously. I know this stuff can be character building but honestly it pains me to think about the razzing that she could suffer if we are still dealing with this by the time she goes to school. sigh.

On a less sympathetic note regarding the little one... SHE IS DRIVING ME CRAZY RIGHT NOW!!! Honestly. She climbs up in to her high chair repeatedly and then can't get out. She has started messing with the computer which looks cute in the picture but in reality... She is always trying to steal her sisters food, which, often she can't eat anyway because she only has THREE TEETH! (all of which you can see in the last photo!) She is becoming increasingly bored with mushy food so I'm finding I have to get continually more creative with what I am feeding her. And finally I still need to use the living room as her second bedroom halfway through the night otherwise she wakes her big sister too frequently resulting in a very grumpy Miss A and thus a very grumpy Mama. On the bright side, for the most part she's keeping her clothes on.

So Far So Good!

2009-09-23T22:00:00.002-05:00

Our appointment regarding Little B's Ptosis went well. You know it's a good sign when after the physician asks you to remind him why you're there and you explain "Her eyelid is droopy." and he replies "Well, hardly at all." Also, sitting in the waiting room for one and a half hours seeing all sorts of other children with various, often more serious eye conditions, is very humbling and has a tendency to put things in perspective. I kind of couldn't help feeling a bit silly for being there at all actually. The doctor did a variety of things during the examination both before and after the pupil dilating drops were given. (Which I swear made her cranky, I had to have those once and they made me feel almost ill, it's such a weird sensation.)

He seemed to think that things look fine for the moment. He brought up the possibility of surgery but it didn't sound as though it was anything he'd even want us to consider for some time. He thinks that it will improve as she ages and wants to see us in another 6 months. Whew! Glad to have that appointment behind us for now. It is a relief knowing that her eyesight is not being compromised in any way and that it isn't hindering her development.

By some cool coincidence one of my friends was also there for an appointment with her kids. The neat part about it was that we both have to travel about two hours to the office so the likelihood of us being there on the exact same day at the exact same time was strange. It was so nice to see a familiar face and talk to someone who "knew the ropes" so to speak. Peter and I were a little frazzled when we arrived because we weren't completely sure where we were going and accidentally cut it a little short for time. We ending up getting there exactly on time but it was nerve wracking just the same.

B was really well behaved in her incredibly busy kind of way. Having had this sort of toddler already we are always prepared to take turns following her around as she is constantly moving from one thing to the other, climbing, wandering, smiling and poking at random people. Understandably she did not enjoy getting the eye drops but she did very well all things considered.

Before heading home we treated ourselves by going here which is a restaurant we don't have in our city and one we highly enjoy. The best part is that though the food tastes gourmet it is delivered at the speed of fast food, therefore it is perfect when you have an impatient toddler tagging along and you don't have any time for dilly dallying. She enjoyed gnawing on garlic bread sticks and sampling my portabello mushroom ravioli. Mmmm! She also traveled well napping some on the way there and the way home, which is a welcome change to the crying for two hours straight she did last time we came home from the city.

Unknown

2009-09-17T19:55:00.005-05:00

So next Wednesday we have our appointment (finally) for Baby B with the pediatric ophthalmologist. I am both excited and nervous. Excited to finally be seeing a specialist who will either reassure us that it is really nothing to be concerned about or that it is problematic and we can finally DO something about it. That's where the nervous part comes in. Doing something.

I'd like to be prepared for the appointment. I've read up on Ptosis, seen photos of different severities and treatments etc. We are seeing one of two doctors. Apparently one is quite nice and the other, while being an excellent doctor/surgeon is kind of an @ss. It honestly doesn't matter to me which one we see except that my experience dealing with 'difficult' physicians is that you really need to be on top of your game, so to speak. As in, know the questions you want to ask, get to the point, don't waste his time, etc. And the thing is because I have no idea what he is going to say about her eye, I find it very hard to be prepared.

I have given a lot of thought to the possibility of surgery. If it is recommended, how would I feel? What would I want to do? It is really difficult to say. I'd really have to weight the pros and cons. If the cons are really not all that great I may consider putting it on hold until later when she could actually make the decision herself. There are possible side effects to surgery that would be unpleasant and almost make it not worth doing.

Sometimes I look at her and think her eye looks perfect. That we'll be told that it's really not worth doing anything about. And other times, when I'm doing red eye reduction on a photo or when I'm holding her and see her reflection in a mirror, I realize I must simply be used to the way it looks now and only when I see it in a different way do I notice how droopy it really is. All I want is the best for her, and we'll do whatever we need to do to make sure that happens.

Yippie

2009-09-17T13:22:00.004-05:00

I'm ALL about 1:34. I mean COME on!

That's what I'm talking about.

Party of Insanity and First Day of School

2009-09-15T16:32:00.000-05:00

So. I'm not sure what got into me but for some reason planning Miss A's fourth Birthday Party turned me into some sort of crazy person. It all started with the booking of a wonderful lady who I hired to come to the party dressed as the Fairy Godmother. She brings with her tons of pretty dresses, shoes, gloves and jewelry. She paints their faces and does a magic show. All this for $60! Anyway, I kind of took that theme and ran with it. I think the pictures speak for themselves.

King Edwardo and Princess Rainbow Cinderella

Helping perform the final magic trick by dancing around a pot where candy necklaces magically appeared for her friends!

And yesterday she started the first day of her last year of preschool! Ack! I can't believe it. I can't believe the difference in her in only one year. Frightening. It was strange going back even for me as the parent, with so many different kids in her class and therefore different parents to sort of get to know. I'm excited for her though. I think it's going to be an amazing year for her. Her teacher already told me today how smart she was. Which is, you know, always nice to hear.

Celebrate

2009-09-14T22:17:00.002-05:00

Today was my seventh Anniversary. It's hard to believe we've been married that long already. We celebrated by going out for Sushi (I ate eel!) (not a fan!) and then going to the laughable Final Destination 3D. (which officially proves I am the best wife ever!) It's nice to know that when we get the time alone, strip away the stress of kids, work, everything... that we really truly have a great time together and enjoy each others company just as much as we did when we first started dating twelve years ago, right around when this picture was taken. (babies?) (I have this tendency to smile with every single tooth when I am REALLY happy. It's kind of weird, don't you think?)

These are from our wedding day. Which was a very nice day indeed. Happy Anniversary to my sweetie!

Summer

2009-09-02T14:53:00.008-05:00

I am such a blog slacker. I think it's coming from my inability to balance my time. Also, I am freaking out a little because last week I started going back to work on Fridays. This means several things. It is the first time I've had to leave my baby with a sitter for the entire day. I have to get up early TWO mornings instead of just one, regardless of the amount of sleep I get. And when I say get up early I mean, get up early and have to get my butt and the small butts in gear and out the door. It's going to be an adjustment. The only positive that I can see is the added cash that I'll be making. I'm finding the whole 'baby at the sitter' thing a lot easier this time because her big sister is with her which I'm sure will make it less traumatizing and also because I LOVE the sitter we have lined up. I am fighting the urge to be pessimistic and think that it's too good to be true...

So. Here are some photos I've been wanting to post but I've been too lazy to get around to posting. They pretty much catch you up on the goings on of our family this summer.

Bathing Beauty

Miss A aka Fish

Ready to Bike!

Miss A never fell asleep in the highchair once. B does it frequently.

When wall climbing is easy, do it backwards!

Happiness is...

What I did on my summer Vacation

The Zoo

Riding Bobbi the Pony (led by an extremely unenthusiastic boy)

The Childrens Museum

And There Goes Another Year

2009-08-26T14:53:00.001-05:00

I just finished editing my profile to say I am a THIRTY THREE year old Mama. Yep. Another year older today. This is what Mama D at 33 looks like.

I don't believe I've ever done it previously but I took holidays this week. So we are all having a lazy dazy day. My sister is babysitting for us so we can go out for an early supper (LOBSTER!!!) and then I will be heading to the Y to attend a Zumba class followed by a class to learn to teach it.

Miss A is having a sleep over at her Grandma's tonight so we just have the night owl with us tonight. I think it's going to be a really nice day.

Dork Post

2009-08-11T11:46:00.005-05:00

I can't seem to write anything of importance lately. Instead I'll pass along this information... The other dolls didn't do anything for me but these... It's my Barbie Doll weakness, I can't resist...

And I can also use the excuse that I'm buying them for Miss A. And I might even let her play with them... under supervision of course.

Also, I'm loving this series at the moment...

The Little One

2009-07-30T11:45:00.007-05:00

So I'm feeling kind of bad that I didn't write too much for B's birthday. I think about when it was just Miss A and I blogged so much more, recording so much more of what she was doing and what she was like. Obviously I don't have the same kind of time that I did back then but I also seem to be a bit lazy about it. I'll try to make up for that a bit now.

Here are some pictures from B's birthday. Here she is, not really eating her cake because my mom stuffed her so full of food that cake did not appeal to her.

Opening presents.

And here she is just being her usual charming self. This picture perfectly represents her sweet personality and when I look at it I feel a tad less bitter about the entire year of sleep that I have missed out on.

The girl still does not have ONE. SINGLE. TOOTH. Any of you who were reading my blog back when Miss A was a baby will remember the dozens of posts I wrote obsessing over her lack of teeth, whether or not she actually had any teeth, wondering if I should be worried and possibly taking her to the dentist, and WHERE THE CRAP ARE HER TEETH ANYWAY? And this time I haven't complained or mentioned it once. I guess that goes to show how much more laid back you are the second time around. I'm not concerned at all. I know they'll turn up eventually. I'm slightly impatient because I secretly wonder/hope that once they start to come she'll start sleeping like a normal human being and therefore so will I.

She is a total blankie girl. I'm not sure why, but this took me by surprise. I guess because Miss A has her 'baby' the soft little pink dolly that she is attached to. I think I expected B to become attached to something similar rather than a blanket. The blanket seems to be a far more dangerous thing to be attached to since she often slips on it while dragging it around with her and sometimes takes pretty rough tumbles followed by plenty of crying. The most hilarious thing she does is walk around with her blankie on her head. She wanders around like a tiny drunk person, bumps into things and falls on her bum. We simply shake our heads.

These days I am feeling more and more like our family is whole, certain that we are 'finished'. Though it is a hard thing to finalize. Baby B is the perfect addition and completion for us. And that gives me a great feeling of peace and satisfaction.

Umm... This is Late

2009-07-18T17:28:00.005-05:00

Baby B was ONE on Friday. As many of you know I like to make montages of photos from the year. The first year always seems so extra amazing. I totally procrastinated this year and then when I really needed to get it done I ran into some technical difficulties. In any case I stayed up FAR too late last night finishing it and I believe I barely completed it before the day of her birth was through. Not that SHE cared but I did. Because I'm a crazy.

Anyway, it's been a crazy year. I simultaneously can't believe how big she is now and how small she was only one year ago. I also can't believe a person can survive on so little sleep for an entire year and not go insane. Yay me. I'd like to say it's better. I'd like to. I won't because I don't want to jinx the miniscule improvement that has been made in the past couple of months. Let me just say that five hours of uninterrupted sleep is pretty sweet right now and it's becoming more consistent all the time.

Sleep habits aside, she is the sweetest little soul. She is incredibly easy going most of the time but when she finally loses it, she really loses it. She adores her big sister and wants to do everything she does. One of her favorite things to do is wrestle with her and she gives Miss A a run for her money. She's very sensitive, her feelings are easily hurt but we can also make her smile or laugh with very little effort. I never tire of watching her change and grow every day.

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Limbo

2009-07-09T09:14:00.003-05:00

I am healed. Walking normally and stuff. And yet, here I sit with a bandage on my ankle and can't really do much. I was supposed to go back to work yesterday but I won't actually be going back until next Wednesday. I think I could have gone to work if it weren't for these dumb staples that I can't get out until Tuesday. The thing about having a bandage on your foot/ankle in the summer as opposed to the winter is that you aren't inclined to wear socks and are going outside in the dirt and it therefore becomes filthy. I will do my best not to be embarrassed when I go get it removed along with my staples but it feels a bit like going to get a physical when you haven't changed your underwear in two weeks. Okay, maybe not THAT bad.

I am actually have more pain in other areas of my body. Mostly because the rest of it is having to overcompensate for the current weakest link. Yesterday I hyper-extended my left knee which I am sure is directly related to my bum ankle. Also, the muscles in my lower back and arse (that's the technical term isn't it?) are KILLING me. I will be having a massage on Friday and I hope that I can get comfortable enough to enjoy and benefit from it.

A call for help here - Miss A has the mother of all canker sores under her tongue. It is actually two right next to each other. That in itself is bad enough but the real kicker is that it is aggravated by her thumb sucking. (yes, she still does that.) Last night she was up at least four times inconsolably angry because she was involuntarily trying to suck her thumb and would wake up because of the pain. And there was a thunderstorm. Which didn't help her mood any. I had to move the baby to the playpen in the living room because there was no way to deal with both of them at once and with all of A's carrying on it was only a matter of time before she woke her up.

We began swishing with salt yesterday but today I tried an Alum swish which I tested first and it wasn't too dissimilar to salt but has a numbing effect. Miss A is not a fan of either method but I have some leverage by telling her that she won't be able to go to a friend's pool party with a sore in her mouth. This mostly does the trick in helping to convince her. I also threatened that if she doesn't help me help her feel better that she'll have to sleep in the basement tonight because I am not going to listen to her crying and try to comfort her unless she does.

I think it's safe to say I need some more sleep. But then, when don't I? So does anyone have any experience with canker sores and possible remedies? I am actually considering taking her to the doctor to get antibiotics or something to heal it faster and that is so usually not my thing!

This is the Part Where the Control Freak Loses It

2009-07-02T22:51:00.006-05:00

So I had my surgery Monday. I had a nice late morning surgery time so I was able to get a decent amount of rest and have some time to mentally prepare (as much as possible) for the day/week ahead. This is a good time for me to mention how much I love my husband. We actually had fun together as we hung out pre and post surgery. We shared inside jokes, knowing looks, smirks and laughs. He made fun of me pre-surgery asking if I'd had any loopy drugs already which I hadn't. I think stress sometimes makes me act inebriated.

Anyway, the surgery went as well as it could have I guess. I asked to see the metal bits I had removed and they were very obliging. I can't say I'm sorry to see it go, there was a lot of metal in there! My anesthetist was not as 'slick' as the last one I'm sorry to report. It didn't hurt exactly (but then I'm kind of a freak) but it did feel like someone was fiddling with my spinal cord which I could compare with repeatedly having your funny bone hit with a tiny hammer. Except you need to stay really still while it's happening. It also takes forever for it's effects to wear off with me, I have no idea why. It does make me feel very relieved I never needed one with either of the girls because I wouldn't have been able to nurse them for hours afterward.

As expected I felt great for the remainder of the first day due to the local anesthetic that hadn't yet worn off. Tuesday was sucky and Wednesday would have been okay except that the day started off with me feeling okay so I was all "Hey, I can limp around without my crutches because I am obviously awesome" and ended in "God Lord, what have I done I am in agony over here!" Today I was on strict orders to stay on my @ss which I think I did particularly well and I and my ankle are feeling much better.

The nights were pretty much as horrible as I had imagined they would be. My darling baby was up several times the first night and it involved a gong show of Peter getting up and getting her out of bed and bringing her to me who had hobbled to the rocking chair. Then later me whacking the corner of the couch with the remote control to wake Peter up (when repeated whispers of his name didn't do the trick) so we could all go back to bed.

The worst part of this whole thing is having to sit back and let everyone else do everything for me/my family. And also having to keep my mouth shut about how it's being done because, duh! you're lucky someone is doing it for you at all. I've been finding it difficult not be cranky when in a lot of pain, sleep deprived and trying to heal with whiny children around me.

Another awesome thing that happened was that my doctor had told me I would only need to book one week off work when I actually need two. So. I had to have our receptionist reschedule a week's worth of appointments for me. Not only that but I am booked up into August so I have no room to have them rescheduled with me so they will need to see another stylist. Under other circumstances I would offer to work extra hours to accommodate them but I think I will be on my ankle enough when I'm back as it is. I have no idea how he made that mistake but I am rather unimpressed. Thanks for putting me back together and all but Geez!

I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. My ankle is feeling much better today and I have carried Baby B to bed three times already tonight! (Awesome! The next time she's up she'll be in the playpen for the night.) I might actually be able to enjoy some of this involuntary time off since it looks like I'll be working my butt off for the remainder of the summer!

Deep Breaths

2009-06-27T22:52:00.003-05:00

Well. It is here. Almost. Like, right around the corner. And um... yeah. I'm nervous. And not really about the pain so much because I always seem to be a champ when it comes to that, but the aftermath.

I haven't really talked to Miss A about it because I don't want to freak her out too soon. I'll probably wait until Monday morning to tell her. I'm worried about her. It was a very traumatizing event in her life and I hope it doesn't totally freak her out that I'm going to have a 'sore ankle' again for a while. At least she is older now and I can explain what is happening to her more clearly.

And then there is the baby. What I am imagining is that I will hobble out to the rocking chair on my crutches and Peter will bring her to me and rest on the couch until she's ready to be put back in bed. I'm hoping the arm to arm transfer won't disturb her. I'm hoping that I should actually be able to bear weight an carry her after a couple of days, thank heaven she is rather petite. I don't think I will be carrying Miss (40lb) A again for some time!

Anyway, it should be good times. At least I'm not pregnant this time. A whole week off together. We might be tired. We might be in pain. We might be grumpy. But at least we'll be together.

Making Her Own Holiday

2009-06-23T16:04:00.004-05:00

Today Miss A asked "Is it still Father's Day?" I told her that no, it wasn't, that was only one day. She then announced "Well I think today is Sweethearts Day and I'm the sweetheart!" Good to know!

So wow. Look at these.

First Day of School

Last Day of School

How did she grow up so much in just a few months?

They had a little last day of school wind up thing and one of her teachers made a small speech to thank various people and then when she started the "It's been such a pleasure working with your children this year..." she totally lost it and got all choked up and then I lost it and my eyes started to brim over. For goodness sake! I'm going to be a complete MESS next year.

Oh! And look who's walking?

She's not a full time walker yet but she is walking more and more and crawling less and less. She is much more cautious than Miss A ever was when learning to walk. This should help her avoid the abundance of bumps and bruises that her sister seemed to sport once she began to walk. It's pretty exciting.

Another less exciting development is that there are actual fights to break up now. The cause being one of the following scenarios.

-Big Sister decides she wants what Little Sister is playing with and takes it away. Much crying ensues.

-Little Sister decides she wants what Big Sister is playing with and attempts (sometimes suceeds) to take it away. Much complaining/crying ensues.

-Little Sister generally interferes in what Big Sister is doing/playing. Most commonly while Big Sister is on the computer Little Sister messes with the mouse or keyboard. Complaining/Whining Ensues.

And yet. There are these moments too.

You Said You Wanted To Know

2009-06-17T08:30:00.003-05:00

We are home from our Coldplay adventure. I call it an adventure because it involved a lot of jumping through hoops to get our kids settled and happy with their respective caregivers. Those hoops mostly involved packing and traveling since both girls LOVED who they were with. I feel satisfied and content today which is nice because it is common for me to experience post concert depression. (That may be Cure related) It may just be because I'm older now.

Where to begin? Our seats. Our seats we decent. Any of you familiar with the size of a hockey rink would understand the distance. While the band played where one net would sit we were sitting behind the net on the other side. If it had been a hockey game the seats would have been excellent. As it was, they were too far away to see facial expressions with the naked eye. Thank heaven for the screens. I was fascinated by the fans. Perhaps because I am used to this and the majority of the people at this concert looked like this only dressed down a little. Seriously it was the weirdest mix. There were A LOT of guys/men, for some reason I wasn't expecting that. There was a wide range of ages.

One thing almost everyone had in common was the desire to consume alcoholic beverages. I myself am not much of a drinker but I can solidly say that if I was I would abstain so that I could absorb Coldplay in full without the hindrance of intoxication. I mean, really. I think I can understand drinking at say, an ACDC concert or something. That kind of makes sense to me. Perhaps it lubes the joints for headbanging? But at a Coldplay concert? Is it really necessary? I don't think it is. By the end of the concert there were people stumbling (dancing) around in the floor seats and I am certain that they missed a great deal of the awesomeness.

The opening bands were Howling Bells and Snow Patrol. Howling Bells were AWESOME! I especially think Bon, AM and Beth would enjoy. Check this out! They unfortunately did not get projected on the screen so I had to rely on youtube once I got home to really see them. They did however have exaggerated rock star moves so that helped. Their sounds was kind of goth I thought which of course ranked them #1 for the opening bands in my book! Snow Patrol were good, not so much my thing, but undeniably talented. During this song which I'm most familiar with I kept expecting them to project images of Meredith and Derek making out or something. Even though I didn't totally dig them the lead singer (who looks remarkably like Jamie Kennedy) had this terrific smile which kinda melted my heart and made me like them more than I actually did.

Then it was time for Coldplay. The energy in the room was tangible. Electric. I wish I could remember every song they played and in which order but I can't so I'll just tell you about the most memorable parts... The crowd of course went nuts when they came on stage and they were even more amazing live than they sound on their albums. In fact, though admittedly I think that Viva La Vida is their weakest album and my least favorite, hearing them play songs from it live really turned me (and Peter, who I think actually used the word hate to describe how he felt about that album) around. We are both convinced that they have begun to write songs/albums that are meant to be played/heard live in a large venue. The album just doesn't do them justice.

I was very grateful for the screens which allowed me to appreciate the band and their mad skilz. (Those guys are ridiculously talented, it's no joke.) Sometimes the guys in charge got a little crazy though and the images flashed and changed so fast you couldn't really take them in. There were also lasers and other effects. If I happened to be susceptible to seizures I think I'm pretty sure I would have had one. They also had these really neat globe like screen which they also projected stuff on. It was pretty cool. At times when everyone was singing together it reminded me of soccer chanting. I remarked to Peter that there must have been more good singers than poor ones because everything sounded pretty good. I looked out into the sea of people and was frequently astounded.

Some of the high points... Yellow. It was completely dark and then as the song started yellow lights exploded on and they brought out a dozen enormous yellow balloons which the crowd began to bat around. (I found the balloons a tad annoying, um excuse me, I can't see Chris Martin!) I was astounded by the amount of energy that Chris Martin has. I'm not sure if it's an act but he seems pretty uncoordinated too so he sort of flails himself around the stage and I was honestly concerned for his safety at some points. I really hope he does yoga or something to stay limber otherwise he's probably really sore the day after a show. They played a really bizarre set where they played a medley of songs from 'Parachutes' 80's style. There were also times when Chris would play his piano and get into these David Helfgott moments very similar to what you see here at 2:27 only minus the cigarette. Basically, he seemed a little nuts. And yet, for some reason, this made me love him more.

Are you ready for the best part? Are you? Is anyone still reading??? About an hour and a half into the concert I am nudged by my friend who is excitedly pointing off to the not so far distance. I follow her finger clueless and shrug, thinking "What could be so important that you have taken my attention from the stage!" And then she shouts "A microphone!" Oh! There is a microphone and they are taping off a small area, like 12 feet from where we were. A few minutes from then they began to run down off the stage and up towards us and the next thing we knew there they were, close enough to spit on. It was completely surreal. Seeing someone you've only ever seen in videos and interviews on television, standing right there in front of you. I just kept thinking, "Wow, he's a real and actual person and he's standing right there, breathing the same air. God, he has beautiful eyes." Among others, they sang this song, which I have always said was written about me. (totally flattering!) I also found myself thinking about his wife and his family and how they were so far away. It made me feel so grateful that my husband wasn't a rock star, that he was standing right there with me, holding my hand.

Something I anticipated was this part but I had no idea how it would make me feel when it happened. I don't understand why seeing a million little paper butterflies floating around that made my heart hurt but it did. This is probably the best quality video that best represents what it was like to be there, oh except for the Jay Z part. It was worth every penny and if I ever have the opportunity to see them again I would do it in a heartbeat.

Love, Obsession and Loyalty

2009-06-15T01:19:00.004-05:00

Once upon a time I was fifteen and I saw this video. I'd never seen or heard anything like it. I was in love. That was it, there was no going back. I've talked about this before. How my love for that band, that individual was so much a part of me as I grew up. They took their place as my favorite band ever and have remained there ever since.

Fast forward eight years. I was Twenty-three. I saw this video. This lanky cute boy, walking on the beach in the rain as the sun began to rise. I had goosebumps. I was not surprised to find out that they were British, anglophile that I am. They became the only band to ever achieve a solid second spot on my favorite band list. There are only those two spots, favorite, next favorite, and everything else.

I have seen The Cure twice in concert. Minneapolis in 1996 and Toronto in 2000. My seats at the first were terrible. I had to borrow someones binoculars at one point just to get a proper glimpse of Robert Smith. It didn't matter though because I was nineteen, it was my first concert and my favorite band. My seats were slightly better in 2000. It bugged me because I was twenty-three and didn't have gobs of money to spend on a plane ticket and concert tickets for my friend and I but I did it because I loved them. *Sidenote: How exactly does one acquire, like, amazing seats? It just seems like an impossibility to me. I can't help but be annoyed with the people who end up right in the front row. They are always either complete idiots or people who look completely bored and like they don't want to be there.

I am older now. And how do you say? Ah yes, POOR. It is impossible for me to fly somewhere just to see a band I really dig. And generally the bands I like never come nearby. Yet, by some miracle I will be going to see Coldplay tomorrow night. I'm not exactly sure what our seats will be like but they aren't front row. Pfft! Arranging to go has been a bit of a logistical nightmare. Miss A is having a sleepover with my wonderful sister and Baby B is coming with us to the city and then staying with our friends for the evening while we are at the concert and then we will sleep (or maybe not with the incredible waking baby) over at said friends because we are how do you say? Ah yes, OLD. We refuse to drive home in the wee hours of the morning. No matter, I will be seeing my second ranked band in concert. The best part? Peter is coming with me. I didn't have the pleasure of seeing either of the other aforementioned concerts with him so this will help to make up for it. We were singing this song together in the car on the way home tonight. It just also happens to be a really awesome video too. If you haven't seen it before and get bored, it get's really crazy at 2:52.

I Yell

2009-06-11T09:03:00.002-05:00

There are things we all do as parents that we aren't proud of. Things we try not to do. I yell. I don't like it. My kids don't like it (but it gets their attention which after all is the desired effect.)

Lately it feels like I've been yelling a lot. I think after a year of surviving sleep deprivation something has finally snapped. My body and mind have just said ENOUGH. I get frustrated ridiculously fast and next thing I know I'm shouting.

Yesterday I got thinking about my yelling and the impact it might be having on my kids. I'm sure there have been hundreds if not thousands of studies done on that very subject. I can guess that the findings are not positive. As it is, Miss A can often be found yelling "No!" at her sister to either keep her safe or to discourage her from touching Her toys. I ask her please not to yell and feel like a hypocrite.

Having said that I was thinking about all of the positive things that I/we are doing as parents. I was also thinking about the various things that parents do which can impact their children. To use one example, some parents can be incredibly soft, letting their kids get away with everything and/or coddling them. On the surface it may not seem as detrimental to their children as yelling however I believe it's impact can be just as harmful or worse.

Maybe I'm just trying to give myself an excuse to continue yelling but looking back at my own upbringing I know it wasn't the yelling that had the most negative impact on me. I will and do try my best to keep my voice even and calm. I know Miss A doesn't respond well to shouting and often responds with a loud "O-KAY!" And I'm often telling her to be mindful of her tone and the way she speaks to me and others. I know I need to do the same.

The Girl Who Was Not Afraid (and her sidekick - The Girl Who Rarely Complained)

2009-06-09T10:27:00.010-05:00

I have had to be creative with new bribery tactics since the summer fair has passed. We went on Friday evening. I can say with confidence that it was the most successful time yet. Miss A was AMAZING! I looked up this post from last year when we took her and I was hugely pregnant with B. Looking at the pictures I mostly can't get over how much longer her hair is and how much more grown up she looks. The main difference was her understanding about waiting in line. Before we got there she explained that we would have to wait in line and be patient.

Not surprisingly she went on all the rides and giggled the entire time. Having been on some of the rides with her I have to say that it is extremely contagious and also therapeutic to listen to your children experiencing such glee. One particular ride which she went on with a friend made me nervous and then afterward when she basically stood up out of it before the attendant released the 'restraints' I had the worst sinking feeling in my stomach. I briefly thought about the possibility of her standing up as the ride was is motion and then pushed it out of my mind again. Shudder.

She enjoyed her first corndog which I initially forgot to pay for and then when back apologetically and explained that I had been distracted by my daughter, warning her it was hot, hoping she'd like it, etc... I think the guy I was talking to thought I was NUTS but smiled, nodded and thanked me for my honesty.

Most unflattering photo of her ever.

We also visited the petting zoo. We did this first because last year we missed it altogether. She sped through it thinking the animals were cool but then pleading "Can we go on some rides now?" And our camera was acting up so I didn't get many shots but here are a couple that I think captures the elation she felt while being several feet up in the air flying around in some ride or the other. (Look towards the back of the submarine(?) You'll see her sitting with her Dad.)

I almost forgot to mention Baby B who almost made up for nearly a year of sleeping terribly with her incredible patience. The girl hardly made a peep, sitting contentedly in her stroller, enjoying the view. She nibbled on Baby Mum Mums and didn't even really complain when the temperature rapidly began to drop and her sister was still going strong.

Also, I capture the world's cutest baby smile picture. Witness.

I had my doubts that going to these sort of things was ever going to get easier but this year has given me hope. If I can just survive a couple more years of toddlerville I think we'll make it!

Deep Thoughts

2009-06-05T12:56:00.004-05:00

I'd just like to say that looking after one child is much easier, less stressful and much less crazy making than looking after two. Especially when the one you are looking after is your ten month old who is pretty content to just hang out and chew on Little People. Of course as I type that she is extremely interested in the power bar.

Miss A is at daycare today and not a day too soon. It's been a LONG couple of weeks what with her having Fifths Disease and it making her temporarily insane. Sheesh. That kid is going to KILL me with the stress. She has been better the last few days and I've been bribing good behavior out of her with threats of not taking her to the SUMMER FAIR if she is not obedient. Due to her dare devilish and extrovert nature she loves the fair what with the rides and the people so she has quickly shaped up any crying, whining or general bullsh!t when I remind her that only well behaved little girls get to go. This morning she woke up and said "Good Morning Mama! Is it Fair Day today?" Which reminds me of last night at bedtime. We were going through our usual routine and when I began to say our goodnight prayer she stopped me and told me she wanted to pray - "Dear Jesus, Don't worry about me. I'm not going to do anyfing bad." I barely held it together and it didn't occur at the time but I'm thinking that prayer was directly related to this fair business.

Anyway, today while driving home from running a few errands with only ONE CHILD! I happened to notice these guys in the air. I've never been to an air show before but I found myself compelled to pull over and watch a while. It turns out they're doing a show on the 11th and I guess they were practicing? In any case as I watched them with wonder I thought to myself - That is their job. To fly an aircraft around in dangerous proximity to other aircrafts performing amazing stunts thousands of feet in the air. That is what they are doing right now. And I am driving home from WalMart.

I had a similar experience early on in my career as a hairstylist. I was working at my first job in a salon which was located downtown and very near a strip club. Frequently employees from the club came into our salon to use the tanning bed, buy hairspray, inquire about hair extensions but I had never had any of them actually book an appointment for a haircut until one day. You may wonder how I knew their occupation without them having to tell me and all I can say is that after a while, you just know, you know? Anyway, this girl came in and asked if I could trim her bangs. I think I was busy with a client at that time so I had to book her in for a little later in the day. When I gave her the time of a possible appointment she said "Oh, it'll have to be later, I'll be on stage then." I probably smiled at her like an idiot, trying to look like it was no big deal and booked her in for a later appointment. Later on that day I was sitting at the front desk and realized, that that girl was on stage right then. Taking her clothes off while people watched. That was her job. And I was sitting there at the same time, doing a very different job indeed. I couldn't stop thinking about it. When she came in for her appointment I kept thinking, you were just on stage, stripping. It just blew my mind. I have no idea what we talked about during that very short appointment but I do remember thinking that she was very nice. And that she didn't seem so different from me. And I wondered how we both ended up doing such different things in our lives.

I have no interest in being a stripper or a Snowbird I just find it incredibly interesting in those moments when you are smacked in the face with how different your life is from someone else's.

In case you've never been to an airshow either this is a larger and more intimate taste of what I only glimpsed today. It may not seem that impressive unless you consider the difficultly involved in flying aircrafts that closely to one another. I for one, cannot imagine having the ability to fly an aircraft at all even in a totally empty sky. Scares the snot out of me actually. I thought of you AM when I picked this video because of the soundtrack.

Pre-Walking Crankys

2009-06-04T13:57:00.006-05:00

Baby B took like, five steps in row last night. It's a record so far since she's mostly been taking one step then sitting down to crawl. I think this is a pretty good indication that real actual walking is right around the corner. And if I recall correctly Miss A was a BEAR around that time in her development. Such seems to be the case with B. Brother! My usually content baby has been whining and crying almost constantly and if I walk away from her she definitely freaks out. Not conducive to getting much done around here. In addition to her pre-walking I think I'm pre-menstrual because W-O-W, I have NO patience. (Although who knows in this world of breastfeeding and totally irregular periods. yay.) Yesterday morning I was literally ready to tear my hair out. Miss A was whining, the baby was whining and clinging to my leg. (I was trying to shake her off like a pesky insect.) PERSONAL SPACE CHILDREN!!!

B is still sleeping for crap. At least I'm getting 4-5 hours in a row but usually between the hours of 3-8 AM. Somehow that's not doing it for me. And the fact that I can't get a decent sleep also feels like an invasion of my personal space which makes me less patience during the day. I am getting by. Barely.

A funny Miss A story. Today she was playing the piano. After completing her made up tune she announced that it by Lucas Gooda, a little girl who has a piano and played that song. Hmmm... I have no idea where that came from, really. But I was highly entertained by it. I hope she continues to play compositions by her "imagination friends".

It Sounds A Lot Worse Than It Is

2009-05-31T15:44:00.005-05:00

Miss A is just getting over Fifths Disease. Which is a ridiculous name because it sounds so terrible. It's other name, "Slap(ped) Cheek" sounds silly and less serious somehow.

I was somewhat familiar with it because my niece had it a couple of years ago. When A started getting it I was pretty sure what it was. At first it looked kind of like a bruise or bump but then the full on rash broke out. Other than that her symptoms were quite minor. Mostly just a slight fever and itch but WOOOOO Boy the crankiness. I have to keep taking deep breaths and reminding myself that she is unwell. Otherwise I'd be giving her away.

Her behavior has not been unlike when she was having a terrible reaction to cold medication. I'm not sure what that means exactly since I was only giving her regular Tylenol. I guess being sick just makes her crazy. It's awful for all of us.

We are finding ourselves being a little lenient in the discipline department because otherwise she'd be in time out ALL DAY. And that's not fair. Especially since it's not her fault she's sick. We make sure she realizes that her behavior is not cool but she promptly apologizes and we move on. Also, her behavior is SO uncharacteristic (she threw a fork at lunch today) that it's obvious to us it's due to illness. It puts us in a awkward position because it feels like she is 'getting away with' all kinds of crap but we are hoping things get back to normal soon. It had better. My patience is wearing very thin. Sick or not, I've had enough.

You can see the rash on her cheeks here but the picture doesn't do it justice.

Gratuitous Twilight Post

2009-05-29T14:08:00.003-05:00

I had to do this. I had to. I've been so good. Not writing about Twilight related things on my blog that is supposed to be about my adventures as a mother and not my obsessions. But then I saw this. And more specifically, THIS. And well. I'm sure most of you understand. I mean. COME ON!!

Hormones aside though, I have to say how relieved I am! I mean, I was tremendously disappointed when his shirt was open a crack in Twilight as he was showing her how his skin looked in the sunlight and then in the meadow his shirt was buttoned up to his chin. And I was disappointed, not because I'm a perv, but because it's such a pivotal part in the book and changing it annoyed me to no end. I discovered this was because even though he worked really hard at getting into "Edward shape" it just didn't work out. He joked about it a lot during interviews and also while doing the commentary for Twilight.

I was wondering what they were going to do in the upcoming films when it would be inevitable that he be shirtless at times. I mean, if it was genetically impossible for him to attain a six pack then they'd just have to bite the bullet and not worry so much about his body. And really, who cares? Sure he'd look different than how he's described in the book but how bad could it be? Now it's clear that he just had a crap personal trainer for the first movie. Or perhaps, the powers that be just knew that they could whip one up by the second film but not the first so they just hid him. It would be pretty strange if his body changed dramatically from one film to the next, given that he's a vampire and all.

Whatever. I'm just glad. I'm glad for him actually. He's hardly in 'New Moon' and Taylor's rockin' these. Although I don't buy all the tabloid garbage that there's FEUDING! and JEALOUSY! I still think it's gotta be intimidating when your seventeen year old costar looks like this and you are just a scrawny British dude who's shirtless scenes were deleted from Twilight. I'm pretty glad for me too.

Bedtime Shinanigans

2009-05-25T21:22:00.003-05:00

I really can't complain too much regarding Miss A's bedtime routine. I mean, she's not one of those kids who goes to bed at 7 or anything but still, she's pretty good about it. I guess I'm comparing her to my nieces and nephews who I remember used to get out of bed repeatedly asking for snacks, water, band aids, etc... Miss A rarely does that sort of thing. If she ever comes out of her room after we've said goodnight it's with the most sheepish look on her face because she knows she'll be in a lot of trouble and still isn't sure if getting out of bed was worth it.

Still, she's a kid and kids by nature seem to despise bedtime. So tonight she was kicking up a bit. Annoyed at my persistence about her getting in her bed, she tried her hand at hurling an insult my way. "You're a GENIUS!" she spat at me. I hid my smirk and asked her if she knew what a genius was. She nodded and said "It's bad." I told her a genius was a very smart person, now would she please get into bed. She did.

Later, she asked me to sing her an extra song before saying goodnight. Terry had a Little Lamb. She told me Terry was her imaginary friend, who had a lamb, and was a genius.

Trying to Put My Brave Pants On

2009-05-22T14:37:00.003-05:00

So I'm having surgery on June 29th. Until I received the letter informing me of the date I was all "Oh yeah, I'll be having a minor day surgery to get all the metal junk out of my ankle, no biggie." I don't know if that was because it's been over a year since I busted it all to crap in the first place and I obviously blocked out all of the trauma because I was really fine until I got the date. And now I'm kind of freaking out. And I'm confused as to why.

All I can think of is that when it happened there were no choices and there wasn't much time to think about what needed to happen in order to fix it. It was like, BANG your ankle is screwed and it needs to be fixed so tough sh!t if you don't like it.

The difference seems to be that this time it's kind of my decision to go back under the knife. In fact, it's been bothering me all along but I expected a certain amount of discomfort after destroying it to that degree. I certainly never expected it to ever, ever be the way it was before I broke it. But as more time passed I kept having the nagging feeling that the stuff that was going on in there wasn't right and was being caused by the hardware. Having had my ACL reconstructed I am familiar with the process of adjusting to a repaired joint. I have experienced that feeling of "it's not the same but I'll take it because it's better than the alternative". So it was difficult for me to come to the decision to go back to my surgeon, tell him what was going on and see if it was normal. What if he thought I was a wimp? What if he said "Suck it up lady, you broke your ankle what do you expect?" But he didn't say those things, he said we needed to take the stuff (actually he used technical jargon) out and let's do it soon.

I wasn't expecting things to move along so quickly. I frantically tried to think of all the questions I needed to ask him. How long would I be off work? - a week. Could I stand on it? - I'll be on crutches for the week. I think that was all I thought to ask at the time but of course I've thought of a million more questions. Luckily I have me some connections and I am in the process of getting answers.

My concerns (fears) are, in order

-I'm not sure if I'll need an IV. I hate getting IV's. I can't see why I'd need one as long as I'm getting an epidural unless they want to give me woozy drugs through it. But I think they can do that with a needle. Damn.

-Needles.

-If I am getting an epidural, that it will hurt. When I got the one for my ankle surgery I was pleasantly surprised that it didn't hurt. But now I'm thinking that might be because my ankle was so painful that the pain of a NEEDLE IN MY SPINE seemed like a feather tickling my back. Also, that particular anesthesiologist has a reputation for being amazing. I remember when I was so relieved about it not hurting and remarking about it to the Nurses they described him as being "pretty slick".

-What if I don't get the "slick" guy this time?

-If they decide to put me completely under. I have a tendency to get really pukey afterwards. After two pregnancies I have vomited enough to last a lifetime. And they have to put that thing down your throat to help you breathe and then when you wake up it feels like someone stuck a branch down your throat while you were sleeping.

-I'm pretty sure I'll get an epidural again. I hated how long it took to regain feeling below my chest. I hate that claustrophobic feeling of being paralyzed and the effort it takes to begin simply wiggling your big toe. Frightening.

-That my ankle is really going to hurt. A lot.

-That putting my kids to bed is going to be a nightmare...

-That I'll need to take more than a week off work. Or when I go back to work it swells a lot.

-That I'm going to be in pain the entire (pathetically short) summer. That I will be stuck only being able to swim for exercise and not get to make excellent use of our new chariot. That would totally bum me out.

-That after everything my ankle doesn't really feel that much better and it wasn't really worth getting the surgery after all.

Hurricane A

2009-05-17T20:48:00.004-05:00

We just returned home today from visiting my mother in law. Peter's brother, wife and their four kids (ages 2-12) were also visiting. A valuable lesson has been learned. Eleven people (and a dog) is entirely too many people to have living under one roof for any extended period of time. (unless perhaps, if you live in a mansion) It's not like this is the first time we've tried it. Each time we've come away shaking our heads saying "That was not a good idea." But this time my sister in law and I verbally agreed it was too crazy and too stressful and we shouldn't do it again. This won't be a problem.

In relation to the previous paragraph I had a colossal lapse in judgment. I had planned for our family to go swimming on Saturday afternoon. I thought it would be a nice break from the craziness at my mother in law's and also a treat for Miss A who ADORES swimming. What I failed to factor in was the tremendous lack of sleep which is seemingly inevitable when we are hanging with the aforementioned relatives. On these occasions I find I need to adopt a carefree attitude towards bedtime otherwise I stress myself out trying to convince A to go to bed while the house is still buzzing with children AWAKE, HAVING FUN, NOT SLEEPING, without her. Friday night was no exception and Saturday morning came too early.

It all started well enough. Miss A was predictably thrilled to go swimming. It sort of went downhill from there. The waterslide was closed for maintenance. Baby B needed a nap and was all shivery and zombie like. A was obedience challenged due to lack of sleep and that is more disconcerting while doing an activity involving water where you can drown if you are acting recklessly. It became more and more apparent the longer we were there what a terrible idea it had been to go under those circumstances. I was not however, prepared for the finale.

I knew in my bones that when it came time to leave the pool there was going to be hell to pay. I tried all of the usual tricks. The countdown. The explanation. The temptation about all the FUN TIMES TO BE HAD AFTER SWIMMING TOO!!! And yet... I was also tired. Which also translates to being tired of putting up with any more crap. So, when it was time for our 5 minutes in the hot tub before leaving and she waded off back into the pool I was not having it. I counted to 5, no dice so I then physically hauled her off to the family change rooms followed by Peter with Baby B in tow.

It was then that she unleashed the tantrum of all tantrums on us. She screamed for like, 10 minutes straight in a small tiled change room. I am certain that all four of us have suffered irreparable hearing damage. It wasn't just the screaming but the impossible task of getting her dressed while she was still damp and physically resisting with ever ounce of strength she had. Both Peter and I were trapped in some kind of purgatory where we were both incredibly furious and sympathetic at once. She kept repeating "I wanna go in the hot tub!" over and over an over. We seriously began to question her sanity. She was exactly like a very small psychotic person. When the tantrum was nearing the end she collapsed into me sobbing, hicupping and repeating in an exhausted whimper "I wanna go in the hot tub." It may sound funny reading it now but I can assure you it was not funny while it was happening. It was, in fact, terrifying. Not unlike, I imagine, surviving a hurricane.

Afterward I felt horrible wondering if there could have been any way to avoid what had happened. I blamed myself for putting her and the rest of us in that situation. I suppose I will file it under "things not to do when A is incredibly overtired". I have been schooled yet again on the severity of Miss A's temper and I will do my best to prevent exposing her to that combination of unfortunate circumstances again.

High Praise

2009-05-13T14:27:00.003-05:00

I'm losing you guys. I can see it. Every week, fewer and fewer people have stopped in. I don't blame you. I haven't been writing much. I'd make a promise to post more often but I hate breaking promises and it's one I'm not sure I can keep. This is all I have time for right now and really I just do this for me anyway. Which is probably the reason I'm not writing much because the "me" time, it's just not happening these days. (weeks, months, year)

Anyway. I thought a couple of things were blog worthy so here I am.

On Sunday at church the kids made a picture for their Moms in honor of Mother's Day. It is a flower with four petals. Above the flower it says "My mom is..." and then there are four petals with things written on them. Mine say, "My name" "Nice" "Good Cook" and most hilariously "sometimes gives me time outs". It is the first time I have looked at anything she's made and burst out laughing. Thankfully there was enough commotion what with everyone leaving that she didn't notice so I didn't hurt her feelings. I can only imagine how entertaining it must have been for the Teacher who was writing on the petals for her. I am choosing to believe that she understands that I give her time outs out of love for her which is why she thought it was important to be on a petal and not because she couldn't think of anything else nice to say about me.

Also. I got my haircut. Thank God. I was so incredibly sick of it long. I committed to cutting it weeks ago but then it took forever for the stars to align so that it could actually happen. No folks, there aren't really perks to working in the beauty industry. We have to wait longer than the rest of you to get anything done.

Before

After

Dear Baby B,

2009-04-29T13:20:00.005-05:00

Let me start by saying that I love you. You have the sweetest disposition, you are funny and strong and amazing. I can't imagine our family being complete without you.

Having said that, I have no idea how such a small person can wreak such havoc upon an entire household. It is one thing for me to be tired. I (for the most part) can cope. The thing is you are (repeatedly) waking up your Dad and your sister as well. And as you know they are one and the same in regards to lack of sleep - M I S E R A B L E. You can't possibly enjoy their company under those circumstances, I know I find it challenging.

And it's one thing for me to be tired but you are also robbing me of any 'me' time I could possibly scrape together. Staying up until 11 or 12 am means that I can't really chill with your Dad when we're watching a show. Your squeals, giggles and smiles are adorable but if I'm being honest, they lose most of their charm after 9:00 pm.

I might be more flexible if I could be sure that when you went to sleep at midnight you would not be up until 6:00 am. (Not that I wouldn't appreciate it if you slept even later.) That's only 6 hours. I really don't think that's too much to ask. Instead, you are up several times. Often at least 4 times. I am not against experiments in letting you 'self soothe' but unfortunately because you share a room with your sister it's not possible.

I would like to give you the benefit of the doubt. I would like to believe that something is bothering you and waking you up and not that you are playing some sort of evil manipulative game with me as our family physician has suggested. (Well, the word 'evil' is mine, not his.) You can't possibly enjoy getting up that frequently.

And as I'm sure you've noticed I certainly am not enjoying getting up that frequently. The sleep deprivation takes me places I never wanted to go. I have yelled at you, said unpleasant things. I feel terribly about it but to be fair, this is no way to live.

At this point, I am surviving on the knowledge that this can't possibly go on forever. Glass half empty people would tell me that you'll then move on to yet another horrific stage. I am going to try and imagine my glass half full. That one day (very soon) you will give me (and the rest of our family) a break. You will more consistently sleep through the night. I don't think this is too much to ask as you'll be an entire year old in only THREE MONTHS!!!

It is just a tiny piece of the whole puzzle but it seems to be the most important one. Otherwise, we have no complaints. We give you an A+ in every other area but your sleeping issues are dragging your overall grade to an F-. I don't even think there is such a grade as an F minus but you have invented it. Congratulations. I'm being facetious. Please cut this crap the heck out.

Love,
your very tired, cranky, stressed, resentful, uncharacteristically angry Mom

P.S. I'm not one to make threats but I'd like to point out to you that once summer comes our new chariot could make an excellent bed.

I Walked for Water

2009-04-23T13:55:00.003-05:00

Yesterday I walked 5K with coworkers, friends and strangers. I raised $435 for WaterCan. That amount will provide roughly 18 people with clean water for the rest of their lives. My fund raising goal was only $250 so I was thrilled to have surpassed it by so much. It was a great way to spend Earth Day and a rewarding event to be a part of.

Burn!

2009-04-20T22:30:00.003-05:00

#1 I told my Mom I was getting my hair cut. Her response: Why? It actually looks really nice for a change. Wow. Yeah. Thanks. I wonder why I have a hard time taking compliments when I grew up getting that kind of praise.

#2 At the movie concession counter a young guy was waiting on me. I was being my usual friendly self and he smiled at me. Then he asked "Hey, do you have a daughter that goes to *local high school*? I reply "Um... no. My children are not in high school." He says "Oh, you really look like this girl I just met who's in Grade Nine (except you're old!)." I walk off mumbling "High School! High School!? I look old enough to have a kid in High School?"

Loves of my Life

2009-04-19T17:07:00.000-05:00

Easter. Which I Realize was a Week Ago

2009-04-17T14:32:00.005-05:00

Wow. I really suck at posting these days. I don't know. I think the brain damage from fatigue has finally set in. It's almost embarrassing having conversations with people right now. Here's a sample of part of a conversation I had recently.

ME: Oh yeah, I love Joss Wedon. Did you read that comic he did?

HIM: You mean the Buffy comic?

ME: No, um. It was really good. Oh, what was it called? It was futuristic and it was about another slayer.

HIM: (blank stare)

ME: (grasping) Um... wow... I can't remember what it was called. But um, you'd like it.

So, yeah. That was pretty uncomfortable. What's worse is that it was with a client at work. Worse still he's in the comic book industry... Anyway, this is what I was talking about, if you care.

I digress, I meant to tell you about Easter, not my brain damage.

It was kind of a blur actually. We traveled to Grandma J's house. The girls both slept crappy both nights and I was exhausted. I knew I was tired because I was actually kind of irritable and snappy with everyone, and usually I'm not like that, even when I am tired. That kind of ruined the weekend for me honestly. I was happy to get home and not sleep in my own bed. Ha!

My favorite part of the whole weekend were the pictures I took of Miss A while we played outside for a while. Outside pictures just turn out so much better than inside photos do.

And here are a couple of the baby which were taken inside. Oh yeah, I'm in one of them too.

On The Mend

2009-04-01T10:54:00.004-05:00

We are gradually getting back to normal around here. That must have been one wicked ear infection Miss A had because she had an afternoon nap THREE days in a row! The kind of nap where she just crashed out on the couch. That almost never happens. It worked out well that it was Spring Break this week. I'm certain she wouldn't have been up for school.

We have been watching a lot of movies. Also, I think anglophilia is hereditary, otherwise it's just rubbed off on her. She seems, like me, to be drawn to all things English. Examples that come to mind are "Mister Maker", "Charlie & Lola" and the most recent obsession is "Number Jacks". This is a very odd little British show, the point of which is to teach kids about mathematics in a fun way. I am all about her getting a head start in the math department although if she takes after me she's in BIG TROUBLE there. (My brain is not wired to comprehend math in any way. It fact, repels all things math related.) I had to link this video because this guy, the Numbertaker, is one of the 'villians' of the show. Basically, he steals things. And is so creepy, he even scares me.

I have already had the appointment with my orthopedic surgeon. I will be having a day surgery to remove the various metal bits from my ankle. It seemed like a good idea until I thought about having an epidural again. And basically being stuck on my rear for a week afterwards. (Which I wish I could actually enjoy but it will only stress me out.) In any case it needs to be done. I do not enjoy the feeling of tangled elastic bands in my ankle which periodically snap back into place so the inconvenience of having surgery will have to be endured.

Finally, I'm going to share the most hilarious Twilight spoof. It is terrible. Which is what makes it so good.

And The Winter Goes On, and the sickness goes on

2009-03-25T15:47:00.002-05:00

So. While some of my fellow blogging friends in locations other than here are preparing to start planting gardens and flowers, I was dumped upon by a ridiculous amount of rain (which fell upon plenty of remaining snow) and then a ridiculous amount of snow. Wee!

The day it rained I spent a fun filled day of going to the walk in clinic with the baby, mopping water up in our basement, going to the walk in clinic with Miss A, waiting at the pharmacy for a prescription. Awesome. I took the baby to the doctor for a referral. She is still hacking and snotty and I am SICK of it. He told me that the fact that she has been sick so long is actually not unordinary but he would refer her to a pediatric allergist. When I mentioned that she's been getting up at hourly intervals in the night he basically told me that he thinks she's 'playing me'. Really. Maybe so. But I suspect that the fact she is so congested that she has difficulty nursing may also have something to do with it. (On a side note I also was referred to my surgeon regarding the metal hardware I'm still sporting in my ankle. It's bothering me so I'm pretty sure I'm going to need it removed.) Miss A was running a fever, which is why I took her in. Turns out she has an ear infection in BOTH ears. Since this is her second within three months she had to go on a different antibiotic. This one is VILE. It's basically like sand in syrup. Ugh! I mix it into yogurt and spoon it into her. So far she hasn't protested much.

The water in the basement thing is a drag but it's manageable and could be a lot worse. (it is in other areas of the city)

I am just so ready for spring. I don't ever remember being so eager for winter to be over. Maybe it has to do with the fact that we are getting one of these!

Photos...because I'm too tired to write a real post.

2009-03-19T09:21:00.006-05:00

The inevitable has happened. My body has been a trooper through all this sleep deprivation but it finally reached it's breaking point. I am sick. Awesome. I took my first sick day, I don't know... maybe almost ever, yesterday. Can't call in sick from the mom gig though. And then Baby B slept decently. Go figure. Anyway, here are some photos since I've been too lazy to write.

Crazy kid. I'm almost positive she'll be walking by 9 months. Lord help us.

Since this winter is never ending we are trying to make the most of it.

This was taken at the annual fundraiser/dance party that I/we attend. Although I paid dearly for it the next day in exhaustion it was worth it for the sanity I gained.

I notice the photo is very similar to the one taken two years ago. Strange. I love wearing hats when I dance... don't know what that's about.

Way Beyond

2009-03-10T10:06:00.003-05:00

I am so way beyond writing a cute little post about how tired I am because my baby won't sleep. Things are bad over here folks. Desperate in fact. With every passing night I feel the life being further sucked out of me. I've tried keeping it in perspective, imagining that one day when she's older and actually sleeps we'll laugh about it. But it's looking more like we'll be saying "Remember that kid we had? She was nice but she didn't sleep worth a darn so we had to let her go." And hey, let me say that I'm no wimp. I totally knew what I was getting myself into here having another baby. I was prepared for a considerable lack of sleep. Call me crazy, but I was banking on having at least four hours at a time by the time the baby was 7 (almost 8!) months old. One - two hours at a time just do. not. cut. it. Not after this many months.

I've had her to the doctor numerous times (see previous posts) but they currently appear to be stumped. She is on a nose spray right now which I am conflicted about giving her because the pharmacist wasn't in favor of giving it to a baby. She discussed it with my doctor and he insists that it's not a problem to give it to her for the short period of one week. I am ready to pull my hair out what with the obsessing over what could be the reason for her frequent wakings? - sickness? medication for sickness? teeth? too hot? too cold? hungry? tummy ache? allergies? What? What! WHAT???

And watching Peter and Miss A suffer is not helping either. They are both exhausted as well. It's hard to tell with A. She doesn't seem to be bothered by the crying in the night but she's been sleeping in later which I think is a sign that her sleep is in fact, being disturbed. And yesterday she was having trouble listening which in her case always seems to lead to injury. Thus she is sporting a bump on top of a bump on her forehead. I feel badly that they have to share a room. And I would be trying to let Baby B cry a bit longer to see if she would self soothe and fall back to sleep. I try to be patient with her but after three or four times of getting up, I pretty much have none left. Not to mention that I barely have the capability to walk properly anymore. I hate losing my temper with her and everyone else in my family. They obviously don't deserve to have my fatigue taken out on them. I never seem to be able to stop myself before I say something or take a tone I later regret.

It's a bad scene over here. Somehow putting it down here makes me feel a little less burdened with it...

Aaauuugh

2009-03-03T22:36:00.005-06:00

That zombie speak for "I'm freakin' tired." And since I am currently a zombie from lack of sleep pardon me if this post is unintelligible. I'm here. Barely. And I trying to put something out there.

The baby. The sweet, sweet smiling baby. She won't sleep. At least not for any human length of time. Mostly two hours at a time. The other night she was up every hour. If she ever sleeps for three hours it is NEVER during the night. No. Because my theory is correct. She is in fact, a secret weapon sent here from the future to keep people, me for starters, from accomplishing world altering tasks. Yeah. Um. Did I mention I'm tired? Anyway!

Along with the not sleeping there is also the crazy, growing up too fast business. The girl is just over seven months old, has mastered crawling and now look at this.

That's right. Standing. For crap sake. I mean, seriously. And with the standing comes the falling. And the crying. Oh, the crying. And then the forgetting and the doing it over and over. And she's also trying to climb up on top of the things she's standing at. And trying to grab other things and walk over to them. I remember when Miss A was doing this at nine months I thought it was crazy and dangerous because, wow, she's still a baby, but her sister... I should have guessed by the beating I took from her while she was in utero.

Because she is such a busy pants I finally had to get her out of the bassinet, (I was procrastinating because #1 she has been a terrible sleeper and I felt guilty about her disrupting Miss A so often in the night and #2 she's been sick FOREVER and I was waiting for her to get better.) this caused me a great deal of stress leading up to actually doing it but has actually been a much easier transition than I would have thought. Miss A seems oblivious to the numerous times I/we are in and out of her room as well as to B's wailing if I can't drag my sorry, half dead butt there quickly enough. It gives me the opportunity to cover up her cute little tushie when it's sticking out of the blankets and has given me a new reason to love/appreciate her, because she keeps right on sleeping. A is THRILLED to finally have her sharing the room, in fact she cried the first morning after Baby B slept 'with' her because B had gone to bed after she did and got up before she did and in the morning when A peeked in the crib she was convinced that she hadn't slept there at all.

Bathing in the big bathtub is also a new event, exciting to both girls. I snapped this cute photo to commemorate the first one.

Here is a picture of the child that sleeps. I rarely get photos like this anymore...

And here is the secret weapon during one of her brief sleeping sessions.

I'd like to ask the me from the picture what I'm so smiley about. Come on. You're flippin' exhausted lady!!

What I'm Sick Of

2009-02-25T09:36:00.003-06:00

Winter

Cold

Snow

Having sick kids that never get better

Coughing

Fevers

Snot

Medicine

Inhalers

Being cooped up

Being tired

Only getting two hours of sleep at one time

Not being able to work out

Pimples

Crying

Whining

Having a sore back

Cooking

Rushing

Being late

But I never get sick of these faces...

Experimenting With Language

2009-02-20T13:36:00.004-06:00

Scenario

Miss A is in the bathroom doin' her business. She has difficulty keeping the volume of her voice below 110 decibels, especially while her sister is sleeping. I foolishly leave her in the bathroom to wash her hands and she proceeds to talk to herself in a ridiculously loud voice. I rush to the bathroom and politely remind her to keep it down. She whispers "You're stupid." To which I am visibly horrified and say "Excuse me?" to which she replies "You're great." We have a discussion about how telling someone they are stupid is not acceptable and she tells me "You're wonderful."

Yeah. Right. I got it.

I'm So Glad That's Over

2009-02-19T15:21:00.000-06:00

Little Baby Feet

2009-02-16T09:15:00.005-06:00

That's Baby B's foot on the left and Miss A's on the right. (@ two months) So glad I did these.

I find it so hilarious that although I consider Miss A to be the 'most challenging' of the two girls, her foot is totally relaxed (she slept through the whole process) and B's is all toes curled up, not relaxed at all. (She woke up while we were doing it and I had to hold her foot there and distract her. AND we botched the first one we tried.) The same thing happened when I tried to do handprints for their baby books. Miss A's are all perfect and B's are smudgy. Sigh. Not indicative of their personalities at all.

*Edited to add that these are plaster replicas of their feet and not their actual feet. In case there was any confusion. I was informed this post is a bit creepy and I'm assuming that this is because it appears I've amputated a foot from each of them. Obviously (or perhaps not), this wasn't the case.

Oh Yes She Is

2009-02-13T23:04:00.002-06:00

Crawling. Already. She's not even 7 months old yet. What is the rush? She's my last, I'm 99.9% positive. Why must she be in such a hurry to grow up?

Attempting Jedi Mind Control

2009-02-11T11:28:00.005-06:00

I feel like I am losing my mind. What with the not getting more than two hours of sleep in a row (for days now), administering steroids, medication and an inhaler several times a day, listening to screaming while I get the bare minimum done, and being bossed around by a three year old who goes to her room several times a day declaring "I am MAD!!!" AND I'm actually just starting my work week today. Weee!!

I can however, count on Miss A to keep things interesting if nothing else. She has been trying Jedi mind control with me. This morning I'd put a Baby Einstein video on to try to CALM DOWN THE BABY! When I left the room for a few moments to, I don't know, GO TO THE BATHROOM WITHOUT BEING DISTURBED FOR ONCE, she came to tell me that she didn't break "anyfing". Ah ha. "What happened?" I asked. She had tried to rewind the movie and it crashed and went to the main menu. (blah, blah, our computer is our television, blah, blah.) Anyway, I fixed it. Later she was in her room playing and she called for my help. She had used one of her little chairs to climb into the crib but couldn't get out. "I'm not in here." she told me. "Um, dude, yes you are." "I'm not." she insisted.

Perhaps if she waved her hand in front of my face while saying it I would have bought it. I think I should be worried.

I'm Going to Pump...You Up!

2009-02-10T08:53:00.003-06:00

Anyone recognize that old SNL reference? Wondering about it's relevance in this post? Basically, I'm trying to make light of a crappy situation.

Baby B has been sick for about three weeks. Whatever it is has morphed several times starting with a slight cold, runny nose and a bit of a cough to croup and now it's an ear infection and... well the doctor didn't say exactly. We'll say congested lungs. She vibrates when she breathes.

So, she's on antibiotics, a 'puffer' and wait for it... steroids. Awesome. My baby is on steroids. Only for three days but still. I was joking to Peter that she would be able to start doing chin ups with him downstairs.

In reality it's not funny at all. Miss A was never this sick as a baby. It's awful to try to get all of that medicine in her without her spitting it out or gagging. And keeping that mask on her face for an entire minute while I give her the puffer is torturous for both of us. And the poor thing hardly has a voice when she cries. My heart is a little bit broken.

I also admit to wondering if all this medication (steroids in particular) are really necessary. The trouble with walk in clinics is that you always see a different physician and every physician has a different opinion on how something should be treated. And with something like this we couldn't see our family physician because it would take to long to get in to see him, she'd have pneumonia by then. So I'm just trusting that this is the right course of action and I just want my baby to be well.

The funny thing is Miss A is done her medication today and I was looking forward to that because I found it a pain to remember to give it to her. At least she took it by herself and was all "Yum! It tastes like banana!". I should have known I wouldn't get off so easy. However, she is taking it all with a goofy baby grin on her face and hardly complains which actually breaks my heart even more.

Long Overdue

2009-02-08T08:43:00.004-06:00

Wow. So I haven't written in a while. Things have been a little out of control around here lately. I have wanted to write plenty of times but it just never seemed to happen for various reasons. Sick kids. Procrastination. Sleep Deprivation. Depression. Not necessarily in that order.

The girls have both been sick. Miss A has an ear infection. I actually took her to the doctor because she'd been running a low grade fever for too long. I was surprised to find out about the ear infection because she hadn't really complained about her ear at all. After we found out I remembered her asking me once what was in her ear but I never caught on. Baby B has croup. So far it's been manageable, we haven't had to make any trips to emergency in the middle of the night or anything. Poor little girls.

The sleep deprivation I mentioned in self explanatory I think. And is of course, never improved by sick kids.

The depression is better now. It was basically due to work related issues. I wanted to blog about it SO badly because I felt it would be therapeutic but I was (am) terrified that my employer would somehow find out about it. The fact that he doesn't like computers or spend time on the internet makes this possibility less likely but I'm still nervous. I don't want to join the many people who have been fired for writing about their jobs on the internet. I'm only writing about it now because I feel it is somewhat resolved. I spoke to my boss about everything (embarrassingly, while bawling my eyes out) that had been bothering me and although it's obvious we really don't see eye to eye I was satisfied that he knew my side of things. Also, I could tell that seeing me so upset really bothered him and I suspect it may have made him consider the situation further after we'd talked. This week was much more pleasant work wise and I'm hoping the rough patch is over. The whole situation just had me thinking "What the heck am I doing this for anyway?"

And then the procrastination. Ha! Well, when I'm feeling like my life is out of control I like nothing better than playing this game and controlling the lives of the tiny little people I've created. When do I find the time you ask? After the kids go to bed, when Miss A is at school and Baby B is napping. That sort of thing. And now there's a new version coming out. Which likely won't help me with the procrastination bit. Oh well. But seriously. Watch the video. How cool is that?!

Watch the video

Getting Back To Normal

2009-01-28T08:50:00.000-06:00

So last night my mom went home. She'd been waiting for the go ahead since about the middle of last week. Things were pretty much done and she was hoping to get the phone call to move back in but as of today she still hadn't heard anything. She tried to get a hold of the fellow who is doing the work all day yesterday and finally got his wife on the phone who told her that he'd gone out of town with his brother. In any case she has friends in the building with keys (she'd given hers to the clean up people and the guy doing all the repairs) so she decided to go back.

She's been with us since the week before Christmas and although we all coped rather well with the circumstances I could tell she was beginning to lose her patience with the situation. That could have had something to do with the fact that my kids got sick, Miss A went nuts due to the cold medication I was giving her, and my mom caught the cold too. She has been hacking her guts out for two nights now and I know that she is exhausted. And um... napping around here just doesn't happen. I so wish it did, but it doesn't. Well, at least not for Miss A and consequently not for me. I offered her our bed to nap in but she refused. I inherited my stubbornness from her and have now passed it on to A and possibly B as well. Anyway, I don't think she could bear another night of trying to cough quietly (impossible) so as not to wake anyone up and another day of being so bloody tired and having a 3 year old try to boss you around. Not to mention that I'm back to work tomorrow night and that's always when our week becomes a little bonkers.

Despite her trying to insist that I not come over and help her get settled in again, I did. As I was driving over in my own car I suddenly was overcome with emotion that she was suddenly not going to be around so much and I started to cry. It all just happened so suddenly. I thought we'd find out a few days in advance that she could go back and we'd all have time to mentally prepare. Not this, "Okay, Bye! I'm leaving!" business. If my sadness over her moving back home is any indication of how badly I am going to take it when she is not around any longer, it's going to be pretty disastrous.

I did however, wipe away my tears, put fresh sheets on her bed and help her do a few things to feel at home again. I have to say her place looks fantastic. The fellow she has working on it (we call him Bob the Builder around these parts due to the fact that his name is Bob) has done a beautiful job and has updated some things which really make it look great. And I got him to install a detachable shower head while he was at it because I found out the poor woman has been bathing using a cup!! (Two knee replacements make it impossible to get down into the tub. Wish I could afford to buy her one of those fancy tub elevator thingies)

It will be nice to get back into the normal swing of things around here. My children are likely to be suffering withdrawal for the next several days. One extra person around to love you is pretty easy to take. Especially when that person is your Grandma.

I talked to Miss A about it at bedtime and she threw a curve ball my way. (big surprise) She was concerned that Grandma didn't have a 'Daddy' to go home to. That she'd be there all alone. She doesn't see my father often but I reminded her who he was and that he and Grandma were once married like Daddy and I but that they didn't live together anymore. Just when my brain was starting to swell from the stress and I started to explain that Grandma and I moved here when I was a little girl she asked me to "Please read her story." Yes. Okay. Let's read a story about something other than the fact that your Grandma doesn't have a 'Daddy' and is all alone, not to mention the implications of what that means in the grand scheme of life etc. Whew! Dodged that one for now.

Yet ANOTHER Cautionary Tale (come ON!)

2009-01-27T08:47:00.002-06:00

So, last week was pretty bad. It was bad for so many reasons. Basically, Miss A got a cold. No big deal. But she starting coughing at night. So I ended up pulling out some Tylenol Cold and Runny Nose for ages 2-11. I administered this for three nights at bedtime. And her behavior disintegrated with each passing day. Oh, the anger. The rage. She was irrational. She was up. She was down. She was INSANE. And I blame sleep deprivation for the fact that it took me three days before I discovered that it was the bleeping Tylenol that was doing it. And it wasn't even ME that discovered it. My mom (who's still living here) was the one who said "Could it be that cold medication you've been giving her?" one night after we were all suffering aftershock from the temper tantrum thrown at bedtime. Oh. I consulted the internet (I'm too lazy and tired to look for the links) and found that they are repackaging that stuff and not recommending it for children under six. Not only that I found reports of it causing some children to be "irritable and hyperactive". That would be the biggest, fattest understatement. I also found reports of night terrors. Which had also been occurring during that time. Did I ever feel like a big fat loser. Her behavior was making us all crazy and I was the one causing it. And my poor girl, when I would try to talk to her about how the way she was acting was NOT OKAY she proclaimed with heartbreaking sincerity "But I can't help it!!" She wasn't kidding.

I lay in bed that night thinking about all the times when her behavior had resembled that level of insanity and I believe that all those times were directly related to that cold medication or medication that we were prescribed for mild allergies. I always attributed this behavior to the sickness and her being rundown and overtired. Now I'm certain it was a sensitivity to the medications.

I just feel like such a schmuck. But I post this in hopes that some of you might avoid the same disaster. Or perhaps have experienced a similar thing and want to console me?

It Has A Name

2009-01-20T16:55:00.004-06:00

A few months back I posted this. Baby B was only just over one month at the time. There was another motivating factor for my writing that post, one that I never mentioned. Something that has worried me since she was born both for vain reasons as well as valid ones.

When Baby B was born we quickly noticed that she really couldn't open her left eye at all. It pretty much stayed closed all the time and she'd peek out of her right eye at us. We affectionately called her Popeye during that phase. We were told not to worry about it. That it could have happened for many reasons - position in the womb, during birth, or something like that. We were told that it would likely get better or possibly go away, by the time she was six months. It hasn't. It has gotten better, which is good. But when I'm editing our photos and I'm removing red eye it's painfully noticeable how bad it still is. What had me the most worried was that I noticed her eyelid is often partially covering her pupil which makes me wonder how much her other eye is overcompensating.

The part of it that plays into the post I linked earlier is that people are starting to notice it. One girl pointed out to me "There's something wrong with her eye." other comments have been like "Oh, she's got a lazy eye." and that sort of thing. It's as though it's the only thing they see. Meanwhile Miss A is getting the "OMG! Her eyes are SO BIG and SO GORGEOUS!!" It's only a matter of time before both of them aren't too young to be oblivious to the comments, the meaning behind them and suffer hurt feelings.

On Monday we had an appointment with our Optometrist. He did as many tests as he could and told me that although her left eye seemed a bit weaker it was still considered normal - vision wise. But he did tell me that her 'condition' has a name - Ptosis. He also referred us to a specialist in a nearby city. He will be able to investigate further and determine whether or not he thinks surgery is necessary now, or perhaps later.

I'm glad to finally have a definitive answer about what is up with her eye, and plans to look into it further. I often feel guilty for being concerned about it when I know that there are kids out there with much more serious issues and parents with HUGE worries regarding their children's health.

Yet, I still find my heart sinks when I look at her sweet face and see how her poor little eye looks so tired. And it sinks even further when I get those comments that one day soon she'll be able to understand.

Success! (I think.)

2009-01-14T08:47:00.004-06:00

So on Monday Miss A had her first dance class. I was so glad she was in school during the afternoon so I didn't have to constantly answer "No, it's not time to go to dance class yet." repeatedly. When we were leaving she was all "BYE DAD!!! I'M GOING TO DANCE CLASS!!!" which amused us both greatly. When we arrived 'Angelina Ballerina' was playing on a television in the lobby.

I was very pleasantly surprised to find that two little girls from her preschool class are in her dance class. Thrilled would be a better word to describe Miss A's feelings. The class was pretty small which I was pleased about. I watched through one way class as the three young instructors led the 'warm up' and the rest of the class. Miss A did amazingly well listening and following instructions. Unfortunately she tended to like to follow when some of the other girls flaked out and just ran around. I'm not sure the young instructors have been equipped with the skills to handle these situations very well. When things get out of hand class comes to a halt while all three girls try to rein them in. I think it would be better if one of the girls continued to teach while the other two get everybody back in line.

I had to listen to this very intense woman complain about this fact. Her granddaughter was one of the older girls (5) in the class and she was very perturbed about how she was missing out because of the ones fooling around. While I could see her point I had a difficult time not laughing in her face because she spoke with such intensity as though the girls who were goofing off were destroying her granddaughter's chances of becoming a professional dancer. She went on and on about it, talking about how it's too expensive to be fooling around etc. I wanted to say to her "Lady, look at what they are doing! It's not rocket science." Sheesh! I kept my lip buttoned for the most part but I did point out that the instructors were young and should be told what to do in those situations and reminded her that they were just kids after all.

I think I made a mistake in telling Miss A that dance class was like school in that she had to listen to what her teacher's said and so on. A mistake because after only a half hour when the class was finished she was devastated. Perhaps because she thought it was going to last as long as school does? And also all the students have a card which they get a sticker on at the end of class. They didn't have a card prepared for A and she was heartbroken despite all their assurances that she'd get one next class.

It was a bad scene when we left and in all the insanity I left my camera behind. I only discovered this yesterday morning and then spent the remainder of the day worried sick about it until I could call and see if it was actually left behind. I clearly have no faith whatsoever in the goodness of people because I was certain that someone would have taken it home. Thankfully, that was not the case, which gave me even more good feelings about this place. I'm thinking next week can only be better. All I have to do is avoid the grumpy lady and I should be good to go.

(Warm up. Crappy picture because it's taken in the reflection of the mirror)

Let's Try This Again, Shall We?

2009-01-09T15:50:00.005-06:00

Any of you who have been reading for a while would remember Miss A's month long attempt at dance classes which began like this and ended like this. The whole experience was really quite depressing and I was sure that I'd be waiting for at least another year before trying this again, but... there was this whole matter of Miss A saying on several occasions "Mama, remember when I went to dance class? Maybe, I could go to dance class again." I was talking to a client of mine about it and she gave me the name of the studio that her daughter dances at. She started at the same age, the classes are much smaller than the studio we tried last time. Her daughter is loving it and doing very well. I figured since I'm back at work I could put some of my tips towards her classes and give it another try.

Not unlike last time she was thrilled to get her dance gear. Here she is practicing her moves in both her ballet and tap shoes. I'm surprised that all of the photos aren't blurry because she really didn't stop moving from the moment she put her shoes on.

This one looks posed but was totally by accident. (A good sign?)

I am trying not to get my hopes up to high this time but I think it will go a lot better. She's been in preschool for several months now so I think she'll find settling down and following instructions much easier. Monday is her first class, feel free to keep your fingers crossed.

As you can see the hairstylist in me couldn't resist giving her some 'ballet hair'.

Simplicity

2009-01-08T08:37:00.003-06:00

Another theme from Total Mom Haircut.

I don't think it gets much simpler than this.

Life at Our House

2009-01-06T15:13:00.006-06:00

It has been crazy. We were only away from home for two nights over the holidays but it seemed to take Miss A two WEEKS to recover and be rested again. Baby B must have been having a growth spurt because she was consistently getting up at around 3 am, 6 am and 8 am. It was... tiring. She seems to be getting through most of the night right now on a fairly regular basis. I don't find the getting up so frequently too difficult except on the Saturday mornings when I work at 9 am. But the time Saturday night rolls around I am exhausted and it feels like it takes me days to recover.

My Mom is still living with us. I'm not sure for how much longer but I know that they have begun the painting so that should be a good sign. It has been an interesting time. I hadn't realized how precious that hour or so Peter and I spend together curled up on the couch watching one of our favorite shows is. Somehow it's just not the same watching the Game Show Network with my mom before bed. She is wonderful to our girls but I know I'll be in for it when she moves back home because they have both become used to much extra attention. Miss A always has a playmate and Baby B always has a lap to sit on. I expect there to be much crying once we are on our own again.

I can tell that the whole situation is getting a little tiring for her as well. The novelty is wearing off and she's needing some space. Thankfully her bowling and cards have started up again this week so she has gotten out to do her own thing in addition to getting out to play Bingo. (In case any of you didn't know, my mom is 72.)

During the night when the baby gets up I never know what to do. I usually come out to the living room to feed her so that I don't totally mess up Peter's sleep (he tells me not to bother but it becomes very obvious very quickly toll interrupted sleep takes on him) but my mom is sleeping on a hide a bed just off the living room and I know it disturbs her if I come out there. (She also tells me not to worry) Depending on how often she gets up I switch between staying in our room and coming out to the living room. It's just a frustrating situation.

And then there is the cold. It has been like, ridiculously cold here. And I live in Manitoba so I'm not just being wimpy about it. It's the kind of weather where you inevitably end up cooped up inside most of the time except when you HAVE to go out. Miss A is getting major cabin fever. Now that the craziness of the holidays are over we'll be getting to the YMCA on a regular basis again, cold or no cold. As a humorous kick in the pants by mother nature the cold lets up long enough just so we can have another big dump of snow on top of the already obscene amount we've already had. But to show you that despite my complaining we still try to make the most of it when the weather is at least warm enough that you can go outside without your face freezing off in like, two seconds... here are some photos.

I think Miss A's red face is a good indication of just how cold it is here lately.

I've started my second month back to work. Generally it's been a much smoother transition this time than it was last time, going back. However during the last week before Christmas my boss was rather cranky and for some reason he seemed to be directing it at me. I know I'm not imagining it because several of my coworkers have brought it up to me and expressed their surprise and displeasure about it. I'm hoping he has gotten whatever it was out of his system and we can start the new year off on a better note.

And to end this whiny post here is a funny story and an interesting observation from Audrey.

Yesterday, when we had arrived home and were just walking into the house our neighbor was just leaving. We waved to each other and then he specifically greeted Miss A. She turned to say hello and promptly walked right into the snowbank. My neighbor and I both found this highly entertaining, and as I was pulling her up out of the deep snow and brushing her off he proceeded to say "It's been a long time since I've had that effect on a woman!" And this had me in stitches because our neighbors are two married men.

And the observation was:

"Mom, my hair is brown, like poop."

Just Some Awesome Pictures

2009-01-01T23:22:00.004-06:00

Rockstar with cookie on her face.

Two Cuties

Almost Crawling (what the heck!??!)

Adorable Chef

2008

2008-12-31T09:39:00.003-06:00

Elizasmom did this and invited anyone to join so here goes.

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?

Break my ankle. Break my ankle while pregnant.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

My main two were - Have a baby (But I knew that one was happening. Is there such a thing as cheating on your resolutions?) and Start Training in Taekwon Do again. Unfortunately the first doesn't go so well with the second. That's okay, there is a time and a season for everything.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Several clients of mine. And someone I've never met in person but someone I consider myself to be close to, Bon.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Our sixteen year old, outspoken, stubborn, moody, lovely cat, Casey. An amazing woman who was one of my clients.

5. What countries did you visit?

No other Country besides Canada. I don't expect to get to another country, except maybe, the US, anytime soon.

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?

A greater feeling of financial security.

7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

July 17, the birth of our second daughter.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

There were a few. Learning how to walk again after my ankle break. Learning how to do this while VERY pregnant. Giving birth for the second time.

9. What was your biggest failure?

The times when I lost it with either Miss A or Peter. They sort or blend into one gigantic failure.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Um... yeah. See number 1.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Ah...nothing important. Killers CD maybe? Breaking Dawn, perhaps?

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

My kid. Aside from that brief but violent descent into the Terrible Threes this fall, she is a sweet, funny, generous, loving little girl.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

My entire family, including myself. But I love them anyway and I'm learning to forgive myself.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Our mortgage and extra expenses while on maternity leave.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

I've got to agree with Elizasmom on this one - "Potty training! No more diapers!" Oh and that little movie called 'Twilight' was pretty exciting too.

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?

Viva La Vida and Human.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder?

Probably happier because I'm not barfing my guts out.

b) thinner or fatter?

Hard to say. I'd been vomiting a lot this time last year... Still I think I may be a bit smaller.

c) richer or poorer?

Dude... poorer.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Laughing.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Crying.

20. How did you spend Christmas?

At my MIL's with her brother. A great time was had by all.

21. Did you fall in love in 2008?

I often fall in love with Peter and Miss A all over again. But I fell in love with Baby B.

22. What was your favorite TV program?

True Blood was probably my favorite this year and Californication was next in line.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

Probably.

24. What was the best book you read?

Breaking Dawn.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Hmmm. I really liked some of the bands I hadn't heard of on the Twilight soundtrack. For instance... The Black Ghosts - "Full Moon", Blue Foundation - "Eyes on Fire", Iron & Wine - "Flightless Bird, American Mouth" and even... (or especially) Rob Pattinson - "Never Think"

26. What did you want and get?

A baby.

27. What did you want and not get?

More sleep.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?

Um... Twilight

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I was 32, it's an after baby haze... oh yeah, rock climbing (on a rock wall) and lobster dinner.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Financial security.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?

Part One - How not to look like a huge pregnant lady when you are hugely pregnant.

Part Two - How to look good in clothes when you just gave birth.

I failed at each part.

32. What kept you sane?

Umm... I'm not sure anything did.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Yeah, Robert Pattinson.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?

The whole Obama thing was pretty amazing. Even though it wasn't a political issue in my country it still affects me.

35. Who did you miss?

My niece. My cat. My friends that live far away.

36. Who was the best new person you met?

I honestly don't think I met anyone knew.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.

Relax. I didn't put it into practice though.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

Sorry to be a copycat AM, "and I’m on my knees looking for the answer".

It's Over. Sigh...

2008-12-30T09:48:00.008-06:00

So Christmas is over for another year. We traveled to Peter's Mom's place and stayed for two nights. We had a marvelous time. This Christmas was A's best yet. She was really able to understand what was going on and had a great time. I still don't think she's fully recovered from all the excitement but unfortunately we never really captured any on camera. I filmed the present opening fiesta so it's captured on video at least. This is the best of the bunch.

These are the photos we took on the way home.

We try to get pictures of Miss A of the rare occasions when she crashes in the car. We find this one particularly cute.

And of course Baby B always sleeps and is cute.

This is Peter being afraid of me driving and taking a picture at the same time.

But he really thought it was funny.

And Peter took a picture of the good winter driving conditions and the traffic.

And when we arrived home she opened her 'bigger' gifts. The one's we didn't want to pack up and have to drag home. We bought her a Barbie house and some accessories. She loved it. And I was happily surprised because I was ready to be disappointed in it once it was opened. I was worried when I bought it that it was going to be cheap and fragile. It's not. And not only that but it packs away to a tiny size which is perfect for our small house which is slowly being overrun with toys. Here are some humorous photos of the Barbies enjoying their new home and Miss A enjoying her gift. Can I just say that the washing machine and dryer actually spin. How cool is that?? (Yes, I'm living vicariously through my child!)

So anyway, now to get back into the regular swing of things. Which will likely include playing a lot of Barbies. :)

Damage

2008-12-19T10:06:00.005-06:00

My mom didn't want me to take any pictures but I couldn't help it. I wanted to be able to show my siblings just how bad it was because I think they're all in denial.

And I'm posting them to again drive home the point how fast something like this can happen.

This pot was the start of it all, yet it is still in tact.

This is what remains of the artificial plant (deadly kindling) above the sink.

These are my girls enjoying their Grandma.

Merry Christmas and please be safe!

Blessings

2008-12-16T22:44:00.004-06:00

Things have been crazy around here. On top of adjusting to my back to work schedule, general Christmas madness and preparations, my mother had a fire at her condo last night. Thank god she was not hurt. Seriously, if you have never experienced a miracle - live vicariously through me.

She was starting a batch of butter tarts when the phone rang. It was my sister at the door on the first floor. My mom ran down to let her in but my sister was just dropping something off and didn't want to come up. They talked for a couple of minutes when it occurred to my mom that she might have left butter melting on the stove. When she got back up to her condo the pot was dry and smoking. She transferred it across to the sink and it seemed about to burst into flames. In a panic, the best thing she could think of to do was run water on it. LET THIS BE A LESSON. DON'T DO THAT!!! The water caused the butter to basically explode which caught an artificial plant directly above the sink on the top of the cupboards to burst into flames. (Another very important tip. It is a terrible idea to have anything in your kitchen which could become coated in a film of grease from day to day cooking. If you have things like that I would highly suggest you move or dispose of them.) She went into the hallway and struggled with the fire extinguisher. Luckily a neighbor was able to get it and extinguish the fire.

The fact that my mother escaped with the slightest burn on her hand (it's not even really a burn actually) is almost unbelievable. The only explanation is that there was an angel protecting her. Her condo, however, did not fare so well. There is extensive damage to the kitchen. The ceiling is black and the light fixture is melted. I went there today and seeing it with my own eyes only made it more disturbing not to mention driving home the point that it is a miracle she was not harmed. She is staying with us right now and we have no idea how long it will take for her place to be cleaned and repaired. She most definitely won't be home for Christmas.

The saddest thing of all is knowing how awful my mom is feeling. She feels so stupid for letting something like that happen, not to mention embarrassed. She feels guilty about how this has and will effect her neighbors. She misses her home. Though she's very fortunate, not only not to be hurt but also that she didn't lose any personal belongings, it's still very depressing. There is a lot of smoke damage and everything is covered in a thick layer of soot. The disaster specialists will be starting the cleanup tomorrow.

The other thing that breaks my heart is how nervous she is about cooking now. Cooking is my mom's thing. She can cook/bake better than many people out there doing it for a living. This has really shaken her up. While we were preparing supper together this evening she was asking me all kinds of questions as though I were the amazing chef and she was some inexperienced moron. I guess this is pretty normal after something like this. I really hope that she can get past it. One of the ways my mom expresses love for others is through her cooking. It would be really strange if this big part of what makes her who she is was suddenly gone.

For now, I am just grateful and feeling blessed that she is okay. I share this to remind us all how quickly something like this can happen, even to the most experienced cook. I can't think of how many times I've left something on the stove to tend to one of my crying children. I don't think I will do this again. I would rather have them cry a while then possibly start a fire which could destroy our home, hurt us or both.

Ring a Ding Ding

2008-12-14T01:35:00.004-06:00

My ears are ringing. I just arrived home from an evening of dancing. My old school friend/DJ was in town doing a gig at a local boutique/eatery (weird location). I would just like to say that I am officially old. Don't. Don't argue with me. Because my body would like to tell you otherwise. My back is stiff and aching (I don't even want to think about what it's going to feel like tomorrow), my knee is hurting as is my ankle which also got stiffer and stiffer the longer I danced. I suppose I shouldn't be too hard on myself. I can't remember the last time I danced for about 3 hours straight.

I went by myself and not one of the people I invited were able to make it. I ran into an acquaintance who invited me to dance with her which I did, the whole night. She is this drop dead gorgeous Czechoslovakian woman and I was staring at and coveting her cheekbones all evening. The music was superb but the crowd was irritating at best. The following would be my personal messages to some of the characters I was surrounded by.

To the girl with the hooker boots on that ended up in bare feet by the end of the night - Those boots aren't very practical for dancing. They aren't really practical for life actually.

To the two eighteen year old amorous couples - I could do without seeing you grind each other on the dance floor. This is not a club. People like you are specifically the reason why I decided to come to this event and why I avoid clubs. Please take your dirty business elsewhere.

To the drunk woman with the sparkly shirt - Please stop bumping into me. Your shirt is giving me road rash every time you touch me. If you are too intoxicated to dance perhaps you should sit down. Or another novel idea would be, go home, sleep it off and rethink that shirt.

To the guy with the 90's Matchbox 20 hair - You are not cool. No one is attracted to you. I know you were a stud once and could probably get any girl you wanted but those days have long passed. Now you are just a short, drunk guy with an outdated haircut who everyone is trying to ignore.

To my Czechoslovakian acquaintance - Why must you be so beautiful? You are very nice and I love listening to your accent but you are making me look bad. Also, I can't stop envying your cheekbones.

And this is what several people were probably thinking about me.

To the lady in the pigtails - Dude. Don't you think you are a little too old for pigtails? Why don't you get a cute short haircut like that gorgeous Czechoslovakian woman you're dancing with? You dance like someone who doesn't get out much and what is with your boobs? You totally look like you need to go and feed a baby or something.

And guess what? I do.

*#@$ !

2008-12-09T11:24:00.002-06:00

It is so totally unfair that less than five months after having Baby B, and in spite of the fact that I am exclusively nursing, my 'womanly gift' has returned. What the bleep?

It wouldn't be quite so bad if it didn't make me feel like a bag of crap. Like a bag of crap that can't stop crying over NOTHING.

It was the weirdest thing. On Saturday night after the kids were in bed and we were catching up on various television programs I was suddenly hit with a wave of dizziness and fatigue. Soon after I discovered the likely culprit and was absolutely disgusted.

I recall it came back when Miss A was around 7 months old and I was very upset and sent a worried email to Bon asking "Am I normal?" It seems everyone else I know gets at least a year out of the deal.

Why not me? Looking after two kids is challenging enough without being an emotional basket case and feeling so exhausted that you just want to lay around all day. All of this on the heels of going back to work. Sigh.

On the upside, I'm ready for Christmas. Oh. Except for the tree which is still naked. I'll see what I can do about that.

It Crept Up on Me

2008-12-02T08:19:00.000-06:00

Wednesday. That's tomorrow. The day I go back to work. The day my maternity leave is officially over. I'm only going back sixteen hours a week until July but still. This was the last time in my life that I was able to be at home with my kids without having to work. Tomorrow the juggling begins. The passing Peter at the door with a quick kiss and supper instructions. The pumping of milk. The stressing over having enough milk pumped. The pumping at work. Sigh.

I cannot complain. I know that many people out there have it worse than me. And this was the choice that we made. The choice that works best for us. I could have chosen to stay home longer. I'm just not sure what the consequences would be. I won't have to find out either. I will go back to work tomorrow. I will put on my happy face. I will kiss my sweet baby goodbye and know that I will be missing out on things while I am gone. I will accept it and carry on.

The Trickle Down Effect

2008-11-25T14:24:00.004-06:00

I know it's painfully obvious to everyone who reads my blog that I have a serious obsession with Twilight. From the videos to the posts to the countdown widget. What I hadn't realized was the trickle down effect this would have on Miss A.

When the full trailer came out Peter was kind enough to transfer it to our DVR. Let's just say it was watched several times. With different people who happened to be over and were interested. Like, my sister, my niece, friends. It wasn't an overly scary trailer so I didn't mind if Miss A watched it. She pays attention to everything in great detail. So I shouldn't have been surprised when she started asking to see the 'Bella one'. And then asking many, many questions. "What's his name? Why is Edward climbing up the tree like this? (mimics him climbing fast with Bella on his back) Why is Edward kissing Bella?"

Last weekend our friends came over for supper. They gave me the awesome early Christmas gift of a Twilight poster. Miss A was pleased about it and informed me that it was Bella and Edward on the poster, then I believe she asked to see 'the Bella one'.

Today, while in the car she noticed the CD case of the soundtrack and she asked to listen to it. I told her we already were. She was delighted because she has been singing and humming along to it for weeks now. She asked to hold the case and after pointing out that Edward and Bella were on the cover she preceded to clutch it all the way home.

I think the real kicker was this past weekend when we went to Madagascar 2. This was her very first time in a movie theater. We went because Peter's work reserved the theater as a kids Christmas function. Her attention span waned a little at times during the movie and it scared her a few times but overall I think she enjoyed it. Santa was waiting for the kids as they came out. They were able to say hello and get a little present from him. Miss A thought that was kind of cool but as we continued to the exit she said "I want to see Bella!" (Which was a little confusing for those of you who know us.) Peter was the one who figured out she meant. She wanted to go and see the life size cardboard cut out of Bella and Edward at the front entrance of the theater. She happily pointed them out to us and the young girl at the ticket counter (seemingly a fan) cooed "AWWW! That's so cute!!" To which I replied "Is it cute? Or is it weird and kind of creepy that my three year old knows who they are?" Not to mention that after that she seemed to forget all about the fact that she'd just seen Santa. Sigh. I think I'm going to be in trouble when she gets to be a teenager.